DAILY SLICES OF LIFE

 Facing the Truth

 

“You will know the truth,

and the truth will set you free.”

                   This very prophetic and and inspiring advice is contained in the Holy Bible in John chapter 8, verse 32. Although it is universally considered to be one of the most important messages delivered to us by Jesus Christ, yet it unfortunately, remains one of the most neglected and avoided by all of mankind. Very few people bother to give it anything but passing acknowledgment in their daily living, even though most of them are aware that being truthful can be their most important salvation not only in the present life, but even more so, long after they have departed.

          Without question, the truth, especially about ourself, is often the hardest thing that anyone of us will ever want to face. We all, with the possible exception of a very few truly endowed people, will not hesitate to do whatever we can to keep from facing the hard truth about ourselves. Our lives seem to flow so much easier, and much more rewarding, when we pretend that we are whom we think we should be, rather than have to face the truth of being who we really are. It is never an easy undertaking to have to accept the truth from others, and then be forced to deal with the weaknesses and the failures that may be exposed. Although we are always happy to acknowledge rewards for what we think we accomplished, and even happier when others acknowledge our successes, but we are much more reluctant to accept being told the truth when we fail. In fact, we seem to spend our lives doing whatever we can trying to disprove the unquestionable fact that the truth is the way things actually are, not the way we think they ought to be, or wished they should be.

              Carl Jung, the eminent Swiss physician, psychiatrist and one of the founders of the school of psycho-analysis very clearly understood the deep-seated nature of this, when he observed:

 “People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.”

 He explained that most people believe that by avoiding facing the truth, or by deliberately distorting or concealing their true identity, they are able to project a more favorable image to others. They do so primarily because of a deep subconscious inability to cope with their insecurities and fears of the consequences of the resulting fallout. To accept the truth implies a willingness to expose one’s own weaknesses and deepest fears to the full glare of scrutiny. This requires a degree of strength and confidence, enough to withstand the criticisms and ridicules of others, and equally, courage to accept the possibility of being wrong, and that our ‘truth’ was in need of correction. Because of this reluctance, it is easy to understand why our responses are so often impulsive and automatic, rather than being considered ones, based on knowledge or intent.

         From the very beginning, the human race has survived and flourished on the basic principle of survival of the fittest, and on having to cope with unrelenting change and competition. This demanded the development of defense mechanisms designed to both protect the individual, while at the same time concealing possible weaknesses and flaws. This resulted in having to learn to project the images of confidence and strength, while denying, as much as possible, any appearance of weakness or of susceptibility. It is not surprising therefore that people generally, will reflexively take whatever action they can to avoid having to face any negative impact on their self-image, and will certainly try to resist any truth that this may make them vulnerable.

          Having to face the truth about oneself being exposed to others therefore, is very difficult under any circumstances for anyone to accept. And even more difficult, for the people who spend all their lives diligently trying to construct ‘false images’ of who they think they should be, in order to shield themselves from the disappointments of failing. To chance losing this and run the risk of losing all the fantasies they spent many years in developing, is something that few of them are able to summon the courage to do. In addition, people being creatures of habit, find it difficult to relinquish their established ideas just because they are told they are not true. Friedrich Nietzsche, the great German philosopher, poet and cultural critic, whose works have exerted very strong influence on Western philosophy, summarized this vey neatly when he observed:

 “People don’t want to hear the truth, because they don’t want their illusions destroyed.”

      Oprah Winfrey, one of America’s most successful female entrepreneurs, TV host, and actress, recognized this fact very early in her career and made full use of it, in building her enviable empire. On many occasions during periods of difficult negotiations, she will often make reference to the power of truth by this observation:

“The thing you fear most has no power.

Your fear of it is what has the power.

Facing the truth really will set you free.”

 Yet, facing the truth is never an easy task to undertake for any one of us, even under the most favorable conditions possible. Most people, after spending much of their lives building or believing in a specific self-image, will insist on maintaining it in order to shield themselves from being judged, humiliated or ridiculed. Even with the best intentions, it is an impossible task to accept the truth, even when it is in clear sight. For them, rather than help them, the real truth only offends them more.

          The undeniable fact is that at a subconscious level, most people, for a variety of reasons, do not or cannot handle the truth about themselves. The immortal words uttered in open court by Colonel Jessop, in the famous court scene in the 1992 cinematic masterpiece by Aaron Sorkin: “A Few Good Men” actually spoke very clearly to all of us, when he challenged us with the statement: 

“You want the truth?

You can’t handle the truth!”

 Nobody wants to be told that their lives have gone wrong because of their own doing or thinking, and no one ever enjoys being criticized and ridiculed for saying “No” when they should be saying “Yes.” And yet even when we do recognize that we are deliberately trying to avoid having to face the truth, it will still take a great deal of effort and soul-searching to persuade ourselves to admit to correcting the action.

