ACCEPTING MORTALITY The Final Journey

“There is a dignity in dying that no one should dare to deny. For death begins with Life’s first breath”

     

The above statement by an Unknown Author has always impressed me for its profound simplicity and dramatic accuracy, and deserves much more than passing notice. We need to recognize that it is only in the minds of scientists and in science fiction believers that such things as time machines exist and that in fact, there is absolutely nothing we can do to change the certainty of death. And even though, by using our ability to think, explore and invent we are capable to some extent of prolonging the future, we cannot deny that there are so many variables that are so completely beyond our control that makes any consideration of interfering with the cycle of life and death, an exercise in total futility.

As I have stated previously, I believe life is a precious expression of a greater plan in which our time spent on earth is but a short segment of a journey which began in eternity and will continue to eternity. Because of this, I see the process of dying, not as the end of the journey, but merely a stage along its path, and as such I view my role as a physician and a person, to do my best to facilitate this passage for all concerned. Sri Chinmoy Kumar Ghose, the great Indian spiritual teacher and philosopher who recently died, described this concept of continuity in far more exquisite terms when he observed that:

"Death is not the end. Death can never be the end.
Death is the road. Life is the traveler. The Soul is the Guide."

Too often we allow feelings of anger, petty rivalry, suspicion or revenge to cloud our thinking and prevent us from sharing and expressing our true feelings at this important time. This is a shame, for by not doing this; we cheat ourselves and the dying person, and we set in motion negative feelings which stay with us long after the death has occurred. Under any circumstances this is wrong and regrettable. We should instead, be striving to correct these feelings, remove these obstacles and make every effort to come to terms with our differences, so that when the journey ends, so too will our anger and bitterness. In truth, if we really believe in the continuity of life, we must agree with the words of the great Irish poet and author, Arthur Joyce Cary when he wrote:

“Look at life as a gift from God. Now he wants it back, I have no right to complain.”

        

The great Italian Renaissance painter and intellectual genius, Leonardo da Vinci, was more accurate on the subject of life and death when he observed that:

“While I thought that I was learning how to live,

I have been learning how to die”

This statement, though initially appearing to be paradoxical, in fact contains a fundamental truth which we should not hesitate to unconditionally accept. For if we believe there is a divine plan that begins with birth, it would be impossible to deny that there will not be a plan in preparation for the end. Similar views are held by a whole range of completely different and unrelated religions; Lord Buddha many centuries ago in his teachings, offered profound advice that remains as relevant today as ever before, when he observed:

 “We begin to die from the moment we are born and from that moment we should be preparing for the final event.”

Unfortunately very few of today’s ‘advanced’ societies allow for this truth, and in fact, they tend to encourage the very opposite, that life should be lived as if it has no end. We give lip service to the inevitability of death, but live our lives as if this fact just does not apply to our living. So it is no surprise that when the time comes we are so deeply consumed with fears and regrets that we lose the ability to accept the moment of truth. Compounding this is the fact that too often, those of us who are in a position to help the patient during this period tend to hold back on providing the appropriate information and guidance, often treating it as an inconvenient truth, for fear of upsetting the patient or the family. Rather, we prefer to choose the safer path of being non-committal and hope that we can get by without being challenged. By doing this we are contributing to further unnecessary suffering and to the lingering pain which stays on long after the loved one has passed on. 

      Yet the undeniable truth is that in the end we must all anticipate the inevitability of death as an integral part of living and as such we must, as we have done in every other aspect of our living, make preparations for its arrival. The great majority of us still choose to remain with our heads buried in clouds of ambiguity and uncertainty, preferring to admit lack of knowledge and understanding. It is this neglect of preparation that constitutes the most powerful reason that so many of us reach this final stage of our life so insecure and so frightened about the thought of crossing over. Had we been given the opportunity to learn how to do so, there will surely have been far less fear and uncertainty. The most powerful reminder of this fact is contained in a simple statement in the Holy Gospel, in The Book of Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3, Verse 1:

"For everything there is a season, and

 a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die.”

      But irrespective of one’s belief system, one fact is constant and predictable, and that is, as a good friend is fond of reminding me in his very unscientific yet effective way that:

“Sooner or later we will all be entering the departure lounge, and waiting for our names to be called.”

  Humans, unlike all the other members of the Animal Kingdom, find it difficult to accept and adapt to the reality of dying and as a result experience greater pain and suffering. The animal, whether it is the mighty Lion or the humble Otter, will pause to acknowledge the loss of a companion, and then continue along its way. Humans, by and large, are so preoccupied with the pleasures of living and personal self gratification, that they either ignore or suppress the reality that death is a reality which cannot be avoided or worse, ignored in the believe that they can somehow fool it. It is no surprise therefore, that most of us arrive on that final departure packed with so many regrets that we tend to lose the real impact of the experience until the final moment of ‘boarding’ has arrived.

