CONTENTMENT The Second Life

“My goal is to reach the end satisfied and at peace with 

my loved ones and my conscience. We have two lives and         

 the second begins when you realize you only have one.”

        

         Sometime ago, while enjoying the beautiful poetry of the great Brazilian poet, author and gifted pianist and musicologist Mario Andrade, I encountered the above quotation at the end of one of his poems which he called, ”My soul has a hat.” As I read the poem, I became aware of the feeling that he was, in his very unique way, reminding the reader how important it is for each one to move beyond all the bells and whistles of trying to live a life dominated by the need for rewards and success, for achieving and competing and for acquiring and controlling. Instead, he advocates, we should all truly evaluate our lives, find out the areas that provide the greatest satisfaction and happiness for ourselves and for the people we care about, and in so doing, live out our life at ‘peace with our conscience.’ To Andrade, This ‘Second Life’, this ‘State of Contentment’, is the only life that should really matter.

         Contentment is defined as a mental or emotional state of satisfaction arrived at when the soul is at ease with itself, and the mind is happy and fulfilled with its life; and it sees no need or desire to go after anything else. Although it may sound easy to achieve, in fact true contentment is without question, the most elusive commodity to achieve on this earth. It is a state that everyone dreams of securing one day, but only few of those ever truly succeed. It is a state of joy and satisfaction where the person is happy with the life he is leading and is not affected by anything other people are accomplishing or achieving. It does not mean that his life stops, nor does he have to give up his hopes and his dreams of improving his life, but it does imply that he is satisfied with the life he has in the present, and is not concerned about what others expect of him. It is a truly special frame of mind which relatively few lucky people are able to acquire during their life-time. It is the one which was so simply and effectively described by an Unknown Author in the following terms:

“Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want,

 but the realization of what you already have."

The history of man, from the very beginning, was such that he was never ever able to find the opportunity to arrive at a state of contentment at any time of his life. Because of the scarcity of food supplies, the constantly threatening and difficult milieu, and the unpredictability of survival, he was forced to remain in a constant defense and control mode. He could not risk allowing any feelings of satisfaction and contentment to take hold since to do so, rendered him very vulnerable to the next attack. His life was such that he was forced to spend all is time in search of the next meal, the next shelter or in anxious anticipation of life preservation. Under these circumstances, there was little or no opportunity to experience any true contentment, and life was dominated by the ever-present need for the survival of the fittest.

Unfortunately, despite all the technical, sociological and  economic advances that have taken place over the many millennia since the beginning of civilization, this attitude of self-satisfaction at all cost, has remained essentially unchanged to this day. For although we live in a world overflowing with abundance in all the things we need, where laws and controls have essentially removed the threat of domination, and where life is guaranteed to all, irrespective of status, we have yet to lose that urgency for survival by the fittest. In today’s world, beginning from early childhood, we are encouraged to look at life as a potential threat and taught the essentials of self-survival and self-protection. Our brains are conditioned to perceive threats only, even when they do not exist, and we are driven to dream only of continuing to acquire, protect and horde possessions well beyond our needs, in order guard against these imagined threats. It comes as no surprise therefore that in this setting, just being content to live life without need or desire for more, is not considered to be a ‘reasonable’ goal to achieve and maintain.

         Society’s norms are driven less by need, and much more by competition and by desire. We have over the years, developed the attitude that happiness equates to possession and power, and that the more we acquire, the stronger we become and therefore the happier we will be. This has driven us to be constantly seeking to be ‘better’, not because this will necessarily improve our life or our living, but rather because we feel without this, we are somehow missing out on living. We have become slaves to our desires to be better and stronger, even to the point where the very pursuit of improvement beyond our comfort levels can often lead to unhappiness and discontent. This behavior has permeated every aspect of our lives and has led to creating a society of people able to enjoy a more and greater quality of life, yet becoming more and more disappointed and disenchanted with their lives. Mahatma Gandhi, the great Indian statesman, leader of the Indian non-violent Independence from the British Empire placed this in the right context when he stated:

“Man falls from the pursuit of the ideal of plain living and high thinking, the moment he wants to multiply his daily wants. Man’s happiness really lies in seeking contentment.”