         An eye-opening example of people’s reaction on being told the truth occurred in 1995 following the successful overthrow of the Apartheid regime in South Africa by Nelson Mandela. A Truth and Reconciliation Commission under the co-chairmanship of the highly respected Archbishop Desmond Tutu was set up to specifically bring out the truth of all the atrocities that had been committed, with the ultimate hope of healing the nation. After 2 years, more than 15,000 testimonies and over 3,500 pages of published information presented in open court, with access to everyone, the final results produced only moderately positive changes in attitude. At the end, there was a general agreement that the degrees of anger and resentment as well as the hoped-for reconciliation had not substantially improved.  And that although the results were helpful to the health of the new nation, it was not as helpful to the health of the individual victims, especially those who were forced to hear the truth about themselves from others, and to try to defend their actions.

          People are able to find ways hide the horrendous truths about themselves by concealing them behind elaborate walls of excuses which they concoct, and then may quite often believe. They will do anything they can think to keep the truth covered, not only from others, but even from themselves. The recent example of this was seen when Dr. Larry Nassar, a highly respected Team physician for the successful US Olympic gymnastics team who was recently accused and found guilty of abusing more than 300 female gymnasts under his care. He, to the very end, vehemently denied the allegation of deliberate abuse, believing, and defending the fact, that he “considered vaginal penetration was part of his medical treatment.”

          Tragically, this type of behavior is by no means unusual, nor only limited to a few distorted people. In fact, if we are truly honest, in one way or another, any one of us, from time to time, may be guilty of trying to hide something we consider to be true but unacceptable under a blanket of deceit, and then hope that no one will find it. Only a very few are yet to learn the truth of that immortal statement by an unknown author that simply but very correctly notes:

 You can run with a lie, but you can’t hide from the truth.

Sooner or later, it will catch you.”                                                                                       

But even when it does, and we recognize the lies we tell ourselves; we  will still find that facing up to the truth we’ve been avoiding for so long is never an easy task, nor will it ever by itself, be enough to correct the situation.

The world overflows with examples of people giving lip service to the idea of facing the truth, while continuing to reap their rewards from continued deception. One has only to look at activities of so many of the world’s leaders in every aspect of life, whether religion, politics, information, finance, legal or business, to see that in many instances, their ‘truth’ is what suits them, or is most convenient to them. In fact, many people are convinced that this deliberate distortion of truth in order to accommodate personal aims and achievements is the fundamental engine that drives our civilization. As, for that matter, are the activities of so many of us, who find ourselves having to justify actions that are strictly not truthful, but rewarding, nevertheless. This readily brings to mind this popular quote on defining truth by an unknown author:

“There are always three sides to any story:

- Mine, Yours, and the Real Truth.”

And by Buddha:

“There are only three things that cannot be hidden:

 the sun, the moon, and the truth.”

          There is only one way for facing the truth about ourselves and that is to look in a mirror and see our true self reflecting back. This is the surest way to find out who we really are, and to stand firm and proud of the real image that we truly represent. By recognizing the lies we tell ourselves and others, and at the same time finding the courage to admit to them, we will go a long way to healing ourselves, and at the same time, abandon the need to build elaborate defenses to protect us from the truth. But Buddha himself, in his eminent wisdom, warned us of the dangers of doing so without being fully prepared to go all the way, when he warned:

 “There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not starting, and not going all the way.”

 W. Clement Stone, a very successful American businessman, philanthropist and inspirational author, who began his life from a very underprivileged background to attain national prominence, never hesitated to declare his belief in truth as a requisite for success. He would publicly admonish his audience by declaring:

 “Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing, because it’s the right thing to do. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.”

 -The greatest reason for not being able to face our truths is the fears we hold in our hearts and minds that we are somehow unworthy to be who we are. But if we firmly believe in ourselves, and that we are chosen children of God, made in his own image, there can be no reason whatsoever to question ourselves, nor lack the courage to always face the truth.

 

 

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE

 Unlocking your Potential

“The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential; …these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.”

         This wonderful and powerful observation on unlocking one’s personal potential, and achieving personal excellence was made in the 5^th century BCE, by Confucius, one of the greatest and most respected of the ancient Chinese philosophers. His philosophy and teachings have served to greatly influence people’s behavior around the world throughout the ages, and have continued to be influential even in today’s highly competitive societies. He is credited with emphasizing individual and group responsibility, improved social correctness and relationships based on sincerity. He stressed further that all one’s actions, before they can be considered complete, must include kindness, justice and personal excellence. Every person was morally and socially bound to strive for excellence in everything he does, and duty bound to try always to unlock and fulfill his full potential. It not enough to just be better than all others, but rather, one must aim to be the very best he can become.

