DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - Controlling Your Life

 

“Our Life is shaped by our minds.

For we become what we think.”

         These profound words of wisdom, fundamental to the Buddhist philosophy, that all life was centered on the power of the mind, is contained in the early verses of the Dhammapada, the collection of Sayings of Lord Buddha that constitute the true basis of Buddhist teachings.

         From the very outset, the Buddha preached that our happiness, or lack of happiness, is directly influenced by how we use our mind. If we continually respond to our daily life experiences with thoughts and emotions that are negative or aversive, our life will see only unhappiness, pain and suffering. But if instead, we were to choose to respond with mindfulness, understanding and compassion, we will experience great joy, fulfillment and satisfaction. He argued further, that because we are all the result of what we have been thinking, then every action that we carry out will always be initiated by our thoughts, and equally, will always be a direct result of these thoughts.

He continued this further by presenting the following example:

“If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain will follow him, as the wheel that follows the ox that draws the carriage.”

Implying that as the carriage will only travel in the direction that the ox chooses to turn the wheel, so too, a person’s ultimate action can only reflect the direction of the thought that initiated it. He insisted however, that ultimately it is not our thoughts alone, but what we chose to do with our thoughts, speech and actions together, that is the final determinant of our happiness. He explained this to his followers in the following manner:

“Just as you cannot make a boulder rise into the air by wishful thinking, so too, you cannot experience happiness unless you do all the things that lead to happiness.”

         Throughout the history of civilization, man has sought to control his behavior in in order as to achieve his desired goals. The ancient Greek and Roman philosophers viewed life as a constant struggle between desire and control, and stressed the importance of self-control in creating a better, more satisfying world. The ancient philosophy of Stoicism, that was the underpinning of Greco-Roman era, was equally based on the principles of understanding, discipline and self-control. The ancient Eastern cultures, both in Taoism and Buddhism, reflected the fundamental belief in the importance of control in securing happiness in life.  Philosophers, throughout the ages, have been unanimous in their belief that a person’s thoughts lead to his experiences, and it is these experiences, when converted into controlled actions, that determine the quality of life. This is precisely what an Unknown Author was alluding to, when he observed:

“When you have control over your thoughts,                        you have control over your life.”

         The human being is the only species within the animal kingdom that is endowed with the quality of intellect and capacity of free will that allows him to control his innate instincts. All the other animals spend their lives in activities dictated by the fundamental instincts of survival and self-protection, satisfaction of hunger and urge for procreation. Humans on the other hand, possessing much higher intellect and reasoning power, is fully capable of rising beyond these instincts and imposing his own control over his behavior. Scientists have long demonstrated that the more highly developed Prefrontal Cortex of the human brain is the center controlling cognitive behavior, decision making, planning and control. Any serious damage or disease to this area results in recurrent uncontrolled, impulsive behavior, often with serious consequences. This fact has led Charles Darwin to conclude that it is specifically this ability to exercise self-control that ensures the absolute dominance of the human being over the entire animal kingdom.

         Self-control is defined generally, as the ability to practice restraint over one’s emotions, impulses, actions and desires, the ability to think before reacting, and to make specific positive choices. Significantly, this is the single, most important factor that separates all mankind from one another. People who successfully live their lives dominated by good sense and control, will have a better sense of confidence and well-being, a more positive outlook on their lives and on their future, and are able to develop stronger, more lasting relationships. They bring meaning to their lives and their work, and will have greater, more positive hope for future success. Without doubt, knowing that one is in control of one’s emotional and physical self, will instill a sense of confidence that translates into better performances and productivity.

