DAILY SLICES OF LIFE

 Helping Others

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.”

          This beautiful and sensitive observation is contained in a novella by the great English Victorian author Charles Dickens entitled, Doctor Marigold. The story deals essentially with the public’s attitudes and treatment of the disabled, destitute and needy members among them, and the need to provide better them with better opportunities. The quotation also means a great deal to me, since I first saw it hanging on the wall of our local blind welfare office, at the tender age of 10 years old. I was so touched by it, that I not only found and read the novella, but embarked on a life-long search for quotations and their meaning. This has lasted more than 75 years, with no sign of stopping.

      In the animal kingdom, all the members, with the exception of man, (Homo Sapiens, -‘the wise humans,’) follow a pattern of nature often referred to as survival of the fittest, where the weak members of any group are usually left behind, so that they do not encumber the rest. Mankind however, endowed with all the benefits of a mind, with the ability to think, and with emotions, to appreciate and respond, differed in that the strong is expected to support the weak. Charles Darwin, the great anthropologist whose Origin of the Species changed the thinking on evolution, was further convinced that this feeling of compassion had in fact, evolved in the human species as a vital form for survival mechanism, and that it was deeply rooted in the human brain and serves the function of ensuring stability of the whole group.

          Physiologists readily demonstrate that that the human brain is wired-up to respond to suffering by stimulating the Autonomic Nervous System, and the release of chemicals, including Oxytocin and Catechol Amines, which induced feelings of caring and compassion toward others. In addition, feelings of compassion are deeply embedded in the human psyche, and can be readily demonstrated in the body expressions, heart rate, and emotional well-being of compassionate people. This led the great Swiss polymath Albert Schweitzer to declare:

 “The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion, and the will to help others.”

          But human beings generally, by the very nature of exercising their free will, have tended to become far more inclined to deny or reject this approach, and favor instead self-gratification and self-protection. They have become far more self-centered, more selfish, and more suspicious than they were meant to be, and in doing so, have lost the joys and satisfaction that practicing altruism provides. As a result, most of the societies have evolved  on the principles of greed and competition, and their leaders measure their success, less by understanding and compassion, and far more by greed, competition, and dominance. It is not surprising therefore that the ‘bad’ instinct in human nature has easily dominated the ‘good’ one, and that compassion and concern for another being’s welfare has been sacrificed on the altar of competition and self-gratification. The highly respected, 7^th century Indian Buddhist philosopher, Shantideva, whose work continues to be well regarded, explained this in simple, but effective terms:

 “All the suffering there is in this world arises from within ourselves trying to be happy. And all the happiness there is, arises from wishing others to be happy.”

          That notwithstanding however, the history of mankind continues to overflow with names and deeds of countless numbers of people, from as far back as recorded history exists, who have devoted their lives to helping others in need. The names of many of them can be found in the pages of history, but the overwhelming majority consists of individuals and groups who succeeded in expressing their compassion to its fullest, without asking or expecting any reward. In every case, they extended their help, not because they were required to do so, but because they needed to do so. They volunteered, not because others were doing so, but rather from a deeply embedded instinct that this was right. They persisted, sometimes against criticisms and antagonism, not because they had to prove something, but only out of genuine concern for the well-being of other, more vulnerable people. Mahatma Gandhi, who dedicated his whole life to secure the freedom and welfare of the Indian people, spoke from his heart when he said:

 “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others”

         But helping others should never be seen as a form of personal sacrifice to the helper. Multiple well designed scientific studies have confirmed, what had already been known, that the act of volunteering or any other form of altruism, can produce substantial short-term and long-term benefits that can be far more beneficial than the amount of effort dispensed. It gives the person a sense of satisfaction and purpose that is unmatched, and certainly far more than those who are not so inclined. It provides a sense of wellbeing that continues to grow as the effort is successful, as well as a measurable improvement in confidence, attitude and behavior which is visible and tangible. These people are not only happier, but also more positive and appreciative of their own lives and of others. Interestingly, without any effort or intention, they project an aura of peace and love so powerful, that inevitably overwhelms the environment. I can personally attest to this, following a brief encounter with Mother Teresa of Kolkata, more than 40 years ago. Even after all this time, the feelings of awe and respect I experienced at that moment remain as strong, or even stronger.

