DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - Building your Character

 

“The true test of a man’s character is what he does when no one is watching.”          

          This dramatic comment was made by John R. Wooden, the legendary American college basketball coach at UCLA, whose 12-year span yielded 88 consecutive wins and 10 championships; including 7 in a row. He was considered by players and public alike, to be one of the greatest and most admired coaches and leaders, of all time, and was awarded, in 2003, the prestigious Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation’s highest civilian honor, by President George W. Bush. In his commendation, the President described him as a man who taught his players “the fundamentals of hard work, discipline, patience and teamwork,” and was an “example of what a good man should be.”

          Throughout his career, Wooden’s relatively humble approach to achieving success belied a powerful commitment to building character in all his athletes. He relied heavily on the fundamentals of character building and personal discipline to achieve success, not only on the basketball court, but in all of life. For him, character was the ultimate combination of all the emotional, intellectual, and moral qualities that distinguishes the individual and gives him the strength, honesty, integrity and discipline to undertake anything in life. Throughout his career, he took great pain to separate the artificial effect that comes from ‘reputation’ from the genuine force produced by ‘good character,’ and would advise:

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”

         But a person’s character can in no way be measured by just how a person responds to external challenges. It is deeply embedded in our psyche and forms part of every thought, act or decision taken. In fact, the true meaning, adopted from the Greek word, kharacter, implies that it is ‘engraved’ within us. Unlike the many human traits such as appearance, color or height, it is not present at birth but develops over time, from our experiences, and from what we choose to learn from them. Character, like learning, is developed as a direct result of our responses to the events, trials, and experiences that come our way, and what we choose to learn and do from them. We can elect to mask them, or ignore them, or even pretend that they were not our concern, and in so doing, lose the opportunity to building a true character. Or we could accept the responsibility to become who we ought to be, and live the life we are destined to live. This is precisely what Ralph Waldo Emerson, meant to remind us when he wrote:

The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”        

          Without any doubt, a person’s character form’s the bedrock of his personality, and the foundation of all his success. Without a clear and definitive concept, we will not be able to make use of the myriad of opportunities that come our way to develop and to shape our personality and improve our performance. Having a good character implies that the person’s nature is defined by such worthy, positive traits as integrity, courage and compassion, and that they are strictly guided by moral and ethical principles, even when doing so, might not be in their favor. The truest test of this comes far less from how we deal with the situations where we feel important and confident, but rather in those situations where we achieve little or no benefits, or as the quotation suggests, where no one is even aware of our actions. Or, as St. Teresa of Kolkata, the Roman Catholic nun who devoted her life to the care of the world’s neediest and most destitute, so wisely concluded:

 “Your true character is most accurately measured by how you treat those who can do nothing for you.”                                             

         Everyone agree that character, like honor, cannot be easily defined nor can it be measured, and yet we have no difficulty in recognizing it when it is present, or more importantly, we just as quickly know when it is missing. In the past centuries, the character of an individual was held in the highest regard, and in general, people were judged less on their performance, and more on their moral structure. But unfortunately, in our current societies, it appears that the value of individuals seems to be centered more on performance and on results, rather than on the person’s honesty and self-reliance.  Our cultural attitudes are now based less on moral quality, and more on projecting personality. We have become a society that seems to prefer notoriety rather than moral character, where a man with grossly exaggerated toxic narcissistic qualities can be elected president, and continues to be glorified and adored even as he tries to wantonly and recklessly abuse the existing social systems.

         But building a good character that will stand the test of time is neither easy nor is it necessarily an entitlement. It is a lifelong process of learning and growing that involves constant dedication, experience, and courage. It demands moral discipline to stick to positive principles in a sea of negativism, and a consistent degree of commitment to learn, as well as a determined willingness to avoid passing judgment. A person’s character is like a sound building, built on a solid foundation made of the surrounding influences, on which sturdy blocks fashioned from all the experiences, influences, successes, failures, happy and sad moments that have occurred along the way, are laid, one on top te other. All of these, bonded together make up the ultimate shape that appears, a shape that is unique and distinctive. And like the building, it stays firm and does not bend or sway to the external elements, but holds consistent and true. This differs from the reputation, which can change from moment to moment in response to changing prevailing circumstances. Character never wavers, while reputation, like the changing seasons, will reflect the prevailing conditions; hot on one occasion, and cold on another. This indeed, was the reason that George Washington declared:

“Good moral character is the first essential in any man.”

-This indeed, is the first essential in any one who truly wished to live a full and fulfilling life. It is never the reputation amassed, however great that may have been, that is remembered, but the character he exhibited in all his actions that will leave the deepest footprints.

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