DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - Choosing Integrity

 

 “Integrity is choosing your thoughts and actions based on values rather than on personal gain”

       These very sound and definitive words by an Author Unknown, speak directly and unequivocally to the vital importance of choosing to live life guided by Integrity. Integrity is that deeply embedded virtue, which only relatively few people are able to exhibit, where they choose to live a life motivated strictly by a determined need to be honest and truthful about, and to themselves, and not guided by personal gain or advantage. As the quotation quite clearly implies, integrity is the fundamental principle of living a life which requires the highest level of personal responsibility that provides maximum benefit for the entire milieu, rather than just to oneself.

         The word itself, derived from the Latin word, “integritas,” implies an action that was complete, consistent, unchanging, and upright. This perfectly describes the true image of a person of integrity, since to truly fulfill the strict criteria requires that the person live implicitly by a firm set of values and moral standards that are based on honesty, truth and justice, that his relations with others and with his total environment be based on openness and correctness, and not on self-satisfaction or on personal gain. In short, he is committed always to make the right decisions, irrespective of their subsequent impact on the ultimate outcome. In individual terms, integrity demands that one tries to wisely make right from wrong choices, to set standards that are consistent and predictable, and to always choose honesty and truth in everything, while at the same time trying to persuade others to do the same, by example and by deed.

         A person who chooses to live his life guided by the principle of integrity is one who is committed to a consistent standard of behavior that he tries to follow throughout his lifetime, and does not allow any negative prevailing circumstances interfere with their execution. It does not mean that his decisions and actions are necessarily always correct or appropriate, but even when they are wrong, he would still stand firm that his actions were honest and in good faith. Without doubt, a life dominated by integrity, secures the development of strong, trustworthy bonds with the people around, and ensures acceptance and respect from everyone, even when they disagreed. This is precisely the reason which led Steven R. Covey, the respected American educator, and expert on personal development to declare:

“A life of integrity is the most fundamental source of personal worth.”

         But integrity is neither inherited nor is it familial, and it is not passed on from generation to generation by virtue of a common gene. The reason that it does however appear to be passed on in families is far more related to the behavioral influences within the family rather than to some genetic component. But when it is present it forms the backbone of an individual’s character and the foundation on which he conducts his whole life. It never appears as a moment inspiration, but develops slowly and deliberately as the person progressive grows from positive experiences, learning and responsibility. The more one is exposed to high standards of behavior, the better he becomes in establishing his own standards. The opposite equally applies, where a person who is exposed constantly to negative behavior, is not ever likely to choose a life of integrity.

         In addition, there is no doubt that the eventual success of a person who desires to live with integrity is heavily influenced by the environment he finds himself in. It undoubtedly becomes more difficult to survive without criticism and rejection in a milieu that has no respect for it. This has become especially so in our current societies, where, quite unlike the past, in our determined haste to achieve as much as we can, we are giving much more emphasis an acceptance on performance and influence than on integrity, and as a result we are producing a generation of people of questionable characters, and results that leave much to be desired.

         To develop integrity in everything one does is a virtue that is neither easy to achieve, nor does it come naturally. It fundamentally demands, first a thorough understanding of the reasons for a life committed to honesty and truth, especially where everyone else around appear to be happily engaged in manipulating for their own gain. There are several major areas of activity where the true value of integrity can be seen and appreciated by everyone as areas that offer opportunities to build character. They are also the areas that can become the greatest source of temptation to others who choose to reject it. Clearly, to be truly honest to others requires that you be true to yourself, have honest intentions, and be constantly aware of making the right choice.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          The process begins essentially by taking the time to listen to yourself, and be guided by your inner voice to do what you know is right, and not be influenced by what is more convenient or expedient. The second area involves being conscious of your environment. By establishing good relationship with family and friends who themselves, exhibits high integrity, will serve to reinforce your own behavior and encourage a life of honesty and truth. Equally, by learning to identify and reject those who choose to be deceitful, and be aware of their activities, you could guard yourself from the pain and disappointment that will follow. The third area of importance is having the necessary humility to try to learn by example. So often we have examples all around but we fail to acknowledge them because of the notoriety created by those who attract attention by deceit. No one but you alone are capable of deciding how you must conduct your life. You alone can be the judge of your own destiny, to gauge how far you are prepared to go, and how much effort you are prepared to expend.

          But you can only assess your intensity by looking at all your activities as they unfold on a day-to-day basis, and never by trying to compare them with others around. In the end, the decision must rest with yourself. For unless you are comfortable with truth and honesty, irrespective of the final outcome, your intentions, however honorable they may be, are wasted. Your integrity can only be manifested by your willingness to be true to your values and to the way you fulfill your commitments, as well as your promises. But all of this will have been of no value if it is not consistent and predictable. Of all the attributes that come together to make the image of a man, nothing can ever match the satisfaction derived from a life dominated by integrity and good character. Nor can anyone force you to make choices against your will, nor can they influence you to act against your will. Perhaps, the English statesman and former prime minister Sir Winston Churchill, in his classic manner, summarized this most effectively when he said:

“With integrity, nothing else counts.

