GROWING OLD

“Old age isn’t so bad, when you consider the alternatives.”

These profound words were spoken in jest, many years ago by one of France’s greatest entertainment personalities, a talented actor, comedian and goodwill ambassador, Maurice Chevalier, to the delight of his sold out audience. He was at that time more than 70 years old, but he continued to lead a full and active life until he retired in 1968 at age 80 years, almost 4 years before he died in 1972 from a cardiac arrest during an acute surgical intervention. His statement however has continued on, taking on a life of its own, being accepted and used globally as a standard comment on getting old.

One of the most misguided impressions held almost universally, is that the process of aging has a way of turning the most cheerful and optimistic person into a pessimistic, hopeless grouch. And even more, older people are quite often seen as a burden and a drain on society’s health and economic resources. But these impressions are statistically very wrong and contrary to the findings of several well planned research studies done in multiple centers. Although many of the older generation will show the effects of severe ill health, the majority, freed from the demands of adult life, will usually become more stable, less stressed and more content with their lives, and show the contentment in countless ways.

For many older people however, particularly those who are leading a full and active life, the thought of growing old, with all its perceived handicaps and inadequacies, can be daunting and humbling. So much so that few people ever admit to looking forward to old age, and when they do, there is always a slight hint of disappointment and nostalgia for the ‘good old days’ in their voices. But the reality is that irrespective of what we do, try to do, or hope for, the nature of events are such that life leads relentlessly and inexorably to an end and the best we can do under these circumstances, is to try to do what we can to “enjoy the ride.” The undeniable fact is, despite all the claims we make and all the hopes we harbor, and irrespective of who we are or what we do, there is still only one right way for getting old, and that is to make the most of it. Henri Amiel, the great Swiss intellectual, author, poet and social critic, in his classic publication, Journal Intimé (Intimate Journal) described growing old in the very exquisite terms:

“This after all is the way of life. To know how to grow old is the master-work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great book of living.”     

For those of us who are fortunate to have lived long enough, then it is only a matter of time before we will arrive at that final stage of our life’s journey. During the early phases of our lives, few of us ever give any thought to any aspect of growing old. We are so deeply concerned about ourselves and our immediate needs that we make no plans beyond the present. And so it should be, as we spend every minute of each day in dealing with the needs and the demands of that day, we are not concerned, nor do we have the time or the inclination to be concerned, except for planning our immediate future.  It does not take much to persuade us that there will be time to think about getting old later, but for now, this is not relevant in today’s needs. And even when we encounter and deal with older people along the way, we seldom pause enough to think about ourselves eventually joining their ranks. Instead, in our urge to improve our lives, we will often use these encounters to learn from them, or we will try to compete with them or even replace them. And no one in his right mind will disagree!

        

Someone once described life as being similar to a journey of climbing up a mountain. The person starts at the bottom slowly and deliberately as he learns the art of climbing, but as progress is made going upwards, he gains assurance. He is able to travel better and to plan more confidently. And from time to time he pauses to survey what has been achieved, and be encouraged to make plans for continued progress. The journey is exciting and rewarding and he eagerly looks forward to reaching the top, and even thinks of going higher. However, this euphoria is short lived as the journey begins to get more difficult with more obstacles along the way, the road more unpredictable and coping more challenging. And for those who finally arrive at the top, they find that the only way forward was to descend downhill and there is no way to stop this. Going down seems to be much faster and he gets the feeling that it takes a lot more effort than he previously needed to get anywhere. Inevitably, he realizes, ready or not, old age is catching up and sooner or later the road will reach an end. He tries to do what he can to slow the decline, and might even succeed temporarily, but in the end he learns that he cannot hold back the inevitable. The journey will end!

            Growing old, like all the other phases of life, does not come upon the individual abruptly, but comes on imperceptibly in an assortment of ways ranging from slow and subtle to abrupt and blatant. Many of the changes literally creep up almost without notice or warning, usually at the time when the individual is busiest building his life. In fact, in the great majority of instances the changes are so stealthy that by the time the individual realizes that they are the signs of aging, he is already old. This manifests itself many of the changes that take place in the individual such as the changing features, graying hair, diminished vision etc, which are often already established before they a noticed and which will continue, despite all the efforts to stop the process. But aging can sometimes hit with the force and effect of a disastrous calamity and take away any chance of graceful living. When disease hits, when the body is allowed to undergo abnormal stresses or deprivation, the aging process hastens and pathological changes render normal life impossible. Life then loses all the joys of aging and becomes disastrous journey to the end.

