“Kindness is the only service that will stand
the storm of life and not wash out. It will wear well and will be remembered
long after the prism of politeness and the complexion of courtesy have faded.”
The
above comment on the virtues of kindness, offered by Abraham Lincoln, very
beautifully and effectively describes the power of kindness over all other
human expressions. It certainly explains why he earned the title of the Compassionate
President, and why so much has been written about the many acts of kindness
he carried out during the disastrous civil war and throughout his lifetime.
The
Act of Kindness is
without question, the highest attribute in human behavior. It is designated as
one of the cardinal virtues, and is far superior than any of the others,
including courage, generosity or bravery. It is undoubtedly the most
universally accepted action that can be offered since it does not need
language, or tradition or explanation to be understood. A kind act, when
successfully completed, always brings improved understanding and compassion,
induces happiness and appreciation and dissipates anger and suspicion. Above
all, not only is there is no cost incurred by the giver or the receiver, but even
better, the resulting rewards to both, in feelings of peace and satisfaction,
can be immeasurable. The Holy Bible, in Proverbs, chapter 16, verse 14,
simply but effectively described its benefits in these beautifully poetic words:
“Kind words are like honey;
Sweet to the soul, and
Healthy to the body.”
In
psycho-physiological terms, each single successful act of kindness will
stimulate the release of a number of neurotransmitters, including serotonin,
oxytocin, dopamine and endorphins, which serve to induce a positive state and
directly impact the person’s well-being, motivation, and productivity. The end
result of this action is an overall increase in positive mood, life
satisfaction and peer acceptance. At the same time, an
increase of available endorphins is also associated with a general increase in
mutual trust, reduction of any fear, apprehension and doubt, and an increasing
sense of confidence and happiness in both parties. In regard to the younger
generations, the regular exhibition of kindness toward them can boost
self-esteem and go a long way in encouraging stable, mature behavior. Equally, the
regular expression of kindness among the elderly will improve and enhance feelings
of wellness, and can even contribute to promoting longevity. Charles Darwin,
the great English anthropologist and author of the classic, “The origin
of the species,” labeled kindness, ‘the sympathy instinct,’ as the
strongest of the innate human instincts, and most prominent in helping the human
species to survive, flourish and dominate over all the other members of the
animal kingdom .
Since
the expression of kindness always takes place as a moment of human interaction
and as such, it will always carry the potential of a reward or a threat. On the
one hand, it can be very rewarding when the action is motivated by a desire to
help or improve, and on the other, it can be used as a threat to deceive and
take advantage of others. In the natural setting however, the instinctive
response is one that results in the improvement of good opportunities for
others, while rewarding oneself with the satisfaction of success. Both parties will
always directly benefit from this connection and are further encouraged to
continue doing so. But kindness can also be used as a weapon to take advantage
of the unsuspecting, weak or vulnerable, causing further disappointment and
distress to the victims, with little or no benefit to them. This attitude, in
fact, has become so prominent in our current cultures, that any act of kindness
is now viewed with suspicion, and any attempt to offer it, will be seen as a
sign of weakness and softness.
The
decision to carry out a kind act is always voluntary and a matter of choice. Although
it is not an essential requirement for survival, it is without doubt the best
act anyone of us can perform to improve humanity. It is a universal language,
crosses borders, and is accepted equally by every religion and every nation.
Its power is not dependent on any prevailing conditions, but by its nature,
kindness becomes its own motive. It is the only human instinct that challenges
our existing attitudes and assumptions, our sense of isolation and low
self-esteem, and our constrictive, insecure state of mind. Kindness can only
function in a milieu of compassion and in a receptive state of mind, and where the
action contemplated is motivated mainly by the beneficial effect on the
recipients and not on rewarding oneself. And even then, it can only survive and
grow when the purpose is directed to helping others, not because of who they
are or what they can do, but because of who the giver is. Eric Hoffer
the highly respected American author and moral philosopher, explained this
relationship in clear and simple terms when he noted:
“Kindness can become
its own motive.
We are made kind,
by being kind.”
But
kindness, to be truly genuine and effective, must function both ways. Before it
can be extended to others, a person must first be kind to himself, understand
his own weaknesses and strengths, as well as his needs and his desires. Without
being fully comfortable with himself, he cannot hope to be successful in
passing on the feeling of goodwill to others. Even more so, the feelings of joy
and satisfaction from a kind act lingers on in our memories long after the
moment has passed, and we continue to relish the pleasure over and over as we
recall the event and its results. It is no surprise therefore that a single
smile, well timed, can crack open the hardest shell, release the tightest hold,
and lift up the hardest load. An unspoken gesture delivered with love and care,
will become a language heard by the deaf and seen by the blind. It can become
an effective weapon against distrust and suspicion, and melt the hardest heart.
All that is needed is the confidence in oneself, and a willingness to step
forward with goodwill and courage.
Amelia
Earhart, the outstanding American aviation pioneer and a very successful author,
who unfortunately disappeared while on an attempt to circumnavigate the globe
in 1937, speaking from very personal experience, observed:
“A single act of
kindness throws out roots in all directions;
and
these roots spring up and make new trees.”
The truth in this statement echoes loud and
clear in the endless series of kind acts performed each single moment of each
day, all over the world. In fact, random acts of kindness can be seen as the
foundation of civilization, and the reason for man’s continued survival.
Kindness has been the single most important neutralizer of the human instinct
for greed and domination for as long as mankind has existed, and the strongest
bulwark against his self-destruction. History has repeatedly confirmed that at both
the individual and the group level, anger and suspicion will not survive the
impact of kindness, and that kindness is the only effective antidote to
aggression. The Dalai Lama in his wisdom, explained this paradox clearly
and unequivocally when he noted:
“When we feel love and kindness toward
others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us to
develop inner happiness and peace.”
-This indeed is the true message for choosing
a life motivated by kindness to all creatures; one dominated by the joys of
caring, peace and love, and free of the poisons of anger, suspicion and envy.
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