GETTING THE MOST OF LIFE

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass;

… It’s about learning to dance in the rain."

        

One of the greatest myths in life is the belief that when you were born you were entitled to all the amenities of living that your heart may desire. But this myth is as far from the truth as you can ever get. Nobody ever promised or offered anything to you other than life itself, and the most anyone can do for you, is to show you the road to travel on. Whether your journey succeeds or not, is left entirely up to you and your resources.

The above quotation is by Vivien Greene, the wife of the distinguished English author and novelist Graham Greene, considered to be among the greatest writers of the 20^thcentury. She was herself, an accomplished poet in her own right, publishing several favorably received books of poetry. This quotation speaks clearly and precisely to the fact that you cannot assume that you are entitled to anything more than what was provided to you, and that you must learn to get the best out of life by making the most of what you have.

Life undoubtedly, is our most precious possession. It is the only one we will ever have on this earth, and it would be a shame to waste it by either choosing to chase another person’s dreams, or by just sitting around and waiting for our sun to shine. Either of these approaches are destined to fail, and we are inevitably left, like so many are, disillusioned and disappointed, unfulfilled and unhappy, bitter and angry and above all, cheated of our promise of a life of fulfillment.

Far too often we find ourselves trapped in a vicious cycle of believing that we can only get to be our best by learning from, and trying to follow others. Instead of getting to know who we are, and making the most of the abilities we possess, we prefer to follow what others are doing, and spend the rest of our lives in hopeless pursuit of somebody else’s dreams. As the quotation suggests, life does not wait for us to find the right time, but it continues on without regard to prevailing conditions. It is up to us to learn to adapt to our situation and live to the best we can, or refuse to do so, and suffer the resulting disappointments and consequences.

Like so many other people, I believe that life is not an accident of nature but a deliberate gift from the Almighty given to us to be used to its fullest. It is not meant to be wasted in useless expectations, nor in the unrealistic pursuit of other people’s dreams. It is instead, to be used by the individual as it was meant to be used, for as long as time allows. Though the real purpose of our living on earth will never be fully understood, nevertheless it is left up to each individual to determine, as best as he could, the meaning of his own life and to make full use of this knowledge. This clearly means that in order to obtain the most of one’s life, one must take control early and not allow negative experiences or other people’s actions determine the direction. This can only be achieved if we seek out our own goals and dreams, and then go after them ourselves.

We all came into this world under similar conditions. When we were born there was a clean slate and a whole world ahead of us. But unfortunately this picture became distorted almost immediately when we came in contact with the many and varied influences which then affected our future, for better or worse. Some of us were blessed to be born into a stable, loving home and were given every opportunity to grow and develop to our fullest potential. While others, through no fault of their own, were exposed to a disruptive and unstable milieu and as a result suffered major deficiencies in their developing personalities. The first group, with the better influences, will likely stand a better chance of making use of the opportunities available than the latter group, already burdened by the weight of its negative experiences. And yet in both cases, there will still be no guaruntee of success without the continued, specific, direct, deliberate involvement of others around them.

Even after all this, a great deal is still dependent on how the circumstances and opportunities available to each individual are utilized. This is yet another example of “carpe diem” that nature is so fond of offering; that of trying to make the best of the opportunities available to obtain the most out of life. Clearly, greater success depends on the more effective searching out and making full use of the opportunities available, together with the desire and willingness to do so. To me, this indeed is the fundamental difference between those who succeed and those who do not. For in any given situation, it matters less to us what the circumstances were at the time, and more, on how well they are handled by us. This indeed is the advice given by St. Paul in his letter to the Ephesians, Chapter 5, verses 15 and 16:

“Be careful then how you live, not as unwise people but as wise; making the most of the time, because the days are evil.”

The world has always been a very complex, demanding and difficult environment for its inhabitants, and happiness or even survival is not ever guaranteed. Each inhabitant must find the best and most efficient way to survive adequately by taking from it what he is capable of using. Nothing comes automatically and there are no entitlements, but much is possible provided one is willing to identify one’s dreams and wishes, and is prepared to accept the hardships and the frustrations that may come along. There is no way of predicting the outcome until it arrives. There is no guarantee that all the effort will succeed, and by the same token, nothing will be achieved from copying others. Some people are able to make the most of their lives no matter the situation that they find themselves in, while others equally disposed, cannot seem to deal with the easiest of situations. The difference rests not on the circumstances, but on the individual. The former will grasp every the opportunity offered to the fullest, while the latter, for a multitude of reasons, will fail to seize even the simplest of them.

