DAILY SLICE OF LIFE - Knowing Yourself

               “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

         This statement, originally recorded almost 2500 years ago by Aristotle, one of the greatest of the ancient Greek philosophers in the 4^th century BC, remains as authentic and as relevant today as it was so many centuries ago. The statement was made at a time when the concept of self-knowledge was considered to be paramount by the ancient Greek society and received the unqualified support of his students Plato and Socrates as well. In fact, Socrates actually went further by declaring:

“An unexamined life is not worth living.”

These three great teachers, who together have undoubtedly laid the foundation of our current western society, firmly believed that the very essence of any knowledge must begin first with self-knowledge, and that before anyone can begin to understand any other person, he must first know himself.

         We are all so busy trying to understand and evaluate everyone else, that we often fail to take the single most important step of first truly knowing who we are, and what our needs are. We fail to acknowledge that much of our contentment and satisfaction, however successful that may be, comes not so much from our evaluating and passing judgment on others, but from our determined efforts to learn and understand our own self, and then deliberately taking the right steps to improve ourselves. Unfortunately, because of our underlying insecurities, or perhaps possible arrogance, except for a few genuine people, the great majority of us are inclined to be resistant to the idea of trying to really know ourselves. And even when we do so, we tend to be far more lenient and liberal on ourselves, and less likely to accept our faults and self-criticisms. But in spite of its great relevance in ensuring a good life, the task of trying to know ourselves is always a formidable and an onerous undertaking. The real truth of this was clearly demonstrated by Benjamin Franklin, the great American author, polymath and founding father of America when he observed:

         “There are only three things that are extremely hard;

         Steel, Diamond, and to Know one’s self.”

         The fundamental urge to know yourself is not the result of an inborn, instinctual trait that can be passed on from generation to generation. It is in fact, more likely a learned response that relies partly on personality, emotional intelligence, perceptiveness and critical thinking. It requires a degree of underlying self-confidence and motivation to be able to search out one’s strengths and weaknesses and place them in the right sequence. And without this firmly in place, the task of knowing yourself will become virtually impossible to undertake. In a setting such as exists in this current society, heavily dominated by feelings of inadequacy, fear and insecurity, the individual will quite often prefer not to try to find out and risk failure and embarrassment. In such situations where there is underlying suspicion and distrust, it is always difficult to understand and adapt, and where there is rigidity and inflexibility, there is little chance of adjusting and modifying. These are the obstacles that must all be recognized and neutralized before anyone can truly benefit and avoid the confusion, uncertainty and distrust that will invariably result from a lack of self-knowledge.

         Knowing yourself means more than just recognizing who you are, your likes and dislikes, or your preferences and rejections. It goes much deeper than the routine outer trappings we associate with people in the course of living. It means giving yourself permission to search out the deeper truth about who you are, to unravel the complex structure of your inner core, and to accept the weaknesses and the strengths that make up the person you have become. It is about clearing away the smoke and debris built up from years of habit and other influences, listening to the deeper voices and the wisdom within, and following your intuition and your heart. It means also, recognizing that quite often you will not know the answers to many things, and you must do what is necessary to find them. It means that you must be conversant with, and trust your core values, your priorities and your hopes and dreams. These after all, make up the very foundations of who you are. Ralph Waldo Emerson, the respected American 19^th century author, poet and philosopher, placed this in the right context when he observed:

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else, is the greatest accomplishment.”

         With all that has transpired in the present world, there has never been a time when to know yourself, and to bring out the very best of yourself and your capacity has been more necessary or more needed. The endless trials and stresses precipitated by the current global political uncertainties, and the health crises that are engulfing us on a daily basis have impacted our minds and our emotions, and have created doubts and insecurities, and have even rendered many of us to question ourselves and our abilities. This loss of self-identity and inability to know who we really are, and what our needs are, has resulted in grossly exaggerated confusion and disturbance. Without doubt, much of the turmoil and the suffering that has overwhelmed most of the world’s population can be traced to loss of the ability to know who we are, and what we are capable of achieving. We have lost sight of that very vital component so very well identified by the following ancient Chinese maxim:

“Know yourself and know others, and in 100 battles you won’t be destroyed.”

-Although no one, in his right mind, can ever assume that he will succeed in every venture, every time, yet irrespective of the outcome, he can learn something from each encounter. But this will only take place when he knows himself, and understands the reasons for his actions.

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - Being True to Yourself

“This above all else; to thine own self, be true.”

