“The gift you offer
another person is just your being.”
This
powerful and dramatic observation was made by Ram Dass (Dr. Richard Alpert,
PhD), a brilliant American psychologist, spiritual leader, bestselling
author, and convert to Hinduism, in his highly successful publication, Being
Here Now, published in 1971. In doing so, he was making the point
that when one gives another person the fullness of one’s presence in any
moment, just a little effort will go a long way in providing fulfillment. But
when one holds back and gives less, then there will never be enough to provide
relief or satisfaction. He recognized very early in his own search, that to
always be fully present in the moment is not only the greatest gift he can
offer to any situation, but that he himself will remain at peace with himself
and be fully involved every time.
In
much the same way, the highly respected and internationally recognized 92-year-old
Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, who presently resides in
France, and spends his time teaching others the essence of Buddhist
thought and practices, insists on trying to be there for any one in need. He
constantly emphasizes the power of being present in the moment to transform
lives, and he insists further, that to be truly alive requires us to be mindful
of our presence in the moment, and to be fully aware of, and be completely free
of, any of the negative things around us. He has spent his whole life trying to
persuade others that nothing is more precious than living in the present, and
that the most precious gift we can offer others is our presence
Without question, just being truly present in the moment will go a long way to bring calm and peace to a stressful, busy day. The very act of being present and aware, can itself become an oasis of confidence and security, and a fountain of new energy to the harried and anxious. So often, just being there for someone will bring hope, when all seems to be hopeless, and strength to carry on, when everything pointed to failure. Nothing in human behavior is as powerful or as supportive, as the confidence that comes from just knowing there is someone else willing to stand by, and equally, nothing known to man can more effectively provide the assurance needed to get up and move forward again. This I believe led Charles Dickens, the famous English author and social critic, who is regarded as the greatest novelist of the Victorian era, to remind us all, of the impact on a person’s self-image that comes from just being present for another, when he noted:
“No one is useless in this world who
lightens the burdens
of another.”
The
urge for being present for others does not just arise from learning, or from
experience, but in fact, it appears to be embedded deeply in our human DNA. The capacity for
doing good that so many people appear to exhibit, may well originate from
specific genes that have been passed on from generation to generation, and they
may well have played a major role in the survival of the human species. In
addition, many physiological and psychological research studies have demonstrated
a definitive relationship existing between being present, and the effect of
bringing joy and satisfaction to another person in need. They also have
demonstrated measurable increased vasopressor activities of specific receptors in
the brain producing oxytocin and vasopressin in specific areas of the brain. Int
addition, the instinctive urge which causes some people to step up to help others
in need appears to be based not only on a desire to help others, but also for
self-protection and self-preservation. Because, irrespective of the effort,
small or large, trying to do good for others not only feels good, but actually
does us good. All of which points to the undeniable conclusion that the
reason many of us are driven to be present for others, is because of the
instinctual gratification it provides to us as well.
Leo
Tolstoy, the
great Russian aristocrat, author of several literary masterpieces, and
considered by many as one of the greatest authors of all time, in drawing
attention to the importance of just being present in the moment, stated:
“There is only one time that is important: -NOW!
It is the most important time because it is
the only time that we
will have any power.”
The truth of this statement resonates loudly
and clearly each and every time someone stops long enough to engage the
attention of another in need. In my almost 50 years of medical practice, I can
attest to the very large and countless numbers of encounters with my patients
when, by my just being there, served to make a frightening situation feel more
palatable. Each time I stopped long enough to explain what was happening, or
offer words of encouragement to the confused family, or reassure the frightened
relatives, or took the time and the patience to render bad news with care and
with feeling, there is an indescribable moment of sharing that is never forgotten.
All of these are indelibly imprinted in my mind and have gone a long way to
make me the person I am today.
All
the major religions, without exception, stress to their members the need for
being present at all times to share with, and support each other. They
uniformly urge the faithful to make full use of the opportunities each day, for
they may not be afforded a return opportunity again:
Zen Buddhism, as previously indicated,
is based on the concept of ‘nowness’ and urges its members to live their
lives under this umbrella.
Christianity preaches the brotherhood of mankind and the undeniable influence of one on another:
“If one member suffers, all suffer together.
If one member is honored, all rejoice together,”
1 Corinthian 12:16
Islam, no different, urges its followers to live in the present only, as the only way to be close to Allah:
“Let us live in the present, be conscious of it, feel it.
And then give Allah
the credit he deserves.”
By
trying always to be in the present, we are able to avoid the real danger of
living in the past; of holding on to regrets, of reviewing actions over and
over, and finding reasons to not be present. Or we can just as easily find
ourselves living in the future; making assumptions, finding excuses,
anticipating outcomes and living on expectation, all the while ignoring the
needs of the present. But in truth, in the end, it does not really matter where
we come from, or where we want to go, or what we are doing. What matters above
all, is that as human beings we are all in this together, and we should all be
there for one another. -And whenever we do so, we are all better for it.
Perhaps this is
really what St. Francis of Assisi, the 13th century Catholic
friar and founder of the Franciscan Order of Brotherhood, an order dedicated
to a life of simplicity and service to humanity, when he declared
“For it in the giving
that we receive.
-Indeed, the real message from trying to live our whole life by being in the present is that by doing so, we are afforded the opportunity to be full participants in the art of living, and relish in the true joys that will come only by giving all, and by receiving all.
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