DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - Finding Fault in Other People

 “We always find the faults in others.

And easily forget our own faults.”

         This ancient Swedish proverb speaks to the well-established tendency of the majority of mankind to constantly look for any faults they can find in others, while doing everything they can to avoid looking at themselves. Most people can identify, without any difficulty, a significant number of their friends and relations who, in spite of all the good, kind and meaningful help they received, will still focus of finding fault in others and will even try to use it against them. As the proverb wisely indicates, these people feel compelled to do so, mainly because they would prefer to avoid learning about their own weaknesses and deficiencies.

         Unfortunately, we all live in a world where trying to find fault in others seems to be the favorite ‘blood sport’, and that in many ways, we seem to enjoy doing it. Human beings in general have become conditioned to react in this way instinctively, because of a deeply embedded defense mechanism developed over centuries. The first encounter with another person is often associated with an unconscious instinct to look for any faults or imperfections, and this seems to have become an established ritual. Following any encounter with an unknown individual, survival is clearly far better assured by using an element of suspicion and an urge to search for, and identify possible weaknesses and imperfections. Many argue that this tendency may have been an inherited trait developed during evolution, as a way to ensure and improve survival of the species. Without question, finding a flaw early will serve the person well by boosting the ego, and encouraging a more confident and successful encounter.

         The psychology of finding fault in others is not difficult to understand since for the great majority of humans, this action does in fact play a significantly important supportive role. As explained by Freud, the dynamics of the interaction is a direct result of the natural interplay between the Id and the Ego. The ego’s primary role is to protect the individual from the instinctive, impulsive urges of the id, by developing and using a variety of defense mechanisms. Finding faults in everything is one of these mechanisms which is actually meant to protect the ego from being compromised. Under normal circumstances, this arrangement functions well, since it allows for balanced responses, provides a level of protection from surprises, and reduces the risk of embarrassment. In conditions of uncertainty however, where there is loss of control, the ego will not function correctly and this may result in serious consequences. These may present as constant feelings of suspicion and fear of everyone, and everything, so often seen in neurotic behavior or even to the gross disregard of the needs and feelings of others commonly seen in narcissistic behavior.

         But constantly finding fault is a behavior that is universally recognized and frowned upon by all societies. In fact, this action has been rejected in one way or another, for as far back as there has been records available. In addition, all the major religions, both current and in the past, have strongly condemned the practice, and have warned against its use in any way:

Christians believe that finding fault in others will serve to distort our perception, not only by making us appear better and more superior, but also by distracting us from seeing our own sins and preventing us from correcting them. This will only lead to altered spirituality and loss of our Christian faith. The Holy Bible in Matthew 7:3 was very clear in relaying the word of Jesus Christ angrily criticizing the gathered people:

“Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye,

But ignore the plank in your eye.”

Moslems place great emphasis on avoiding such actions as a poisonous element in society that can sow animosity and cause public humiliation and embarrassment. They in fact are more specific in trying to correct the behavior by setting aside time each day to evaluate their actions and improve their weaknesses; following the direction laid down by the Prophet Mohammed:

“Happy are those who find fault with themselves, instead of finding fault with others.”

Hindus equally frown on this behavior of finding fault on one’s neighbors and this is clearly depicted in their revered “3 monkeys”; who hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil.

 Buddhists consider finding fault as one of the 5 major hindrances that will compromise any progress needed to arriving at nirvana, and will seriously interfere with meditation. They urge the practice of finding fault must therefore be avoided at all cost.

         The urge that drives us to find fault in others, is based on the fundamental human failing of constantly reflecting any blame for our own shortcomings and our inability to accept failure away from us. It is far easier to search for faults in others than to turn the finger inward and blame ourselves. And also, by blaming others, we are in fact giving ourselves permission to excuse our own actions. Clearly, by choosing to respond in a more defensive way, we subconsciously give ourselves reason to search for and find any positive, redeeming factors in ourselves, and as a result further justify a more judgmental and less positive attitude toward the other person. Samuel Richardson, the 18^th century English author, speaking from his own personal experiences, described this perfectly when he observed:

“It is much easier to find fault in others, than to be faultless ourselves.”        