Without integrity, nothing else counts.”

- Nothing more need to be said to fully explain the absolute impact of integrity in any one. For without doubt, a life dominated by true integrity provides a cloak of truth and honesty that rises far above any other form of interactions man can devise.

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - Building your Character

 

“The true test of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching.”          

          This dramatic comment was made by John R. Wooden, the legendary American college basketball coach at UCLA, whose 12-year span yielded 88 consecutive wins and 10 championships; including 7 in a row. He was considered by players and public alike, to be one of the greatest and most admired coaches and leaders, of all time, and was awarded, in 2003, the prestigious Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation’s highest civilian honor, by President George W. Bush. In his commendation, the President described him as a man who taught his players “the fundamentals of hard work, discipline, patience and teamwork,” and was an “example of what a good man should be.”

          Throughout his career, Wooden’s relatively humble approach to achieving success belied a powerful commitment to building character in all his athletes. He relied heavily on the fundamentals of character building and personal discipline to achieve success, not only on the basketball court, but in all of life. For him, character was the ultimate combination of all the emotional, intellectual, and moral qualities that distinguishes the individual and gives him the strength, honesty, integrity and discipline to undertake anything in life. Throughout his career, he took great pain to separate the artificial effect that comes from ‘reputation’ from the genuine force produced by ‘good character,’ and would advise:

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”

         But a person’s character can in no way be measured by just how a person responds to external challenges. It is deeply embedded in our psyche and forms part of every thought, act or decision taken. In fact, the true meaning, adopted from the Greek word, kharacter, implies that it is ‘engraved’ within us. Unlike the many human traits such as appearance, color or height, it is not present at birth but develops over time, from our experiences, and from what we choose to learn from them. Character, like learning, is developed as a direct result of our responses to the events, trials, and experiences that come our way, and what we choose to learn and do from them. We can elect to mask them, or ignore them, or even pretend that they were not our concern, and in so doing, lose the opportunity to building a true character. Or we could accept the responsibility to become who we ought to be, and live the life we are destined to live. This is precisely what Ralph Waldo Emerson, meant to remind us when he wrote:

The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”        

          Without any doubt, a person’s character form’s the bedrock of his personality, and the foundation of all his success. Without a clear and definitive concept, we will not be able to make use of the myriad of opportunities that come our way to develop and to shape our personality and improve our performance. Having a good character implies that the person’s nature is defined by such worthy, positive traits as integrity, courage and compassion, and that they are strictly guided by moral and ethical principles, even when doing so, might not be in their favor. The truest test of this comes far less from how we deal with the situations where we feel important and confident, but rather in those situations where we achieve little or no benefits, or as the quotation suggests, where no one is even aware of our actions. Or, as St. Teresa of Kolkata, the Roman Catholic nun who devoted her life to the care of the world’s neediest and most destitute, so wisely concluded:

 “Your true character is most accurately measured by how you treat those who can do nothing for you.”                                             

         Everyone agree that character, like honor, cannot be easily defined nor can it be measured, and yet we have no difficulty in recognizing it when it is present, or more importantly, we just as quickly know when it is missing. In the past centuries, the character of an individual was held in the highest regard, and in general, people were judged less on their performance, and more on their moral structure. But unfortunately, in our current societies, it appears that the value of individuals seems to be centered more on performance and on results, rather than on the person’s honesty and self-reliance.  Our cultural attitudes are now based less on moral quality, and more on projecting personality. We have become a society that seems to prefer notoriety rather than moral character, where a man with grossly exaggerated toxic narcissistic qualities can be elected president, and continues to be glorified and adored even as he tries to wantonly and recklessly abuse the existing social systems.

         But building a good character that will stand the test of time is neither easy nor is it necessarily an entitlement. It is a lifelong process of learning and growing that involves constant dedication, experience, and courage. It demands moral discipline to stick to positive principles in a sea of negativism, and a consistent degree of commitment to learn, as well as a determined willingness to avoid passing judgment. A person’s character is like a sound building, built on a solid foundation made of the surrounding influences, on which sturdy blocks fashioned from all the experiences, influences, successes, failures, happy and sad moments that have occurred along the way, are laid, one on top te other. All of these, bonded together make up the ultimate shape that appears, a shape that is unique and distinctive. And like the building, it stays firm and does not bend or sway to the external elements, but holds consistent and true. This differs from the reputation, which can change from moment to moment in response to changing prevailing circumstances. Character never wavers, while reputation, like the changing seasons, will reflect the prevailing conditions; hot on one occasion, and cold on another. This indeed, was the reason that George Washington declared:

“Good moral character is the first essential in any man.”

-This indeed, is the first essential in any one who truly wished to live a full and fulfilling life. It is never the reputation amassed, however great that may have been, that is remembered, but the character he exhibited in all his actions that will leave the deepest footprints.

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - The Meaning for Life’s Purpose

 
“Your purpose in life is to find your purpose, and to give your whole heart and soul to it.”