But in principle this need not be so, for it is possible for everyone to make their lives much more meaningful and rewarding. It requires first, recognition of one’s weaknesses and then taking steps to correct them. Equally, it requires accepting the reality of the circumstances existing and then using this knowledge as a springboard to make changes that will go a long way to get to the quality of life desired. Further, it demands living for today only, and avoiding dwelling on the past or lingering in the future to avoid failure and to ensure stability. And it requires actively tackling the obstacles and the fears that surround the current issues, and not wasting time wishing they were not there. Above all, knowing and accepting who you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses, and avoiding trying to be someone else, will instill the confidence and security in you to take the necessary risks and not be afraid of failure but in fact, use them as lessons to be better.

In the end, you will only succeed to get the most out of your life when you grab the opportunities offered rather than wait for something better to come along. Nature is not designed to be flexible or to accommodate the special needs of anyone, or any alternative. It rests entirely in the hands of each individual to get the most they can out of their life by choosing to live the best way they can. In this context I am reminded of an ancient poem by the Classical Sanskrit author, Kalidasa, written in the 4^th century CE, which remains as current and as relevant now as it was in his time:

“Look to this day, for yesterday is only a dream,
and tomorrow is only a vision.

But today well-lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day.”

--Life will be so much more meaningful if we can all heed this advice and spend all our time taking care of our garden, and avoid looking at our neighbor’s garden!

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GIVING THANKS

“In every thing give thanks:

for this is the will of God,

in Christ Jesus, concerning you.”

         We have all grown up being constantly reminded by our parents, our teachers and our friends of these very meaningful words of advice originally given by St. Paul in Chapter 5:18 of his first letter to the people of the city of Sardonica (Tessalonica), the capital of Macedonia. But how many of us have taken the time or made the effort to do so for the countless situations when we should be truly giving thanks for the sincerity and the efforts of others. How many of us have stopped what we are doing or thinking, to show appreciation for what others have done for, or said to us, especially at those times when we most needed their help, and to express our gratitude for what was done or said to us. The answer to all of these questions for all of us is a resounding “Not enough of us!”

         As we approach Thanksgiving Day, a day that was especially set aside in North America to remind us of this responsibility since the early days of the Puritans more than 6 centuries ago, recent events that had befallen my nephew have once again reminded me (as if I needed to be reminded), of the truth in those words;

“IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS.”

 I would be neglecting my sacred responsibilities if I did not join the rest of my family in expressing our sincere appreciation and gratitude to every one who so kindly assisted in his recovery.

We should take time to offer our sincerest gratitude to the treating physicians and surgeons, who’s relentlessly dedicated and committed efforts secured what could easily have been a disastrous outcome, into one of hope and joy. And the dedicated ICU nursing and ancillary staff whose tireless efforts and determined attention kept strict control on his unpredictable and volatile condition. We tend to take these people for granted and assume that because they are fully trained then what they do is just routine and simple. But this is so much far from the truth, and I know this from my decades as an active physician who I spent my full share in ICUs and other hospital floors. They deserve much more attention than we give them and certainly more gratitude for their work than they receive.

But there are so many others whose caring and support go a long way to making this very difficult and testing period a little bit easier. A few of these readily come to mind, not because they were critically involved in treating, but rather in simply providing a helping hand when it was needed. You can see it happening all the time and the resulting effects are immeasurable. Actions like the parking attendant who pauses to retrieve a wheelchair from the trunk of a car then patiently helped a disabled patient out of the car and into it. Then asking him if he needed anything else! And the security guard who took time from his duties to pray with a distraught family member and offer some encouragement. Or the kind gentleman who took time from his own appointment to help a confused couple to find the right floor before returning to his appointment. It is these and all the countless acts that take place every minute of every day, however unsolicited, that deserve to be rewarded but go unnoticed. Perhaps this is why the great German theologian and Philosopher, Meister Eckhart, who lived in the 13^th century, so eloquently advised:

“If the only prayer you said in your whole life was: "Thank you," -that would suffice.”                

But expressing gratitude is much more than just saying thank you to some one who has helped you. To be truly effective, it must arise from the deepest level of your heart and must carry a genuine sense of appreciation and thankfulness, strong enough to remain indelibly imprinted. As a physician, I have witnessed this so often in people who have recovered from very serious, life threatening illnesses. It is as if the event has jolted them into the realization that there but for the intervention of others, they would have ended disastrously. Under these circumstances it was never difficult to feel the sincerity that emanated. But unfortunately, rather than learn from the experience, many quickly revert to their former selves after the period has passed.

This however, should not be the case for any one of us. Man was never designed to exist alone, but to share and interact with others. And to do so effectively, requires that we must help one another and accept help from one another. But this should never imply that all should be taken for granted but rather that we take the time to acknowledge and appreciate one another, and be always ready to extend our help under any circumstances. We therefore must be aware of this responsibility in everything we do, remember to be appreciative of others who share our space and above all, learn to live by them. Perhaps when we achieve this level of behavior, we will appreciate the wisdom of these words by John F. Kennedy, the 35^th President of the United States:

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that

the highest appreciation is not to utter the words, but to live by them.”