         Our need to find fault in another person’s behavior may also come from a far more subtle perspective. It may arise from our desire to always do the right thing, even if this action may cause more hurt. In so doing, we are not concerned about the fact that our actions actually favor the wrong-doer, and victimizes the victims. This tendency, often referred to as a ‘just-world phenomenon’ generally arises from a deeply rooted drive to do the right thing at all cost, irrespective of any damage it may cause. These people who usually, but not always, have rigid and unyielding personalities, are far more concerned with insisting on being just and correct, rather than on trying to be more understanding of the situation. By choosing to adopt this role of finding fault in others, we are in fact, affirming that we are correct, and that everyone else is at fault. This will serve to allow us to respond with righteous indignation, while successfully hiding our own faults.

         Unfortunately, the price that is often paid by the person who habitually sets out to find fault in other people can be formidable, unrelenting, and destructive. Although initially it may provide a boost to the ego and reinforce the sense of superiority, but these do not last. In the face of the resulting disappointments and disillusion from the others, relationships are destroyed, trust compromised and acceptance lost, leading to suspicion and avoidance. But even more, in their determined desire to justify themselves, they lose any goodwill for them from others. They justify these actions with finding reasons to bury their own concerns and ignore their insecurities. This I believe is what the Indian born, internationally recognized Hindu spiritual leader and humanitarian Mata Amritanadamayi, clearly meant when she declared:  

“Finding fault in others, just for the sake of finding fault,

 will pollute our minds.”

           But it would be wrong to assume that these people are all driven to find fault out of a genuine desire to do harm. Although some of them may well do so with malicious intent, the great majority are driven to do so as a result of their deeply embedded insecurities, fears, inadequacies, low self-esteem and negativity. Some of these may be inherited as personality traits, but the majority are learnt in childhood as a result of bad parental and environmental influences. For this reason, they are quite often unaware of the damage they do to themselves, and to others, and even much more, do not possess the insight needed for them to take corrective action. They end up spending their lives living in negativity, bitterness and resentment, often isolated, and not able to understand the reasons or try to correct themselves.

      The fundamental difference between those people who succeed in rising up from the self-imposed prison of finding fault in others, and instead, sharing the world together, and those who spend their lives searching for reasons to blame others for their problems is always to be found in the person himself. Henry Ford, one of America’s greatest industrialists, and founder of the Ford Motor Company offered the solution in a simple but dramatic manner when he advised:

                             “Don’t find fault, find a remedy.”  

- Unfortunately, far too many of us are so burdened with this deeply embedded subconscious mechanism for avoiding accountability, that we spend all our lives living our faults, and not the remedies.

 

 

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - Making Use of Time

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life”  

         This profound observation by Steve Jobs, the founder and CEO of the Apple and Pixar companies, stands out as perhaps the finest advice that can be given to anyone seeking to find himself. Jobs, who is considered to be among the most successful, most aggressive, and most admired of the ‘technology entrepreneurs’, spent his whole life guided by the principle of spending all the time available to him in the pursuit of his own dreams. As a result, the success of his work and of his reputation, by any measure, ranks high among the most admired entrepreneurs the world has ever produced.

         Time, like life itself, is a most fascinating commodity. It cannot be seen or touched, but yet it can be readily identified, measured, and made use of. No one has ever been able to understand it, or to try to influence its fundamental nature in any way. Yet it can be readily recognized by its effects on people and events, and by comparing it with other physical phenomena. And, even further, despite on-going extensive and intensive attempts to do so, no one so far, has been able to replicate or modify its activity.

