GROWING OLD

“Old age isn’t so bad, when you consider the alternatives.”

These profound words were spoken in jest, many years ago by one of France’s greatest entertainment personalities, a talented actor, comedian and goodwill ambassador, Maurice Chevalier, to the delight of his sold out audience. He was at that time more than 70 years old, but he continued to lead a full and active life until he retired in 1968 at age 80 years, almost 4 years before he died in 1972 from a cardiac arrest during an acute surgical intervention. His statement however has continued on, taking on a life of its own, being accepted and used globally as a standard comment on getting old.

One of the most misguided impressions held almost universally, is that the process of aging has a way of turning the most cheerful and optimistic person into a pessimistic, hopeless grouch. And even more, older people are quite often seen as a burden and a drain on society’s health and economic resources. But these impressions are statistically very wrong and contrary to the findings of several well planned research studies done in multiple centers. Although many of the older generation will show the effects of severe ill health, the majority, freed from the demands of adult life, will usually become more stable, less stressed and more content with their lives, and show the contentment in countless ways.

For many older people however, particularly those who are leading a full and active life, the thought of growing old, with all its perceived handicaps and inadequacies, can be daunting and humbling. So much so that few people ever admit to looking forward to old age, and when they do, there is always a slight hint of disappointment and nostalgia for the ‘good old days’ in their voices. But the reality is that irrespective of what we do, try to do, or hope for, the nature of events are such that life leads relentlessly and inexorably to an end and the best we can do under these circumstances, is to try to do what we can to “enjoy the ride.” The undeniable fact is, despite all the claims we make and all the hopes we harbor, and irrespective of who we are or what we do, there is still only one right way for getting old, and that is to make the most of it. Henri Amiel, the great Swiss intellectual, author, poet and social critic, in his classic publication, Journal Intimé (Intimate Journal) described growing old in the very exquisite terms:

“This after all is the way of life. To know how to grow old is the master-work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great book of living.”     

For those of us who are fortunate to have lived long enough, then it is only a matter of time before we will arrive at that final stage of our life’s journey. During the early phases of our lives, few of us ever give any thought to any aspect of growing old. We are so deeply concerned about ourselves and our immediate needs that we make no plans beyond the present. And so it should be, as we spend every minute of each day in dealing with the needs and the demands of that day, we are not concerned, nor do we have the time or the inclination to be concerned, except for planning our immediate future.  It does not take much to persuade us that there will be time to think about getting old later, but for now, this is not relevant in today’s needs. And even when we encounter and deal with older people along the way, we seldom pause enough to think about ourselves eventually joining their ranks. Instead, in our urge to improve our lives, we will often use these encounters to learn from them, or we will try to compete with them or even replace them. And no one in his right mind will disagree!

        

Someone once described life as being similar to a journey of climbing up a mountain. The person starts at the bottom slowly and deliberately as he learns the art of climbing, but as progress is made going upwards, he gains assurance. He is able to travel better and to plan more confidently. And from time to time he pauses to survey what has been achieved, and be encouraged to make plans for continued progress. The journey is exciting and rewarding and he eagerly looks forward to reaching the top, and even thinks of going higher. However, this euphoria is short lived as the journey begins to get more difficult with more obstacles along the way, the road more unpredictable and coping more challenging. And for those who finally arrive at the top, they find that the only way forward was to descend downhill and there is no way to stop this. Going down seems to be much faster and he gets the feeling that it takes a lot more effort than he previously needed to get anywhere. Inevitably, he realizes, ready or not, old age is catching up and sooner or later the road will reach an end. He tries to do what he can to slow the decline, and might even succeed temporarily, but in the end he learns that he cannot hold back the inevitable. The journey will end!

            Growing old, like all the other phases of life, does not come upon the individual abruptly, but comes on imperceptibly in an assortment of ways ranging from slow and subtle to abrupt and blatant. Many of the changes literally creep up almost without notice or warning, usually at the time when the individual is busiest building his life. In fact, in the great majority of instances the changes are so stealthy that by the time the individual realizes that they are the signs of aging, he is already old. This manifests itself many of the changes that take place in the individual such as the changing features, graying hair, diminished vision etc, which are often already established before they a noticed and which will continue, despite all the efforts to stop the process. But aging can sometimes hit with the force and effect of a disastrous calamity and take away any chance of graceful living. When disease hits, when the body is allowed to undergo abnormal stresses or deprivation, the aging process hastens and pathological changes render normal life impossible. Life then loses all the joys of aging and becomes disastrous journey to the end.