      In 2009, an Australian nurse, *Bronnie Ware, published a brief internet essay based on her 10 year experience as a Hospice nurse entitled “The Top Regrets of the Dying,” in which she recorded the five most common regrets expressed by her patients as they approached death. This was so well received that two years later she expanded her presentation into publishing a book under the same title. In a simple, very personal way, she identified the most common regrets expressed by her patients and their need and desire to have them addressed before the final event occurs. She also spent some time reminding us that with some effort it was possible to avoid these unfortunate situations and die with peace of mind and dignity, if we took care to make the right choices during our lifetime. She further reaffirmed the truth, which anyone working in the field will readily confirm, that even in dying, with some effort, it was possible to help the person to achieve peace and acceptance. In a very personal and deeply sensitive way, she recorded the following observation in her essay: 

“I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.”

      In my own personal life, I have witnessed the peace of mind and calm that comes from the acceptance of the inevitable, and the subsequent joy and celebration of the life of the departed which followed. Above all, I appreciated the good memories that seem to remain with me long after, and have cherished the good feelings they imparted. And even more satisfying, in a few instances along the way, I have also witnessed the overnight metamorphosis that took place where an angry, aggressive, antagonistic patient was abruptly transformed into a peaceful, caring and accepting person, on a few occasions after he reported having experienced a “spiritual” visit. The joy and relief that radiated throughout the family after such an occurrence was truly indescribable, as the home was transformed forever from a prison of sadness into a place of love and caring. But alas, I have also shared the deep excruciating pain and torment of one who could not and would not accept the truth, and who fought to the very end, cursing his lot, his luck, his life and his God. That pain lingers on forever, and I and the family are robbed of all the good memories of his life that could have been, but were buried by the unrequited resentment.

Compounding this issue, there is a difference in the approach to death between the Eastern and Western cultures that needs to be viewed. it is clear to me that quite unlike most of the Eastern societies where dying is considered to be an integral part of life; the Western attitude is one of denying and ignoring its relevance in favor of living at all cost. You begin to wonder which of these views is really the more “civilized” culturally. There is a growing tendency in this modern society, where so much amazing and wonderful discoveries are being made on a daily basis, and where there appears to be increasing optimism that we will be able to replace and restore destroyed and dying organs at will, that perhaps ultimately one day in the future, we will be able to defeat death itself.

The most extreme form of this thinking is the increasing interest in the concept of Cryonics where the recently deceased body is preserved in extremely cold temperatures until such time as science catches up with the ability to restore and renew life itself. Recently an international group of 68 leading scientists, speaking for themselves, from such institutes as MIT, Harvard, NASA, Oxford and Cambridge, among many others worldwide, issued a signed declaration which stated their belief that Cryogenic is a “legitimate science-based endeavor,” and that:

“…there is a credible possibility that cryogenics performed under the best conditions achievable today, can preserve sufficient neurological information to permit eventual restoration of a person to full health.”

While I endorse and welcome all the scientific advancements that have occurred and encourage aggressive research designed to improve the quality of life, I fear that we might find ourselves further lulled into a sense of security that death is indeed not inevitable and that it could be avoided.

 Already we increasingly try to cover up the signs of aging with cosmetics and surgery, and we have no hesitation to reverse some of nature’s fundamental changes with the ambitious use of powerful hormones in a concerted attempt to stay young. This might well serve to prolong the inevitable, and improve the quality of life. This obviously will be a desirable goal for us all to achieve, but it will not change the outcome. We must never lose sight of this fact, nor should we ever abandon our responsibility to prepare ourselves and those around us to the inevitability of our destiny in God’s ultimate plan. 

Michelangelo of Lodovico, the Italian born grand master whose name is synonymous with the Renaissance Period and whose sculptures, paintings, architecture and poetry are treasured all over the world, recorded one of the finest descriptions of the relationship of life and death I have ever seen: 

“If we have been pleased with life, we should not be displeased with death, since it comes from the hand of the same master.”

No one who believes in God should need any further proof.

  

       

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ACCEPTING MORTALITY An Overview

“Everybody is born with an expiry date.”

This statement was made to me many years ago by a friend, now deceased, after he was diagnosed with cancer of the Lung. It has forever impressed me by its profound simplicity and truth. In just a few simple words he easily confirmed the fact of man’s mortality. This reality facing every living person offers a stark choice; either to live out his days in a state fear of his inevitable mortality, or in total denial of it, or else, to accept its inevitability, make preparations and continue life without having to worry about something over which he  has absolutely no control over.