          It is a phenomenon of continuous change through which we live our lives on earth, and is only evident to us by way of the changes and forces with which it is associated. In effect, it is a constant and predictable progression of events from the past to the present into the future that does not have an independent existence as such. It is a standard unit of motion which appears to reflect and represent the constantly changing universe. These changes continue in cyclical patterns and include such easily recognizable events as night and day, sunrise and sunset, change in seasons, and the visible movements of the celestial bodies.

         The human brain is capable of perceiving and tracking time via a special group of sensitive nuclei which release neurotransmitters that influence the perception of changes in time, and in the body’s circadian rhythm. Upon their release, the neuro-chemicals work by stimulating the neurons to increase activity, speed up perception, and alter thought production to give the impression of time speeding up. Conversely, when the stimulations are decreased, the perception of time is slowed down and time feels slower.

         But time itself does not change, only the brain’s perception changes. Whenever time appears to be speeding up, it is a reflection of the fact that the brain is actually processing more thoughts, and exerting more energy, and when time seems to be slow, the brain is processing slower. This is the basis of how we are able to perceive time passing, for while its own progression is always constant and unchanging, our mental state at that time, determines whether it is moving faster or slower. This is the clear implication contained in the following very popular statement:

“Time moves slowly when we are idle, and much faster when we are busy.”

         The prominent Christian evangelist, Franklin Graham, the eldest son, and successor to the great American evangelist, Billy Graham, very wisely noted in one of his sermons that:

        “Time is like a river. You cannot touch the same water twice,

        because the flow that has passed, will never pass again.”

The truth in this statement rings out in every aspect of our living. For even as time continues to incessantly flow at its own unchanging pace, it is left entirely up to each one of us to use it as we please. We may choose to drift along at a slow, unproductive pace, allowing the river to carry us where it chooses, or we may even choose to just stand still, as if frozen in time, and be content to lay the blame for our failures and our lost opportunities on the doorstep of lost time.

         Far too many of us have spent our lives yearning to be like others, trying to copy them and wasting valuable time following them. Instead of trying to find our own needs and our capabilities, we prefer to spend the time in hopeful anticipation of ‘luck’ or ‘chance.’ And, rather than finding the effort needed to make full use of our time, we are content to sit back and admit to failure. - For all of these many instances, time is wasted and useless!

         To make full use of time however, does not require any special qualities or experience, but it insists on commitment and on constant dedication. Every individual who was ever able to successfully harness time to do his bidding and to achieve his goals, did so, not by conquering and overpowering time, but by successfully harnessing and managing its power to improve the quality of life. Since, without question, time and life are both deeply intertwined and mutually interdependent, it is clear that anyone hoping to influence one of them, must also influence the other, as this Unknown Author correctly observed:

“Life teaches us the value of time, and

                                  Time teaches us the value of Life.”                   

         Another consideration is that time has no favorites, nor does it ever wait for anyone. It demands that any action contemplated must be done on its own terms, and not when it is convenient to be used. And those who, for any reason, think otherwise, will certainly pay the price in regret and in disappointment. This I believe was what Kevin Ngo, a very successful Chinese-American motivational teacher was alluding to, when he advised:

“If you don’t make the time for the life you want, you’re eventually going to be forced to spend a lot of time dealing with the life you don’t want.

          Time, viewed from any angle, is the underpinning of life, and we can only improve our life and our opportunities, when we learn to make full use of our time. Every person who has been able to successfully harness time and achieve their goals, must exhibit a number of clearly demonstrable qualities. These include such qualities as clarity of purpose and intent, without which there will be no clear goal or aspiration. There must be ambition and confidence that will withstand the many trials and uncertainties along the way, and a willingness to accept and overcome failures. There must also be a focused discipline, concentration and patience, without which there will be no consistency and a readiness to give up. With these fully utilized, time becomes an ally, and will it even appear to speed up. But in their absence, time will become an obstacle and stumbling block, and life itself slows down.