         On the other hand, those people who believe they have lost control over their lives, or who have never been able to exert control, end up with a sense of hopeless passivity and helplessness that permeates their whole lives, and affecting their work, their relationship, their health and their future. Because of their inability to control their emotional responses, they will find themselves overwhelmed with insecurities, anxieties, and fears of inadequacy and failure, all of which can seriously interfere with relationships, decision-making and confidence. This is quite often compounded by the fact that they tend to gravitate toward others with greater self-control and end up becoming dependent on them. The consequences of this belief can often be debilitating, both physical and mentally, and result in significant loss of self-identity. The Holy Bible, in Proverbs, 26:28, exquisitely describes this person:

“A man without self-control is like a city                                    broken into, and left without walls.”

         That notwithstanding, there are countless situations where to ensure survival, human nature will often dictate the need to control  people, and to some degree, the environment in order to ensure good relationship. There are many instances, when the control of others, in the name of safety and of good judgment is essential and protective. These are all well within the range of normal behavior and clearly desirable. But when these functions slip beyond the normal levels and cross the line, serious problems may arise. Many of these people, who are motivated by powerful emotional feelings of shame, fear of inadequacy or rejection, end up losing the sense of fairness, and cover up by hiding behind a façade of rigid control, abuse, and aggression. These make up the control freaks, the abusers, the bullies, and the recidivists, all of whom are convinced that their thoughts and their actions are justifiable.

         But in truth, the only thing any person will ever have direct control over is the way he himself reacts to anything that might be going wrong. He will have no control over what has already gone wrong, nor will he have any control on any decisions that others make or decide to make. The only control he will reasonably have, is more likely to be on the choices he makes, the actions taken, and his reactions to what results. Although many prefer to think otherwise, the fact is that there is only so much that we actually control in our lives, and for the rest we can only accept, and make the best of the existing circumstances. What is important however is that we are ready and able to recognize the difference, and respond appropriately. This is precisely what Danny Silk, the very popular Christian leader in California recognized when he observed:

“Powerful people do not try to control everybody. They know it does not work, and it is not their job. Their job is to control themselves.”

-This indeed is the true nature of successfully controlling one’s life in order to derive maximum joy and satisfaction. What matters above all, is not the need to exercise control, but rather the knowledge to exercise control correctly.

 

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - Living with Kindness

 

 “Let us learn to live with kindness, to love everyone;

even when they do not love us.”

                  This heartfelt exhortation was made by the current patriarch of the Roman Catholic Church, Pope Francis, the Holy Father, in his recently published 3^rd encyclical entitled “Fratelli Tutti” (All Brothers). He was lamenting the sad loss of love and friendship that has been taking place in the modern societies, and with it, the loss of the basic sense of kindness that is so much part of Christian life. And at the same time, he was fervently drawing the world’s attention to the urgent need for fraternal love among all people, friend and foe alike.

           It is indeed a sad fact that in our headlong drive to acquire and secure as much as we possibly can for ourselves, we have abandoned the fundamental Christian principles of love and sharing, and have replaced them by new standards of selfish aggression and suspicion. In this regard, Pope Francis further expressed grave regrets that we have deliberately abandoned the basic acts of kindness which had served us so effectively to ‘free us from the cruelty that is infecting human relationships, and from the anxiety that prevents us from thinking of others.’ He added that in our frantic urge to gain as much as we can, we forget that others have the same right to be happy and to be treated with the kindness they deserve. He worried that we are losing the beautiful art of kinship that once dominated society, and in its place, introducing egotism and ideology. No longer do we bother to concern ourselves with those simple courtesies as ‘thank you’, ‘pardon me’, ‘excuse me’, ‘have a good day,’ that spoke so much for respect and kindness.

         Sincere expressions of kindness are, without doubt, the single most important keys to ensuring a life of fulfillment; ones that secure sustained, lasting, and meaningful relationships and a future filled with optimism. But this quality of kindness however, will not stand alone, for it can only be effective in the presence of love, the main driving force which always guarantees truthful implementation. And just as surely, it will certainly die in any milieu dominated by greed, selfishness and anger. But that notwithstanding, the potential for kindness is present in every person, and like so many potentially good deeds, just waiting to show its head if we allowed to do so. but as so often happens in our lives, the reason for not allowing it to do so lies more in our deep-seated urge to hold back for fear of losing what we already possess. Lucius Annaeus Seneca, one of the foremost of the ancient Roman philosophers, more than 2000 years ago, firmly reassured us all, of this ability when he stated:

 “Wherever there is a human being,

 there is an opportunity for kindness.”