          Human beings, quite unlike every other member of the animal kingdom, are by nature endowed with innate abilities to make use of their special skills as building blocks to achieve desired goals and successes. How they make use of these unique talents will go a long way to unlocking their full potential, and allowing them to uncover their hidden abilities and strengths, and in so doing, allow them to grow and progress in life. It is this capacity that allows them to make full use of their innate ability to recognize, understand, and manage their own emotional needs and requirements. Without this they will never be able to unlock their true potential, nor will they be able to influence others to achieve more. All the great progress the world has enjoyed was achieved by people endowed with good insights and the ability to fully exploit their potentials. History is replete with their names and their stories and their many successes. They include people from all over the world, and from every walk of life.  And they all seem to exhibit a number of common features that include, sound insight of their needs, a clear goal to aim for, and strong motivation to continue on to completion. This is what Philip Arnold, a respected American public speaker tried to stress, when he observed:

“Your inner potential cannot ever develop without your willingness and conscious participation.”

          For the great majority of mankind however, the quality of life they choose to live appears to be far below this standard. Instead, the behavior that is preferred is one that is based on how they see and define themselves against a background of their past experiences. Rather than defining themselves by a standard founded on their true potential and capabilities, they are content to use past performances as their guide for future direction. This has the ultimate effect of producing a restricted life, dictated by their current ability, without giving any consideration about who they are, and what they were capable of accomplishing. This choice, although relatively convenient and easy to implement, will result in a significant loss in enriching performance and satisfaction. Instead, the only option that ought to be used must be the one that fully involves future potential and capability; -not just who he is, but who he is capable of becoming. This is precisely what Thomas Edison, the great American industrialist and inventor meant, when he advised:

“Don’t let your past define your future.”

         Unfortunately, all but a relative few of us ever make use of the opportunity to take the necessary actions to give ourselves the chance of full expression. The reasons for this reticence are far more related to our own feelings of fear and inadequacies, than with any lack of ability. Each time we allow ourselves to dwell on thoughts that lead us in the wrong direction, we not only avoid making the right ones, but worse, we actually succeed in increasing the negative illusion of our limitation, and consequently enhancing our chances of more failure. Walt Disney, undoubtedly the world’s most successful entertainment entrepreneur, very clearly understood this, as he successfully rose above his fears and inhibitions to make full use of his own potential. He offered this very basic but effective explanation for the successful unlocking of his vast potential:

“We keep moving forward, opening doors, and doing new things because we are curious; -and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”

         But unfortunately, for every person who succeeded in unlocking his potential and fulfilling his desires, there are undoubtedly many others who might have been equally, or better endowed, but who spent their lives desperately searching for, but never succeeding in finding satisfaction. More often than not, they failed, not because of lack of desire or effort, but rather, because they were busy trying to impress others, or to copy them, or alternatively, they persisted in looking in the wrong directions. This deeply embedded sense of insecurity and insatiable need for reassurance is perhaps the greatest weakness in mankind’s psyche. It interferes with his ability to recognize and fully appreciate his true potential, to focus on his own internal compass, or to trust his own judgment. It is no surprise therefore, that most of them give up the quest, and instead, choose the easier route of following others.

         No one can truly appreciate his own potential by looking outside for guidance, nor can anything be achieved by blindly following others. The search will only become meaningful and useful, when the person first makes the effort to understand himself and his abilities, while he identifies his weaknesses and his strengths. This journey can only begin with a conscious awareness of the inner self, and by finding ways to create a connection with his innate potential and the infinite possibilities it offers. Finding this will always trigger an epiphany, and invariably instills the impetus needed to move forward. Armed with a new found confidence he can stop the negative thinking of inadequacy, inability and incompetence, and replace them with understanding, confidence and desire to succeed. These are the entrepreneurs, the leaders, the successful explorers and all the others who together have changed the world.

          But this event rarely comes by chance, nor are they ever passed on from generation to generation. It always begins from deep within the individual’s being, where his spirit resides, and with an ego that will not rest without fulfillment. Rather than accepting mediocrity, it requires honest acknowledgment of one’s needs, an insatiable appetite for improving, and the courage to commit to change. Only by fully and successfully exploiting one’s potential, can there be no intention of accepting failure to be the end, rather than part of the journey, nor will there be courage to confront the doubts, the disappointments or the patience to finish the journey and confront the many obstacles on the way. This I suspect, is what this unknown author tried to convey, quite simply and effectively, when he advised:

 

“To uncover your true potential, you must first find your own limits, and then have the courage to blow past them.”

 

-Indeed, nothing or no one can prevent anyone from truly unlocking and reaching his full potential. The challenge lies in the person to fulfill his potential by identifying his dreams, exerting the necessary determination, character, and skill to find the courage, and then pursuing the course to the end.

 

 

 

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