         St. Paul in his letter to the Ephesians 5:15-17, in his profound wisdom, actually warned us of the dangers inherent in the poor use of time when he stated

“Look carefully then, how you walk; not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of time, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

-No better advice can ever be given to anyone seeking to make full use of his time allotted on this earth. For indeed, failing to make full use of one’s time, or wasting it on the altar of inconvenience, is truly evil!

 

 

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - Purpose of Living

This essay is essentially a repeat of one I recorded several years ago. I have chosen to republish it for two reasons. 1. It reflects my deepest philosophy on life, and 2. I consider it worthy of your attention.  EAM

“For, such as we are made of, such we be”

         These words contained in Act 2 of the well received comedy, Twelfth Night, written in 1602 by the great English poet and playwright William Shakespeare summarizes in stark reality the nature of our existence on earth. In his exquisitely poetic way, he was firmly telling us that we have no alternative but to accept who we are, and what we are, without ever knowing the reasons for why or how we are who we are.

No one knows with absolute certainty, the reason for our existence on this earth, or for that matter, why we are even alive. This is not for want of trying. For, as long as man has existed on this earth, he has sought to ascertain his purpose for living by exploring every discipline he could think of. And although, over the centuries of history, his search has produced a voluminous number of scientific, philosophical, theological, and metaphysical theories and resulted in people and cultures trying to adopt multiple different beliefs designed to justify their findings, no one has yet succeeded in fully explaining life’s purpose. The net results so far have produced numerous conflicting opinions on the subject but little or no agreement. Indeed, this should not come as any surprise to anyone, since the real answers continue to remain as elusive as life itself.

  And even though the true purpose of our living on earth will quite likely never be fully understood by any one of us, it is nevertheless left up to each individual to determine, as best as he could or as much as he wants to do so, the real meaning of his own life and to make full use of this knowledge for his own living. Joseph Campbell, the well respected American mythologist, author and lecturer, was adamant that this approach was appropriate and that it was left entirely within each individual to define his own answer. He expressed this in the following quotation:

Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question, when you know the answer already.”

Many people are quite content with just living out their lives in the moment, and in trying to find happiness as best as they can, without the bother or concern of why or how. Their aim is simply to do, for as long as their lives allow them to do so, whatever they judge necessary to achieve joy and satisfaction while avoiding, as much as possible, anything that may cause pain or sadness. For them, just living life, day to day would be reason enough. Eleanor Roosevelt, the outspoken wife of President Franklin D. Roosevelt who, in her own right, was a respected diplomat and human rights activist, was content to assign the purpose of life to be simply just living. She expressed this in statements such as:

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly without fear, for newer and richer experience.“

And in similar vane, Melanie Moushigian Koulouris, a fascinating American creative thinker and writer echoed this expectation quite effectively when she offered this advice: 

“I’m a true believer that everything happens for a reason. Though you may not always understand why, I believe the most valuable lesson behind it is to make you stronger; Live in the moment, because that’s all there is. Hang on to the good and let go of the rest.”

But the majority of human beings, bound by their own egos, are not content to accept such a basic explanation, but are committed to go beyond what they can feel and see, to find a reason. This innate desire to know more is the fundamental difference that separates mankind from every other member of the animal kingdom. Humans are the only living beings on this planet that have the ability to think and to contemplate, to learn from past experience and to project into the future, to search for knowledge and often find answers. They are also the only living creatures to possess a conscience and able to act on it. This has nothing to do with the survival of the species, but rather, a deep-seated longing to find meaning and to find reasons for existence. 

 

It is for this reason that men are driven to search for answers and in many instances hold steadfastly to them and build their lives around them. W. Somerset Maugham, the outstanding British author and critic, who gave up medical practice to devote his life to philosophy and to literature, drew attention to this dilemma when he noted:

“The secret of life is meaningless, unless you discover it

 yourself.”

