“It takes the whole of life to learn how to live. And what will make you wonder more; it takes the whole of life to learn how to die.”
This beautifully insightful statement is contained in Letter IV- “On death and tranquility” published by the great ancient Roman essayist, playwright and Stoic philosopher Seneca. He dwelt extensively on the subject of death and dying in his writings, and urged constant preparation throughout one’s lifetime. Ironically, he ultimately needed this preparation himself as he suffered at the hands of Emperor Nero, whom he had been tutoring for many years. He saw learning about death and dying as a preparation for life, believing that while one should love life and all its exciting opportunities, we cannot forget that life will only has a meaning because we know we will die. He concluded by offering this noble advise:
“let us prepare our minds as if we come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing, and let us balance life’s book each day; the one who puts the finishing touch on their life each day is never short of time.”
For as long as man as been aware of his eventual death, he has sought to understand it. Philosophers and a wide range of other scientists have devoted great effort and time in the study of death and dying, and except for a few facts on the process involved, have not uncovered any concrete evidence that could truly persuade anyone trying to understand death itself. This should not come as a surprise, for no one has ever ventured into, and has come back after death to provide any explanation for what really does happen. And even those few people, including myself, who have reported having briefly ‘crossed the border’ and then ‘returned back’ to living, have not provided any definitive information, just transient experiences.
This clearly implies that currently, all our thinking and expectations are based less on direct, scientific knowledge, and more on speculation and on anticipation. Therefore, without any meaningful example available to follow, we actually have no way of demonstrating or explaining death on a factual basis except to say that it is always present at the end of life. And until such time arrives when concrete information becomes available to us, we are left with no alternative but either to believe our great philosophers like Seneca or a multitude of others, or to continue to view any concept of death from a metaphorical basis. The only thing we absolutely know for certain is that death always follows living.
The Nihilists among us who believe that there is nothing beyond life itself, are satisfied with the explanation that death is nothing but the end of life. Therefore, for them death holds no further meaning, and serves no other use or purpose. In effect, since they view death as the absence of life, they see no reason to give further consideration, or to view it as a special event that requires thought or preparation. To them the death of the human being, like every other living unit, is just part of the cycle of nature and should never be considered to be, or understood as anything other than the end of living. They are content with the idea that life is the result of sophisticated chemical reactions which upon death return to the original elements. To all of them, life begins and ends in nature. This assumption completely rejects any implication or consideration that some form of continuity may possibly exist beyond death, and they insist on making full and complete use of the time allotted on earth, without having to give thought or concern to any possible benefits, or consequences that may follow.
But for those who prefer to view death not as the end, but as a portal leading to another life, or a door that opens into a different world, then there is need to find meaning, and to truly understand the real purpose of living and dying. By rejecting the concept that views death as the end of the road, they are will clearly implying that we must accept death as a part of the journey that may have begun sometime previously and is as yet unfinished. And for the many who continue to choose to ignore or to avoid any thinking or considering of death and its constant presence, they will not only cheat themselves of the only opportunity of fully understanding life itself, but even worse, risk losing direction and opportunities to help them make better use of this life.
Since we have no mechanism or method to help us to know and understand death any better, each individual has no alternative but to seek and find his direction and, just as important, his framework that will provide the best results for the journey he is on. Unfortunately, except for a few “enlightened” individuals, the great majority of us are going to find that trying to understand and deal with death is a formidable undertaking. Much of this can be blamed on our deeply embedded instinctive fear of death, and the consequences of not knowing what really happens. Indeed, this is probably one of our greatest omissions, and has cost us all to pay the ultimate price of fear and uncertainty.
Few people ever truly look forward to dying even when there is some compelling reason to force the end of living. And even for those who have acquired some understanding, accepting death can be, at best, a daunting challenge to contemplate. Instead, we prefer to live our life in such a way as to try to ignore the obvious, and even question why we had to die at all. We give lip service to the ultimate power of the Almighty by saying “thy will be done,” but then openly question, -Why me? -Why so soon? Very few ever accept the advice so carefully offered by great minds like Seneca, that preparing for death is an integral part of the journey of life, and that irrespective of whether the person has lived a ‘full’ life or dies ‘too young’ to have lived any life, we must try to understand, even as we grieve and regret the loss.