It is this fear we feel of our own mortality that makes us so frightened and overwhelmed. For regardless of how we view it or think about it, we are constantly faced with having to accept and deal with the cataclysmic change associated with it. A change that involves going from a state of living into the unknown or whatever else there might be after life. Like birth, this happens only once in each lifetime without any opportunity to correct or to change. It is this ‘change’ from life to death, with its absolute uncertainties, this leap into the unknown that gives rise to such overwhelming fear, confusion and apprehension. It can take its own time to take place or can be helped along by people and events, as Christopher Sabga, my nephew, a talented and aspiring author succinctly noted that:

 “Death like Love is patient, though it is rarely kind and never proud.”

      Since the beginning of time, the status of death and dying has always held a dominant position in man’s thinking. Centuries ago, in the ancient, ‘primitive’ societies, both religion and culture were closely inter-related and death was tied to life in a cyclical pattern. The death cycle, like the cycles of seasonal changes and agricultural changes, was necessary in order to allow for rebirth or resurrection in one form of life or another. Primitive rituals reflected this belief universally, and people generally accepted the inevitability of death as part of the cycle of human life. The Native Americans for example, viewed life and death as parts of a circular movement, wherein the process merely represents a transformation and not finality. They believed that after death the spirit continues to live on. Buddhists always celebrate death. For even though dying means losing someone close in this world, they believe that it is only through death can a person be one step closer to Nirvana, the perfect state of mind.

      In Western cultures, the attitudes of the society have a huge impact on people’s perception of death. Fear of the unknown has always been one of the most common factors affecting our approach towards death, giving rise to unresolved uncertainty. To counter this, all the religions teach their followers to view death not as something to be denied or feared, but as something that was precious, and even should be welcomed for the blessings of the promise of eternal life it brings to each in their own special way. Further, to counteract the aura of fear and uncertainty that invariably surrounds the thought of dying, elaborate customs and ceremonies are used to provide reassurance that the departed person has indeed traveled to a better place. All of this takes place mainly to relieve stress of the individual who is unwilling to accept the reality that death and life belong on the same continuum and should always be view in this way. Vladimir Nabokov, the internationally acclaimed Russian born American poet and novelist described this relationship in his own beautiful style:     

      

Life is a great sunrise.  I do not see why death should not be an even greater one.

In recent years, quite unlike previous generations, the dichotomy of confusion in the attitude towards death is being modified even further by the rapid increase in science and technology. Many in these modern times seem to be losing the sense of death as being an inevitable consequence of living, and more and more, death is being regarded as something that should not happen, and should not be allowed to happen. As a result, we find ourselves demanding and expecting everything be done, at all cost, to keep life going, without regard to the resulting quality or certainty of the life. In some ways death is regarded as the taboo these days, and it is considered impolite to speak of its reality and its inevitability.

Compounding this confusion is the increasing trend towards the   widespread exposure of death to children in the media at a very early age. This has the effect of removing the aura of the unknown, and giving rise to the development of a variety of conflicting attitudes towards life and death. All this leads to confusing and unrealistic interpretations and expectations, and result is an increasing difficulty of acceptance and equally, the ability to accommodate to the change.
         

 Whatever the situation, we should recognize that there can be no standardization of attitude to death. Each person has his or her own view of death and its consequences. Although much of this is based on the prevailing society’s attitudes and beliefs, each one has to deal with the loss in one’s own way. Clearly a sudden unexpected loss of anyone or the death of a younger person carries a greater impact than an older or terminally ill person. And also, children are generally much more accepting because they do not understand the meaning of finality and expect the loss to be correctable in some way. But in the end, there can be no easy common position except for the fact that death is as certain and as inevitable as any other cycle of nature.
           

For my own self, as a practicing Physician with more than 50 years experience, I have encountered and dealt with a wide range of attitudes, responses and reactions to the anticipation and reality of death from my patients and their families. I still find it difficult to predict or influence other people’s attitudes, but to me death is merely a brief stop on the journey of life. What matters above all is the quality of life led, for I firmly believe that a person who has lived a full and fulfilling life has no reason to fear death. There is a purpose in dying; it is but a point on the continuum of life. I have stated this position previously in describing my concept of "life." It is contained in the following statement:

“To me, life is not a random series of transient, overlapping, unrelated experiences, destined to be consigned to oblivion upon completion. I believe instead, life is a precious expression of a greater plan in which our time spent on earth is but a short segment of a journey which began in eternity and will continue to eternity”.

I believe that part of our living must of necessity involve our preparation for dying. In our early years, we were consumed with life, vitality and achieving our dreams, so death occupied a very minor portion in our thinking. But as we grew older we are faced increasingly with the natural urge to consider the likelihood of dying and spend time in making preparation. I am always bothered by those who avoid, deny or are afraid to deal with the subject, or spend all their time and effort trying to “beat it”. By doing this, the person ends up cheating himself of the reality and the opportunity of peaceful acceptance.  Like the analogy of the “half-full/half-empty glass,” the person who thinks of his life as half-empty is destined to spend all his days in constant search without fulfillment, even to the very end when all is spent. While the other who views his life as half-full will continue to enjoy his life as he consumes the rest of life to the end. Stephen Benet, the highly respected American poet and author of short stories drew attention to the futility of this approach when he noted:

“Life is not lost by dying; Life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.”