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THE LIGHTHOUSE - A Father’s Role

“You represent that Lighthouse to me, because no matter how stormy the seas of life became, you were always that pillar, the beacon of light to guide me through the trying times. No matter how rough or dark things may seem, your strength and your unmistakable guiding light brought me to a sound conclusion.”

These words, written by my son Ted on the occasion of my 75th birthday, touched me more than anything else I heard that night, or since. I can think of nothing that so completely describes the role of a successful father, and distills his responsibilities as he performs his sacred duties of guiding his child through the stormy seas of life.

A lighthouse is a structure placed by the maker to guide and protect its people as they navigate through life’s stormy and treacherous waters, and to provide the necessary light and signals by word, by action and by example to bring them into safe harbors. To be successful, the lighthouse must stand as a constant and reliable source of strength, be a monument to motivation and inspiration, and be consistent, persistent and unwavering in its standards. To be effective, it must remain tall and strong against bad influences, and must be able to withstand the pounding of the waves of criticism, the onslaught of hate and prejudices, the terrors of life and the thunder of enemies, all the while its tireless beacon showing the way consistently without change or interruption.

As I see it, a father’s role is no different, and no less sacred than that of the lighthouse. He must first recognize that his children are precious and sacred responsibilities merely entrusted to him for care and guidance, as Khalil Gibran, the great Lebanese-American poet and philosopher so beautifully described:

“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. 

They came through you, but not from you, and
though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.”

Like the Lighthouse, the father’s role is to be committed to provide the guiding light to help them navigate through the troubled and daunting road to maturity with fairness and consistency, but never to own or to possess.

The way each person sees the world depends on the experiences and lessons acquired on his journey through life and the guidance he receives as he travels along. And with the lighthouse present, success or failure is directly related to the strength of its omnipresent structure and its guiding light shining over every character and every action, providing warning and giving direction. This is the true role of the father and one which, to be effective must be undertaken with intense determination and care.

As I see it, the role of a true father is being present to offer guidance and direction without control or domination, while providing the necessary learning, tools and opportunities to help the child develop to its full potential. Clarence B. Kellard, the prolific American author brilliantly described this responsibility in one of his essays in such eloquent simplicity:

“My Father didn’t tell me how to live;
He lived, and let me watch him do it.”

Nothing is more unsettling than to encounter fathers whose selfish motivation drive them to compete with, rather than guide their child. Or worse still, the absent father whose callous, wanton abandonment of his responsibility makes him worse than an animal. They all hide behind such statements as “my father never helped me and I did very well on my own”. This is very unfortunate and to my mind, very unacceptable. There can be no excuse for abandonment of this sacred responsibility except in illness or death. Even when, for whatever reason the parents separate, there can be no excuse for the Father to relinquish his sacred role of guiding his children.

There is inevitably a feeling of an indescribable honor and pride in every father who is blessed with children in whom he is able to reap the reward of his efforts. No amount of material wealth or personal possessions or fame or fortune can match the feeling of a proud father savoring the successes of his children; or for that matter, replace the desolation and disappointment of disenchanted children on their failed father.

 But like all very successful lighthouses, there has to be constant attention paid to maintaining the highest levels of performance and a willingness to adapt and adjust to the prevailing changes. A father’s biggest mistake is to continue to take things for granted and not recognize that as the prevailing circumstances change, so do needs and expectations. He needs to know every day that to be worthy of the respect of his children, demands eternal vigilance and flexibility.

For myself, I often recall a prayer written by an unknown author to constantly remind me of this noble responsibility. I strongly recommend it to all true fathers: 

 One night a father overheard his son pray:
“Dear God, make me the kind of man my Dad is.”

 Later that night, the father prayed:

 “Dear God, make me the kind of man my son wants

  me to be.”

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SEARCHING FOR SUCCESS

“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself. Do not go out and look for a successful person and duplicate him.”

These dramatic and decisive words of advice were recorded by Professor Stephen Hawking, the world renowned, British theoretical physicist, whose work on quantum physics and general relativity has revolutionized scientific thinking. There are very few people in the world who can claim the right to declare themselves as successful in what they set out to accomplish as this great man. He is an unusually gifted man who has achieved the very highest pinnacles of professional and personal success despite being a severe victim of ALS which appeared at age 21 years and still an undergraduate student at Cambridge University. The disease has rendered him severely debilitated physically, and confined permanently to a wheelchair; He is only able to communicate with the help of a sophisticated computer and the movement of a single muscle in the face.

The quotation itself has always impressed me as one of the most effective pieces of advice that can ever be given to anyone who is searching for success. It is the one that I have passed on to each of my children and continue to remind them of its validity whenever the opportunity arises. In just a few well chosen words he was able to distill the most critical features required to be successful. Not only must you harness your own self and your own abilities but you must avoid trying to copy other people’s successes.

