DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - Living as if it is the Last Day

 

“Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal.

Live this day as if it were your last day.

The past is over and gone.

 The future is not guaranteed.”

 

         This profound and truly poignant quotation was made by one of America’s most successful, internationally recognized and trusted psychologist, motivational speaker and self-help guru, Dr. Wayne Dyer. The validity of this statement has always struck me as one of the most significant pieces of advice that any person can give, or receive, from anyone about whom he truly cares. Every single word rings out loudly and clearly with the truth, and with an impact that only those who care about spending their life well, will appreciate. The message is as simple as it is dramatic. Life indeed, is not given to us as a trial to see if we like it, but rather, it is a special gift handed to us to do as we choose. It was never meant to be what others think it ought to be, but it is what it is, and the way we cope with it, is what ultimately makes the difference.

          In 2005, Steve Jobs, one of America’s greatest, most enigmatic and successful entrepreneurs, founder and guiding light for the over-whelming successful Apple and Pixar companies, while addressing the Stamford University graduating students in his now very famous Commencement address, began with the following observation: If you lived each day as if it were your last, some day you’ll be right. He then continued by elaborating on his own personal approach to his life with the following comment: 

“For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself:  If today was the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today? And whenever the answer has been ‘No!’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

He fully lived his words to the very end, without ever compromising his beliefs or himself. In fact, he spent the last several months of his life, after becoming aware that he was terminally ill, continuing to actively work at Apple as best as he could, every day. He insisted on coming to work up to the day before he died; and had even planned to return the next day.

         Realistically, except for those people who choose to artificially end their lives either by themselves, or by others, no one can strictly live each day knowing absolutely if it is the last day of their life on earth. Clearly, any attempt to literally do so, would obviously be considered to be completely unrealistic, fool-hardy, and even border on paranoid thinking. The truth in the statement however, lies in the fact that life itself cannot be truly realized without being fully aware of, and totally accepting, everything it has to offer in that moment in time. And even as we recognize the truth that the next moment is never guaranteed, we must still be willing, not only to embrace the good things, but also the bad things that come along. For while we all prefer always to look forward for success in our ventures, we cannot try to ignore the fact that problems that may arise. We must not allow ourselves to blindly believe that we can hold on to the good things forever, for they will not last forever, and equally, we cannot ignore the fact that problems do develop, for they too, have to be solved or if not, be accepted.

         More than 2000 years ago in the 2^nd century BC, the great ancient Roman Emperor, and Rome’s most respected stoic philosopher, Marcus Aurelius firmly offered the following advice:

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to breathe, to think, to enjoy and to love.”

Beyond any doubt, this is the finest advice any human being can offer to another for whom he truly cares. This truth has undoubtedly stood the test of the changing cultures, and the evolving attitudes over the succeeding centuries. It remains as fresh and as relevant today as it was in the time of the ancient Roman societies. Clearly, no single moment in our life must ever be measured by a whole lifetime of experience, or even a segment of it, but only in that moment. And so too, any joy or happiness we experience can only be appreciated in the moment. So that, it is only when we choose to deliberately live each moment as if it is the last, we can begin then to avoid the distractions of the past, and the anxieties of the future, and fully enjoy the bounties of the present.

         No one will ever deny that death, like birth, are among a few events that are completely beyond our control, and therefore impossible to accurately predict. In much the same way, the individual has no control of where, how and when he is born, nor can he control where, how and when he dies. And while we may have some control over many events in our lives, there are others we readily accept and live with, even without having any influence on them. We have no control over what other people think, or feel, or say, or do, and for that matter, we  accept the reality of those events around us, such as the natural or man-made disasters that can seriously affect us. Equally, we tend to re-live the events of the past, for which we can do nothing anymore, or the future, which are not yet events. But to be able to cope with this dilemma however, requires the individual to do a great deal to maximize the opportunities of living fully and completely, until the final bell is sounded. For these reasons it is incumbent in every person to be fully cognizant of those events in life that must be changed, and those he cannot.  Lain Thomas, the well-respected contemporary South African author and poet, placed this personal conflict in the right context when he noted:

“And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling, “this is important!” or “You need to worry about this”. And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hands back, put it on your heart and say, “No, this is not important!”

