BEING TRUE

“This above all: to thine own self be true

And it must follow, as the night, the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

This insightful quotation is taken from Act 1, Scene 3 of William Shakespeare’s most popular masterpiece, The Tragedy of Hamlet, written around 1600 AD. In a few simple lines, he succeeded in drawing attention to the fundamental responsibility we all have to ourselves and our relationships with others. In clear and unequivocal terms he drew attention to this simple truth, that unless we are first true to ourselves, we cannot possibly be true to any one else.

 Although this, on face value, sounds quite simple to execute, it is and has always been, a most difficult undertaking to initiate and maintain by most of us. Especially in these modern times, where everything we do seems to revolve around artificial standards that bear no resemblance to reality, and where a person’s value is based more on notoriety achieved and actions completed, rather than on a life of truth and honesty. As a result, being true to oneself has become much more difficult to achieve than ever before; and it appears that society is quite willing to live with this. 

To remain “true” demands constantly applying honesty and self-criticism to one’s life, irrespective of how the results may impact the person. It also recognizes that to be true does not require that one must always say nice things to people, but it does require always saying the right things to them. And equally, it requires being sure enough to accept the truth about oneself, irrespective of whether this might be acceptable or not. Only when all these components are operating, can the person be honest and truthful and fulfill the role worthy of him.

Children growing up in a strong, supportive and encouraging family environment are far better equipped to deal with the world around. They are much more capable of standing up to the negative influences, the bad examples and threatening environment which are constantly working to undermine their every effort. But on the other hand, the child exposed to unhappy and dysfunctional influences within the family milieu, where its life is dominated by fear, distrust and disharmony, will grow up with a severely distorted self-image and a volatile, unpredictable personality. In fact, much of the final make-up of the adult can be directly attributed to the early external influences and how the child is able the assimilate them. As the great American philosopher, poet, author and leading transcendentalist, Ralph Waldo Emerson more than a century ago, so correctly noted:

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is truly your greatest accomplishment.”

When we are able to express genuine self-esteem, we are in fact being above all “to thine own self be true.”  But being truthful to one self can in fact be paradoxical; for while this is the greatest form of love to others, we can only do so if we accept ourselves with all our imperfections, and avoid the need to hide them from others. By accepting our weaknesses, and by resisting the urge to hide them behind a false screen of our making, we are able to be ourselves and move forward with confidence. This indeed, is the only way that we can truly become who we really are. As the great ancient Chinese master, Lao Tzu, so effectively noted:

“When I let go of what I am,

 I become what I might be."

Nathaniel Hawthorne, the well respected, American novelist and author of the classic American standard, “The Scarlett Letter” quite effectively described this conflict of identity in his book, when he recorded:

“No man for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.”

-This is indeed the only way to avoid the crisis of self that invariably develops when we fail to be true to ourselves.

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