Despite this, growing old does not have to be the frightening monster that it is portrayed to be. Although a small percent of the population may suffer the unfortunate ravages of disease or degeneration and become totally dependant on others, the great majority are able to continue to live their lives with satisfaction. They do not have to be made to feel like old garments to be tossed aside in order to allow the impetuous youth to take over. Nor should they have to feel compelled to hold on to the present at all cost, to compete with increasing effort with a younger more resilient age group which appears to be completely oblivious of the problems that this behavior may cause, or the damage that may result to themselves and their self-images. These actions are all inappropriate and even worse, can and do result in unnecessary pain, frustration and unhappy personal experiences.

It is a fact that along with the dramatic advancement of health care, improved social opportunities and living facilities, the elderly population is growing larger with each passing year. With this however, there has also developed challenges that did not exist in the past. People are facing more numerous and more complex physical, psychological and social changes that result not only from living longer but also losing important family ties and support structures.  With the altering cultural norms, more people experience loneliness and depression in their older years than previously, as they become increasingly isolated and marginalized by society. This is especially so when they lose their long time partners and connections due to death or separation, without an extended family to provide support. This to me is a shameful indictment of modern societies’ tendency of family dislocation caused by the haste to find greater personal success at all SSEcost. The end result is that little attempt is made to care for or accommodate the special needs of their older members, who are left on their own or dispatched to residential homes to live off their lives in the care of paid strangers.

Even more unfortunate is society’s negative impression of aging that is seriously aggravated by a lack of acceptance and the endless number of myths and stereotypes that are universally accepted without question. This has served only to restrict the understanding of the process and expectations of ageing, and to increase the trend to isolation and loneliness. But in truth, even in the case of those whose worsening health renders them increasingly compromised, they tend to become much more accepting of their increasing difficulties and as such more willing to be patient with the outcome. There is no doubt that the body undergoes significant changes with aging but even in the worst cases of severe physical and mental deterioration, there is much that can be done to alleviate suffering. This antagonism continues to exist despite our improved understanding, and appears to remain unchanged since it was effectively highlighted more than 50 years ago by Frank A. Clark, an American lawyer and minister who made an observation that is as relevant today as it was then:

“We've put more effort into helping folks reach old age, than into helping them enjoy it.”

Yet in spite of all of this, old age, properly managed, can be the best and most satisfying phase of living. Older people, having lived through and coped with a bewildering series of experiences, are better able to solve problems, to control their emotions, to accept misfortune and admit responsibility. The advancing years have generally made them more tolerant, less prone to anger or to pass judgment. They are more willing to understand and to forgive, and the experience acquired over the many years of living, dealing with disagreements and conflicts, finding solutions and learning to accept failure and success, coping with the fallout from anger and disappointments and with bad decisions and regretting, have left indelible marks on their psyche. While some may become quite difficult and belligerent, the majority, freed from the immediate demands of having to live in a competitive environment, actually improve in their problem-solving capacities. As the great English playwright and poet, Robert Browning, considered among the foremost English poets of the Elizabethan era, so wisely noted:

 “Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be;
The last of life, for which the first was made.”

         As I look back upon my own journey along life’s road to my older years and recall my experiences as I crossed over from one stage to another and remember the many mistakes I made and equally, the many correct decisions I took, I am left with a sense of contentment. Undoubtedly in a paradoxical way, getting old does have its advantages, for it implies that you have lived long enough to have done things worth doing, to have influenced people who appreciate your efforts, and to have collected memories worth treasuring. In a small way you hope to have made your world a little better than you found it. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, the great American author, poet and educator spoke on behalf all those older people like myself, when he wrote:

“For age is an opportunity no less than youth itself, though in another dress. And as the evening twilight fades away, the sky is filled with stars invisible by day.”

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THE CHOICES YOU MAKE

“The choices you make in your life will make your life.

Choose wisely.” 