In this regard, the Holy Bible, in Matthew 6:33-34, offers, as it so often does, a simple but effective solution when it advised:

“Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

         But if instead, we were to follow Steve Jobs’ advice and treat each day as if it is the last day, we will find ourselves searching for the best way we can of spending it. Rather than wasting it on useless worry over what others say or think about us, or chase after things just to satisfy our egos, or hold back on saying or doing something, so as not to offend some people, we should instead be listening to our inner self and chasing after our own hopes and dreams. And rather than giving in to our trepidation and our fears of taking risks, or spending our time just envying others for doing so, we should be willing to strike out into the unknown, as Jobs did, and find out for ourselves. And rather than continuing to harbor disappointments, regrets, or animosity to others for the wrongs committed, whether these were real or imagined, we should take the step to forgive and forget. All of these, and the countless other barriers that we ourselves build in our misguided intention of self-preservation, serve only to prevent us from living each day to the fullest.

         I have no doubt that every single person who has lived and shared this world of ours will have their own list of successful people who have steadfastly lived their lives by this principle and in so doing, have fulfilled all their wildest dreams. For me, very high on my list, is a distant cousin whom I have known all my life, and for whom, I have the very highest regard. Beginning from very humble situations, he succeeded in building an empire far, far beyond anyone’s wildest expectations. He achieved this success not only because of his dominant personality and rich and vibrant imagination, but above all, his all-consuming ability to live each day as if it was his last day. He  gave it all he had in him each day; and then repeated the same all over again on each subsequent day, always being fully aware that one of those days will indeed be his last!  And even when, well after his 90^th birthday, as all the signs pointed inevitably to the end, he would arise each morning, celebrate the gift of another day, and proceed to live it fully as if this was indeed, his last day.

         Franco Santoro, a well-known, internationally recognized British spiritual counselor, and creator of the concept of Astroshamanism, has offered one of the finest summaries of a person who chooses to a life fully in the moment, when he advised:

“Live every day as if it were your last. Spend your life hanging by a thread. Accept that you can fall from one moment to the next. And when the moment comes, rejoice, because the last day will be the first, and you will become the thread itself!”

-Without doubt, we have all been given this wonderful gift of life by the Almighty, without any preconditions, and it is left to each one of us to do with it as we choose. Some of us choose to withdraw into a shell, avoid any challenge, and live out our life in sterile inactivity. Others will choose the path of least risk, follow the path of another and be content to spend their lives in the shadows, never ever feeling the warmth of their own sun. And then, there are those fortunate ones who choose to step into the sunshine, walk on their own path, answer to their own drums, all the while rejoicing that they can live each day fully until the last day comes.

 

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - Just Being Present

               “The gift you offer another person is just your being.”  

         This powerful and dramatic observation was made by Ram Dass (Dr. Richard Alpert, PhD), a brilliant American psychologist, spiritual leader, bestselling author, and convert to Hinduism, in his highly successful publication, Being Here Now, published in 1971. In doing so, he was making the point that when one gives another person the fullness of one’s presence in any moment, just a little effort will go a long way in providing fulfillment. But when one holds back and gives less, then there will never be enough to provide relief or satisfaction. He recognized very early in his own search, that to always be fully present in the moment is not only the greatest gift he can offer to any situation, but that he himself will remain at peace with himself and be fully involved every time.