 Far too often, we find ourselves caught up believing the current popular view that the term “success” relates only to those people who have achieved personal or material dominance, and whose names and achievements appear constantly before us. But while many of these people deserve full recognition for the successes they achieved, one must never, ever lose sight of the fact that equally gratifying successes can be achieved in any of the mundane, non-materialistic and humanistic aspects of our day-to-day living as well.

Success, to be truly complete, should always be viewed as a multi-faceted, complex phenomenon that is not dependent solely on wealth, fame or stature, but must include personal satisfaction.  It is also important to recognize that one person’s concept of success does not necessarily apply to, nor match, another person's concept, and as such, they cannot be compared side by side. In truth, success is a totally individual phenomenon that cannot be copied, duplicated or categorized.  This is what Professor Hawking was alluding to in the above quotation.  It is so important that each person must discover what success means to them individually, and then devote their time and effort in achieving it and not merely copying another person’s efforts or results.

     

     Unfortunately, there is  a general tendency in most developed societies to essentially focus on those ‘successful’ people who have achieved public attention and notoriety, such as those in sport and in the entertainment media, and those who are financially successful. To some extent this may be because they are all better able to make full use of the opportunity to project their achievements to the public and they do so without hesitation. But however much these people deserve the recognition and the accolades, let us never believe that true success belongs only to these few.

         Every person who has chosen his road to success and who has set out on the journey and has achieved the results he sought is undoubtedly a success. For in order for him to have achieved his goal, he would, like all successful people, have had to harness his inner desires, expend his energies, confront his failures and move beyond his comfort zone. It can never be achieved by riding on the back of another.

Further, success is always very individual and cannot be quantified. To my mind, the success attained by Warren Buffett or Jeff Bezos in building their wonderful business empires, as brilliant, magical and mind-boggling as they may be, is not qualitatively different from that of the small neighborhood pizza shop owner who started his business with an idea and a shoe-string in the hope of obtaining a better life for his family. Or for that matter, is there any fundamental difference between the joy and success experienced between Usain Bolt winner of the 100 meter Olympic sprint gold medal, and the young man who triumphed in the 100 meters sprint finals at the World Special Olympics held in the same venue, shortly after.

        

True Success indeed, must never ever be gauged by the response of the people around. It can only be truly seen in the eyes of the beholder. It has nothing to do with trying to build a bigger ego, and even less in trying to impress more people. This type of success is artificial and egotistic. It has everything to do with the deep-seated desire of the individual to achieve the goal he set for himself, however small or large that may be, and ultimately to achieve satisfaction and the happiness that follows. This to me is the real meaning of success, and as far as I am concerned, anything other than this is inappropriate.  

One of America’s greatest and most respected poets, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, placed the true concept of genuine success in the following context:

“The talent of success is nothing more than doing what you can do, well. And doing well whatever you do, without thought of fame. If it comes at all, it will come because it is deserved, not because sought after.”

It is of note that the he did not stress the need to satisfy public expectation or personal gain but rather it is to be deserved by individual effort.  

The people, who have achieved success, as is to be expected, cover widely varying fields of human endeavor. The following list is small and merely representative of the enormous numbers of people who have sought and achieved success:

 Vince Lombardi, a highly respected leader and one of the most successful professional coaches in NFL history. He is recognized as a national symbol for his determined efforts to succeed in every endeavor he undertook. He was convinced that the price of success was always hard work, as he stated repeatedly:

“The price of success is hard work, dedication to the job at hand and the determination that whether we win or lose, we have applied the best of ourselves to the task.”

Warren Buffett, one of the wealthiest men in the world, with a personal worth in excess of 70 billion dollars, accumulated over a span of less than 5 decades, is universally recognized as a very shrewd, successful and honest investor. To him, success came from dedicating himself to a purpose greater than just satisfying his own well-being, and from choosing only to work at something that he loved.

Jeffrey Bezos, a brilliant student who gave up a promising career in finance in New York to chase a dream of starting a bookselling business on the internet. With his wife and a few friends, he started his business in the garage of his home with three computers. He was instantly successful. Within 30 days, he was receiving orders from all over the US as well as from 45 foreign countries. Over the succeeding 10 years, the enterprise grew to become the largest, most diverse and most international retailer in the world. Throughout this period, Bezos has continued to push into new and imaginative fields, unfazed by his enormous record. When asked for the reason for his success, his reply was concise:

“You do it because you have something meaningful that motivates you.”

Sir Edmund Hillary, the world famous New Zealand mountaineer, explorer and philanthropist who together with Tenzing Norgay, his Nepalese Sherpa, succeeded to become the first humans to ever reach the summit of Mount Everest on May 29, 1953. He was greeted with world-wide acclaim for the first successful completion of a feat that had eluded countless hundreds of other equally experienced climbers and had taken many lives in the attempts. When asked to explain how this was achieved, he replied simply:

“People do not decide to become extraordinary.

They decide to accomplish extraordinary things.”