Carl Jung, the great Swiss-born psychiatrist and psycho-therapist, founder of the school of analytic psychotherapy, devoted a great deal of time, effort and thought into trying to determine the meaning of life and its purpose. He was convinced that this was the inner force that controlled and directed the psyche, and that it was a fundamental response of the subconscious mind. He explained this in the following observation:

“In the same way the body needs certain food, not just any kind but that what suits it, the psyche needs to know the meaning of its existence; not just any meaning, but the meaning of those images and ideas which reflect its nature and which originate in the unconscious.”

This conclusion is not very far from the truth, since humans are naturally curious and are constantly searching for answers. But the reason why so many stop searching and are content with whatever sounds plausible is a reflection of the poor degree of motivation in the individual. 

         To put this matter in its right context however,requires first,  deciding whether one believes that there is indeed a reason for life or, as so many skeptics throughout the ages have insisted, that there are none. Charles Darwin, the famous Anthropologist who’s  Origin of the Species is a classic in anthropology, was convinced that with man, as with the rest of the animal kingdom, there was no reason at all to assume that life has an ultimate purpose or meaning. His views were echoed by the great French Philosopher and Nobel laureate, Albert Camus, who insisted that:

“The absurdity of the human condition is that people search for external values and meaning in a world that has none, and is indifferent to therm.”

And Stephen King, currently one of America’s most prolific and highly successful authors of fiction and supernatural topics, who is himself a declared skeptic, has regularly admonished others with such comments as:

“You discarded most of the lies along the way, but hold on to the one that said life mattered.”

But for the rest of the world, not influenced by this type of thinking, the search for meaning and for purpose continues both consciously or unconsciously. Charles-Augustin Saint-Beauve, a French physician in the 19^th century, who gave up the practice of medicine to become an author and a highly respected literary critic concluded:

Each man must look into himself to teach him the meaning of his life. It is not something to be discovered; it is something to be molded.”

      All the major religious organizations have purpose of life as a fundamental belief and a requirement to satisfy the creator:

      Judeo-Christian tradition, the essential characteristic is service and love to God and fellow man. Man was created and placed on earth as a temporary prelude to eternal life, and his instructions were clearly laid out for fulfillment in the letter of St. Paul to the Romans, chapter 8, verse 28:

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

    Islam, teaches that the purpose of life is a trial for the individual to show his true self. He is required to live a life of obedience, purity of heart and mind, and total submission to Allah in order to qualify for a final and lasting life in the hereafter.

    Hinduism, see the real purpose in living is to try to break the recurring cycles of birth and death, to achieve the exalted state of Brahma, and in so doing, stop the pain and suffering. This is explained in the holy writings as follows:

“Through many births in Samsara, have I wandered in vain seeking the builder of this house; repeated birth is indeed suffering.”

    Buddhism, teaches that the only purpose of life is to end the suffering and seek enlightenment. We suffer because man is continually striving for things that do not give lasting happiness and until we are able to release them and replace with love it will continue. His Holiness Dalai Lama has repeatedly declared on a multitude of occasions that:

“Our prime purpose in life is to be happy and to help others”

    In all these religions, the overriding theme for man’s purpose for living is to do what is necessary to achieve everlasting life, and without  this promise available to them, life itself will be reduced to that of the animal whose sole concern is  survival irrespective of cost!

            But for most people, the need to find answers for a number of important questions remains paramount even if they accepted the promise of a hereafter as the purpose for life. Such questions as: reason to remaining alive, capacity for learning about, or creating new life, and whether death is final or will there be a reunion with loved ones after death. These questions although philosophical in nature and apparently without any answer, weigh heavily on any final conclusion on the purpose of life. 

 

        In fact, there are an infinite number of meanings during one’s lifetime related to the prevailing circumstances at the time, each one providing specific fulfillment. It is really up to each individual to examine his needs and choose accordingly. In the end however, the final decision concerning the actual choice of the answer will inevitably rest in the mind of each individual.  There is no definitive logical way to prove which of the many existing alternatives are actually correct. But there might well indeed be answers, but I firmly believe that such such answers will relate solely to the individual and cannot be applied to everyone else.  