         In much the same way, the highly respected and internationally recognized 92-year-old Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, who presently resides in France, and spends his time teaching others the essence of Buddhist thought and practices, insists on trying to be there for any one in need. He constantly emphasizes the power of being present in the moment to transform lives, and he insists further, that to be truly alive requires us to be mindful of our presence in the moment, and to be fully aware of, and be completely free of, any of the negative things around us. He has spent his whole life trying to persuade others that nothing is more precious than living in the present, and that the most precious gift we can offer others is our presence

         Without question, just being truly present in the moment will go a long way to bring calm and peace to a stressful, busy day. The very act of being present and aware, can itself become an oasis of confidence and security, and a fountain of new energy to the harried and anxious. So often, just being there for someone will bring hope, when all seems to be hopeless, and strength to carry on, when everything pointed to failure. Nothing in human behavior is as powerful or as supportive, as the confidence that comes from just knowing there is someone else willing to stand by, and equally, nothing known to man can more effectively provide the assurance needed to get up and move forward again. This I believe led Charles Dickens, the famous English author and social critic, who is regarded as the greatest novelist of the Victorian era, to remind us all, of the impact on a person’s self-image that comes from just being present for another, when he noted: 

“No one is useless in this world who

lightens the burdens of another.”

         The urge for being present for others does not just arise from learning, or from experience, but in fact, it appears to be embedded  deeply in our human DNA. The capacity for doing good that so many people appear to exhibit, may well originate from specific genes that have been passed on from generation to generation, and they may well have played a major role in the survival of the human species. In addition, many physiological and psychological research studies have demonstrated a definitive relationship existing between being present, and the effect of bringing joy and satisfaction to another person in need. They also have demonstrated measurable increased vasopressor activities of specific receptors in the brain producing oxytocin and vasopressin in specific areas of the brain. Int addition, the instinctive urge which causes some people to step up to help others in need appears to be based not only on a desire to help others, but also for self-protection and self-preservation. Because, irrespective of the effort, small or large, trying to do good for others not only feels good, but actually does us good. All of which points to the undeniable conclusion that the reason many of us are driven to be present for others, is because of the instinctual gratification it provides to us as well.

         Leo Tolstoy, the great Russian aristocrat, author of several literary masterpieces, and considered by many as one of the greatest authors of all time, in drawing attention to the importance of just being present in the moment, stated:

“There is only one time that is important: -NOW!

It is the most important time because it is

                       the only time that we will have any power.”

The truth of this statement resonates loudly and clearly each and every time someone stops long enough to engage the attention of another in need. In my almost 50 years of medical practice, I can attest to the very large and countless numbers of encounters with my patients when, by my just being there, served to make a frightening situation feel more palatable. Each time I stopped long enough to explain what was happening, or offer words of encouragement to the confused family, or reassure the frightened relatives, or took the time and the patience to render bad news with care and with feeling, there is an indescribable moment of sharing that is never forgotten. All of these are indelibly imprinted in my mind and have gone a long way to make me the person I am today.

         All the major religions, without exception, stress to their members the need for being present at all times to share with, and support each other. They uniformly urge the faithful to make full use of the opportunities each day, for they may not be afforded a return opportunity again:

Zen Buddhism, as previously indicated, is based on the concept of ‘nowness’ and urges its members to live their lives under this umbrella.

Christianity preaches the brotherhood of mankind and the undeniable influence of one on another:

“If one member suffers, all suffer together.

If one member is honored, all rejoice together,”

1 Corinthian 12:16

Islam, no different, urges its followers to live in the present only, as the only way to be close to Allah:

“Let us live in the present, be conscious of it, feel it.

And then give Allah the credit he deserves.”

         By trying always to be in the present, we are able to avoid the real danger of living in the past; of holding on to regrets, of reviewing actions over and over, and finding reasons to not be present. Or we can just as easily find ourselves living in the future; making assumptions, finding excuses, anticipating outcomes and living on expectation, all the while ignoring the needs of the present. But in truth, in the end, it does not really matter where we come from, or where we want to go, or what we are doing. What matters above all, is that as human beings we are all in this together, and we should all be there for one another. -And whenever we do so, we are all better for it.

         Perhaps this is really what St. Francis of Assisi, the 13^th century Catholic friar and founder of the Franciscan Order of Brotherhood, an order dedicated to a life of simplicity and service to humanity, when he declared

“For it in the giving that we receive.

-Indeed, the real message from trying to live our whole life by being in the present is that by doing so, we are afforded the opportunity to be full participants in the art of living, and relish in the true joys that will come only by giving all, and by receiving all.