Instead of suffering from the fear and anguish that invariably accompanies the person who is ill-prepared, it would be so much better to take the time to enlighten and to educate him well before his  time arrives. Society, as a whole, prefers to shy away from this responsibility and does not attempt to correct the false impressions, or take active steps to introduce positive ones. But in fact this is not an impossible task to initiate. It requires a concerted effort on all parts to be truthful and sincere to blunt the fear and confusion that exists.. In this context, I am reminded of that beautiful letter written by the Rev. Henry Scott Holland, the 19th century English clergyman, in regard to his own impending death, and sent to all his friends and family after he died, under the caption, "All is Well":

“To my beloved family and friends,
           Death is nothing at all. I’ve only slipped away into the next room. I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other then, that we are still. Call me by my old familiar names. Speak to me in the same easy way which you always used to. Put no difference in your tone. Wear no air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laugh at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, Pray for me, let my name ever be the household name it ever was. Let it be spoken without effect, without a ghost of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever was. There is absolutely unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you an interval, somewhere very close, just around the corner. …..All is well!”

This indeed should be the view that all God-fearing people must adopt especially if they genuinely believe the promise made to the world by Jesus Christ in John 14:3:

“And I go to prepare a place for you. I will come again and receive you unto myself; Where unto myself; Where I am, there you will be also.”

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IN SEARCH OF THE SOUL

“Our soul is the sacred essence within us; our deepest purpose, our unique meaning, the guiding force behind our individual lives.”

         These beautiful and meaningful words were spoken by the well known Australian author and spiritual teacher Mateo Sol, during a discussion on the soul. He was describing in simple but accurate terms what so many people believe, constitutes the true meaning of our soul to each one of us.

         A great deal of discussion and research from as far back as records are available, has been done on the existence of a soul and its meaning, by theologians, psychologists, behaviorists and physiologists. They have produced voluminous numbers of possible theories, beliefs and interpretations but like so many of man’s fundamental beliefs relating to his spiritual life and his relationship to God, they failed to reach definitive conclusions. In this case, in the absence of clear and demonstrable proof, there are two clear options available for anyone to choose; Either to deny any existence of a soul as the Atheists and Secularists do, or to join the rest of the world in accepting it as an integral part of life. In the end, we each have to make the choice of either accepting its existence or of rejecting it and then living by our decision.

The true secularists and atheists argue very strongly that everything that makes us who we are can be explained by examining brain activity. They insist that our minds, our spirit and our souls are all physical manifestations of nature, created by complex biochemical interactions that are continuously happening within us. They argue that the fact that all of us undergo measurable changes in attitude and behavior in the event of brain alteration by disease, degeneration or drugs, confirm that our true self is our biochemical self, and that they see no reason to include any God or supernatural ‘excuses’. They stress that everything in humans is organic and nothing ever lives on after death. They insist categorically, that we inevitably and totally die when the body dies. To them, the concepts of souls as being spiritual and indestructible are merely figments of one or more of the following: tradition, suspicion, imagination, culture and religion, made up by the people to explain the unexplained. To them, death is final and nothing else follows. Matt Groening, the gifted artist and creator of the very successful carton series The Simpsons, drew attention to this fact in a satirical but very accurate comment in one of his cartoon presentations when one of his main characters Bart, observed:

“There is no such thing as a soul. It’s just something they made up to scare us, like the bogeyman.”

         But to the majority of the world’s inhabitants as far back as information is available, the idea that there is indeed a soul, separate  from the physical make up of the individual, is well established. Beginning in the early centuries, there has been almost unanimous agreement that: ‘the human soul is the most innermost part of the being, and although it is present in living, it does not die with the body’. The ancient Chinese, Greek, Roman and Arabic philosophers, all reasoned that man was endowed with something spiritual that was extra-ordinary and not part of the physical body. They each offered differing approaches but arrived at similar conclusions:

The Ancient Chinese Masters including Lao Tzu and Confucius, believed that each person has two souls, Ying and Yang, which upon the death of the individual, pass on by reincarnation into other beings.

 To the Greek and Roman Philosophers such as Aristotle, Cato, Plato and Socrates, the soul was a divine faculty that gave life, the exercise of which led to logical actions. They all believed that the soul of each person lives on after death.

 To the great Persian Philosophers the concept of the soul was generally copied from the Greco/Roman influence. They accepted the idea that the soul was the part of the living that does not die, but moves on to other lives.

 And In the Ancient African Cultures, the soul was considered to be immortal and subject to reincarnation, although the actual details may vary  depending on the animistic cult of the ancestors of each tribe. 