          Kindness is generally defined as the quality of being generous, friendly, and considerate to others. It also carries an endless number of connotations that include: affection, gentleness, concern, warmth, and caring, among many others. All of which pointing to an instinctual desire toward helping others by using personal resources to improve the quality of life and opportunities for happiness for them. True kindness however, cannot be sustained without there being a deep-seated desire to do so. It will never survive in a milieu of deception or make-belief, and will always flounder in the absence of love and caring. And contrary to the general belief, it does not imply an admission of weakness, dependence or naivety, but rather as occurs in countless occasions, to be kind can demand a certain courage and strength of character to sustain it.

               It must be noted that, quite unlike many of the other basic human emotions, the act of kindness to be truly effective, must be given unconditionally, free from any underlying motive, and with no expectation of reward. In addition, Psychologists unanimously agree that, because of the fact that it arises from the deepest levels of the human psyche, the same place that love and respect reside, it serves an important role in sustaining meaningful human behavior and relationships. Charles Darwin, the great English anthropologist and author of the definitive, Origin of the Species, insisted that kindness was directly responsible for ensuring the survival of the species by encouraging basic support within the groups. He described it as the only instinctual behavior in man that is always accompanied by genuine concern and consideration for others, and associated with feelings of well-being and satisfaction.

                Unfortunately, man, in his headlong desire to choose self-preservation at all cost, has chosen to bury the noble instincts of kindness to others and to the environment, and replace them with those of ego-gratification. Instead of choosing the wholesome benefits derived from sharing and group support, he has deliberately chosen the completely opposite direction of selfishness and dominance. It is no surprise therefore, that this world, blessed with so much potential to provide happiness and fulfillment to all its inhabitants, has devolved into a sordid morass of nothing but destructive negativity. Where people, whether as individuals, groups, religions and countries, prefer to spend their time in suspicious, aggressive, distrusting and destructive antagonism of one to the other. Where those who have more, insist on acquiring even more, without any regard to their needy brothers. Where there is constant conflict, often leading to violence and wars, among countries and the religions, often in the name of the same God in total disregard of his teachings. All of which, as Pope Francis so very firmly reminded all of us, could have been substantially avoided if man had chosen to live with kindness.

          Recurrent studies have convincingly demonstrated the great benefits of consciously sharing resources with others rather than keeping more and more for oneself. It not only brings about lasting feelings of well-being on both the giver and receiver, but serves to encourage trust, stability and satisfaction in any further interpersonal relationships. But for this to be truly effective and not appear to be condescending, requires a great deal of skill and care. It must always be free of any selfish motives, and reflect genuine concern and caring. To be truly effective, it must be accompanied by a desire to celebrate the other person, and not to reward oneself. And above all, it will never survive without a foundation of truth and honesty, or by any attempt to manipulate and deceive.

          Kindness, to be truly effective requires significant interpersonal skills. Above all however, it must begin by first being kind to oneself. For without this, without being honest and sincere with oneself, it would be impossible to be true to anyone else. Beyond this, kindness is essentially about treating others to way you would like to be treated. It requires:

-Empathy, to identify with the person in need,

 -Patience, to listen and to appreciate the person’s needs and problems,

 -Respect, in order to understand and support the person’s fears and anxieties,

 -Mindfulness, being aware of the people, the circumstances, their status and positions in life. And,

 -Sincerity, born of honesty, love and compassion, allowing true understanding and responsibility.