Lance Armstrong, the American-born former professional road racing cyclist who won the prestigious Tour de France on seven consecutive occasions between 1999 and 2005. But as successful as these achievements have been, they are far overshadowed by the decision he made in 1996 at age 25 to aggressively battle his recently diagnosed: Testicular Cancer with metastatic spread to Lungs, Abdomen and Brain. Even though he was warned by his physicians and others that both his riding career and his life was in serious jeopardy, his indomitable belief in himself carried him during the 12 months of intensive surgery, chemotherapy and radiation to achieve ultimate success. This spirit continued to serve to catapult him to the highest pinnacles of success in his chosen field of competitive cycling.  

         

These are but a few examples of the countless numbers of successful people that have crossed my path in my life time. No doubt every single person will readily have their own lists that have equally affected them. The names may be different, the stories will also be different, but in each one of them the message remains the same. A message that was so beautifully incorporated in Lance Armstrong’s personal motto of:

“Looking at every obstacle as an opportunity,

 Always working as hard as you can, and

 never believing that anything is impossible.”

         But in the end, when it is all said and done, perhaps Ralph Waldo Emerson, the great American essayist, lecturer, poet and philosopher who lived during most of the nineteenth century, deserves to have the last word after recording the following observation:

“To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to leave the world a better place, to know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

This to me is the finest description of the successful man I have encountered, irrespective of time, person, place or nationality, and one which we will all do well to emulate.

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WILLY, THE VAGRANT A story of honor, commitment and abandonment.

The Forgotten Veterans           

The radio announcer on WUSF, 89.7FM, in Tampa, Florida, was solemn as he spoke:

“This is a breaking news item. A man is standing on a ledge off the Skyway Bridge on the south bound span preparing to jump into the deep blue waters of Tampa Bay more than 150 ft below. There are at least two Highway patrol troopers and a number of on-lookers on the scene. We will keep you informed as news come in.”

This was no surprise to me, or for that matter anyone who has lived in Tampa. Since its official opening in 1987, this beautiful, majestic piece of engineering spanning more than four miles across the bay, suspended by massive steel cables, has gained the unenviable reputation as the Suicide Bridge of America. Since its formal opening there have been more than two hundred successful attempts and at least fifty more individuals who lived to tell their story. This does not include the hundreds of others, male and female, who were persuaded to change their minds, as well as the many more incidents that have gone unrecorded.

I was on my way to Ybor City to meet with my friend and colleague Robert, for our regular weekly beer, sandwich and cigar meeting. We have been meeting every single Wednesday for the past three years, hot, cold, dry or wet. We would try to get to the famous TBBC Restaurant on East 8^th Street at 1pm, order a glass of Old Elephant Foot IPA, a Corned Beef Reuben for Robert and their famous Beer Battered Buffalo Chicken for myself and then finish off the afternoon with a Churchill Maduro Select each.

      The announcer at WUSF broke in again to report that from the information received, the man on the Skyway Bridge appeared to be a vagrant and kept referring to a “Dr. Mike” from the VA hospital, suggesting he might be a veteran in trouble. This immediately piqued my interest. For ever since my time in the army where as a young attorney with a psychology background I spent less time fighting on the front lines, and more on dealing with the psychological fallout on those young men and women who had gone to the front lines. Since then I have become more and more involved, and have devoted much of my spare time, energy and knowledge to helping my brothers and sisters. This was particularly so in respect of those suffering with that scourge of modern warfare commonly called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Without a second thought I knew what I must do. I was traveling on Kennedy drive and immediately changed direction towards 275 South heading to the Skyway. I called Robert on my Bluetooth and explained what I planned to do, he understood and he agreed. Our regular meeting was off. Once I got on the 275, I headed south over the Courtney Campbell Bridge and shortly after, the breathtaking view of the Skyway rising into the cloudless sky came into view. As I drove along toward the bridge I could see in the distance, a large commotion. There were at least two ambulances, an assortment of law enforcement vehicles and more than twenty cars, trucks and motorcycles with at least one hundred people milling around. At about one hundred yards from the center of activities it was obvious that I could go no further, so I pulled off onto the shoulder, got out of the car and started to walk forward. As I got closer to the site, I could sense the excitement in the gathered crowd of onlookers. It was clearly a very serious situation.

      There were several troopers standing close to the barrier and at least one of them who appeared to be a negotiator, was talking to the young man. He was a tall, thin athletic looking man in his mid-thirties with long, scruffy blond hair tied in a pony tail and an ungroomed beard clearly in need of a thorough shampoo and wash. His clothes were well fitting but obviously heavily used and in need of replacement or at least washing. He stood proud on the ledge of the bridge like a captain surveying the scene. His eyes were wide open, showing a clear set of blue corneas. Despite all the commotion around him, they appeared to be focused on the far horizon, completely oblivious of his immediate environment. He was a man on a mission.