         With the rise of Christianity following the birth of Jesus Christ, the fundamental concept of the soul as being the most dominant and everlasting part of human life became well established among all the major religions, but they each vary somewhat in relation to their differing beliefs and teachings:

Christians, see the soul as being central to human identity, directly related to God and living on eternally in an afterlife.

Muslims, like the Christians, view the soul as the spiritual component breathed into the individual by Allah and lasting after death into eternal afterlife.

And Jews, in similar belief, see the soul as being a pure blessing from the Almighty at birth.

They all have a common agreement on the soul’s existence and its importance to the life of the individual, despite the wide variations in belief structures, and all believe that the soul is the ultimate element that imparts perfection to the person and is everlasting even after all life fails. The impact of this concept was simply but very effectively explained in the following quotation by an Unknown Author:

“The soul of man alone, that divine particle, escapes the wreck of the world, when all things fail.”

The concept of the immortality of the soul is however not as well established among the major non Judeo/Christian/Islam belief systems. Although questioning the suggestion that a soul as such exists, they nevertheless do not hold the same adamant view of its ultimate dissolution as the Agnostics:

 To the Buddhist, there is no reason to believe there is a soul that is eternal, but yet they believe that consciousness of the mind which carries the karmic imprint of past lives continues on forever.

While in Hinduism, although they do not accept the soul as being immortal, yet they believe it has ‘always existed in the consciousness of life. It is the master of all, the lord of all’.

In both these instances, this seeming contradiction is more based on beliefs in reincarnation, than on denial of existence.

But in the minds of the average believer, the soul has always meant a great deal more than a spiritual vehicle that lives on after the physical body dies. All the sacred writings of the major religions are in agreement with the fact that the soul was introduced into the individual by God at the very onset of life:

The Holy Bible for example, in Genesis 2:7 states:

“And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living soul.”

The Quran, (38:71-72) in similar language states:

“Surely I am going to create a mortal from dust. So when I have made him and breathed into his nostrils the breath of My Spirit, then fall down making obeisance to him.“

The Talmud, the ancient Hebrew holy book recorded:

“Just as the soul fills the body, so God fills the world.”

The exact role of the soul however has always been subject to a great deal of varying interpretations, depending on strict cultural belief and interpretation:

 -Plato, the great Greek philosopher in the 4^th century BC, described its status in a truly meaningful manner, in a way that is as relevant today as it has been throughout the centuries:

“When a beautiful soul harmonizes with a beautiful form and the two are cast in one mould that will be the fairest of sights to him who has eyes to contemplate the vision.”

He was in fact describing the true relationship of the soul, the intangible part of humanity, with the body, the functional part.

-To other believers, although the soul strictly has no function as such, it represents our entire element of existence on earth, and is in fact our collective consciousness that determines who we are. We each have one because we each are alive and although it does nothing in our day to day living, it is as important to our identity as our own self image.

-And yet there are others who believe the soul is a divine composite of Body, which is concerned with all the worldly activities, and the Spirit which together are directly linked to God’s own spirit. Perhaps this is what C. S. Lewis, the very well respected British theologian, author and poet alluded to when he recorded:

“You don’t have a soul, you are a soul.

 You have a body.”

-Carl Jung, the great German born, Swiss psychologist and founder of the school of Psychoanalysis, in his masterpiece publication in 1955, Man in Search of a Soul, described his own experiences in midlife which ultimately led him to his belief of the existence of a soul. To him the soul was a functional complex in the individual’s psyche and was responsible for producing the person and the behavior.

-Many scientists have gone further, and insist that the soul, and its manifestation of consciousness and awareness, can be considered as a fundamental element of the world such as time, matter and energy, and as such, have no beginning or end.

Whatever the interpretations offered, or for that matter, whatever the confusion that may appear to exist as a result, there is no denying that the soul plays a very integral role in the overall life of an individual. The soul is the seat of man’s personality, intellect and emotion which is controlled and exercised through his will. It is this free will, the center of the soul, granted by the Creator separates man from the rest of the animal kingdom and determines his behavior on earth as well as in the life beyond. It is this free will that allows a  person to exercise choice and to take action, to be the person with his own identity and beliefs and live his own life accordingly. It is also this free will, the very soul of the individual that must face the resulting consequences of the choice he exercises. Also how he makes use of his free will that ultimately determines how he lives on earth, and even more important, what happens to his eternal life. For in the end, for those who truly care about the promise of eternal life in the hereafter, it matters a great deal. As God himself in the Holy Bible, in Matthew 8:36 so clearly and unequivocally asked:

“For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his soul?”

And even for those people who are as yet not fully committed to the validity of the Holy Bible and the impact of its teachings, I am reminded of a quotation by an Unknown Author, that so very simply but effectively demonstrates the deep truth about the soul:

“At the end of the day, you will not remember the person with the beautiful face. You will remember the person with the beautiful heart and soul.”

