“The
Monkey never sees his own tail.”
This interesting proverb, a comment on human social
behavior, is a long established part of the West Indian
Islands Folklore. It refers specifically to the
general tendency of people who are quick to point out other people’s faults, while
paying little regard to their own baggage. It confirms the universal finding that
people in general, are conditioned both
physically and psychologically, to search for possible faults in everyone
around them, mainly as a way of protecting themselves against the potential exposure
of their own blemishes.
It
is an unfortunate fact that people by nature are generally inclined to always
focus on the other person’s faults and seek to use them as weapons against the
individuals. Instead of spending the time to look for the meaningfulness and
kindness in the actions of others, they prefer to spend this time searching for
some distortion to use against them. This type of screwed perception is undoubtedly
one of the root causes of much of the confusion, misunderstanding and lack of
trust that exists today. By insisting on viewing everything through our
distorted and clouded lens, we are more likely to assume that the whole world
must also be equally distorted, dark and unacceptable. Under these
circumstances, clearly any action done is more likely to appear to be different
than it really is, and lead us to genuinely assume that the world was wrong,
and therefore by inference, we must be right. This explains why whenever we are
challenged we are likely to react with righteous indignation because we believed
we were right and that the others were at fault.
Psychologists
explain that this behavior is a deeply-embedded defense mechanism driven by our
internal insecurities, causing us to look for the flaws in others as a way to affirm
that our actions are justified. This is the reason why it is always a difficult
task to persuade anybody that their perception may be compromised. Unless we
are able to identify the fundamental causes for the distortion, we are more
likely to turn to the subconscious urge to blame others as the root cause for
the existing faults, and by doing this, provide reason to feel good about ourselves.
Unfortunately,
by continuing this attitude of constantly looking for fault in everything, or
by mentally prejudging others in any way, we will inevitably cheat ourselves of
the opportunity to see the beauty and goodness that exists all around us and
can end up, like so many people in the society are doing, viewing everyone and
everything as threats to our peace and stability. It does not need great effort
to see that this is in fact what is happening in the world around us, where
people and nations are spending great time and effort in blaming each other for
the sorry state of anxiety and constant treat we live in. This is precisely what
the great English author and publisher, Samuel
Richardson observed more than two hundred and fifty years ago, when he
noted:
“It is
much easier to find fault in others, than to be faultless ourselves.”
Because of the many deep-seated and
complex emotional factors involved in its development, correcting this behavior
is never an easy undertaking. It must begin by a willingness to appreciate and then
acknowledge one’s own insecurities, and then try to understand the reasons for
our generating the negative thoughts and the feelings towards others. This will
only take place after some insight is achieved, and the individual begins to
understand and accept his own fears and weaknesses. Only when this occurs, can
the individual begin to see more clearly the futility of using negative
thinking, and the great benefit to be achieved from being honest and truthful
to oneself. This fundamental fact was very effectively demonstrated by Satya Narayan Goenka, the highly
respected Burmese-Indian guru and master of meditation in his writings which is
effectively summarized in this quotation:
“When one
experiences the truth, the madness of finding fault with others disappears.”
-The great power of this statement, when
clearly understood and implemented, will go a long way to correcting this
universal tragedy of constantly finding fault in human interpersonal relations
that currently envelops this world that we all share.
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