One of the greatest myths in life is the belief that when you were born you were entitled to all the amenities of living that your heart may desire. But this myth is as far from the truth as you can ever get. Nobody ever promised or offered anything to you other than life itself, and the most anyone can do for you, is to show you the road to travel on. Whether you succeed or not, is left entirely up to you. The above quotation by the well respected author, lecturer and inspirational speaker Michael Josephson, who gave up a promising career of law professorship to found an Institute of Ethics, speaks clearly to this. The life we make is directly and completely dependent on the choices we make. What we believe and accept, irrespective of whether those beliefs were true or false, will determine how we eventually choose to live our life.

         A major driving force which has consistently prevented most of us from finding a reason for living without concern is the various belief systems embedded within us, that rigidly control how we make choices in life. When we hold on to the misguided idea that there is always one right path to follow and one right way to see things and that life will only be fulfilling when we succeed in getting it right, we become our worst enemy. Nothing is more misleading or more confusing and has caused more harm and more disappointment to people than continuing to insist on holding steadfastly to it. The right decision will only be attained not by believing there is only one choice to make, but using the freedom and opportunity to choose correctly. Beliefs are like stones scattered along our life path that could help or hinder our passage. The manner which we choose to use them makes the difference and determines whether they become our stumbling blocks to failure, or our stepping stones to success. Josephson himself confirmed this analogy in his literary masterpiece, “Living a Life that Matters,” when he wrote:

“The difference between stepping stones and stumbling blocks is not in the event itself, but how you think about it, and what you do after it.”

         No one will ever dispute that one of the most important requirements in life is for each person to first be true to himself. This was specifically noted by the great English Elizabethan poet and playwright, William Shakespeare when he recorded these beautifully insightful words in his literary masterpiece, Hamlet:

“This above all; to thine own self be true.

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man”

He was confirming the truth that if for any reason a person chooses to be false to himself, he will not then be able to truly know himself, and therefore not be capable of making the right choices with others. Far too often we find ourselves trapped in a vicious cycle of believing that we can only get to be our best by trying to follow others. Instead of getting to know who we are, and making the most of the abilities we possess, we prefer to follow what others are doing, and spend the rest of our lives in hopeless pursuit of somebody else’s dreams. Life does not wait for us to find the right time to act, but it continues on without regard to the existing conditions. It is up to us to know ourselves, to learn to adapt to our situation and choose to be the best we can be. When we fail to do so, or refuse to do so, we will no doubt suffer inevitable consequences and disappointments. Joseph Campbell, an American professor of Literature, author and expert in comparative mythology and religion, went to great pain to explore this in his writings on the subject.  He explained this in the following manner:

“Life itself is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be. Just being alive is the meaning.”

            We all came into this world under similar conditions. We were born with a clean slate and with the whole world ahead of us. But unfortunately, this picture became distorted almost immediately when we came in contact with the many and varied influences to which we were exposed and which then influenced our future growth; for better or worse. Some of us were blessed to be born into stable, loving homes and were given every opportunity to grow and develop to our fullest potential. While others, through no fault of their own, were exposed to disruptive and unstable milieus, and as a result suffered major setbacks and deficiencies in their developing personalities. The first group, having developed under better conditions, will clearly stand a better chance of making full use of the opportunities available and be better ready and able to make choices which will enhance their living. The others however, already burdened by the heavy weight of their negative exposures and experiences, will find great difficulties in trying to accommodate the demands of living, and more easily end up making wrong choices and getting into further troubles. But in both instances, there will still be no absolute guaruntee of success, and much will depend on the continued, specific and deliberate type of involvement of others around them. 

         The very first requisite of a successful life is that the individual must recognize and accept full responsibility for the conduct of his life. Each person’s life is like a story that unfolds as it continues on to its conclusion. It must first begin with the individual realizing that he is the author and that he is able to influence, modify or change the direction of his story by the choices he makes. We are given only one opportunity to live our life, and we have the option to choose whether to wait for circumstances to make up our mind, or choose to act, and in acting, to live our life. Life is made up of an infinite amount of choices which present themselves demanding action. Some are routine and do not require much decision-making, but others are more impactful and demand more directed attention. These are the ones that will impact life and what you eventually choose determines how you live it. In every instance, there are always two choices to be made and which ever you choose will dictate the future; either to confront your options with courage and understanding and secure the life you desire, or withhold your choice because of insecurity or apathy or even avoid making a decision altogether, and run the risk of having to live your life in regret.  Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, the very distinguished Swiss-American psychiatrist, whose ground breaking work on death and dying initiated a new awareness on the care of the dying patient, confirmed this in no uncertain way when she observed:

“I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word and thought throughout our lives.”