          Most people are dismally unaware that kindness, rather than being an unnecessary imposition on the individual’s life style, is invariably accompanied by emotional warmth and satisfaction that lasts far longer than the deed performed. There is always an increase in the chemical hormone, oxytocin, which not only induces a feeling of well-being, but directly contributes to cardiovascular and other health improvement. Even more, it will always induce genuine psychological leveling with improved trust, bonding and reduction of the emotional distance between all parties. There is in fact, universal agreement that regular kindness at all levels, creates a milieu of peace and respect among all.

          In addition, it is now well established that kindness has a tendency to inspire others to be equally kind, and can in fact, create a ripple effect that often spreads out to others, quite far beyond the original actions. This is based on the long-established principle of reciprocal behavior that any action is likely to reciprocate a similar reaction. But unfortunately, the opposite is also equally potent, where, as is prevalent in this current world, kindness has been replaced by distrust and conflict, and people are inclined to withhold goodwill and love. Without this thread of kindness binding us together, we are doomed to continue the strife and aggression that has presently engulfed the world, and in doing so, lose the respect and dignity that insures a good society.

         In this respect, the world appears to have completely rejected those immortal words of wisdom spoken by Mahatma Gandhi, the great Indian statesman, which spoke directly to the power of kindness:

 “The simplest acts of kindness are far more powerful

than a thousand heads bowed in prayer.”

 -Indeed, in whatever language you choose to speak, or whichever country you find yourself in, the single most universally accepted action that ensures confidence, caring and love among everyone, friend and foe alike, is the universal language of kindness.

 

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - Life Through the Third Eye

 

 “What I’m looking for is not out there, it is in me!”

          This beautiful and highly sensitive observation was made by the incomparably special American author, lecturer and social activist, Helen Keller, in her autobiography, “The Story of my Life.” No one is more qualified than this uniquely gifted woman, who was rendered deaf-blind by a disease before she was 2 years old, and yet, by dint of her courageous personality, her persistence, and the help of a wonderful teacher, she achieved enviable levels of international recognition for the social work she did, and the several books she authored during her lifetime.

         In making the statement, Helen was drawing attention to the tendency that so many people have of believing that only ‘something’ or ‘someone’ out there, possesses the ability to make them happy, or give them the fulfillment they were searching for. She herself recognized this tendency very early on in her life, and steadfastly determined to draw the attention of all who would listen. Throughout her lifetime, she adamantly insisted that both our happiness and confidence came, not by some magic from outside, but rather from looking inside of us, using our own eyes and not anyone else’s.

           Keller lamented the fact that far too many people are living the mistake of chasing after those things they see outside of them, without ever feeling happy or satisfied. They appear to be oblivious to the fact that this action results only in making them feel empty and hollow, rather than being happy and satisfied. It serves only in driving them to search more desperately and become further frustrated, because of the meaninglessness and shallowness of what they ultimately get. She further insisted that had they just taken the time to look into themselves with their third eye, they would find that everything they needed to live a full life, and to fulfill all their hopes and dreams, is already inside of them just waiting to be seen, identified, and then channeled in the right direction.

          During a recent discussion with my cousin and longstanding friend, Elias Chamely, whom I consider to be a rare homegrown philosopher with an interesting philosophy on life based on his own amazingly variegated life-experiences, he raised the issue of our “third eye.” He referred to it as that part of us that looks into our mind to find answers, without ever using the other 2 eyes; which we all possess and use to see everything on the outside. He viewed this third eye as the part of our minds that dealt with our spiritual self, and determines who we are and what our hopes and dreams are founded on. To him, this third eye is what you use to see your true self, the part that harbors your thoughts and images, and your likes and dislikes, and keeps your memories alive and always available for recall. He elaborated that this third eye was not concerned with the color of our eyes, or the sound of our voices, nor is it concerned with perceiving light and dark, or with feeling cold and hot. These are all external physical manifestations that are readily measurable and reproducible, but had nothing to do with our true self.

