DAILY SLICES OF LIFE

 

The Lighthouse

-A Father’s Role

 [THIS ESSAY WAS FIRST PUBLISHED SEVERAL YEARS AGO IN MY TRILOGY ON ‘’LIFE IS FOR THE LIVING.’’ IT HAS REMAINED ONE OF MY FAVORITE ESSAYS, IF ONLY BECAUSE IT SERVES TO REMIND ME EACH DAY OF MY SACRED RESPONSIBILITIES AS A FATHER.  .. EAM]

 

“You represent that Lighthouse to me, because no matter how stormy the seas of life became, you were always that pillar, the beacon of light to guide me through the trying times. No matter how rough or dark things may seem, your strength and your unmistakable guiding light brought me to a sound conclusion.”

 These words, written by my son Ted on the occasion of my 75th birthday, touched me more than anything else I heard that night, or since. I can think of nothing that so completely describes the role of a successful father as he performs his sacred duties of guiding his child through the storms of life.

 A lighthouse is a structure placed by the maker to guide and protect its people as they navigate through life’s treacherous and stormy waters. To provide the necessary light and signals, by word, by action and by example to keep them afloat, and to bring them into safe harbors. To be successful, it must stand as a monument for motivation, and be consistent and unwavering in its standards. To be effective, it must remain tall and strong, and must always be able to withstand the pounding of the waves of uncertainty, the onslaught of the rain of new ideas, and the terror of the lightning and thunder of new challenges, all the while, its tireless beacon showing the way without change or interruption.

As I see it, a father’s role is no different and no less sacred than that of a lighthouse. He must first recognize that his children are not his possessions to do as he pleased, but rather, they are his sacred responsibilities that have been entrusted to him for care and guidance. As Khalil Gibran, the Lebanese-American poet so beautifully described:

“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They came through you, but not from you, and though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.”

Like the Lighthouse, a father must be committed to provide the guiding light to help them navigate through the troubled and daunting road to maturity, with fairness and consistency.

          The way each person sees the world depends on the experiences and lessons acquired on their journey through life, and the true role of the father must be, by his words and by his example, to show them the road they must travel. And, like the lighthouse, he must stand firm and resolute to outside influences, never allowing anyone or anything to interfere with this responsibility.

 Nothing is more unsettling than to encounter fathers whose selfish motivations drive them to compete with, rather than guide their child. Or worse still, the irresponsible or absent father whose callous and wanton abandonment of his responsibility makes him worse than an animal. And even more especially, when they try to hide behind such statements as “my father never helped me and I did very well”. For like the lighthouse that must always be present, there can be no excuse for abandonment of his sacred responsibility, even in illness or times of distress.

Like the shining lighthouse, the role of a true father is primarily to be present to provide guidance and direction without control or domination. And in much the same manner, he must provide the necessary tools and opportunities to help the child develop to its full potential. In this regard, I believe that every father who truly cares for the welfare and the value of his child should always keep close to his heart these words that Clarence B. Kellard, the prolific American author, recorded in eloquent simplicity:

“My Father didn’t tell me how to live;
He lived, and let me watch him do it.”

 There is an indescribable honor and pride in the heart and mind of every father who is blessed with children in whom he is able to reap the reward of his efforts. No amount of material wealth, or personal possessions can match the feeling of a proud father; ….or for that matter, replace the desolation and disappointment of children who have become disenchanted by parents who fail them.

And, like all the successful lighthouses currently functioning, there has to be constant attention paid to maintaining them at the highest levels of performance, and an equally determined willingness to adapt and adjust to the prevailing changes. A father’s biggest mistake is to continue to take his current position for granted, and not recognize that as circumstances change, so do the needs and the expectations. He needs to know every day, that to be worthy of the respect of his children, will demand constant vigilance and flexibility.

For myself, I often recall a prayer written by an unknown author to constantly remind me of this noble responsibility, and I strongly recommend it to all true fathers:

 One night a father overheard his son pray:
“Dear God, make me the kind of man my dad is.”

Later that night, the father prayed:
“Dear God, make me the kind of man my son wants me to be.”

 

 

<      >

 

KINDLY PASS THIS ESSAY ON TO ALL THE FATHERS AMONG YOUR FRIENDS AND CONTACTS.