 

Anaís Nin, the celebrated American author and essayist, who was born in France from Cuban parents and who spent her life traveling to various countries around the world, summarized this conundrum by offering the following solution:

“There is not one big cosmic meaning to apply for all.

There is only the meaning we each give to our lives; An individual meaning, an individual plot, or even an individual 

novel; -a book for each person.”

It is clear to me that there is indeed a purpose for living for each one of us, but that the answer lies not in any generic, group classification, but rather in the heart and mind of each individual, who is then free to accept it or reject it.

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE = A Matter of Faith.

 

“Faith consists in believing, when it is beyond the power of reason to believe’”

         The above quotation is a defiant statement by Francois-Marie d’Arouet, the 18^th century French nobleman, author, scientist and philosopher who preferred to use the norm-de-plume ‘Voltaire’, in all his writings. His work, in the fields of both science and religion, greatly influenced the developing 18^th century Age of Enlightenment in Europe and made him a celebrated figure. This period of enlightenment was dominated by the growing power of religion, and resulted in great controversies in the belief structures among many people. Voltaire rejected the demands of the church to accept its teachings that all belief was by divine intervention. He was clear in his own mind that there existed differences which he described in the following manner: 

         Belief:        is what we know is true.              

        Obedience: is accepting what we are told to be true.

        Faith:         is accepting, even when we do not know if it is true.

          Interestingly, over the succeeding centuries, despite repeated attempts to define these differing aspects of belief, we have continued to confuse and misuse them so often that they remain blurred and unclear.  Most people have grown up associating faith with trust, and accepting their faith on the basis of the level of trust that exists. Many of us have also come to accept the fact that faith is a commodity that is acquired by learning and by example from others, and that without it, every task, however simple, will be difficult to complete. We try to conflate knowledge, confidence and experience under this banner, and then assign the resulting degree of success on the level of our faith in ourselves. But all of these are not the true faith as seen by Voltaire. To him, faith is not believing what is already tangible and demonstrable, but believing in those things that appear to be unbelievable, and not therefore subject to understanding.

         True Faith is the very engine of life. It is usually found deeply embedded in the person’s psyche and is very difficult to acquire. In its absence, there can be no expectation of good things to come, and no reason to look forward to better living. And without it firmly in control, ife will have no meaning. It must never be confused with hope, and is not subject to explanation using logic and reason. It may not be the main reason for living, but paradoxically, life will have no reason if there was no faith to sustain it. Contrary to popular opinion, faith is certainly not simply an expression of hope; for while much of hope arises from emotion and need, faith is a reflection of the spirit and the inner-self, and goes far beyond just satisfying basic hopes and needs.

         At its very core, faith is deeply rooted in the expectation of good things to come, and life itself could not continue from one moment to another without the faith to do so. None of the conscious aspects of  for example, will ever take place without first having the faith to initiate the action. Each time we drink a glass of water, climb a ladder, or cross the street, we do so because of our faith that the right outcome will occur. Without this underlying foundation of faith, we could not expect that that the things we hoped for will in fact happen. And in those times when the future appears to be bleak, it is faith that propels the forward motion. Faith indeed, is the frame work on which we build our lives, even when we do not see the outcome. As Martin Luther King Jr. speaking from his own deeply personal experience, so very wisely observed:

  “Faith is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” 

         Faith goes well beyond just hoping for a favorable outcome. It means believing in things that are not even visible, and not physically demonstrable. It means having to make decisions and take action on the basis of such intangible factors as ideas, expectations and desires. Faith is the barrier that separates man from the rest of the animal kingdom. For while all the other creatures live by their instinct and their wit, Man alone, is able to plan more and achieve more by the expression of faith in himself and his ability. In fact, his complete domination of the animal kingdom can be directly traced to the use of the power of his faith to rise above the prevailing conditions. For without faith there can be no strength and no inner resolve, to face up to the turmoil of uncertainty, and the courage needed to stand up to, and overcome, the threats and the fears of the unknown.