Despite this, growing old does not have to be the frightening monster that it is portrayed to be. Although a small percent of the population may suffer the unfortunate ravages of disease or degeneration and become totally dependant on others, the great majority are able to continue to live their lives with satisfaction. They do not have to be made to feel like old garments to be tossed aside in order to allow the impetuous youth to take over. Nor should they have to feel compelled to hold on to the present at all cost, to compete with increasing effort with a younger more resilient age group which appears to be completely oblivious of the problems that this behavior may cause, or the damage that may result to themselves and their self-images. These actions are all inappropriate and even worse, can and do result in unnecessary pain, frustration and unhappy personal experiences.

It is a fact that along with the dramatic advancement of health care, improved social opportunities and living facilities, the elderly population is growing larger with each passing year. With this however, there has also developed challenges that did not exist in the past. People are facing more numerous and more complex physical, psychological and social changes that result not only from living longer but also losing important family ties and support structures.  With the altering cultural norms, more people experience loneliness and depression in their older years than previously, as they become increasingly isolated and marginalized by society. This is especially so when they lose their long time partners and connections due to death or separation, without an extended family to provide support. This to me is a shameful indictment of modern societies’ tendency of family dislocation caused by the haste to find greater personal success at all SSEcost. The end result is that little attempt is made to care for or accommodate the special needs of their older members, who are left on their own or dispatched to residential homes to live off their lives in the care of paid strangers.

Even more unfortunate is society’s negative impression of aging that is seriously aggravated by a lack of acceptance and the endless number of myths and stereotypes that are universally accepted without question. This has served only to restrict the understanding of the process and expectations of ageing, and to increase the trend to isolation and loneliness. But in truth, even in the case of those whose worsening health renders them increasingly compromised, they tend to become much more accepting of their increasing difficulties and as such more willing to be patient with the outcome. There is no doubt that the body undergoes significant changes with aging but even in the worst cases of severe physical and mental deterioration, there is much that can be done to alleviate suffering. This antagonism continues to exist despite our improved understanding, and appears to remain unchanged since it was effectively highlighted more than 50 years ago by Frank A. Clark, an American lawyer and minister who made an observation that is as relevant today as it was then:

“We've put more effort into helping folks reach old age, than into helping them enjoy it.”

Yet in spite of all of this, old age, properly managed, can be the best and most satisfying phase of living. Older people, having lived through and coped with a bewildering series of experiences, are better able to solve problems, to control their emotions, to accept misfortune and admit responsibility. The advancing years have generally made them more tolerant, less prone to anger or to pass judgment. They are more willing to understand and to forgive, and the experience acquired over the many years of living, dealing with disagreements and conflicts, finding solutions and learning to accept failure and success, coping with the fallout from anger and disappointments and with bad decisions and regretting, have left indelible marks on their psyche. While some may become quite difficult and belligerent, the majority, freed from the immediate demands of having to live in a competitive environment, actually improve in their problem-solving capacities. As the great English playwright and poet, Robert Browning, considered among the foremost English poets of the Elizabethan era, so wisely noted:

 “Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be;
The last of life, for which the first was made.”

         As I look back upon my own journey along life’s road to my older years and recall my experiences as I crossed over from one stage to another and remember the many mistakes I made and equally, the many correct decisions I took, I am left with a sense of contentment. Undoubtedly in a paradoxical way, getting old does have its advantages, for it implies that you have lived long enough to have done things worth doing, to have influenced people who appreciate your efforts, and to have collected memories worth treasuring. In a small way you hope to have made your world a little better than you found it. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, the great American author, poet and educator spoke on behalf all those older people like myself, when he wrote:

“For age is an opportunity no less than youth itself, though in another dress. And as the evening twilight fades away, the sky is filled with stars invisible by day.”

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