            Most people will agree with, and admit to the importance of trying to find some degree of contentment in their lives, and to trying to achieve some degree of it. Unfortunately the great majority will not succeed in doing so. Since Contentment can never be attained so long as they continue to insist on setting their own conditions for achievement. And even on the occasions when they think they have found the answer, the results end up being fleeting and temporary and they quickly return to their life dominated by discontent and dissatisfaction. This is not surprising, since so long as such negative emotions as jealousy, suspicion, distrust and aggression are prominent, they will cause such deep scars in the individual’s psyche that the damage done can be permanent and irreparable. Contentment will never survive in any type of such toxic environments.

         There are many factors operating which serve to prevent people from achieving contentment, even if they genuinely want to do so. Some of these, such as trying to copy other people’s actions, living in the past, resisting change and pretending to be different, are relatively easy to recognize. But the two most prominent obstacles which constantly serve to undermine any attempt to succeed are their subconscious fear of failing and their inability to express true gratitude and humility. In this context, Buddha in his teachings many centuries ago offered his advice for achieving true contentment. His words are just as relevant today as they were when he delivered them more than 2000 years ago and continue to be worthy of serious consideration:

“Do not blindly believe what others say or do. See for yourself what brings contentment, clarity and peace; That is the path for you to follow.”

            Living a life of true contentment embodies certain definitive criteria which are distinctly different from those individuals who spend their whole lives trying to accumulate everything, control everyone and horde as much as they can. Despite all the successes they have accumulated, they are never ever be satisfied with their life and remain driven to achieve more, sometimes even against their better judgment. Contented people, as a group, appear to exhibit a certain distinctive mindset, of knowing when enough is enough, and qualities of living that are clearly different in every way. Among these attributes, the following standout as prominent factors:

-Living in the Present, and not being influenced by the failures of the past, or the promises of future gains.

-Emotional Maturity, knowing who you are and the extent of your personal boundaries and not concerned about what others think or expect.

-Self Identity, and strong family support, creating a person with strong and clear confidence to stay with their beliefs.

-Sense of Purpose, know the goals to be achieved and not being influenced by prevailing circumstances.

-Sense of Satisfaction, and a realistic evaluation of opportunities available and manageable.

-Humility to know the extent of ability and Gratitude to be satisfied with the outcome and not affected by criticisms or opinions.

            True Contentment provides such vital attributes as the opportunity for personal fulfillment, improving the outlook in life and reducing stress levels associated with the fear of failing or of not achieving, and allows you to appreciate the things you care about most. Life becomes more enjoyable because of the unmistakable freedom that comes from knowing who you really are, what your real needs are, and living the life you were destined to live, free from the shackles of having to compete with others. Contentment should never be looked on as an achievement to be acquired by effort or reward, but rather as an attitude that must be adopted in order to acquire the fundamental changes in behavior needed to lead to happiness and satisfaction. Repeated studies have demonstrated that in any community, the chances of finding an increased incidence of people enjoying personal contentment increases substantially in the presence of strong family units, strong community support and a culture of satisfaction in life’s basic needs. The Greek philosopher, Socrates, almost 2500 years ago, appreciated this dichotomy when he observed:

“He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have,”

                                         

         The contented spirit is one who rejects the greedy drive for the best of everything for one of making the best of what is available. By looking at life as it really is, it becomes easier to appreciate the potential possibilities and concentrate on what is really needed, rather than what is being missed. In relating with others, the contented person will appreciate the help given and make use of it, while the others are more concerned about how much more can be obtained. The contented person spends time enjoying what he has, and is proud of what he has for the satisfaction they provide,  while the other is unhappy because of the many things he has yet to acquire and has not. Above all, contentment encourages a sense of gratitude for all the positives that are experienced, and they genuinely value the life being lived while ignoring the lack of those things not available; -satisfaction is having enough, not everything!

         In this respect, I am reminded of the brilliantly appropriate quotation by an obscure French popular singer who has adopted the name of the ancient Egyptian God, Akhenaton. In a strange and imprecise way, he very wisely placed true contentment in the right perspective:

“To be satisfied with a little is the greatest wisdom.

 He that increases his riches increases his cares.

 But a contented mind is a hidden treasure, and troubles

 do not find it.”

-Indeed, to know a person who is truly contented in every aspect of his life is to appreciate the beauty of a life lived to its fullest. A life freed from the bonds of jealousy, suspicion, anger and greed and overflowing with satisfaction, love, respect and humility, and above all else, a life filled with God’s Blessings.

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