 

 

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - The Joys of Humility

 

“All the streams flow to the ocean because it is lower than they are.  It is this humility that gives the ocean its power.”

 

         This quotation is part of a major teaching on life and living by one of ancient China’s greatest philosophers, Lao Tzu, who lived in the 4^th century BC. He declared that there were only 3 precious actions that we should all hold dearly in life: Gentleness, Frugality and Humility. He then explained further that being gentle, leads to boldness, being frugal, will allow the person to be liberal, and by being humble, by not putting yourself before others, leads on to leadership. He insisted that of these, humility is the foundation of all the other virtues, and in its absence, there can be no other virtue. Since all the streams and rivers must eventually flow into it, the strength of the ocean is reflected by its lowly position, and not by its vast image.

         The Greek philosopher Aristotle, around the same time as Lao Tzu, in the 4^th century, elaborated further on the qualities of humility. He insisted that because humility is a moral virtue which can be easily polluted by arrogance and weakness, He considered that it was essential that one must have a clear and accurate self-knowledge of oneself, which includes not only the things we know, but equally, being aware of those matters about which we lack knowledge. Man, in the context of the entire universe, is an infinitesimally small part of it, and he cannot ever hope to do anything to affect the future, but, at an individual level, it was still possible, by practicing humility in everything, to continue to develop and achieve greater personal satisfaction. For it is only by practicing humility can we be able to truly understand ourselves, and equally, to understand everyone around us. Any attempt to do otherwise, will only result in deceit and disappointment.

          Contrary to the popular view, humility has nothing to do with being mild or weak, and it certainly does not mean that a humble person is necessarily afraid or submissive. Humility instead, is better viewed as an attitude of confident modesty, arising from a genuine understanding of who we are, what are our needs, and the extent of our capabilities. Humble people, by their very nature, show greater respect, have better social relationships, avoid deception and are more accepting of the situation. Because of the absence of any feelings of anger or suspicion within them, they are far more willing to forgive others, to show gratitude, and be generous and cooperative with friend and foe alike.

          Repeated physiological and psychological studies have established the effectiveness of adopting a humble role in all aspects of living. There is an undeniable advantage in the use of humility in learning new areas, in projecting an honest, acceptable image, in attracting others and persuading them to accept you. Humility increases the person’s overall psychological wellbeing and ensures healthy social interactions by removing the element of threat that often interferes with attitudes. It also has an equally dramatic effect on the physical wellbeing of the individual with far better control of all the essential factors including Sleep, Blood Pressure, Anxiety and Activity.

         The ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius, several thousand years ago confidently stated that humility is the solid foundation of all virtues, and insisted that when humility was motivated by a spirit of selflessness, it will always bring many tangible emotional, mental and social benefits. There is a certain indescribable joy that comes from living a life dominated by humility, that cannot be found in anything else. When one chooses to value others more than oneself, or give in, rather than fight, or try to help others in need, there is indeed a nobility in the actions taken. For those who choose to humble themselves, especially when there was no need to do so, prove that they value not only their own, but the wellbeing of their relationships far more than just proving they were right, or intent on getting their own way. The very highly respected Irish author and theologian C. S. Lewis, whose famous publication of “The Chronicles of Namia” is a study in humility, placed this in a simple but clear context when he wrote

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself.

But it is thinking of yourself, less.

         When Tim Tebow, a young American sportsman and a committed Christian, was challenged to explain his meek and humble behavior in spite of a very successful record, he offered the following simple but effective reason:

“So much of what we do is based on humility or on pride.

And when we humble ourselves, we are more like Christ.”

 In saying this, he was in fact confirming that humility is considered to be a bedrock of all the major religions, and that arrogance in all its forms, is the root of all the problems. Without a sense of humility and an acknowledgment deeply embedded in us, the natural survival instinct is to feel that we are justified in everything we think, say or do to protect us. But in fact, this ‘human” instinct runs counter to all the religious teachings:

- The Holy Bible and the Torah repeatedly reminds the faithful to follow the right direction as contained in 1 Peter 5:5-6:

“All you be submissive to one another and be clothed in humility, for God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

-While Buddhists and Hindus are equally definitive:

“Never believe you are above or below anyone.