          All the major religions are founded on this principle of helping and serving others in need, as a service to their God:

Christianity, guided by the words and actions of Jesus Christ, view the need to help others in need as a virtue and a responsibility for every true follower, and references abound in the Holy Bible:

“We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves.”                 

                                                            …Romans 15:1

Judaism views charity and helping others in need as a fundamental part of the Jewish way of life. They are encouraged to live their lives by the principle of Tsedakah, where each person is required to donate a portion of their wealth to alleviate the pain and suffering of those in need.

Islam teaches that the helping of others in need is an integral part of the worship of Allah, and consider this responsibility as an act of worship. The Holy Koran has abundant references to this such as:

“Whosoever alleviates the lot of a needy person, Allah will alleviate his lot in this world and the next.”

Buddhism and Hinduism both emphasize the fundamental principle of Karma, in that only those who do good in their lifetime will be rewarded with a new life. As Gautama Buddha himself advised:

“Set your heart on doing good. Do it over and over again, and you will be filled with joy.”

          My own introduction to true altruism occurred early in my life when as a young child I accompanied my late father on a few Saturday mornings to his regular routine of visiting the destitute, needy and homeless people who congregate near the local market, close to his place of business. He will greet each one of them, some by name, hand them some money and some words of advice. Throughout the encounter I could see a smile in his face that can only be caused by the happiness this gave him. And whenever I would ask him the reason for his actions, he would always reply:

 “Because I care for them, and it is my duty.”

-This to me has always been the reason why we must exercise our sacred responsibility to helping others who are in need. It must never be done to inflate our egos, nor because it will bolster our image, nor to gain any reward. It must always originate from our deeply embedded instinct of caring and our genuine love of our fellow man.....and, above all else, it is our sacred duty to do so!

 

 

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - Chasing your Dreams

 

“If you want to fly, you have to give up

 the things that weigh you down’’

          This very intriguing observation is an adaptation from a statement contained in the very successful novel, Song of Solomon, by the highly regarded African-American author and Nobel laureate, Toni Morrison (Chloe Anthony Morrison). The story details the trials of a young man trying to escape from the shackles of an unhappy and destructive neighborhood by breaking free from them and following his dreams. But, it also, and equally, relates to each and every one of us, in one way or another, as we spend so much of our lives trying to navigate the many obstacles that we all encounter along the way, while we chase our dreams.

          We are all endowed with the ability to dream of ways to improve our lives or to fulfill our desires, but only few of us have the courage and the willingness to cast off the shackles that weigh us down, and fly free as a bird. Instead of trying to do so, as Macon Dead III, the young proponent tried to do in the book, we spend our time finding excuses, or reasons, or blaming others for being unable to caste off those things that are weighing us down. The following are but a few of the countless numbers of reasons that seem to be conspiring to keep us down:

Self-doubt; this ‘devil’ within us keeps reminding us that we are not able to fly, or not good enough, or that the others are much better, so why bother even try to do so. We end up by staying at home, feeling sorry for ourselves as we watch others soaring free in the sky.

But this does not have to be, and we cannot allow our self-doubting hold us as prisoners and prevent us from trying over and over.

Walt Disney, by far the most successful entertainment entrepreneur the world has ever seen, actually failed at several ventures before, but never doubted himself. He said:

 

“All your dreams will come true, if you have the courage to pursue them.”

 

Fear of Failure; most of us, probably as a result of the negative influences around us, spend more of our time worrying about failing than making plans to fly. We seem to forget that both failing and succeeding are the only two options on the continuum, and that if we were to dwell on one, then the other will have no chance of happening. Thomas Edison, perhaps one of the greatest and most prolific American inventors, was never afraid of failing, but welcomed each failure as an opportunity to learn. He is quoted as saying:

 

“I have not failed. I have just found

10,000 ways that won’t work.”

    

Lack of Commitment; Far too often, we express interest in achieving a goal, in flying high into the sky, but then we show little in the way of effort to achieve the goal. Instead, we then find excuses, procrastinate, waste time and effort, or get involved in a number of other activities that clearly point to the absence of true commitment.

But without a commitment deeply embedded, there can never be any incentive to go forward. Vince Lombardi one of National Football’s most successful coaches stated:

 

“Most people fail, not because of a lack of desire, but because of a lack of commitment.”

