“This above all else;
to thine own self, be true.”
This immortal
admonition recorded by William Shakespeare in his literary masterpiece, Hamlet,
ranks among the most repeated and most accepted of the countless number of
his notable, unforgettable, and meaningful quotations. In stating this, he was
confirming the fact that no one can truly hope to fully satisfy who he is,
or what he believes in, without first being true to himself. And further, his
intention was in fact to remind us that the very essence of all the meaningful things
we say or do that are meant to encompass our self, can only be achieved when we
have the courage and the commitment to be who we are.
Far
too many people spend their lives just thinking and doing things designed to
please others, in the misguided hope of gaining approval
from them. They will often choose to reject their own basic instinctive responses
in order to ensure acceptance, even if it means having to sacrifice their
principles and standards on the altar of popularity. This behavior is by no
means uncommon, for in one way or another, wittingly or otherwise, we are all
guilty of repeating it over and over during our lifetime, and we will continue
to do so even after we suffer painful consequences. An unknown author offered
a very simple but very effective advice to all those who are caught in this web
of uncertainty when he stated:
“Always stay true to
yourself, and
Never sacrifice who
you are for anyone.”
We
are guilty of being false to ourselves whenever we attempt to act against our
will or judgement solely to conform to the wishes of others, or when we
compromise principle in order to fit in, or we try to suppress anger and
disappointment to avoid offending others, or engage in behavior contrary to our
beliefs in order to secure or maintain good relationships. Unfortunately, we
all live in a world and in a society where, in a headlong desire to conform and
to satisfy, we are encouraged and even forced to bury our true selves into the
sands of uniformity. We end up wearing the masks of others in order to look
like them, and to cover up our own insecurities and vulnerabilities. This is
the price we will always pay when we choose not to be true to ourselves!
Richard Bach, a very successful author of several acclaimed books, and
himself a dedicated exponent of leading a life of being true to himself, placed
this in its true context:
“Your only obligation is to be true to
yourself. Being true to anyone or anything else is not only impossible, but the
mark of a
fake messiah.”
But
trying to be true in a milieu that encourages the opposite, can and often is,
testing, difficult and confusing. In this setting where survival is paramount,
and where the ego is hijacked and replaced by a desire to conform and be
accepted, it is not difficult to understand why so many willingly accept to
wear the mask of self-deceit, rather than stand up and face the embarrassments
of conflict and antagonism. And after people have become victims of wearing
false masks for so long, the attitude becomes deeply embedded in their subconscious
psyche and directly influences their personality and all their subsequent
behavior. This can present itself in the wide range of outward emotional expressions
involving self-image, appearance, competence, success, confidence, maturity and
contentment. When this behavior becomes entrenched, then ironically, even when
the individual is aware of his shortcomings, it remains exceedingly difficult for
him to find the confidence and the courage to try to change, mainly for fear of
running the risk of losing acceptance and approval. Rick Warren, the
highly respected American Baptist evangelical preacher, founder of the very successful
Saddleback Church, and author of the best-seller, The Purpose Driven
Life, placed all of this in the right context anecdotally, when he noted:
“While wearing a mask can wear you out, and
faking it is fatiguing, but the most exhausting activity is pretending to be
what you know you are not.”
But before you can truly be yourself,
you must first know yourself. This requires you to first know who you
really are, and equally, you must be comfortable with that image. Socrates,
one of the greatest of the ancient Greek philosophers, founded his total
philosophy on the principle of ‘knowing thyself’ and the assertion that
every man must stand and live according to how he sees himself. He insisted
that this self-knowledge is “Wisdom, the pillar of all the other
virtues, and without it, nothing else can be genuine.” When you initiate
the steps to do this, you are in essence daring to be yourself, and to
encompass everything that served to make you who you really are; free from all
the influences, real and imagined, that have conspired along the way. It means, in effect, putting yourself on the
line, opening yourself to scrutiny, judgment and ridicule, and risking the
possibility of exposure and vulnerability. It is no surprise therefore, that so
many people, often with so much to offer, choose to succumb to the easy route,
and submerge themselves in favor of the choices and fancies of others.
Knowing yourself in this modern world,
overflowing with distractions and uncertainty, is never an easy proposition to
accomplish. It takes courage and self-confidence to face and overcome the
obstacles from inside and outside of you. This change however, will only begin
when you dare to be the ‘original you’, to reveal your uniqueness and to show
yourself as the person you are; as an individual and an original. But to have
even a slight chance of success, you must first learn to act in accordance with
who you are, and what you believe your destiny entails. You cannot possibly hope
to be true to yourself if you look to others to find answers, or if you prefer
to love others more than yourself. For unless you are willing to celebrate your
individuality and your uniqueness, and to defend them, you will never succeed
to become truly intimate with yourself.
However daunting and frightening this
endeavor may appear to be, the ultimate rewards you will achieve from
overcoming the obstacles and prevailing on your own terms, will far outweigh
the consequences of not making any effort to do so. But before you can hope to
truly know yourself, you must first know who you are, your strengths, your
passions, your weaknesses and limitations, and above all, your purpose in life,
and be willing to venture forward into the arena of living. For it is only by
attempting to live on your own terms, you will come to know yourself, what will
work for you and what will not, and what to embrace and what must be rejected. You
can never know yourself by looking through the eyes of another, but only by
living it yourself, and by defining your own boundaries.
This process will only begin after you
have acquired the insight and the understanding to know who you really are, and
the commitment and the courage to be true to yourself. It means trusting
your insight and your instinct and not be influenced by others. For you are
the ultimate authority for yourself, and to go against your intuition, is to
reject who you really are. It means also, believing in yourself and not
allow self-doubt and a lack of confidence prevent you from pursuing your
dreams. This must begin with identifying and releasing your personal insecurities,
fears and anxieties, and by endorsing what you consider best for yourself. For
without this you will only succeed in being someone you’re not, and will never
be contented with the outcome. It means, as well, establishing an identity
and personality that reflects who you are. This of necessity must be
genuine and authentic and not subservient to the needs or whims of others.
Without this firmly in place, you will never succeed in making your life an
expression of who you are.
Being true to yourself therefore is one
that demands a life of integrity, where you deliberately choose to live your
life guided by your own personal standards and within boundaries determined by
your own needs. A life concerned less by what others may think or do, and much
more, by how it feels to the inner self. When we take the time to examine our
lives, it is clear that each one of us have been given only two options to
choose from to live our lives; either to live by another person’s standards and
accept the regrets and disappointments that accompany this choice, or by living
true to our self, without having to compromise or regret, and being more
fulfilled in doing so.
Steve Jobs, considered to be one
of the world’s greatest and most dynamic entrepreneurs, was an outstanding
example of a person who from very early in his life chose to live his life
guided by his own self, deliberately avoiding the influences that surrounded
him. He expressed those sentiments clearly and unequivocally in his advice to
the graduating class of Stamford University in 2005:
“Don’t let the noise of other people’s
opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage
to follow your heart and your intuition. They somehow already know what you
truly want to become. Everything else is secondary”
-This indeed, is the greatest advice that can
ever be given to anyone who has fallen victim to his insecurities, and finds
himself floundering in a sea of uncertainty. For unless he is able to listen to
his inner voices, and find the courage to be true to himself, he will, like so
many before him, drown while trying to follow others.
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