      When I got closer, I realized this young man was no stranger to me. I recognized him as William Brady whom I first met three years ago on the streets of Tampa where I worked as a volunteer with Volunteers of America of Florida. I got to know him quite well over a period of more than a year before he left the area to go to South Florida. He was Brother Willy to me and we spent many hours together as he suffered repeated episodes of traumatic recollections, his fears, his anxieties and above all, his social rejections.

               Willy was born to a close-knit family in Kansas. His father is a retired Engineer and his mother was a teacher. He was a very active student who excelled in sports, especially long distance running, and was a straight-A student who was a biology whiz. He obtained a full scholarship to attend college where he studied Biology, obtaining his bachelor’s degree cum laude. Upon completion he elected to follow his mother’s vocation and take up teaching. Subsequently he applied and was accepted to teach Biology and Genetics in a high school in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. He quickly became a sensation; not only with regard to his competence, but in the way he was able to motivate his students to achieve more. He soon took over all the AP Biology classes and they became much sought after. He also became involved in athletic activities especially in respect of marathon and cross-country running and developed quite a successful program. Willy was a happy man, doing what he enjoyed, and gained the respect of his peers and his students for his efforts. He was even beginning to entertain the possibility of going further in education, applying for post-graduate studies and even thinking of proceeding into a college academic career.

               Everything changed dramatically on March 19, 2003, when President George W. Bush gave the order to invade Iraq. Willy, having spent all of his high school and university years as an active member of the ROTC felt it was his duty to obey the order of his commander-in-chief. He promptly enlisted and very shortly after, found himself undergoing training in an Army Base in Tampa. By June he was on his way to Iraq as an Infantry man, by way of a forward base in Kuwait. His unit received orders to move out in early July, 2003 and on July 17, 2003, on his mother’s birthday, he boarded a Humvee and proceeded in a convoy northward to Baghdad. They had traveled several days in Iraq without encountering any kind of resistance. They were relaxed and generally felt that it was all over, that the “shock and awe” plan had really worked and that their tour will be a “piece of cake”.

 Then it happened, their Humvee drove over an IED and blew up! The driver and four of the soldiers died on the spot and every one of the others were seriously injured. Willy suffered a severe concussion and remained in coma for 72 hours before slowly regaining consciousness. He was repatriated to USA and remained in the Miami VA hospital for nearly two months before being subsequently discharged in November, 2003. He was declared fully recovered from his physical injuries but unfortunately continued to suffer from a severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

     

His problems were just beginning. He had lost all his people skills and could not tolerate any kind of stress without developing recurrent acute anxiety symptoms. He tried to resume his teaching career, but quickly realized that his memory gaps and lack of patience made it impossible to continue. In fact he was incapable of holding even the simplest service jobs without sooner or later getting in trouble. He gradually drifted down the social scale and as expected, all his friends and associates drifted away. He eventually ended up doing whatever he could, even panhandling or selling newspapers at street corners to try to survive.  In the last few years he became a confirmed vagrant living as best as he can. He had officially joined the sixty to seventy thousand veterans who were homeless on the streets of America on any given night, a number greater than the number of service personnel who died during all the wars since World War 11. They were virtually abandoned by the society for which they had fought to safeguard.

He moved from city to city, lived in alley ways or in empty boxes or electrical rooms and foraged at the back of groceries or restaurants for leftovers. Sometimes a few kind people will try to extend a helpful hand, but most of the time people generally avoided him and some will go out of their way to remove their children from his vicinity. I presume this is the reason why he only stayed in any place a short while before moving on. He was never able to develop any lasting relationships or even casual friends. Even the local police, some of whom were themselves recently discharged veterans, showed little tolerance and often tended to harass them and encourage them to move on, -mainly to appease the upset citizens and angry parents.

 For someone like him, who cared so much for the welfare of children, this was the unkindest cut of all. Not only was he unable to do what he loved best, but he was being actively treated like an outcast in his own community, by his own people.

The VA was not very helpful but this was not for want of trying. I suspect the main reason is the serious overload on the limited resources available. Dr. Mike Jacobs, his present psychologist, had been trying, as best he can, to help him, but unfortunately, the heavy workload and limited time available rendered his efforts impotent. It would seem that congress has no hesitation in authorizing billions of dollars for more airplanes and military equipment that were essentially unnecessary or in some cases obsolete, but at the same time determined to hold down or even cut back on essential commitments to the overall care of these people whose only sin is that they served and sacrificed for their country.

 Unfortunately, as a society, we are much more inclined to sweep these problems under the carpet and hope that they go away, or leave it to others to solve, while we continue to enjoy all the good things that America provides. If we are truly honest, most of us will admit that we would rather spend time chasing the latest exploits of Lady Gaga or Madonna, Kanye and Kim, Wade and LeBron rather than be bothered by “Willy, the Vagrant.”

-What a crying shame on all of us!

