“A moment of patience in a moment of anger, will prevent a thousand moments of regret.”
This profound and very prophetic quotation was made by Ali ibn Abu Talib (Imam Ali), one of Islam’s highly regarded scholars, a devote ascetic and a courageous soldier. He was also a favored cousin, the son-in-law and a chosen follower of the Prophet Mohammad. He was adamant that unless feelings of anger are set aside, a person may find himself having to carry the resulting burden of regret for the rest of his life. He insisted that any encounter, even those things that may be done or said in the heat of the moment and not seriously meant, can still cause feelings of disappointment and regret for a very long time after.
For as long as records are available, patience, and the ability to wait, taken together, have always been considered to be desirable virtues, and viewed as good reflections of a person’s ability and his personality. But in using the term in this manner, the general implication is that since virtue is considered to be a state of moral excellence, then the ability to wait without complaint, is equally, an admirable quality. Nothing could be farther from the truth in this instance:
Waiting is essentially an instinctual response of holding back, or doing nothing, until circumstances become favorable. It is therefore essentially a non-productive, negative, delaying action until the time or something else changes to suit the person. While waiting, everything stops, and instead of a hope of optimism, there is a feeling of anticipation, expectation and concern until something happens.
Patience is not the same as waiting, but involves a definitive use of a complex mixture of several other virtues including self-control, generosity, self-respect and humility, which are deliberately used to achieve a specific aim. Unlike waiting, it is a learned skill in which the ‘waiting’ is a conscious part of a delaying action or response while hoping for the right time or result to appear.
In the former, life stops and waits for the outcome, and in the latter, life will continue until there is one.
The great 13th century
Persian scholar, mystic and philosopher, Rumi, in his scholarly
writings, went to great lengths to very carefully and exquisitely explain the
difference between patience and waiting when he noted:
“Patience is not sitting and waiting, it is foreseeing;
It is looking at the thorn, and seeing the rose.
It is looking at the night, and seeing the day.”
Patience therefore, is not about the ability to sit and wait for a desired outcome, but rather about the ability to have the right attitude while you are waiting. It is about being able to control your emotions rather than allowing them to control you. It is about possessing the capacity to accept or tolerate the negativity of delay, resistance, discomfort or disappointment without giving in to the reactions of frustration, anger, or disappointment. It is about being positive in space and time, where the action contemplated is directed toward a specific outcome, and therefore specific results can be anticipated. Because of its very nature, it has nothing to do with time, but rather with outcome. And people who try to set time limits, quickly feel the influence of stress, anxiety and concern, and before long, may even lose their emotional balance and end up despondent and desperate.
But being patient does not come easily or automatically to everyone, and at times, can be very difficult to try to implement successfully. Especially in our current world, dominated by the need for instant gratification, where life is measured by immediate success, popularity and power, and results are measured by length of time, rather than by quality, the virtue of patience is not held in highest regard. In a world where everything is seemingly available on demand, it can be hard to insist on patience. Everyone around are convinced that they can satisfy all their needs, and have it all, without much difficulty, not by patiently earning them, but by subtlety and trickery.
This urge for instant gratification has blunted our patience, made us lose our perspective on life, and has replaced it with an insatiable need for immediate satisfaction. It is no surprise therefore, that the gentle art of patience, once so popular in society, has been replaced by the anger of impatience, and the demands for results. No longer do we relish the peace and joy that comes from patiently waiting for fulfillment of our hopes and dreams. This is perhaps what Winifred May (Patience Strong), the very talented English poet so gracefully lamented when she wrote:
“Happy is the person who can keep a quiet heart in the chaos and tumult of this modern world.”
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Imam Ali, centuries ago, pointed to the power of patience in defining the true character of the man, when he cautioned:
“Two things will always define you:
Your patience when you have nothing, and
Your attitude when you have everything.”
For him, the true value of any person is readily displayed by the manner in which he makes use of patience. To the person who has nothing, who is in need of the basic essentials for living, then to be patient can be a great burden. Having to wait for the right time can be difficult and testing, and he will often end up in anger and frustration. While the person who has everything, and therefore needs nothing or no one, will still search for acceptance, and without the patience to earn it, his attitude will be one of rejection or resentment. In both these instances, the character and personality of the individual will clearly be projected by how effective he is able make use of patience to achieve his desired goal.
Without question, having patience is essential to daily life. The ability to wait calmly in the face of uncertainty, frustration or adversity is the key to a happy, successful life. Behavioral scientists have repeatedly confirmed, what all the religions and philosophers for centuries have been saying, that: good things always come those who wait patiently. People who live their lives guided by patience and understanding are generally better in every aspect of their lives. They make up the foundation of a good society and the backbone of a healthy, mature family life. Even more, by cultivating patience and by living by its principles, one is able to release all those things that are outside of his control, free himself from the stresses, anxieties and frustrations of living, and as a result find a happier more productive life.
Dr. Deepak Chopra, an Indian-born, American physician, author, public speaker and expert on alternative medicine, while addressing the virtues of living a life dominated by patience, placed all of this in the right context when he observed:
“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask yourself if you want to be a prisoner of the past, or a pioneer of the future.”
-This indeed is the true promise of choosing to live a life directed by patience and understanding, and freed of shackles of fear, concern and worry of the unknown. For no matter how dark and threatening the road ahead appears, with patience in control, relief will surely come into view.
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