 Life must always be lived in the present and so should the choices be made. When we live life with the regrets of yesterday, or with the worries of tomorrow, or when we listen to others instead of ourselves, we will be cheating ourselves of the opportunity to choose to live today. Far too many people live their whole lives drifting along, being carried by the currents of life while being afraid to choose for themselves. This indeed is a genuine tragedy of humanity, and it unfolds itself in innumerable ways and for countless reasons all over the world. When one considers the endless conflicts presently raging in every corner of the globe, and the wide spectrum of reasons encompassing every conceivable sector of human behavior and beliefs, especially in respect of race, religion, ethnicity and nationality, it is not difficult to understand that these have all been nurtured and propagated by people’s unwillingness to make their own choices, but rather accept other people’s ideas to follow.

            Life itself, from its very onset, offers a full blending of choices that are always demanding answers. The great majority are routine, simple decisions about living that will never give rise to concern and are easily dealt with. But for the others, the ones that cause feelings of uncertainty and concern, or create options for good or bad outcomes, the choices made will determine the direction of their life. It is never the actual choice made that really matters, but rather how it was made, the degree of understanding needed, and the willingness to learn lessons from the consequences, good or bad, that will determine the final direction., Satisfaction will come only if the individual can claim personal ownership, take responsibility of the choice made, and accept the consequences that follow. In those failed instances, the problems arose only after the individual abandons or loses control of making his own choices because of personal insecurity, apathy or from past experience and allows others to act on his behalf. This action serves, not only to prevent him from learning useful lessons, but also increases his chances of becoming dependent on other people to make decisions. Far too many people spend their whole lives so insecure and intimidated by the circumstances surrounding them and frozen by their reluctance to make choices, that they often risk losing all the God-given beauty that life offers.

          Life is a matter of choices and every choice made will impact the individual for good or for bad. The quality of a person’s life at any given moment is ultimately reflected by the quality of the choices made as well as those that were rejected. And even when we spend our lives constantly making choices for our actions, we must not do so without taking the time to consider the consequences that follow. These are all factors that will eventually determine the life a person will lead, and the amount of satisfaction achieved. This also was in the mind of one of America’s greatest warriors, General Omar Bradley, the first chairman of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff, and hero of WWII and the Korean War when he so wisely reminded all of us of the need for good choices:

“This is true in everyday life as it is in battle: we are given one life and the decision is ours whether to wait for circumstances to make up our mind, or whether to act, and in acting, to live.”

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ACCEPTING LIFE

“We cannot change anything until we accept it.

Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.” 

            These very thought provoking words were recorded by Carl Jung, the great Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst and one of the founders of the school of analytical psychology. But his interests extended well beyond this, and he was very influential in such other fields as literature, anthropology, philosophy, religion and human behavior. In the quotation he draws attention to the seemingly unpredictable and unfair actions of life in general, that take place well beyond man’s ability to control them. They can never be managed by any attempt at suppressing or resisting them, but only by accepting the reality of their presence. Any attempt to stop life from unfolding in the way it will unfold, will only result in undue unhappiness and lead to regret and disappointment. It is only by accepting life in its true context, that it is possible to find ways around it that will satisfy a person’s special needs and allow him to flourish.

         To accept life as it is, and to embrace it without remorse or regret is an art that not everyone possesses. To be able to flow with its demands and continue onwards when everything cries out to do otherwise, requires a great deal of courage and strength of character. Accepting life means recognizing that there are only two sides to every situation; one born of one’s expectations and the other coming from outside, and governed by the Laws of nature. The first, derived from one’s own perspective, sees the world as one would like it to be, while the other presents the world as it actually is. The inability to correctly discern the difference and act accordingly is the fundamental reason for so much unhappiness and discontent. This can only be resolved by acceptance of the reality present, and never by any other subjective consideration. When acceptance does not take place, the individual will continue to dwell in the past and is condemned to repeat the same pattern in the future, and to suffer varying degrees of pain and disappointment.

