DAILY SLICES OF LIFE

Life with Today’s Mother

[THIS ESSAY WAS FIRST PUBLISHED SEVERAL YEARS AGO. IT HAS SINCE BEEN VIEWED BY COUNTLESS NUMBERS OF PEOPLE. SOME HAVE AGREED AND OTHERS HAVE NOT, BUT NO ONE HAS DENIED THE VITAL PLACE OF MOTHERHOOD IN THE LIFE OF THE FAMILY.]

 

          As children we would often ask our late mother: which of the seven of us is your favorite one?

She would invariably answer, without the slightest hesitation, by reciting this old and tested Arab proverb:

“My favorite child is:
The baby, until he grows up.
The one who is sick, until he gets better.
The one who is away, until he comes home.
The one who is worried, until he stops worrying.

And then, all my children, for as long as I live.”

         Historically, a good mother is expected to devote her whole life to her family. She is the glue that held the family together, that provided the loving, supporting care they needed, and ensured the stable and consistent environment that is so important for the growing child. Above all else, she provides that tender nurturing that plays such a vital and irreplaceable role in the growth and maturity of the child. She in fact, is the care-giver, the nurse, the provider, the teacher, the advisor and the protector, all wrapped up in a single, unique, and beautiful package.

         Without ever being asked to do so, deep down within her spirit, she feels obligated to care for the family and to put their needs before all else. And she willingly, and unhesitatingly will set aside all her personal aspirations; however urgent they may be, to devote her life to the welfare of her family. And although her family may take for granted her special role as the 24-hour, unflinching source of all their needs, yet to her, her children were all God’s gifts to her, and she was not about to fail them. This role was beautifully described in the following quotation taken from the pages of the Godey’s Lady’s Book, 1867, a popular 19th century publication. It is certainly one that will garner unanimous agreement from everyone:

"About every true mother there is a sanctity of martyrdom, and when she is no more in the body, her children see her with the ring of light around her head."

         But, unfortunately, over the last several decades women's roles have been changing so much that many of the accepted facts relating to the priority of these roles have also changed. Especially so, is society's present vision of a woman as a multifaceted creature; one that should be able to manage her professional and personal aspirations with equal success and finesse, as her maternal responsibilities. While this change in many ways is admirable and desirable, the resulting conflict between the complex expanded roles of the new mother, and those with traditional beliefs, have given rise to many problems. So much so that many good and genuine women now find themselves being tested as never before, leading some to even question their own ability.

         Compounding this conflict are such factors as the increasing role of the mother as a second breadwinner, the resulting breakdown of the conventional family unit, and the rising tendency of the single-parent household. As a result, it is becoming extremely difficult for mothers to be able to provide everything a child needs to ensure optimum growth. She must now, not only provide the physical care and emotional support a child needs, but she must, at the same time, also provide enough income for the family to live on. Unfortunately, even with the best intentions and with increased effort, this situation frequently leads to problems of coping within the family. Many of these could result in serious negative effects, some of which may well compromise the ultimate growth and development of the children.  

         The true art of good motherhood is not, as so many men tend to assume, a natural or automatic instinct inherited by the mother. It takes a great deal of learning and practice to become a genuine and worthy mother. In the past, when they were raised in a caring home by a caring parent fully committed to passing it on to the child, they were certainly much better prepared. Unfortunately, in today’s setting with her increased demands, the mother is not able to spend the time and attention to the children, and as a result, not able to truly pass on the “old fashioned” maternal skills in the way that her mother was able to do.

         This has led to a succeeding generation of young women with less of the skills of their predecessors, and even less inclination to follow their examples. And when this is added to the increasing demand for self-sufficiency, and expanding work opportunities, it is not difficult to visualize the changing image of the role expected of modern motherhood. Among these are the increasing use of adjunct help like nurseries, pre-school, and babysitters to augment the mother’s role. All of which can play a significant role the child’s growth, but should not ever replace the mother’s influence. Yet, in many ways, if we are not careful, the children are at risk of losing their distinct identity, and having it replaced it with a common ‘herd’ one.

         I make no excuse for being so old-fashioned in lamenting the progressive demise of the full time, stay-at-home mother, with all the irreplaceable advantages it carries for the successful care, support and growth of the family. Equally, I do not deny that even in this modern day of the multifaceted mother, there are still, many instances of exceptional work done by many mothers whose children themselves, have become wonderful examples of caring mothers. The problem is that it is so much more difficult to ensure optimum results with the impersonal approach.

         No one can ever deny the unique and special place held by the mother in every society, and in every family unit. It is a role that must never be compromised for any reason or excuse whatever. Not enough can ever be written of this unique role the mother plays, nor should we ever be willing to relinquish our responsibilities toward them. But in the end, I cannot ever hope to do any better than to repeat the words of Washington Irving, the great 19th century American author and historian, in his own sensitive and special way, describing his view of a Mother:

“A Mother is the truest friend we have. When trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us, when adversity takes the place of prosperity, and when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine but desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels, to dissipate the clouds of darkness,
and cause peace to return to our hearts.”

-Indeed, as W. R. Wallace, the 19^th century Scottish-American poet so very wisely declared:

“The hand that rocks the cradle

is the hand that rules the world.”

 

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“God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers.”

                                                                            …Rudyard Kipling

“All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my Angel Mother.”

            ………Abraham Lincoln

“No gift to your Mother can ever equal her gift to you:                         - Your Life!”                                     .... Unknown Author

“Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of all little children.”

                         .... William Makepeace Thackeray

“If I had a single flower for every time I think about my Mother, I could walk forever in my garden.”                        

 .... Claudia Gandhi

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