         Faith however, has no equivalent in the physical realm, nor are there any measures than can be used to compare one with the other. It is essentially a metaphysical fiber that binds the individual and allows him to access his deepest wish and desire. It can only survive when there is confidence and belief in oneself and one’s ability, it provides the focus of strength and power needed to go beyond life’s negativity and find solution, and it provides direction and purpose to help us achieve our dreams. It enables us to look beyond our fears and uncertainties, and protects us from becoming overwhelmed by the possibility of failing.

          But faith must never be seen as just a notion that some people exhibit in tough times and in difficulty. It must be seen as a vital and important element of living, to be called upon when needed. Life itself, like all of nature, is never homogeneous. It always reflects good and bad, hot and cold, rain and sunshine, and joy and sadness. Faith is the component that carries us through, provides the light in darkness, the calm in the storm and the strength in times of weakness.  It is without question, one of the most vital elements in sustaining a society, since it will not be destroyed by the continuously changing circumstances and conditions of the world. In fact, it is only when faith is replaced with arrogance that one witnesses the chaos and disintegration that has become so prevalent among the current societies.

          Tragically, even the strongest faith in ourselves can be quite fragile, especially when our belief system is challenged, or we come under attack. Under such conditions, when, as a result of uncertainty or fear, we allow our confidence to falter, or succumb to negative thinking, or fall under bad influences, or during times of physical or emotional stress, we become more vulnerable, more likely to question ourselves and instead turn to others for help. This experience of losing one’s faith can become quite difficult and lead to severe consequences including alteration of attitudes, behavior and personality, and in extreme cases, annihilation of core identity. All of which will more likely occur if the faith is based on self-esteem, status or religious beliefs rather than on intrinsic, well-founded ideas, in a stable, secure personality.

          Without question, each person is always defined by his own interpretation of his faith in himself. Whether this faith, relates to his religious beliefs or to his personal life, it is this faith, or lack of faith, that determines his ultimate direction and the outcome. Perhaps this was what the very influential 13^th century Roman Catholic theologian and philosopher, Thomas Aquinas, meant to convey when he declared:

 “To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary.

To one without faith, no explanation is possible.”

 

 

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DAILY SLICE OF LIFE - LISTENING WITHOUT HEARING

This essay is different than all I have written. It deals with a subject that I have been personally interested for over half a century. I am offering it to you with a plea and a hope that you might also start to look for the message when you enjoy the song.  EAM

“They did not listen.

They did not know how.”

         These words are taken from a very highly regarded ballad entitled, Starry, Starry Night, recorded in 1971 by Don McLean III, a very successful American songwriter and guitarist. The song was based on the life of the great Dutch modernist painter, Vincent Van Gogh, and on his most successful painting, Starry Night. The song has since been recorded by several hundreds of very well-respected international artists, ranging from the rapper Tupac Shakur to balladeers like Julio Iglesias, and in several languages that include English, French, German, Spanish, Italian and Hungarian.

         By his own admission, McLean was moved to write the song after he read a biography of Van Gogh and learnt of his serious mental afflictions and the turmoil he had been undergoing. The painting itself, was actually completed in 1889 while Van Gogh was an inpatient of a French asylum. It was meant to depict the night sky from his asylum room, and it resonated with the general public for its bold and vibrant colors, and swirling motions in the sky and in the surrounding vegetation. But the painting was in fact saying much more than its beauty, yet only a few very observant people were actually able to appreciate its true symbolism. For with each stroke of his brush, he was crying out in despair, drawing attention to his deep depression and to his constant preoccupation with suicide and with death. People were indeed listening, but were not hearing his message. They were looking, but not seeing his pain.