         This immortal admonition recorded by William Shakespeare in his literary masterpiece, Hamlet, ranks among the most repeated and most accepted of the countless number of his notable, unforgettable, and meaningful quotations. In stating this, he was confirming the fact that no one can truly hope to fully satisfy who he is, or what he believes in, without first being true to himself. And further, his intention was in fact to remind us that the very essence of all the meaningful things we say or do that are meant to encompass our self, can only be achieved when we have the courage and the commitment to be who we are.

         Far too many people spend their lives just thinking and doing things designed to please others, in the misguided hope of gaining approval from them. They will often choose to reject their own basic instinctive responses in order to ensure acceptance, even if it means having to sacrifice their principles and standards on the altar of popularity. This behavior is by no means uncommon, for in one way or another, wittingly or otherwise, we are all guilty of repeating it over and over during our lifetime, and we will continue to do so even after we suffer painful consequences. An unknown author offered a very simple but very effective advice to all those who are caught in this web of uncertainty when he stated:

“Always stay true to yourself, and

Never sacrifice who you are for anyone.”

         We are guilty of being false to ourselves whenever we attempt to act against our will or judgement solely to conform to the wishes of others, or when we compromise principle in order to fit in, or we try to suppress anger and disappointment to avoid offending others, or engage in behavior contrary to our beliefs in order to secure or maintain good relationships. Unfortunately, we all live in a world and in a society where, in a headlong desire to conform and to satisfy, we are encouraged and even forced to bury our true selves into the sands of uniformity. We end up wearing the masks of others in order to look like them, and to cover up our own insecurities and vulnerabilities. This is the price we will always pay when we choose not to be true to ourselves! Richard Bach, a very successful author of several acclaimed books, and himself a dedicated exponent of leading a life of being true to himself, placed this in its true context:

“Your only obligation is to be true to yourself. Being true to anyone or anything else is not only impossible, but the mark  of a fake messiah.”

         But trying to be true in a milieu that encourages the opposite, can and often is, testing, difficult and confusing. In this setting where survival is paramount, and where the ego is hijacked and replaced by a desire to conform and be accepted, it is not difficult to understand why so many willingly accept to wear the mask of self-deceit, rather than stand up and face the embarrassments of conflict and antagonism. And after people have become victims of wearing false masks for so long, the attitude becomes deeply embedded in their subconscious psyche and directly influences their personality and all their subsequent behavior. This can present itself in the wide range of outward emotional expressions involving self-image, appearance, competence, success, confidence, maturity and contentment. When this behavior becomes entrenched, then ironically, even when the individual is aware of his shortcomings, it remains exceedingly difficult for him to find the confidence and the courage to try to change, mainly for fear of running the risk of losing acceptance and approval. Rick Warren, the highly respected American Baptist evangelical preacher, founder of the very successful Saddleback Church, and author of the best-seller, The Purpose Driven Life, placed all of this in the right context anecdotally, when he noted:

“While wearing a mask can wear you out, and faking it is fatiguing, but the most exhausting activity is pretending to be what you know you are not.”

         But before you can truly be yourself, you must first know yourself. This requires you to first know who you really are, and equally, you must be comfortable with that image. Socrates, one of the greatest of the ancient Greek philosophers, founded his total philosophy on the principle of ‘knowing thyself’ and the assertion that every man must stand and live according to how he sees himself. He insisted that this self-knowledge is “Wisdom, the pillar of all the other virtues, and without it, nothing else can be genuine.” When you initiate the steps to do this, you are in essence daring to be yourself, and to encompass everything that served to make you who you really are; free from all the influences, real and imagined, that have conspired along the way.  It means, in effect, putting yourself on the line, opening yourself to scrutiny, judgment and ridicule, and risking the possibility of exposure and vulnerability. It is no surprise therefore, that so many people, often with so much to offer, choose to succumb to the easy route, and submerge themselves in favor of the choices and fancies of others.

                                                                    

         Knowing yourself in this modern world, overflowing with distractions and uncertainty, is never an easy proposition to accomplish. It takes courage and self-confidence to face and overcome the obstacles from inside and outside of you. This change however, will only begin when you dare to be the ‘original you’, to reveal your uniqueness and to show yourself as the person you are; as an individual and an original. But to have even a slight chance of success, you must first learn to act in accordance with who you are, and what you believe your destiny entails. You cannot possibly hope to be true to yourself if you look to others to find answers, or if you prefer to love others more than yourself. For unless you are willing to celebrate your individuality and your uniqueness, and to defend them, you will never succeed to become truly intimate with yourself.