         Accepting life must begin with the accepting of everything and everyone exactly as they are and resist the temptation of applying any personal interpretations. It is so much easier to choose to live our lives in the make-belief world of our imagination where we can do whatever we please and become whoever we wished to become and live out our lives in blissful joyfulness. But such worlds do not exist except in fairy tales, and the real world does not accommodate fairy tales. Life itself is like a river of uncertainty, choosing its own direction and flowing on beyond anyone’s control, doing as it pleases. And to truly accept life, will requires you to jump in and swim, and in so doing trust yourself and your destiny to protect you from mistakes and to lead you to safety. It means also accepting that there some things beyond your control that must be released and forgotten, so that you may be able to seek the other things of importance to defend. Jonathon Lockwood Huie, an American author and inspirational speaker, described this as one of the “great paradoxes of life,” and went on further to explain:

“The accepting with gratitude of whatever life throws at us, is critical to happiness. Yet without a goal and commitment, life loses much of its value. The best we can do, in the face of this paradox, is to play to win, and be cheerful in defeat and be ready to play again.”

         Accepting life means the fundamental recognition that life has no giveaways, nor is anyone entitled to any. Everything in life worth having will have a price tag attached and each person must be willing to pay his share. And even in accepting, no outcome is guaranteed, yet each individual must be prepared to respond according to his full ability. In the times of success, there will be joyful celebrating and there will be growth and understanding and lessons learnt. But in times of failure there may be bitterness and disappointment that may linger on and color the rest of life. But accepting the past and learning from the failure will lead to forgiveness to oneself and to others, and will allow for the return of a better life. It is never the circumstances of life, however difficult these may be, that are the individual’s worst enemy, but how he views himself and his life that will really matter.

            Life must always be accepted on its own terms, and this must include accepting the reality of the unchanging past, embracing the changing present and hoping for a better future. When this is ignored, when an attempt is made to impose one’s will on life, the situation becomes vastly complicated and the chances of disappointment and failure, so much more likely. This has always been one of the major failings of humanity all over the world and evidence of this behavior is  visible everywhere. Whenever an attempt is made to control life’s terms and to impose one’s own will by changing life to accommodate a chosen behavior, a convenient reason is usually created to justify the action as a subconscious maneuver to subvert reality. When we blame others or circumstances for our failings, we are in effect failing to accept responsibility and trying to hide from reality. This action is always a recipe for failure, and one which inevitably leads to continued failures. 

Life itself is firmly based on reality, and even when one chooses not to accept responsibility, the action only serves to delay the lesson to be learnt and correction to be made. Lao Tzu, the great ancient Chinese philosopher, recognized the fundamental truth of this reality of life many centuries ago and took great pain to teach his followers of the consistency of life by noting:

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Do not resist them; that will only create sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

            To accept life on its own terms is to be confident in managing your own living. It implies accepting the reality of what is occurring, without any interference from your ego or your illusions. It implies resisting the impulse to react subjectively in order to satisfy your emotional needs, instead of using an objective approach to assessing actual needs. It means further, setting aside your fears and anxieties of what could happen, and replacing them with a confidence in your being able to cope with what will happen. A successful life is always a balancing act between things that are fixed and cannot be changed and therefore must be accepted, and others that require personal attention to finding ways to get around the unacceptable things and replacing them with better opportunities. Professor Joseph Campbell, the American intellectual, and expert on Human Behavior, very conveniently explained this when he advised:

           “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned,

            so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.”

      Acceptance must never be resignation however. When we choose to resign to life’s circumstances, giving up and passively accepting everything, as so many have done in the hope of securing peace and avoiding disappointments, we give up the great opportunity of working with life as it is, and instead we project what it will be. This attitude is indeed the fundamental difference between those who have not been able to accept life’s demands and those who have. Those who resign themselves to being unable to accept the changes are destined to live their lives with the pains and the suffering that follow, while those who accept the reality and work with the demands as they are, will have a chance to accommodate and move on. The former group, faced with the hopelessness of their situation, will be buried by the apathy and disappointment that results, while the latter buoyed by the hope from acceptance, will learn and grow from the experience.