Always keep a humble spirit.”

-And, the religion of Islam, by the very name itself, is founded on submission to Allah, and by discipline, brotherhood, generosity and humility.

 

    Unfortunately, quite unlike many of the developed societies of the previous centuries however, current societies prefer to see success only in achievement, entitlement and competition, and as a result, they are driven with a ceaseless urge for increasingly competitive, attention-seeking, and narcissistic obsessions for success and power at all cost. As a result, they see any attempt at humility as merely an admission of defeat and therefore should be avoided at all cost. It is no surprise that we end up choosing leaders who will ensure that this trend continues, even as we express surprise and disappointment with the increasing strife, conflict and distrust that appears to be escalating among every single layer of society. Lord John Buchan, the great Scottish historian, author, and 15^th Governor General of Canada, in his writings reminded us of this possibility when he observed:

 

“Without humility, there can be no humanity.”

 

    There is a certain honesty in humility that cannot be imitated, but must arise from deep within the soul of the individual. Sigmund Freud, the founder of the school of psychotherapy, explained the dynamics of this behavior by suggesting only humility can curb the instinctive power of the id, and restore balance to the ego.  Paramount among these was Jesus Christ himself, whose whole life was a lesson in humility, even though he could easily have chosen otherwise. And alternatively, nothing is more deceitful than that false appearance of humility so often presented by so many under the guise of sincerity. History itself, explodes with endless examples of people who had chosen to live their lives dictated by true humility, and of many others who willingly and diligently exploited it for selfish means. The names of all of these people are indelibly inscribed in the pages of history, and are readily available for all who cared.

 

    But humility must never be seen exclusively as the domain of a few gifted people, but rather as the ultimate goal of us all. Beginning with the parent when he chooses to spend his time and patience guiding and teaching his child, or the adult who chooses to hold back enough to allow others to grow, or the person who chooses to encourage those in need, rather than cut them down for failing. These are the true hallmarks of the humble. They arise from a basis of strength and confidence, and never from fear and uncertainty. It is only with genuine humility can we relate with others with trust and respect, or value ourselves in the way we should. And it is only with humility can we become more grateful, more caring, more responsive, and more giving to others. Perhaps, the Holy Bible, in Matthew 23:12, provides us with the clearest explanation for being humble in all things:

 

“Whoever exalts himself will be humbled.

And whoever humbles himself will be exalted.”

 

 

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - Choosing to Live with Patience

“A moment of patience in a moment of anger, will prevent a thousand moments of regret.”

 

         This profound and very prophetic quotation was made by Ali ibn Abu Talib (Imam Ali), one of Islam’s highly regarded scholars, a devote ascetic and a courageous soldier. He was also a favored cousin, the son-in-law and a chosen follower of the Prophet Mohammad. He was adamant that unless feelings of anger are set aside, a person may find himself having to carry the resulting burden of regret for the rest of his life. He insisted that any encounter, even those things that may be done or said in the heat of the moment and not seriously meant, can still cause feelings of disappointment and regret for a very long time after.

 

         For as long as records are available, patience, and the ability to wait, taken together, have always been considered to be desirable virtues, and viewed as good reflections of a person’s ability and his personality. But in using the term in this manner, the general implication is that since virtue is considered to be a state of moral excellence, then the ability to wait without complaint, is equally, an admirable quality. Nothing could be farther from the truth in this instance:

Waiting is essentially an instinctual response of holding back, or doing nothing, until circumstances become favorable. It is therefore essentially a non-productive, negative, delaying action until the time or something else changes to suit the person. While waiting, everything stops, and instead of a hope of optimism, there is a feeling of anticipation, expectation and concern until something happens.

Patience is not the same as waiting, but involves a definitive use of a complex mixture of several other virtues including self-control, generosity, self-respect and humility, which are deliberately used to achieve a specific aim. Unlike waiting, it is a learned skill in which the ‘waiting’ is a conscious part of a delaying action or response while hoping for the right time or result to appear.

