"You make a choice
or set a goal and let people know about it. Then just getting started leads to
the discovery of internal resources that help us to go further than we ever
thought we could."
This
quotation by Christopher Reeve, a
young, brilliant, talented, highly successful American actor, film director,
producer, screenwriter, author and activist, is one that will recur prominently
in the annals of human endeavor. This is the story of a young man who, at the
height of his career in 1995, sustained a life changing fall from a horse
during an equestrian competition. The fall resulted in two severely damaged
cervical vertebrae and a concomitant below-neck paralysis that was total and
irreversible. Rather than cower in despair and depression, cursing his luck and
his God, as so many would have done and continue to do, he rose to the
challenge and chose to find the inner resources buried deeply within him that
were needed to become a new champion for all the countless unfortunate paraplegics
like him. During the 9 years he lived before dying suddenly from recurrent
septicemia in 2004, he became a committed lobbyist and outspoken spokesman for
people with spinal cord injuries and he advocated tirelessly for stem cell
research to help find a cure. He founded several foundations to assist others
with disability. He has been instrumental for the donation of millions of
dollars to the cause.
His story is by means uncommon or unusual. It
speaks for endless examples of people who were rendered incapacitated in body
or mind but were able to dig deep into their inner resources and find a way to
continue living. Marc Buonoconti was
a 19 year old student at The Citadel was he sustained a broken neck while
playing football in 1985 more than 30 years ago. By his own admission, his
first few years were a disaster until he found the difference and his reason to
continue living. He described this in his own words as:
“The ability to do something for somebody
else is far more rewarding and important. The experiences that I’ve been able
to go through both good and bad have made this life much more rewarding and
much more beautiful than I know for sure that my other life would have been.”
Although permanently
confined to a wheelchair, and completely dependent on others for most things,
he heads an organization, The Miami
Project to Cure Paralysis, together with the University of Miami, which is
aggressively trying to achieve a breakthrough in providing help to those in
need.
In very similar situation, are the countless number of young
men and women of the armed forces who sustained substantial injuries while
serving in active combat duty. The great majority of those who returned home
had no option but to find the necessary strength of character and determination
needed to overcome their handicaps and resume their lives at home. In every one
of these successful instances, their recovery was facilitated not only by the
excellent advances in medical care available, but to a great extent, because they
were able to dig deep within themselves and find their inner resources to
assist in overcome their adversities. Those who failed, were left to wallow in
their misery supported by others, or to join the increasing army of the homeless
population that inhabit the nation’s parks and alleys. The stories of those who
succeeded bring to mind the famous quotation by the great Greek stoic
philosopher, Epictetus, who more than
2000 years ago observed:
“Every difficulty in life presents us with an
opportunity to turn inward and invoke our own submerged inner resources. The
trials we endure can and should introduce us to our strengths.”
Psychologists describe these subconscious abilities to
respond to threatening situations that are far beyond the routine experiences,
as the inner resources. One’s inner
resources are the dominant driving forces that determine how the individual
behaves when faced with threatening situations. In any situation they directly
influence whether the action taken is positive and responsive, rather than just reactive
and defensive. They are embedded in the individual’s psyche and reinforced by
the individual’s underlying beliefs, experiences and attitudes, and brought to
bear in support of the special needs. They not easily accessible, and can be
seriously compromised by previous failed and bad experiences in early life. They
will only appear when the circumstances are appropriate and warranted, and the
individual is committed and receptive.
The history of man’s behavior throughout the centuries is
replete with examples of stories of outstanding successes against daunting and
insurmountable odds. In every instant these people were able to find their elusive
inner resources that propelled them to move forward against formidable
obstacles. They found a reason to rise above the restrictions of fear, self-pity,
and sorrow, and to recognize that they had within them the opportunity to help
others by their own example, to cope with their burdens. Their choice was
relatively simple. People like Buonoconti
and Reeve had the option to wallow in
their misery and spend the rest of their lives totally dependent on the
kindness of others for everything, and blame God and everyone else for their
misfortune. Or, as in the case of my late brother-in-law, who was himself a
victim of a broken neck accident, who chose to accept his misfortune as an act
of God, blaming no one, not even himself. He, like an untold number of other people
from all walks of life who have found themselves in such situations, found
great peace and renewed purpose in dedicating the rest of his ‘new life’ to
teaching and helping others to cope with the demands their disabilities.
The tendency of looking to others for support whenever we
find ourselves in stormy waters is universal. We instinctively turn to others for
help, for strength, and for reassurance because of the deeply embedded fear of
inadequacy in our own ability that so many of us possess. To a large extent,
this is the result of society’s influences and exposures that serve to encourage
us to be more reliant and dependent on others, and reduce the need to depend on
ourselves. Yet the truth is that in every situation of stress or confrontation,
while others can help to make the journey easier, it is always up to us to
rally the necessary resources needed to complete the task. Albert Schweitzer, the great German physician, theologian,
humanitarian, philosopher and Nobel laureate who spent his whole life in
serving his fellow man in medicine and faith, reminded us of this when he
noted:
“One, who gains strength from overcoming obstacles,
possesses the only strength that can overcome adversity.”
The
recently deceased Professor Stephen
Hawking, the brilliant English mathematician and theoretical physicist
whose work on cosmology and quantum gravity has changed our ideas of the
universe, stands out as a glowing example of someone who has embraced his
disability and found the inner strength to move far above the highest
expectations. He was very severely physically disabled as a result of a chronic
debilitating disease, ALS, which he contracted while yet an undergraduate
student. The disease rendered him a ‘crumbled
piece of humanity” totally confined to a wheelchair and only able to
communicate by movement of a single facial muscle and the use of a sophisticated
computer. Yet despite all of this, he found the strength and the resources to
rise to the very highest pinnacle of human endeavor and admiration. Throughout
his life he focused solely on his strengths and never on his weaknesses. When
he was asked to comment on people with disability, he replied:
“My advice to other disabled people would be,
concentrate on things your disability doesn’t prevent you doing well, and don’t
regret the things it interferes with. Don’t be disabled in spirit as well as
physically.”
-This to me is the true hallmark of a man who had
succeeded to rise high above nature’s obstacles, search out and find his
deepest inner resources, and making full use of them, enjoy the very best he
can of the opportunities that his life offered him.
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