“Holding
on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at
someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
These appropriately
descriptive words of wisdom were spoken by the great Indian ascetic monk,
philosopher, and founder of Buddhism, Lord
Buddha, more than 400 years before Christ. They speak clearly and
unambiguously to the dangers of living with anger, and are a powerful reminder
of the potential pain, suffering and disruption that can be inflicted anyone’s
emotional responses.
Seneca, the great Roman philosopher, stoic and thinker,
who lived during the time of Christ, was one of the first people to undertake a
serious study of anger. Interestingly, the findings he established with regard
to its recognition, management and avoidance have remained virtually unchanged
over the succeeding centuries of civilization and are as relevant today as they
were thousands of years ago. In his famous essay he described anger as a “plague” which has cost the human race
more than anything else. He concluded
quite appropriately with the following observation:
“Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more
hurtful to us than the injury it provoked.”
I cannot think of
anyone, including myself, who is not guilty of responding to threatened
situations with inappropriate anger over and over again, and then finding that
rather than solving the conflict, we had inevitably aggravated the situation. So
many times I have responded in anger to situations for which at the time I felt
justified, only realizing subsequently that no resolution occurred, and even
worse, that the situation was further compromised. It is abundantly clear to me
that anger is never productive nor is it ever justifiable or excusable, except
in highly selected instances. Everyone loses a great deal more than they ever
gain, and the resulting loss can rarely, if ever, be regained. This is a lesson
that only few ever bother to take the time to learn.
Lawrence Douglas Wilder, the 1st African-American to be elected
as governor of an American state, Virginia, in 1990, writing about his own experiences
in public life, took the time to warn others in clear and definitive terms of
the dangers of anger when he recorded:
“Anger
does not solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything.”
-Indeed, anger is the single most destructive force
in human behavior!
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