The American Protestant theologian, Professor Reinhold Niebuhr, a highly respected theologian and one of the world’s most influential intellectuals of the 20^th century in the fields of human behavior, religion and morality, very early in his life recognized the importance of acceptance as an integral part of successful living. He never hesitated to remind everyone of this responsibility and included it in his famous Serenity Prayer, one of the most repeated and most accepted statements of all times:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

-This statement, to me, is the epitome of life acceptance, where serenity revolves around first recognizing the difference between those things that can be changed and those than cannot, and then acting accordingly. -Nothing else matters!

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DEALING WITH LIFE’S CHALLENGES

”Challenges are what make life interesting;

Overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.”

         This very insightful quotation was written by Joshua J. Marine, an obscure American author about whom little else is known. Despite his relative obscurity as an author, his quotation has over the years taken on a life of its own and has been used by a wide and expanding list of authors and speakers in a varying range of settings. Indeed, each person’s life is a reflection of the endless series of challenges to which he is exposed, and the manner in which he responded to them. Each life is defined by the challenges faced, and the way a person deals, or does not deal with them, will determine his physical and mental well-being. These are the real factors that will determine how meaningful his life will become for him. In some ways, they appear to define the true purpose in living this life on earth. 

Unlike all the other members of the animal kingdom who spend their whole life in the pursuit of only two goals, survival and procreation, the human being is endowed with the unique ability to  think, to dream and to hope and in so doing, to determine his own direction, quality, and purpose of his life. All the animals deal with the challenges of any kind by applying automatic instinctive responses or by predictable repetitive learned actions. They are locked into this behavior and will continue to repeat them until they are able to learn alternative responses. Human beings on the other hand, endowed with the ability to think and to reason, can benefit from these challenges by learning lessons, anticipating recurrences and altering behavior. It is this fundamental difference of just reacting instead of reasoning, that has allowed man to grow, mature and expand, while the rest of the animal kingdom has stagnated.

From the moment of birth to the very end of life as we know it, we are faced with challenges from every direction which, although appearing as random and unconnected events for the most part, they do in fact ultimately serve the vital role of providing life’s meaning and purpose. In any situation, it is never the strength or the quality of the challenge that is the determining factor in the final outcome, but always how the individual copes with the challenge and what he learns from it that really matters. Life is growth and every challenge is another opportunity to learn and to grow. But such growth can only occur when the challenges are confronted and lessons are learnt. It is only by facing the challenges can one get the opportunity to establish and re-establish one’s priorities, and any attempt to avoid or modify this experience in any way will clearly lead to inadequate or distorted outcomes.

Challenges represent the greatest opportunity for the individual to learn and to measure his progress. Without them, it would be difficult to appreciate any change occurring or to determine degrees of failure or success. All of these can only be measured by changes that have occurred as a result of the challenges experienced. Each challenge provides an opportunity for the individual to evaluate his response and to determine its usefulness in producing the desired outcome. This is the most efficient way to discover one’s own limits and how much one is willing to commit to reach a desired goal. Not making use of this fact has been the major stumbling block preventing so many more people from benefiting fully from their challenges in life. Good understanding or good intentions are not enough without the willingness and the intention to make the effort to be able to achieve meaningful change.

But all of this is neither free nor does it take place without some type of cost. There is a price to pay in the effort needed in learning how to deal with the impact of the challenge. Success is measured by the sacrifice needed and this will only be achieved by adapting and by learning. Challenges in fact, play a primary and fundamentally catalytic role in achieving human growth and maturity throughout the life of the individual. Those who are willing to make the effort to deal with them are the ones who enjoy a meaningful and rewarding life, while those who shy away, either as a result of fear, inability or insecurity will be left behind with the mass of humanity to live out their lives in mediocrity.

Meaningful challenges whatever their direction, serve to incite the individual to rise to another level, to test himself and in so doing improve his ability. They also serve to reassure him that he is able to accomplish more than he thought he was able to do. They effectively identify the weaknesses as well as the strengths, and uncover the obstacles that must be overcome to satisfy his hopes and dreams. Above all, without them, the individual will not be able to discover how much effort he is prepared to expend to overcome them and how deeply committed to achieve his goals and expectations he is. It is only by facing his challenges that a person will get to know himself.