         In ancient mythology, the third eye, often described as the ‘mind’s eye’ or the ‘invisible eye’, was quite often depicted as a mystical, esoteric gateway that provides entry into the deepest recesses of the individual, the place where the spirit and the soul reside. The ancient Egyptians worshiped the third eye as a way of contacting, interacting and even controlling the higher levels of consciousness or being. Equally, all the established religions, past and present, have acknowledged its importance and significance in bridging the spiritual and the living worlds.  Christianity viewed the third eye as equivalent to the Holy Spirit. Its role is meant to take up the slack, and to guide the individual to making the right decision, when human intuition failed. Hinduism and Buddhism placed a very high regard on the third eye as the source of enlightenment, and many of their gods often show an extra eye in the forehead. It was called the Eye of Consciousness, and people were encouraged to the see the world, not with their eyes, but with their minds. Islam revered the third eye, “Zabeeba,” as being close to the prophet Mohammed, and a sign of sincerity and devoutness.

         Without any doubt, there currently appears to be almost universal agreement to the concept and function of this third eye. Based essentially on the interpretation of Hindu mythology, the concept that the psychic Chakra (third eye) is the mystical center that is concerned with improved perception, spiritual insight, and increased levels of intuition. This approach has received general acceptance and agreement by most people, and adapted to satisfy their own needs. In modern literature for example, the third eye is conceived as an inward-pointing focus of energy that serves to elevate consciousness, increase intuition, self-awareness, and insight. Many mystics have often referred to it as the sixth sense, that acts as a bridge between the spiritual and the conscious worlds. All of which points to the fact that a fully functioning third eye will go a long way in providing a more stable, informed, perceptive and conscious individual, who is able to successfully integrate his spiritual and his conscious needs, as well as his relationships with others. Perhaps this is what this Unknown Author meant to convey when he advised:

“When you start utilizing your third eye to seek truth,

You will learn to see that the divine is within you.”

         The third eye has long been a favorite study by psycho-bioethicists. It is frequently described as a ‘meta organ’ coordinating all the senses with the rest of the mind to create an all-powerful sensory focus. Many point to the partially dormant Pineal Gland found in the exact center of the cranium, between the two cerebral hemispheres, as the true seat that regulates such activities as circadian rhythms, sleep patterns as well as in the manipulation of thought and perceptions. Some have suggested that when fully developed, it can improve the perception and reception of changing patterns of behavior, facilitate connections, and manipulate emotional energies by increasing empathy. All of which will help the individual see and appreciate situations more appropriately and as a result, arrive at better conclusions.

         While there is still a great deal of controversy as to the exact make-up, or position, or even existence of this third eye, there is no doubt that some type of force appears to influence some people to perform at a much higher level. There is a dramatic improvement in the psychological and behavioral responses occurring that can only be explained by some extra force; vision and understanding is clearer, intuition is more focused, perception of even subtle dimensions becomes brighter, as is the ability to see problems and solutions. Although very difficult to demonstrate quantitatively by use of current science, yet when it occurs, no one will deny the qualitative improvement in clairvoyance and clear thinking that so often results. This happens far too often than is likely to occur by chance, suggesting strongly that such a force does exist. The true skeptic will offer many excuses, since it can often be a very difficult exercise to provide an explanation, but there is little doubt the effects will be appreciated by those who have learned to do so.

          Carl Jung, the very highly respected Swiss psychiatrist and founder of the school of analytic psychology, in explaining correct human behavior pointed in the right direction when he observed:

“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. He who looks outside, dreams! He who looks inside, awakes!”

 

-This indeed, is the true nature of the concept of the “third eye.” Whether we accept the explanation by some authorities, that there is an anatomical site that looks inward, or by others, that it is a force originating in the “mind,” is of no consequence. What matters most, is the recognition that there is a  “vision” embedded inside, that will serve to guide and protect the individual, in the same way that the external eyes do.

 

  

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