 

Absence of Focus; One can have the best intentions and well-founded plans, but these will all be in vain if it is not accompanied by an all-consuming focus, which must exclude every other possible distraction.

Without this fully entrenched, it would be impossible to deal with the myriad of obstacles that will appear.

This requirement is precisely what Andrew Carnegie, one of America’s greatest self-help educators always tried to stress in his books and lectures:

                           “One great cause of failure in business                

is the lack of concentration.”

 

Finding Excuses; One of the most common failing of most people is the ease with which they try to find excuses to justify their lack of trying. Because they find it is so easy to blame circumstances, or others, or luck, they are reluctant to admit that they cannot or will not make the effort to fly. This fact has led Jim Rohn, a noted American entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker to declare:

 

Excuses are the nails used

to build a house of failure.”

 

Giving up too soon; Often, people start off with great enthusiasm and intent until they encounter the first sign of difficulties. When that happens, they tend to quickly give up their dreams and hopes, without even trying to find an alternative route or answer.

But unless we are willing to stay the course we will never succeed, and as a result, any dream of flying will remain, just a dream.

Michael Jordan, perhaps the greatest exponent of basketball the world has ever seen, spoke of his own difficulties and how he deals with them, when he advised:

 

“When you run into a wall, don’t just turn around and give up. Instead, figure out a way how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

 

          Psychologically, whenever anyone chooses not to live his dreams, it tends to be as a result a limiting belief system that generally interferes and distorts his self-image. Rather than admit to failure, he finds reasons and excuses to justify his positions, and will deny any suggestion to the contrary. Most of the time, when such a situation occurs, we tend to conclude that the person might be afraid to change from his comfort zone and face the unknown, or was unwilling to find the energy needed to do so. But this explanation, which seems to be plausible, is, in fact, incorrect. Human beings, by their very nature, always prefer to hold on to the prevailing status quo. So long as they are happy with what is, they are not truly keen to test what could be. This is why most people who live in threatening and unhappy milieus make little effort to get away and are content to stay and cope as best as they can. It is not that they might think of changing, but more likely, they instinctively cannot see themselves being able to change. Of the rest, those who experience fear and rejection are forced to look for ways to escape, and those who are better motivated, will certainly try to do so. In the end, if a person does not know what he wants, he will never know what he is missing.

 

          Without question, we all would like to chase our dreams, or fly high as a bird, and in fact, in our world of make-belief and fantasy, we all do so. In the real world however, while we are content to dream of flying, only few of us seem to step up and do so. The more important consideration is whether we know why we don’t do so. Friedrich Nietzsche, the outstanding 19^th century German philosopher and philologist, whose work has greatly influenced modern thinking explained:

 

“He who finds a ‘why’ to live, can bear almost any ‘how’.”

 

In saying this, he was suggesting that only when a person finds a purpose for his actions, whatever it may be, he will do whatever he can to overcome any of the obstacles that lay in his path. He will be prepared to suffer through as many failures and defeats until he achieves his dream. Success therefore depends on the “why” we want to chase our dreams, and never on any other factor. Because until you understand why your dream must be completed, you will never be able to find the necessary courage to see its completion.

 

          Steve Jobs, who, by any standard, is considered to be one of the greatest and most innovative entrepreneurs of our time, was an outstanding example of someone who chased his dreams to completion in spite of the overwhelming obstacles. An adopted child of an unmarried couple, rejected by his biological father, and brought up by an older couple. His school years were tumultuous, with him dropping out of college quite early. Despite this, he was able to start a small company in a garage to fulfill his dreams of building a computer system. This eventually grew to become one of the most successful organization in the world. In his famous Stanford inauguration speech, he explained his motivation in these terms:

 

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So, you have to trust that they will somehow connect in your future.”

 

Although somewhat more complex and mathematically oriented, his advice differed little from that of Toni Morrison. In the same way that you can’t hope to fly without first removing all the dead weight that holds you back, you cannot expect to complete your dream, without first knowing your past, and removing all the negative inhibitions that hinder your vision.

 

-Only when these are understood and removed, can you fly free and unhindered, and see your dreams unfold to the fullest measure.

 

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