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DOES YOUR LIFE MATTER

“Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.
It's not a matter of circumstance but of choice;

Choose to live a life that matters.”

         This quotation is the final verse of a beautiful poem recorded by Professor Michael Josephson the internationally renowned author and inspirational speaker who spoke on matters of ethics and character. He gave up a tenured law position in 1987 after more than 20 years, to embark on a new career of writing and speaking. The poem, entitled “What will matter” was published in 2003 and has since become one of the most copied and discussed document all over the world.

         We live in a world in which most of us are made to feel that our lives are dispensable. We are made to feel that whatever we do will not be recognized in the way we expected it to be, unless it suits the needs of others. Society itself is organized in such a way that any contribution we make will in no way achieve the impact or recognition we deserve by the others around us. In fact, very few of us truly feel that, to the rest of the world, our life does matter. This is neither a new development, nor does it apply to any specific society, group or individual. It has been in existence for thousands of years as this quotation by the Prophet Isaiah in chapter 49, verse 4 of the Book of Isaiah, written in the 8^th century BC, clearly indicates:

 “I have toiled in vain. I have spent my strength for nothing and vanity.”

             A man’s attitude and expectation is basically a reflection of his own innate make-up and personality and should not be dependent on, or modeled to, how others feel. In truth, it really does not matter to the rest of the world if anyone of us lives or dies; the world will continue, notwithstanding. What does matter above all, is our own personal perception of life and its ultimate value to us. Most of us tend to gauge our lives not by an objective assessment of our actions, but rather by a very subjective overview of the results. We gauge our worth more by success and contentment rather than our effect on others. The more we become comfortable with our actions, the more we look forward to continuing them and the more we find that our life matters. An Unknown Author, in a quotation on the subject, effectively placed this in the right context when he recorded:

    “It does not matter what you do, it matters how you do it.

It does not matter what you look at, it matters how you look at it.

It does not matter what your life is, It matters how you live it.”

           

         All human beings have an in-born need to be continually reminded that life does matter, if only to compensate for the deep void and insignificance that they instinctively feel for being minute specks in a vast universe. We spend all our lives trying to overcome, in any way we can, the natural inclination of this insignificance. We devote great effort continuously searching for success, health, relationships, happiness, achievements, and meaning so as to justify to ourselves that our life matters. And when this does not happen, we are likely to suffer the consequences associated with non-fulfillment. We become disappointed, dissatisfied and unfulfilled and set in motion a series of emotional and biological changes which can have significant health and welfare consequences. J.K.Rowling, the highly regarded author of the amazingly successful “Harry Potter Series” who was herself a recurrent victim of hopelessness and depression, explained this feeling in the following terms:

“Depression is the most unpleasant thing I have ever experienced. It is the absence of being able to envisage that you will ever be cheerful again. It is the absence of Hope.”

A poll conducted by the CDC some time ago, determined that more than 40% of the people surveyed admitted not having a meaning or purpose in their life, and another 25% were neutral or indifferent. This finding is not surprising since our society is designed to please the majority and ignore the individual. Because of this, many people tend to view the value of their lives as a factor of popularity, importance, or property accumulated. They judge their success by the number of friends collected, reputation acquired, power amassed, and influence they exerted. And even then there are others who feel despite all their best efforts, their life had just passed them by. Even after they worked hard and succeeded in all their endeavors there was still a feeling of emptiness because in their minds, their life didn’t matter. To them life was without meaning and it would have made no real difference to care or matter. This was the reason why the great Jewish-American, Austrian-born psychiatrist and neurologist Viktor Frankl, who survived several years in a Nazi concentration camp in Auschwitz recorded in his literary masterpiece entitled, “Man’s search for Meaning”:

“Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.”

 

This is also why Josephson in his lectures and in his poem urged his audience that it was not a matter of ‘circumstances but of choice’ that they should ‘choose a life that matters.’

         Our life itself will be just another story recorded in the book of life unless we develop a purpose for living and the courage to carry out the purpose. There can really be no real quality in our life if we spend it all just drifting along, following the crowd without direction. This equates to the overall animal instinct that ensures survival but denies any real meaning. Robert Bialostocki, a New Zealand born author, mentor and facilitator who has an international following under the banner A Life That Matters offers the following observation:

“A life that matters should firstly matter to you. Your personal health, peace and joy are important prerequisites for a life of sustained living, giving and value”

This to me represents a perfect description of the rewards and benefits of living a life that matters and underlines the urgency of taking every precaution to avoid falling victim to complacency.

History overflows with examples of people of all walks of life who have lived their lives so that others have benefited from them and we see examples unfolding all around us and among us, daily. While this may  go a long way to confirm that there is a good deal of goodness in the world, yet we cannot deny that we live in a world where we are expected to conform to the prevailing norms, where the emphasis is personal accomplishment and gain, and where the rewards are measured in degrees of domination. In this setting, it is not surprising that many people are concerned with acquiring more and sharing less, and where those in need are allowed to suffer while the others flaunt their gains. This to me is the real curse of civilization even as we have enjoyed so much of its advancements.