I finally reached close enough to make eye contact with Willy, and as I yelled at the top of my voice: “Hold on Brother Willy, I want to talk with you”, I am sure he moved his lip as if to say “goodbye”, as he dived headlong in obscurity.

 I paused for a while then dropped on my knees, lamenting the tragic loss of yet another good young man with such great potential. I could only think of the words my friend Robert, speaking for all of us sometime ago when we discussed this topic at one of our lunch meetings. With a deep sigh of resignation he said: 

“Isn’t it ironic that George Bush, and Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz and all those other politicians can continue with their lives, living happily and doing very well if you please, while these young men and women, and so many others like them with so much to offer, are consigned to the rubbish heap of society with no chance of return”

To which I replied:  AMEN!

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FINDING HAPPINESS

“People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.”

The above quotation by the well-respected and very successful author and inspirational speaker, H. Jackson Brown, Jr. speaks to the fundamentally complex nature of the human expression of happiness, and our continued inability to fully understand it.

The main difficulty in the understanding is that happiness, like all of our basic emotional expressions, cannot be defined or quantified, and at best, can only be recognized by its effects on the individual. And even these effects may vary quite substantially from person to person depending on the underlying personality, previous experiences and prevailing circumstances. In addition, to be effective, the expression of happiness must also include other components such as fulfillment, hope, and satisfaction in good amounts. But when it is successful, it invariably gives rise to feelings of contentment and joy in the individual and a desire to continue on the same path.

The great American novelist Nathaniel Hawthorne once noted very eloquently, the following observation:

"Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, it may alight upon you."

It is this sense of confidence in oneself and in one’s choices that dictate the predictability of happiness, as is the expectation that the rewards will always come in the form of fulfilled dreams, joy and desires. It is having the confidence to believe that it will always be there if one persists in the endeavor. It is indeed the singular force that encourages you to stay on your road and not waver under difficult circumstances. This will only happen however, if we are patient enough to allow happiness to take hold.

Unfortunately, for a large number of people, especially those caught in this consumer-oriented society with its raging currents of modern civilization and its determined undercurrents of selfishness and competition, happiness equates to the next acquisition, the next conquest or the next compliment. But these material objects serve only to enhance a false sense satisfaction, like a coat of cheap paint that quickly fades. They do not, nor can they ever be compared with the deep sense of joy and satisfaction emanating from the depth of your soul for sharing yourself with others.

 Bill Gates recently resoundingly reaffirmed this feeling in an address directed to all the college graduates of 2017 when he described his own measure of happiness in the following terms:

“I measure my happiness by whether people close to me are happy and love me, and by the difference I make in other people’s lives.” 

-There was no mention of his enviably immense reputation, the highly successful companies he built, the mansions he owned, or the billions of dollars he is worth; only of the difference he made on other people’s lives. This indeed is a true hallmark of happiness and one that will endear him for as long as he is alive and well beyond this.

Unfortunately however, in our determined haste to find some kind of happiness, many of us have sacrificed its true meaning on the altar of personal convenience. No longer do we seem to recognize that, while the emotion of happiness is itself fleeting, its effect on us is as lasting as the depth of meaning we attach to it. How can one ever compare the happiness shown on the radiant, smiling face of St. Teresa of Kolkata as she ministered to the most destitute and rejected inhabitants of India’s pavements, with the grinning, gloating image of Donald J. Trump after his success at the recent presidential elections? Or for that matter, is there any comparison between the joy and pride experienced by a teacher receiving recognition from her school board, and that of the current popular woman on television receiving   loud applause for exposing her body and her morals? The answers to both these are loud and clear!

In the end, living the truly happy life and pursuing happiness is not, as so many people try to insist, a matter of luck, circumstances or shrewd opportunity. It is more correctly related to one’s attitude, intention and willingness to make the effort and take the appropriate steps in their lives to achieve happiness. As Earnest Hemingway, the controversial American author, journalist and Nobel Laureate, so wisely concluded: 

“Every man’s life ends the same way. It is only in the details of how he lived that distinguishes one man from another.”

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*THE WORTH OF A MAN

“These are the things that measure the worth of a man:

                       Not how he died, but how he lived.

                      Not what he gained, but what he gave.”

      These words which form part of a poem by an Unknown Author in my mind do, by any measure one chooses to use, very effectively identify the true worth of a man. The poem continued in similar vane to identify several options for living and the choices available to persons who choose to live a life worthy of living.

As we travel along the road of life, we encounter a vast assortment of fellow travelers all of whom, like all of us, are searching for the ‘good life.’ Each time we meet one of them we find ourselves subconsciously evaluating their worth in order to decide how we should continue on. We must decide whether we should guard against or avoid the ones who are likely to harm us, or to accept and engage those who will help us. Most of the time our natural instinct will be right, but there are times when we are fooled into believing that they may be worth more than they are. That indeed is the nature of things and we must learn to accept and deal with them.