Throughout the ages, as far back as recorded history is available, the question of understanding death and dying has been by far, the most studied and most reported. Some of the world’s greatest philosophers who have spent their lives pondering the mysteries life and death, seem to have arrived at an almost unanimous agreement that death was indeed not just the end of living, but a merely a change in the form of living. Each in his own way was satisfied that there can be no meaning to life if it was meant to be extinguished like a candle after use. The explanations and the projected mechanics might have been grossly different, but there was uniformity in the conclusions, as can be judge from the following examples:
- Lao Tzu the formidable ancient Chinese philosopher, who several thousands of years ago in the 6th century BC, concluded that “death need not be feared for it was but a transformation from one state to another.” He is reported to have celebrated the death of his wife because she had now entered a new life.
-Many of the leading ancient Greek and Roman philosophers including Seneca, Plato, Socrates and Epicurus, all viewed death without fear, but in hopeful equanimity. To them, the true aim in this life was to live the best they can in order to minimize judgment in the next world. They too, agreed that it was not death itself, but the fear of dying that was the cause of so much concern.
- Immanuel Kant, the great German 18th century philosopher, who many consider to be the father of modern philosophy, believed that the presence of fear was the main stumbling block in the understanding of death and dying, and that there must be an afterlife that favors the good and punishes the bad.
-Frederick Nietzsche, the 19th century German existentialist, who wrote extensively on death in this towering publication, “Thus spoke Zarathustra.” His view was that since we tend to live the same life over and over, then it behooves us to live a good life, and not be condemned to a life of misery.
Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, the English physician whose work in the care of the dying patient is ground-breaking, viewed the dying process as going through predictable stages, and the role of others in supporting the patient.
-Even William Shakespeare, the great English Elizabethan playwright and poet, wrote extensively on death, in a lesser-known work, Measure to Measure. In it, he spoke of the uncertainty of death and our inability to ever know what lies on the other side. He stated
“Ay but to die, and go we know not where!”
The following short exchange between ‘life’ and ‘death’, explains the reason why so many people are afraid to look into the eyes of death, and find peace:
Life asked death: “Why do people love me and hate you?”
Death responded: “Because you are a beautiful lie, and I
am the painful truth.”
Perhaps the truth is not so much different, it is probably somewhere in the middle. Ignoring death will instill in us will a false sense security and encourage us to lose ourselves in a state of pseudo-invincibility. And on the other hand, irrational obsession of the urgency of impending death, will serve to rob us of so much joy in our living and actually lead us away from healthy life. In truth, coming to terms with your death involves first, assessing your current life, including your responsibilities and your values, and taking all reasonable steps to secure them. In the end it never pays to ruminate on the emotional circumstances of actually dying, but rather on preparing yourself to begin your journey to the new destination.
My own moment of awareness occurred shortly after I recovered from an episode of near fatal cardiac arrest. During those early days following this experience, it was abundantly clear, from my own clinical assessment, that there were major obstacles preventing recovery and that the chances of dying soon were very high. Interestingly, I did not have any problem accepting this fate and at no time was there any regret or fear in my thinking. Instead, I spent the time thinking about making sure that my wife and family were fully secured. I even called in my cousin to review my estate and to remind him of his promised responsibility.
Interestingly, I understood then, that dying itself is never the real concern, nor does it give rise to any of the fears and anxieties that we worry so much about. The main source of my concern was not so much having to leave the world of the living, but more especially of leaving when there are still things to do. I think, presently, I have made my peace with the thought of dying. Perhaps, I may be getting there sooner than I might want, but I think I am less afraid of dying than I am of dying with having done so little of what I might have done, or what I might have wanted to do.
-Only time, and Almighty God can tell!
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