THE CHOICES YOU MAKE

“The choices you make in your life will make your life.

Choose wisely.” 

One of the greatest myths in life is the belief that when you were born you were entitled to all the amenities of living that your heart may desire. But this myth is as far from the truth as you can ever get. Nobody ever promised or offered anything to you other than life itself, and the most anyone can do for you, is to show you the road to travel on. Whether you succeed or not, is left entirely up to you. The above quotation by the well respected author, lecturer and inspirational speaker Michael Josephson, who gave up a promising career of law professorship to found an Institute of Ethics, speaks clearly to this. The life we make is directly and completely dependent on the choices we make. What we believe and accept, irrespective of whether those beliefs were true or false, will determine how we eventually choose to live our life.

         A major driving force which has consistently prevented most of us from finding a reason for living without concern is the various belief systems embedded within us, that rigidly control how we make choices in life. When we hold on to the misguided idea that there is always one right path to follow and one right way to see things and that life will only be fulfilling when we succeed in getting it right, we become our worst enemy. Nothing is more misleading or more confusing and has caused more harm and more disappointment to people than continuing to insist on holding steadfastly to it. The right decision will only be attained not by believing there is only one choice to make, but using the freedom and opportunity to choose correctly. Beliefs are like stones scattered along our life path that could help or hinder our passage. The manner which we choose to use them makes the difference and determines whether they become our stumbling blocks to failure, or our stepping stones to success. Josephson himself confirmed this analogy in his literary masterpiece, “Living a Life that Matters,” when he wrote:

“The difference between stepping stones and stumbling blocks is not in the event itself, but how you think about it, and what you do after it.”

         No one will ever dispute that one of the most important requirements in life is for each person to first be true to himself. This was specifically noted by the great English Elizabethan poet and playwright, William Shakespeare when he recorded these beautifully insightful words in his literary masterpiece, Hamlet:

“This above all; to thine own self be true.

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man”

He was confirming the truth that if for any reason a person chooses to be false to himself, he will not then be able to truly know himself, and therefore not be capable of making the right choices with others. Far too often we find ourselves trapped in a vicious cycle of believing that we can only get to be our best by trying to follow others. Instead of getting to know who we are, and making the most of the abilities we possess, we prefer to follow what others are doing, and spend the rest of our lives in hopeless pursuit of somebody else’s dreams. Life does not wait for us to find the right time to act, but it continues on without regard to the existing conditions. It is up to us to know ourselves, to learn to adapt to our situation and choose to be the best we can be. When we fail to do so, or refuse to do so, we will no doubt suffer inevitable consequences and disappointments. Joseph Campbell, an American professor of Literature, author and expert in comparative mythology and religion, went to great pain to explore this in his writings on the subject.  He explained this in the following manner:

“Life itself is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be. Just being alive is the meaning.”

            We all came into this world under similar conditions. We were born with a clean slate and with the whole world ahead of us. But unfortunately, this picture became distorted almost immediately when we came in contact with the many and varied influences to which we were exposed and which then influenced our future growth; for better or worse. Some of us were blessed to be born into stable, loving homes and were given every opportunity to grow and develop to our fullest potential. While others, through no fault of their own, were exposed to disruptive and unstable milieus, and as a result suffered major setbacks and deficiencies in their developing personalities. The first group, having developed under better conditions, will clearly stand a better chance of making full use of the opportunities available and be better ready and able to make choices which will enhance their living. The others however, already burdened by the heavy weight of their negative exposures and experiences, will find great difficulties in trying to accommodate the demands of living, and more easily end up making wrong choices and getting into further troubles. But in both instances, there will still be no absolute guaruntee of success, and much will depend on the continued, specific and deliberate type of involvement of others around them. 

         The very first requisite of a successful life is that the individual must recognize and accept full responsibility for the conduct of his life. Each person’s life is like a story that unfolds as it continues on to its conclusion. It must first begin with the individual realizing that he is the author and that he is able to influence, modify or change the direction of his story by the choices he makes. We are given only one opportunity to live our life, and we have the option to choose whether to wait for circumstances to make up our mind, or choose to act, and in acting, to live our life. Life is made up of an infinite amount of choices which present themselves demanding action. Some are routine and do not require much decision-making, but others are more impactful and demand more directed attention. These are the ones that will impact life and what you eventually choose determines how you live it. In every instance, there are always two choices to be made and which ever you choose will dictate the future; either to confront your options with courage and understanding and secure the life you desire, or withhold your choice because of insecurity or apathy or even avoid making a decision altogether, and run the risk of having to live your life in regret.  Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, the very distinguished Swiss-American psychiatrist, whose ground breaking work on death and dying initiated a new awareness on the care of the dying patient, confirmed this in no uncertain way when she observed:

“I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word and thought throughout our lives.”

 Life must always be lived in the present and so should the choices be made. When we live life with the regrets of yesterday, or with the worries of tomorrow, or when we listen to others instead of ourselves, we will be cheating ourselves of the opportunity to choose to live today. Far too many people live their whole lives drifting along, being carried by the currents of life while being afraid to choose for themselves. This indeed is a genuine tragedy of humanity, and it unfolds itself in innumerable ways and for countless reasons all over the world. When one considers the endless conflicts presently raging in every corner of the globe, and the wide spectrum of reasons encompassing every conceivable sector of human behavior and beliefs, especially in respect of race, religion, ethnicity and nationality, it is not difficult to understand that these have all been nurtured and propagated by people’s unwillingness to make their own choices, but rather accept other people’s ideas to follow.

            Life itself, from its very onset, offers a full blending of choices that are always demanding answers. The great majority are routine, simple decisions about living that will never give rise to concern and are easily dealt with. But for the others, the ones that cause feelings of uncertainty and concern, or create options for good or bad outcomes, the choices made will determine the direction of their life. It is never the actual choice made that really matters, but rather how it was made, the degree of understanding needed, and the willingness to learn lessons from the consequences, good or bad, that will determine the final direction., Satisfaction will come only if the individual can claim personal ownership, take responsibility of the choice made, and accept the consequences that follow. In those failed instances, the problems arose only after the individual abandons or loses control of making his own choices because of personal insecurity, apathy or from past experience and allows others to act on his behalf. This action serves, not only to prevent him from learning useful lessons, but also increases his chances of becoming dependent on other people to make decisions. Far too many people spend their whole lives so insecure and intimidated by the circumstances surrounding them and frozen by their reluctance to make choices, that they often risk losing all the God-given beauty that life offers.

          Life is a matter of choices and every choice made will impact the individual for good or for bad. The quality of a person’s life at any given moment is ultimately reflected by the quality of the choices made as well as those that were rejected. And even when we spend our lives constantly making choices for our actions, we must not do so without taking the time to consider the consequences that follow. These are all factors that will eventually determine the life a person will lead, and the amount of satisfaction achieved. This also was in the mind of one of America’s greatest warriors, General Omar Bradley, the first chairman of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff, and hero of WWII and the Korean War when he so wisely reminded all of us of the need for good choices:

“This is true in everyday life as it is in battle: we are given one life and the decision is ours whether to wait for circumstances to make up our mind, or whether to act, and in acting, to live.”

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