    Throughout the ages, people have been trying to find a simple formula to accurately predict the true value of a person, without ever arriving at any success conclusion;

 Marcus Aurelius, the last of the great Roman Emperors, revered as a literary master in the philosophy of service and duty, was quite definitive when he proposed that:

 “The true worth of a man is measured by the objects he pursues.”

Albert Schweitzer, the renowned German physician, theologian and humanitarian, went further when he noted that:

“The true worth of a man is not to be found in man himself, but in the colors and textures that come alive in others because of him.”

 Albert Einstein, the German-born American theoretical physicist whose work on the theory of relativity changed the course of scientific thinking in the world, was more specific when he wrote:

“The worth of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of getting.”

and Malcolm Forbes, the very successful American entrepreneur and publisher, suggested:

 “You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those who do nothing for them or to them.”

          Clearly as I see it, from these quotations and the countless others scattered in the literature of the world, there is no doubt in my mind that the general consensus popularly held by most of the world’s societies can be summed up in the following assessment;

 “The true worth of any man depends much more on the quality he exhibits in respect of his relationship with other people and other things and with the environment, rather than on his own personal attributes.” 

    The real difficulty in arriving at a common agreement is that we are never strictly objective in our personal assessment of people, because we all function under differing standards and we all have our own prejudices interfering with our judgment. It is precisely because of this dichotomy that there is such inconsistency in our ability to come to a consensus, and it is this, that has often given rise to conflict and confusion. To some people, the real worth of an individual is whether he can be relied upon to be honest to himself and to others, regardless of the consequences. Others are more concerned on whether he places value rather than price on himself and on his principles. And yet others concentrate on whether emphasis is placed on self worth rather than material worth. All of these are essentially important in the final assessment but in the end it is the individual, by virtue of his character, his work and his deeds that determines the outcome.

Martin Luther King, Jr. the great civil rights leader who successfully led the movement for racial equality in America was quite fond of the following quotation:

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

 This to my mind goes to the very heart of the real value of the man. To be a man worthy of respect, one must demonstrate behavior that is driven by consistency and integrity. He must resist the tendency to readily criticize others for their faults and weaknesses while ignoring the huge gaps and deficiencies in his own ethical and moral life. Above all, he must earn the respect of others by deeds, and not by words alone. These are the defining characteristics that determine the quality of the man and predict his behavior. They have nothing to do with his capacity to attract fame and fortune, and even less with his ability to entertain masses or to build monuments.

    Today’s popular cultural attitudes seem to be projecting the image that the successful man is entitled to name his own terms, to acquire any and every toy, tool or honor he wants and to conduct his life as he pleases. It should be no surprise therefore to anyone, to witness the gross and indecent abuse of all the principles of good life being regularly conducted in the name of progress. Where politicians make decisions that benefit a privileged few at the expense of the majority, and where decisions are taken to render the majority more vulnerable while enriching the privileged few even further. Where instead of taking steps to alleviate the condition of those in need, and to relieve the pain of those who suffer, attempts are made to isolate and disenfranchise them further. And even further, where people, and communities and nations are allowed to suffer from deprivation and want, while others selfishly enjoy the benefits of today’s advances in science and opportunity. By any standard and by any measure this behavior rates at the poorest level of humanity.

Albert Schweitzer in his masterpiece The Philosophy of Civilization, which was published in 1923, dealt extensively with this subject when he recorded the following observation:

“Civilization can only revive when there shall come into being in a number of individuals a new tone of mind, independent of the prevalent one among the crowds, and in opposition to it. A tone of mind, which will gradually win influence over the collective one and in the end determine its character. Only an ethical movement can rescue us from this barbarism; -and the ethical comes into existence only in the individual.”

 His book, published almost a century ago, lamented the degradation of the value of man and his increasingly unethical behavior. In spite of the passage of time, it still gives the contemporary reader an opportunity to read his prophetic thought and to learn the importance of “Reverence of Life.”  And the need for us to recognize that change will only come when we take the initiative to institute change.

 All that needs to be added to this, is the hope that from the many good, ethical and moral people in this world who harbor the same dream, the day will soon come when they will rise up to the occasion and begin to recognize the true worth of a man. 

  -In the light of the prevailing conditions that exist presently in the world around us, my only concern is:   -Will that day come in my lifetime?            

                                  

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                                                            *The Measure of a Man

These are the things that measure the worth of a man as a man,  regardless  of birth;

                                 Not – How did he die? But – How did he live?
                                 Not – What did he gain? But – What did he give?

Not – What was his station? But – had he a heart?
And – How did he play his God-given part?

Was he ever ready with a word of good cheer?
To bring back a smile, to banish a tear?

Not – What was his church? Not – What was his creed?
But – Had he befriended those really in need?

Not – What did the sketch in the newspaper say?
But – How many were sorry when he passed away?

These are the things that measure the worth of a man as a man, regardless of birth.”

                                                                                                                                                                         -Unknown

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