         However daunting and frightening this endeavor may appear to be, the ultimate rewards you will achieve from overcoming the obstacles and prevailing on your own terms, will far outweigh the consequences of not making any effort to do so. But before you can hope to truly know yourself, you must first know who you are, your strengths, your passions, your weaknesses and limitations, and above all, your purpose in life, and be willing to venture forward into the arena of living. For it is only by attempting to live on your own terms, you will come to know yourself, what will work for you and what will not, and what to embrace and what must be rejected. You can never know yourself by looking through the eyes of another, but only by living it yourself, and by defining your own boundaries.

         This process will only begin after you have acquired the insight and the understanding to know who you really are, and the commitment and the courage to be true to yourself. It means trusting your insight and your instinct and not be influenced by others. For you are the ultimate authority for yourself, and to go against your intuition, is to reject who you really are. It means also, believing in yourself and not allow self-doubt and a lack of confidence prevent you from pursuing your dreams. This must begin with identifying and releasing your personal insecurities, fears and anxieties, and by endorsing what you consider best for yourself. For without this you will only succeed in being someone you’re not, and will never be contented with the outcome. It means, as well, establishing an identity and personality that reflects who you are. This of necessity must be genuine and authentic and not subservient to the needs or whims of others. Without this firmly in place, you will never succeed in making your life an expression of who you are.

         Being true to yourself therefore is one that demands a life of integrity, where you deliberately choose to live your life guided by your own personal standards and within boundaries determined by your own needs. A life concerned less by what others may think or do, and much more, by how it feels to the inner self. When we take the time to examine our lives, it is clear that each one of us have been given only two options to choose from to live our lives; either to live by another person’s standards and accept the regrets and disappointments that accompany this choice, or by living true to our self, without having to compromise or regret, and being more fulfilled in doing so.

         Steve Jobs, considered to be one of the world’s greatest and most dynamic entrepreneurs, was an outstanding example of a person who from very early in his life chose to live his life guided by his own self, deliberately avoiding the influences that surrounded him. He expressed those sentiments clearly and unequivocally in his advice to the graduating class of Stamford University in 2005:

“Don’t let the noise of other people’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and your intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary”

-This indeed, is the greatest advice that can ever be given to anyone who has fallen victim to his insecurities, and finds himself floundering in a sea of uncertainty. For unless he is able to listen to his inner voices, and find the courage to be true to himself, he will, like so many before him, drown while trying to follow others.

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE -The Seeds of Hypocrisy

                                             

“The true Hypocrite is the one who ceases to perceive his deception, and is the one who lies with sincerity.”                                                                    

These perceptive words were recorded by André Paul Gide, the well respected and prolific French author, humanist, moralist, and Nobel Laureate in Literature, in 1947.  In his observation, he clearly identified that the two fundamental factors that are the trademarks of all hypocrites are distorting the truth, and using any means to justify their beliefs.

The term hypocrite was originally derived from the ancient Greek word ‘hypokrisis’ meaning ‘play acting’. It refers to the act of using a false appearance of truthful behavior while actually concealing the true intent, especially in regard to moral and religious behavior. In effect, it is a deliberate attempt to deceive others, by pretense or sham, into believing a fact that is blatantly untrue. Like the actor on stage, the hypocrite seeks to gain approval by saying and doing that which is expected of them, rather than what they really believe is right and just. Their deep desire is to gain acceptance and approval, and to do so they are willing to do whatever necessary, including being inconsistent and duplicitous, to achieve and to hold the attention. They have no hesitation to claim knowledge they do not possess, nor loyalty to a principle without having it, nor to holding positions beyond their grasp, and to experiences beyond their capacity, in order to impress others or gain approval.

The very worst kind of hypocrite is the one who does not believe that he is a hypocrite but instead functions under a cloak of honesty and goodwill. But all hypocrites will go to great lengths to declare their honesty and trustworthiness, even when they know they are not so. They spend their lives trying to deceive, betray, connive and cheat others in order to justify and reinforce their own needs. They search out other people’s mistakes and willingly point them out at every opportunity, not so much to correct them, but as a way to excuse and conceal their own weaknesses.

