“The intoxication of anger, like that of the grape,
shows us to others, but hides us from ourselves.”
These
words, written by John Dryden, the
great English 16th century poet and literary critic, crystallize
in stark reality, the true impact that anger can create on the mind of the
individual. Nothing we can ever do will render us as vulnerable, nor will
succeed in exposing the worst characteristics in us as the expression of uncontrolled anger. Robert G. Ingersoll, a
noted American lawyer, politician and civil war veteran was more direct when he
used the following observation to describe the events that he witnessed in
anger:
“Anger blows out the lamp of the
mind.”
But anger is not always so destructive. In some
situations, it is in fact, quite beneficial, especially when it is deliberately used in an
appropriate setting. Psychologists view anger as an emotional response that is experienced
by all humans at some time or other, as a reaction to potential threat or
discomfort. To an extent, it forms an integral part of the innate “flight or
fight” mechanism that is so vital for survival. In the right context, anger serves
to mobilize the individual’s basic psychological resources for corrective
action that are exclusively directed to self-protection. In some ways, it functions as the
trigger that brings out the best in the individual at the time when it is most
needed. In those situations where the individual remains in control and the
response appropriate, it can serve to effectively overcome fear and reluctance,
and assist in building the confidence needed to deal adequately with the
impending threat or danger.
This
knowledge has been well recognized and fully recorded for as long as man has
been in existence. Aristotle, the
great Ancient Greek Philosopher, who lived in the 3rd century B.C.
recognized this benefit when he noted in the “Nicomachean
Ethics” his masterpiece essay on behavior, that such response is worthy of
praise:
“The man who is angry at the right things and
with the right people, and further as he ought, when he ought, not as long as
he ought, is praised.”
This type of Controlled Anger actually functions as a
form of alert mechanism arising from within our body, informing us that
something is wrong and needs to be corrected. When it is utilized appropriately
it is serves to protect us and ensure our well being and our survival from
potential adversaries around us. The
well recognized bodily reactions that accompany the response are meant not only
to tell us something is wrong, but to prepare us to deal with any fallout that
might result. This response, sometimes referred to as “righteous or justified anger,” can offer a great deal of benefits
to the user, not only in warning, containing and controlling the threatening
milieu, but also in providing the individual with positive physical and
emotional benefits. It allows the person the opportunity to retake control of
the situation, to re-establish standards and modify any further deterioration. Repeated studies have demonstrated
that in such controlled situations, judicious use of anger had achieved better
results for the individual than by giving in to them, or by trying to avoid or
ignore them.
But Uncontrolled Anger
is different both in execution and in results. This is a powerful human emotional response which we are
all capable of exhibiting to varying degrees. In the great majority of
instances, it can become a destructive force to the individual’s psyche and has
been the cause of more pain and suffering than any other innate human emotion. Anger is an
essentially complex, uncontrolled feeling of dissatisfaction and antagonism
that is oriented around some real or assumed unresolved grievance. It is always
associated with a number of measurable and distinct psycho-biological symptoms and
is usually accompanied with loss of control together with an inability to
institute corrective actions to regain it. Underpinning these feelings there is
inevitably an undercurrent of low self-esteem, feeling of inadequacy and
self-rejection which strengthens the individual’s resentment and equally
undermines his confidence. Joe Greene, a
former successful football player in the 1970’s and presently an equally
successful entrepreneur summarized this effect in the following dramatic, uncomplicated
statement:
“Uncontrollable anger is damn near
insane.”
By
any measure, uncontrolled anger is an all-consuming and intense emotional
response which can affect the victim’s personal, physical and social well-being,
and seriously compromise the quality of life of the person. In more extreme circumstances
it can lead to such undesirable behaviors as violence, including domestic
violence and child abuse, road rage, physical assault and even to murder. To
make matters worse, while under the influence of anger, the individual becomes completely
unaware or unconcerned about the cost to him of this behavior. They tend to
justify their behavior and reduce guilt by drawing attention to the hurts and
offenses they experienced and their need to protect themselves from further pain.
All of which can never compensate the serious price in disappointment they
often pay in doing so. Buddha, in his
profound understanding of human nature, beautifully summarized this result in
the following quotation:
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
Society,
except in those situations of controlled anger with appropriate behavior,
universally frowns on outbursts of anger, and on people who use it
indiscriminately. These people are generally avoided whenever possible and even
ostracized in extreme cases. All the major religions are equally unhappy with
this behavior among their followers. Christianity considers it a “Cardinal Sin”, and in Hinduism, anger and sorrow are considered to be forms of “Unrequited
desire”. The Quran attributes anger as an “Enemy of the Prophet” and the Torah records its distaste in comments such as: “he that is hasty of temper exalteth folly”.
Buddhism rejects anger adamantly, including it as one of the “Five Hindrances” to good life. This principle continues to be deeply
embedded in the teaching all societies and cultures around the world where,
irrespective of the circumstances, there is universal agreement that “anger is reserved for the sole discretion
of the Gods.”
Yet, despite all of these warning issued at every
turn in our lives, I cannot think of anyone, including myself, who is not
guilty of directly responding to threatened situations with inappropriate anger
over and over again. And, even more disappointing, even after we realize that,
rather than solve the conflict, any further response will inevitably aggravate
the situation. My own personal experience confirms this. I can think of many occasions
when I responded in anger to situations which at the time I felt to be
justified, only realizing subsequently that no resolution occurred and even worse,
the situation became further compromised.
Contrary to popular view, this behavior is neither
unique nor exclusive to modern societies. It has existed for as long as man has
engaged in developing and keeping relationships with others. In addition it is
universally accepted that such anger is never productive, because we inevitably
lose a lot more than we gain in our relationships with others. As far back as the
1st century, BC, Marcus
Antonius (Mark Anthony), the great Roman general and statesman and founder
of the ancient Roman republic, lamented this occurrence in the following quotation:
“Consider how much more you often suffer from your
anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and
grieved.”
And Marcus Aurelius, another one of ancient Roman’s great emperors who
followed more than a century later observed the same situation and expressed
sentiments that were the action of fools which he stated in clear and unequivocal terms:
“Anger
dwells only in the bosom of fools.”
As I have
grown older, I believe that I have gradually acquired the maturity to see the
folly in our actions, and to learn that in conflict situations, patience is a
far greater asset than anger, and that much more resolution is achieved by
resisting the impulse to explode, than any other action you may undertake. As Albert Einstein, one of the greatest
minds this world has ever witnessed has so wisely noted:
“How much more grievous are the
consequences of anger than the causes of it.”
It
is unfortunately a true fact that on many occasions one finds, after the smoke
of anger has cleared and the truth is eventually exposed, that while the reasons for
the initial angry response turned out to be at best, questionable, the outburst
to be totally unjustified, but the damage done to be tangible and often
irreversible. Nowadays, I am often guided by the advice of a good friend and
relative, Emile, who takes the time constantly,
to remind me that in any conflict situation:
“You don’t get angry.
You take the time to get even”.
Whenever
I can, I take every opportunity to pass this advice to all who are likely to fall
victim to a situation, and urge them to consider the consequences. For in the
end you can do no better than to be guided by the words of the Bible, contained
in Romans 12:19:
“Never avenge yourselves, but leave
it to the wrath of God”
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