 

 In the former, life stops and waits for the outcome, and in the latter, life will continue until there is one.

 

         The great 13^th century Persian scholar, mystic and philosopher, Rumi, in his scholarly writings, went to great lengths to very carefully and exquisitely explain the difference between patience and waiting when he noted:

“Patience is not sitting and waiting, it is foreseeing;

It is looking at the thorn, and seeing the rose.

It is looking at the night, and seeing the day.”

 

Patience therefore, is not about the ability to sit and wait for a desired outcome, but rather about the ability to have the right attitude while you are waiting. It is about being able to control your emotions rather than allowing them to control you. It is about possessing the capacity to accept or tolerate the negativity of delay, resistance, discomfort or disappointment without giving in to the reactions of frustration, anger, or disappointment. It is about being positive in space and time, where the action contemplated is directed toward a specific outcome, and therefore specific results can be anticipated. Because of its very nature, it has nothing to do with time, but rather with outcome. And people who try to set time limits, quickly feel the influence of stress, anxiety and concern, and before long, may even lose their emotional balance and end up despondent and desperate.

 

         But being patient does not come easily or automatically to everyone, and at times, can be very difficult to try to implement successfully. Especially in our current world, dominated by the need for instant gratification, where life is measured by immediate success, popularity and power, and results are measured by length of time, rather than by quality, the virtue of patience is not held in highest regard. In a world where everything is seemingly available on demand, it can be hard to insist on patience. Everyone around are convinced that they can satisfy all their needs, and have it all, without much difficulty, not by patiently earning them, but by subtlety and trickery. 

 

        This urge for instant gratification has blunted our patience, made us lose our perspective on life, and has replaced it with an insatiable need for immediate satisfaction. It is no surprise therefore, that the gentle art of patience, once so popular in society, has been replaced by the anger of impatience, and the demands for results. No longer do we relish the peace and joy that comes from patiently waiting for fulfillment of our hopes and dreams.  This is perhaps what Winifred May (Patience Strong), the very talented English poet so gracefully lamented when she wrote:

 

“Happy is the person who can keep a quiet heart                                         in the chaos and tumult of this modern world.”

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               Imam Ali, centuries ago, pointed to the power of patience in defining the true character of the man, when he cautioned:

 

“Two things will always define you:

Your patience when you have nothing, and

Your attitude when you have everything.”

 

For him, the true value of any person is readily displayed by the manner in which he makes use of patience. To the person who has nothing, who is in need of the basic essentials for living, then to be patient can be a great burden. Having to wait for the right time can be difficult and testing, and he will often end up in anger and frustration. While the person who has everything, and therefore needs nothing or no one, will still search for acceptance, and without the patience to earn it, his attitude will be one of rejection or resentment. In both these instances, the character and personality of the individual will clearly be projected by how effective he is able make use of patience to achieve his desired goal.

 

               Without question, having patience is essential to daily life. The ability to wait calmly in the face of uncertainty, frustration or adversity is the key to a happy, successful life. Behavioral scientists have repeatedly confirmed, what all the religions and philosophers for centuries have been saying, that: good things always come those who wait patiently. People who live their lives guided by patience and understanding are generally better in every aspect of their lives. They make up the foundation of a good society and the backbone of a healthy, mature family life. Even more, by cultivating patience and by living by its principles, one is able to release all those things that are outside of his control, free himself from the stresses, anxieties and frustrations of living, and as a result find a happier more productive life.

 

         Dr. Deepak Chopra, an Indian-born, American physician, author, public speaker and expert on alternative medicine, while addressing the virtues of living a life dominated by patience, placed all of this in the right context when he observed:

 

“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask yourself if you want to be a prisoner of the past, or a pioneer of the future.”

 

-This indeed is the true promise of choosing to live a life directed by patience and understanding, and freed of shackles of fear, concern and worry of the unknown. For no matter how dark and threatening the road ahead appears, with patience in control, relief will surely come into view.

 

 

 

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