         I too, would readily have considered myself to be among the multitude until more than 50 years ago. In 1967, while I was a resident in Psychiatry in London, one of my teachers with whom I worked closely, drew my attention to the deep and intense relationship of the pain and disappointment that are often reflected in a wide range of artistic expressions we so often take for granted. He explained that since artists spend their whole lives giving expression to their deepest emotions in words and in art, it is natural that they would use them to give vent to their feelings of unhappiness and sorrow, and equally, their hopes and successes. He further noted that only the astutely trained observer is able to discern in every song, every piece of literature and every work of art, the deepest emotion of the artist at that moment. He lamented that we, as physicians who are concerned with human behavior and the human mind, are not spending as much time as we should, to understanding the reason behind a work of art, a song or literary work, and looking for ways to help these people cope when their cry for help.

      Since then, although I do not consider myself a true connoisseur of art, I have acquired the habit of examining the underlying reasons for their production by the artist. Each time that I am attracted by a song, or look at a painting or work of art, or read a book, I tend to take a brief moment to search out the reason and message as they affect me. On some occasions my diagnostic suspicion will be confirmed, but most of the time, for lack of experience, they remain as merely conjecture. For my own self however, because of my interest in medicine and in mental illnesses, I find myself eager to look more closely than others for any signs. I have come to believe that every good story does not only have a good plot, but also has a good reason for telling by the author.  

      Unfortunately, however because people generally prefer to avoid any information that tends to interfere with their own beliefs and status, they are discouraged from wanting to seek out any more than they need. They actively try to avoid any situation that contradicts their level of comfort, even when they may suspect that their own attitude might be itself questionable. They prefer to live by the safe principle of don’t ask, don’t tell, and in so doing, hope to avoid any position of uncertainty. Others, especially those with rigid, inflexible personalities, who find it very difficult to deal with any change, will be reluctant to even expose themselves to the possibility of a different perspective. The end result is that people are more likely to choose the easy way out and accept things as they appear superficially, rather than entertain any views that may be more consequential. It is not surprising therefore that most of us are happy just scratching the surface, and never bother to look under it.

      But the fundamental truth is that unpredictable, temperamental behavior is often associated with creativity, and many authorities insist that there may indeed be an overlap between them. Multiple, legitimate studies conducted in many countries have confirmed the higher incidence of severe mood disorders among the wide range of artistic expressions, and equally, abnormally high occurrences of depression, mania, drug abuse and suicide among all the creative population. Many people have actually argued that there is indeed only a fine line that separates creativity and madness, and that it does not take much to cross over. This concept has always existed and in fact accepted for thousands of years, as the following quotation by the great ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle confirms:

“No great mind has ever existed without some touch of madness.”

      The list of these people who have indeed suffered with some form of mental illness is formidable. They come from every section of the creative population, irrespective of sex, age or degree of success.

They include:

 Classic Painters:       Van Gogh, Gauguin, Picasso, Michelangelo.

Classic composers: Beethoven, Handel, Tchaikovsky, Rachmaninoff.

Popular composers: Irving Berlin, Noel Coward, Stephen Foster, Cole

                              Porter

Celebrities:            Elton John, Kurt Cobain, Michael Phelps, Herschel

                             Walker, Robin Williams, Kanye West

These are but a few of the countless number of people who have had to cope with severe emotional incapacity as they continued to live and give expression to their work. Many succumbed to the pressure and died earlier than they should, some gave up and chose isolation, while a few were able to deal with their afflictions and continue their work.

      But the real tragedy is that, because of the underlying attitude of don’t ask, don’t tell, the general audience who enjoyed their work and encouraged them to continue to do more, were completely unconcerned and oblivious to their cries for help. In the end many more of these artists died or suffered in silence, than ought to have done so, simply because we all prefer to:

“Listen to the song, but not hear the message.”

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