         This clear and unequivocal statement was made Gautama Buddha (Buddha) in the 5^th century BC. It is considered to be one of the foundation principles for the millions of followers of the Buddhist religion, founded by him.

          He lamented that, while the real purpose for life on this earth was to do what is necessary to be happy, most people, because of their own doubts and misgivings, end up finding its attainment to be very elusive. He explained that life was like a journey on a long, winding bridge spanning two steep mountains, with a deep and wide gorge between them. The purpose of living was to cross over without falling victim to the many obstacles along the way. A few will succeed and enjoy nirvana, the ultimate state of happiness, but most will slip, stumble, or fall into the abyss, because they lost their purpose along the way. Buddha further stressed that we can only find our purpose by looking inside of ourselves, and never, by trying to copy others. He stressed that:

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can, and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”

          There is a commonly held impression that most people will only discover their real purpose in life in a moment of inspiration. This, they claim, often happens after meeting the right person, or being in the right setting, or exposed to the right experiences, when the answer will suddenly appear in crystal-clear clarity. But although there are instances where this has indeed taken place, and some have found their calling in an unanticipated flash of coincidence, this is, at best, only a rare occurrence. To the great majority, the process of finding their life purpose can be equated to a statue being carved from a block of granite. Where every experience, good or bad, every failure or every success, every relationship and every disappointment, and all the moments of happiness or sorrow will each chip away a piece of the block, until nothing is left but the true self; a genuine composite of all the events that together have combined to produce the individual. As Professor Thomas Gilovich, a highly respected American author and social psychologist, so succinctly described it:

 “We are the sum total of our experiences. Those experiences, be they positive or negative, make us the person we are, at any given point in our lives.”

                  But there are many who disagree with the statement that the purpose in life is just simply to be happy and contented with it. This to them is far too restrictive, and does not fully account for the myriad of activities that can give reason to living, and purpose to life;

-The naturalists have no doubt that life’s purpose was just simply to be alive and to continue the process of evolving into a better and more effective being. Alan Watts, a respected English philosopher and expert on the Eastern religions, in explaining this, suggested:

 

“The purpose of life is to be alive.

 It is so plain and so simple.”

 

-To the truly religious person, Christian and non-Christian alike, the true purpose of life is primarily to know, and to get closer to their God. To the Christians, ‘knowing and enjoying God’ is the universal purpose in life. In Islam, ‘the meaning and purpose of life is to fulfill the requirements to return to God.’ And to the devout Hindu, ‘the real purpose in life was to do good deeds and achieve Nirvana.’

-There are yet there are some, especially the more self-centered ones, for whom the purpose is to take as much as possible, while ignoring the needs of others, -and there are those who share the views of Leo Rosten, the very successful Jewish-American author and scriptwriter, that life can only be considered to be successful if it is used in helping other, more needy beings:

 

“The purpose of life isn’t to be happy; it’s to be useful, to be honorable, it’s to be compassionate, it’s to matter, to feel that it’s made some difference that you have lived.”

         And again, despite the apparent volume of literature supporting the need for a purpose in life, there have been, and continue to be many skeptics throughout the ages who have insisted that there are none; -Charles Darwin, the famous Anthropologist whose Origin of the Species is a classic in anthropology, was convinced that with man, as with the rest of the animal kingdom, there was no reason at all to assume that life has an ultimate purpose or meaning. -His views were echoed by the great French Philosopher and Nobel laureate, Albert Camus, who insisted that, “The absurdity of the human condition is that people search for external values and meaning in a world that has none, and is indifferent to therm.”-And Stephen King, currently one of America’s most prolific and highly successful authors of fiction and supernatural topics, who is himself a declared skeptic, has regularly admonished others who believed in a purpose to life, with such comments as, “You discarded most of the lies along the way, but hold on to the one that said life mattered.” They all viewed trying to assign a purpose to living as merely conjecture, and that, in fact, there is no real purpose other than survival.

          But in fact, like everything of importance in nature, there can be no single answer to the true purpose in life. Each individual is given the opportunity to choose his own answer, and to embrace his life as he chooses. The fundamental purpose of living was never to disrupt or destroy, but rather to enhance and improve, and this indeed, is nature’s intention. And it is never to follow others who appear to be happy and successful, but rather to seek and to fulfill one’s own destiny, so that when the end arrives, one could reflect on a life well spent. Perhaps the greatest mistake that many of us make is to begin by identifying our goals in life without first identifying our life’s true purpose. For without a true purpose, there can be no meaning for living, nor indeed can there be any sense of direction or satisfaction. This is precisely what the very successful Baptist minister, author and founder of the famous Saddleback church, Rev. Rick Warren, so very wisely concluded:

 “Without a purpose, Life becomes motion without meaning, activity without direction, and events without reason.” 

 -This indeed is the real meaning for having a purpose in our life. It gives reason to living, impetus for achieving, courage to continue growing, and above all, confidence in being who we are meant to be.

 

 

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