I have no doubt that each person has his own list of those who have lived outstanding lives that mattered and have reaped the rewards in doing so. Some of them were outstanding examples of humility and service as were those of Dr. Albert Schweitzer and Mother Teresa, who gave up a life of privilege and opportunity to serve the neediest and most underprivileged. And leaders like Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela, who devoted their lives to lead their people in peaceful resistance. These are recognized and remembered  by the world for leading lives that truly mattered. But leading such lives matters equally even at the personal level. When a teacher devotes time and patience to help her autistic students learn to function better, or when a mother chooses to interrupt a promising career to devote her time to her young children, or the successful businessman who takes time from his work to provide meals to the homeless, or when the very busy surgeon, leaves his busy practice to spend time attending to the victims of a natural disaster thousands of miles away, they are all living lives that matter.

         This indeed is the real catalyst to living a life that matters. It is never ever to do with any special endowment or ability we may possess or have acquired, and everything to do with attitude and intention. It cannot appear by chance but must be consciously and deliberately acquired. It is doing something extra, not because you are told to do so, or to improve your image, but simply because you want to do. It means deliberately choosing to spend time in activities with a strong sense of purpose that permits you to feel that your life does have meaning other than self-gratification and self indulgence. It means deliberately cultivating meaningful intentions and relationships with others in which both will feel the rewards and fulfillment. Above all, it is sense of satisfaction and the feeling of contentment that only comes after you have lived a life that matters. As Maya Angelou, the very highly respected and honored African-American author, poet and critic, whose life was a model of living in ways that mattered, so very correctly observed:

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

This indeed is the hallmark of trying to live a life that mattered. It is the one that measures success not by personal gain, but rather by personal enrichment.

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THE PURPOSE OF LIFE

“For, such as we are made of, such we be”

         These words contained in Act 2 of the well received comedy, Twelfth Night, written in 1602 by the great English poet and playwright William Shakespeare summarizes in stark reality the nature of our existence on earth. In his exquisitely poetic way he was telling us that we must accept who we are and what we are, without ever knowing the reasons for why or how.

No one knows with absolute certainty, the reason for our existence on this earth, or for that matter, why we are even alive. This is not for want of trying. For, as long as man has existed on this earth, he has sought to ascertain his purpose for living by exploring every discipline he could think of. And although, over the centuries of history, his search has produced a voluminous number of scientific, philosophical, theological, and metaphysical theories and resulted in people and cultures trying to adopt multiple different beliefs designed to justify their findings, no one has yet succeeded in fully explaining life’s purpose. The net results so far have produced numerous conflicting opinions on the subject but little or no agreement. Indeed, this should not come as any surprise to anyone, since the real answers continue to remain as elusive as life itself.

But even though the true purpose of our living on earth will quite likely never be fully understood, it is nevertheless left up to each individual to determine, as best as he could or as much as he wants, the real meaning of his own life and to make full use of this knowledge for his own living. Joseph Campbell, the well respected American mythologist, author and lecturer, was adamant that this approach was appropriate and that it was left entirely within each individual to define his own answer. He expressed this in the following quotation:

Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question, when you know the answer already.”

Many people are quite content with just living out their lives in the moment, and in trying to find happiness as best as they can, without the bother or concern of why or how. Their aim is simply to do, for as long as their lives allow them to do so, whatever they judge necessary to achieve joy and satisfaction while avoiding, as much as possible, anything that may cause pain or sadness. For them, just living life, day to day would be reason enough. Eleanor Roosevelt, the outspoken wife of President Franklin D. Roosevelt who, in her own right was a respected diplomat and human rights activist, was content to assign the purpose of life to be simply just living. She expressed this in statements such as:

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly without fear, for newer and richer experience.“

And in similar vane, Melanie Moushigian Koulouris, a fascinating American creative thinker and writer echoed this expectation quite effectively when she offered this advice: 

“I’m a true believer that everything happens for a reason. Though you may not always understand why, I believe the most valuable lesson behind it is to make you stronger; Live in the moment, because that’s all there is. Hang on to the good and let go of the rest.”

But the majority of human beings, bound by their own egos, are not content to accept such a basic explanation but are committed to go beyond what they can feel and see, to find a reason. This innate desire to know more is the fundamental difference that separates them from every other member of the animal kingdom. Humans are the only living beings on this planet that have the ability to think and to contemplate, to learn from past experience and to project into the future, to search for knowledge and often find answers. They are also the only living creatures to possess a conscience and able to act on it. This has nothing to do with the survival of the species, but rather, a deep seated longing to find meaning and to find reasons for existence. It is for this reason that men are driven to search for answers and in many instances hold steadfastly to them and build their lives around them. W. Somerset Maugham, the outstanding British author and critic, who gave up medical practice to devote his life to literature, drew attention to this dilemma when he noted:

“The secret of life is meaningless unless you discover it

 yourself.”