They are proficient in casting accusations on others while firmly dismissing or excusing any of their own wrongdoing. They are experts at pointing to the failings of others and will even concoct false claims with the sole intent to embarrass them, while always projecting the image of blamelessness on themselves. They are keen to make up, and offer solutions, but very rarely practice what they preached. They will often choose to go to great lengths to defend their actions, and will not hesitate to pass the blame on to anyone else.

Although hypocrisy may present itself in a variety of conflicting ways, but the fundamental intent of all these actions are meant to minimize and look down at others, even as the hypocrite tries to conceal his own weaknesses and flaws. These are the commonest:

 -It can take the form of a Moral Double Standard by professing a belief in something and then acting in a manner contrary to that belief. They will willingly criticize others for committing a certain act even as they show no hesitancy or guilt in doing the same.

-Or it might present as Moral Duplicity, the commonest form of hypocrisy, where the individual claims to be honorable in his motives, while being fully aware of its falsehood. This behavior is so prevalent in the current society to render it a habit, where a person displays outward support while harboring deep resentment.

-And then there is Moral Weakness, a moral disconnection between what he believes to be correct and appropriate, and yet continues to choose the wrong option.

They all have the common feature of professing belief and faith in something, and then knowingly acting in a manner that was contrary their own beliefs.

Examples of this behavior abound in every area of human endeavor, but none so much as in the area of religious beliefs. Both the Holy Bible and the Koran are replete with examples as well as admonitions of hypocrites, and both Jesus Christ and the Prophet Muhammed reserved their harshest condemnations for the sin of hypocrisy. They openly condemned all hypocrites as actors who prefer to act on a stage rather than trying to get to know their God. Their false behavior was clearly demonstrated in the Book of Isaiah, 29:13, in the following comment:

“The Lord says:

 These people who come to me with their mouths, and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.”

And in the Holy Koran in Surah Al-Baqara:

“When they meet those who believe, they say: ‘We Believe.’ But when they are alone with their evil ones, they say: ‘We are really with you, we were only jesting,”

       But even more distressing is the fact that throughout the ages, the constant use of deliberate hypocrisy at all levels, has always been an aggressive weapon, and the major stumbling blocks preventing the better understanding and acceptance among all the different religions and beliefs in the world. This single fact is especially relevant with regard to the many different Christian sects, where, even as they all declare obedience to the teachings of Jesus Christ, yet they continue to concoct endless stories and conflicts designed to discredit one, in favor of the other. They all profess undying allegiance to their Christian faith, yet all the while completely ignoring what Jesus Christ himself, in Matthew 7:3, reminded them of their behavior when he observed:

“Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye,

And pay no attention to the beam in your own eye?”

    

       It would however be wrong to assume that hypocrisy is limited to those who deliberately use it for personal gain. In fact, it is so deeply ingrained in the human psyche, and in the very framework of society itself, to render it a ‘learned instinctual behavior’. We all, knowingly or otherwise, say and do things at times which later on we find out is not in keeping with what we believe. Human nature is such that in our desire to conform and be accepted, we tend to automatically reflect the group thinking, even when they do not coincide with our core beliefs. In addition, since much of human behavior is driven by emotional responses, then when this coincides with fact, emotion will prevail. Few of us will deny that we are likely to pass judgment on people for actions that we ourselves are guilty of, not so much to condemn the person, but to conform with the needs of others. These so-called Benign Hypocrisies can be as destructive as any of the other kinds, and at times, more so, because of their relative ease of general acceptance.

                 Although it is impossible to fully understand the true workings of a hypocrite, it is quite clear under specific conditions, any human being may choose to travel that road. The intention is never the result of trying to cover acts of dishonesty, or selfishness or deceptiveness, since we are all, under the right conditions, liable to do this to avoid embarrassment.  But instead, an attempt to convince ourselves and persuade others that we are not capable of doing so, and rather than admitting to it, we find ways to deflect elsewhere. The fundamental problem is the conflict between accepting belief and pretending to be otherwise. Instead of admitting that anyone can be fallible, the hypocrite will do anything to reflect attention from himself. This is perhaps what the 17^th century English novelist and dramatist, Henry Fielding, who was himself no stranger to hypocrisy, tried to explain when he recorded:

“Hypocrisy sets us on an endeavor to avoid censure,

 by concealing our vices under the appearance of their opposite virtues.

-Therein lies the very seed of hypocrisy. Pretending to be virtuous and correct, and reflecting their insecurities in order to protect their true   image from exposure.

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