But most people when faced with challenges prefer to choose the easier road of learning to live with them. They believe that this is the only way it should be, and nothing can be done to change the situation. They develop a “defeatist” attitude and accept the “victims mentality” that goes along with the feeling. These are the people who live out their lives convinced that everything and everyone is against them, that while others get all the good luck and the opportunities, they have none. They are contented to live their lives just existing like helpless flotsam floating on the waters of life, drifting along and allowing others or circumstances to define them. To them, challenges will serve only to disturb their equilibrium and create more problems for them. They are to be avoided at all cost.

The commonly accepted impression that successful people have all been able to overcome challenges because they were fortunate to possess extra qualities from the beginning is generally true. Clearly a child exposed to a stable environment, not encumbered by poverty or physical disability, with the opportunity for good education and good example will be in a better physical and mental state to deal with and overcome the challenges they may encounter. But for as long as man has inhabited the earth, there have been countless examples of people of all walks of life, with a wide spectrum of questionable opportunity and ability who have achieved unparalleled success despite significant challenges in their lives. In fact, it would not be unreasonable to conclude that these very limitations may have been the triggers that resulted in propelling them to strive to reach heights that they might have considered unreachable.

History reveals that many of the successfully accomplished people willingly admitted that they gained very useful character traits as a result of having to deal with their particular challenges and this propelled them to seek greater success. These include such examples as:

Benjamin Franklin, who did not start school until age 10 years, spent his life moving from employment to employment, but by dint of effort became one of the leaders of the new American Federation and one of its Founding Fathers.

Winston Churchill, a dyslectic child with emotional instability, poor student and unsuccessful in his many attempt at election, yet as Prime Minister of Great Britain during WWII, led the nation to victory.

Helen Keller, who became deaf and blind in early childhood but was able to complete full university education and become a powerful social and political activist.

Stephen Hawking, the world’s most prominent and most respected Astrophysicist who was diagnosed with severe ALS at age 21 as a student and spent the rest of his life confined to a wheelchair.

Nick Vujicic, an Australian who was born without arms or legs but grew up learning to live independently, becoming a successful motivational speaker.

A study of all these, and in fact in every single incident where success has been achieved, there is a constant and common underlying factor always operating. They never saw a challenge as an impenetrable obstacle, but rather as an opportunity that should be embraced and overpowered. Their confidence was driven not by the negativity of failing, but by the opportunity that failure offers to learn new lessons. To them, challenges are opportunities to learn from and to change, rather than be seen as warnings of impending failure and disappointment. These are the sentiments that underlie every single individual who has successfully faced and overcame his challenges in every aspect of living. Instead of worrying whether their failures were the product of personal deficits or shortcomings beyond their control, they see them as opportunities to gain knowledge and to avoid, in their future endeavors.

Even a very cursory look at the life histories of any of the large number of extremely successful entrepreneurs in today’s economy will clearly confirm this fact. Here are a few of many examples:

Steve Jobs, the impressive entrepreneur who at age 23 founded Apple, building it to a successful empire, but was fired by the board only a few years after. Undaunted he founded a new company, NeXT which was quickly successful, and was subsequently acquired by Apple. As a result he regained control and has gone on to build the company to unimaginable heights.

Bill Gates, who is presently one of the world’s wealthiest men, failed miserably with several early attempts but learnt from each failure until he developed the first Microsoft product which eventually became the enormously successful computer system used throughout the world.

Walt Disney, unquestionably the greatest entertainment genius the world has ever seen, failed miserably as a newspaper reporter and with several companies he started before he found success in the animated film industry. Very early in his career he was advised by one of his employers that he lacked creativity and should give up his dream. Rather than reject the advice outright, he took it to heart, learnt his lessons, corrected himself and moved on to ultimate success.

These are just three examples of the endless numbers of very successful people that have been able to overcome the challenges they encountered and introduce ideas that have changed the world we live in. Although many of them were endowed with very special gifts and abilities that made their work easier, by far the great majority of them were average people, with ideas, dreams, hopes and a deep-seated determination to succeed. They all however possessed the common characteristic that was so effectively described by an unknown author in the following terms:

“They learnt from their mistakes, reflected and accepted failure, constantly revisited their passion and kept on pursuing their goals, no matter what.”

-This indeed is the true secret of learning to deal with all the challenges of life.

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