Carl Jung, the great Swiss-born psychiatrist and psycho-therapist, founder of the school of analytic psychotherapy, devoted a great deal of time, effort and thought into trying to determine the meaning of life and its purpose. He was convinced that this was the inner force that controlled and directed the psyche, and was a fundamental response of the subconscious mind. He explained this in the following observation:

“In the same way the body needs certain food, not just any kind but that what suits it, the psyche needs to know the meaning of its existence; not just any meaning, but the meaning of those images and ideas which reflect its nature and which originate in the unconscious.”

This conclusion is not very far from the truth, since humans are naturally curious and are constantly searching for answers. But the reason why so many stop searching and are content with whatever sounds plausible is a reflection of the poor degree of motivation in the individual. 

         To place this matter in the right context however, it requires first to decide whether one believes that there is indeed a reason for life or, as so many skeptics throughout the ages have insisted, that there are none. Charles Darwin, the famous Anthropologist who’s  Origin of the Species is a classic in anthropology, was convinced that with man, as with the rest of the animal kingdom, there was no reason at all to assume that life has an ultimate purpose or meaning. His views were echoed by the great French Philosopher and Nobel laureate, Albert Camus, who insisted that:

“The absurdity of the human condition is that people search for external values and meaning in a world that has none, and is indifferent to therm.”

And Stephen King, currently one of America’s most prolific and highly successful authors of fiction and supernatural topics, who is himself a declared skeptic, has regularly admonished others with such comments as:

“You discarded most of the lies along the way, but hold on to the one that said life mattered.”

But to the rest of the world, not influenced by this type of thinking, the search for meaning and for purpose continues both consciously or unconsciously. Charles-Augustin Saint-Beauve, a French physician in the 19^th century, who gave up the practice of medicine to become an author and a highly respected literary critic concluded:

Each man must look into himself to teach him the meaning of his life. It is not something discovered; it is something molded.”

In truth, all the major religious organizations have purpose of life as a fundamental belief and a requirement to satisfy the creator:

 In the Judeo-Christian tradition, the essential characteristic is service and love to God and fellow man. Man was created and placed on earth as a temporary prelude to eternal life, and his instructions were clearly laid out for fulfillment in the letter of St. Paul to the Romans, chapter 8, verse 28:

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

Islam, teaches that the purpose of life is a trial for the individual to show his true self. He is required to live a life of obedience, purity of heart and mind, and total submission to Allah in order to qualify for a final and lasting life in the hereafter.

Hindus, see the real purpose in living is to try to break the recurring cycles of birth and death, to achieve the exalted state of Brahma, and in so doing, stop the pain and suffering. This is explained in the holy writings as follows:

“Through many births in Samsara, have I wandered in vain seeking the builder of this house; repeated birth is indeed suffering.”

Buddhism, teaches that the only purpose of life is to end the suffering and seek enlightenment. We suffer because man is continually striving for things that do not give lasting happiness and until we are able to release them and replace with love it will continue. His Holiness Dalai Lama has repeatedly declared on a multitude of occasions that:

“Our prime purpose in life is to be happy and to help others”

In all these religions, the overriding theme for man’s purpose for living is to do what is necessary to achieve everlasting life. Without having this promise available to them, life itself will be reduced to that of the animal whose sole concern is individual survival irrespective of cost!

            But for most people, the need to find answers for a number of important questions remains paramount even if they accepted the promise of a hereafter as the purpose for life. Such questions as: related to remaining alive, capacity for learning or creating new life and whether death is final or will there be a reunion with loved ones. These questions although philosophical in nature and apparently without any answer, weigh heavily on any final conclusion on the purpose of life. In fact, there are an infinite number of meanings during one’s lifetime related to the prevailing circumstances at the time, each one providing specific fulfillment. It is really up to each individual to examine his needs and choose accordingly.

In the end however, the final decision concerning the actual choice of the answer will inevitably rest in the mind of each individual.  There is no definitive logical way to prove which of the many existing alternatives are actually correct. There is indeed an answer, but I firmly believe that such an answer relates solely to the individual and cannot be applied to everyone else. Anaís Nin, the American author and essayist, who was born in France from Cuban parents and who spent her life traveling to various countries, summarized this conclusion by offering the following solution:

“There is not one big cosmic meaning to apply for all.

There is only the meaning we each give to our lives; An individual meaning, an individual plot, like an individual novel; a book for each person.”

It is clear to me that there is indeed a purpose for living for each one of us, but that the answer lies not in any generic, group classification, but rather in the heart and mind of each individual, who is then free to accept it or reject it.

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