THE COMMERCIALISM OF CHRISTMAS

“So powerful is the appropriation of Christmas as the expression of market capitalism that it is much easier to opt out of religion than out of the American Christmas."

         These words recorded by Professor Donald Heinz, Professor of Religion at California State University in his book on Christmas published in 2010, speak directly to the outcome of the modern attitudes toward Christmas in the general population. It would seem that society is drifting away from the original meaning of this wonderful season set aside for all true Christians to rejoice at the birth of the only son of God Almighty, Jesus Christ the Savior, and for the glad tidings of hope and celebration he brought to all who believed. This was so beautifully contained in the message of the prophet Isaiah 40:9:

“You who bring good tidings to Jerusalem,

Lift up your voice with a shout, lift it up and do not be afraid; Say to the towns of Judah: "Here is your God!”

          Unfortunately for all of us who care, Christmas in these days, is becoming increasingly buried by the rising tide of rampant commercialization and secularization. It is rapidly losing whatever religious meaning it ever had, and instead, is becoming just one more excuse for corporations to sell more things and make more profit. So much so that massive traffic jams, packed shopping malls, and lines stretching around the block as well as endless hours searching the internet, have become hallmarks of the holiday season. Even uglier, are the “special sales” used to herald the start of season that are beginning earlier and earlier and regularly lead to pandemonium and chaos. All of this deliberately designed by the corporations, banks and finance companies to convince us to spend more and more, and owe more and more. All of which taking place in total antagonism to the beauty, the glory and the solemnity of this very special season.

        

For me however, as I grow older, Christmas is the time for my family, my friends and myself to come together to give thanks to, and to express our belief in Almighty God, and to remember his promises to us. The powerful feeling of family is never any stronger than at midnight of Christmas-eve when, gathered with all my family, we welcome, together with all the faithful of the Christian world, the glad and glorious tidings of the birth of our Lord. And we gratefully come together and share the joy and love of one another. It is also an opportunity for us all to take the time and reflect upon the message of the season to all mankind, Christian and non-Christian alike, as announced by the angels to the shepherds on that fateful night in Luke 2:14:

“Glory to God in the highest,

And on earth, peace and good will toward men.”

Unfortunately, in the same way we have destroyed this opportunity by distorting and commercializing Christmas, we have also successfully buried this beautiful command from God of “Peace on earth and Good will to all men” into the mud of exploitation. As we enter this season, instead of peace on earth, we have wars raging in every corner of the world among every nation and even among the people within the nations. And instead of goodwill to all men, we are spending all our time and energy in persuading anyone who is foolish enough to listen, that other people who look different, or dress different, or speak different or pray different are our enemies and ought not be trusted.

In fact to our utter shame, it would appear that peace is the most elusive commodity in the whole world. So too are good, honest leaders, irrespective of whether we elected them or otherwise. We grant the prestigious Nobel Peace Prize to one of our Presidents and he promptly increases the size and extent of the war in Afghanistan. We are spending far, far more money on building greater and greater weapons and higher and higher walls than we are feeding and housing our neighbors in need. We have clearly not learnt any lessons from the past wars and conflicts, nor do we seem to give more than lip service to the mounting death toll, and worse still, the mounting numbers of young men and women whose horrendous injuries are an abomination to humanity. --- And we do this all, in the name of freedom and democracy!

        

And as to honoring all good men; few of us have taken the time to understand its true meaning. We appear to prefer the most successful, the most notorious and the most aggressive people as the ones deserving the recognition. We happily and willingly appoint a man of very questionable ethics and morals as the leader, elect men of proven amorality to the government and to be leaders of society, and people of equally questionable character in sports and entertainment, showering them with our money and adoration. Yet we ignore the millions of people who go from one day to another not knowing if food is available to feed their children, or money to pay for rent or for medical care.

        

Even worse than this, is the lopsided attitude of our governments towards the care and support of society. We unhesitatingly spend billions of dollars to support the greedy incompetence of our financial leaders, including handsomely rewarding them with large bonuses for destroying the world’s economies. Yet we do not raise a finger to help the increasing pool of our friends and neighbors forced into failure and bankruptcy, unable to feed or offer good medical care to themselves and their families. Where in God’s name, is the goodwill toward men?

        

So as we enter this season of Christmas, a season chosen by God to remind us of our own responsibility towards our brothers and our neighbors let us all commit to live by his words. That we will all strive, by word and by deed, to ensure peace on earth, and do whatever and whenever we can, all that we are capable of doing to restoring good will toward men.

 

         W. T. Ellis, a member of the American House of Representatives in the early 20^th century, in lamenting the lack of interest that existed in the acceptance of Christmas at that time, made this observation:

“It is Christmas in the heart, that puts Christmas in the air.”

This indeed is the truest statement ever made. Until we are able to restore the original message and intent of Christmas in our hearts and in our minds, we will be condemned to increasing waves of secularism and commercialism that will continue to drown everything else.

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LIFE IS CHANGE

“The only thing constant in this world is Change”

This quotation, taken from the lyrics of a very popular ballad by India Arie the successful R and B American singer, entitled “Growth,” confirms to my mind, one of the fundamental truths in life.

Although it may sound confusing and paradoxical, Change actually defines life. For no Life can exist without the occurrence of change and in its absence, there clearly will be no life. It is Nature’s most constant and most fundamental component, and is the foundation on which every other action is based. Its existence ensures the continuity of life in every living being on earth, plant or animal, and in many ways, it is the yardstick by which all life is actually measured.

We see change occurring as an essential element in all the natural phenomena in life. It is present in the basic Environmental Cycles in nature such as night and day, sunshine and rain, cold and warm, or in the Seasonal Variations occurring at the regular intervals that include spring, summer, autumn, and winter. It appears at every point in all aspects of the Cycles of Life, beginning at the very moment of inception and continuing without interruption to the end, when life ceases. Life is never constant and unchanging, and by definition, life can only exist in a changing environment. When change has ceased, then life is no more!

In any relationship, change is the glue that cements the relationship and ensures continuation. It is the most essential driving force in every aspect of human encounters. In every one of these events, change serves to initiate, maintain and strengthen personal relationships, and provides the reason for continuing. In our daily interactions our lives are sustained by the alternating periods of highs and lows that we experience. Without these, we will quickly stagnate and wither away. The healthiest and strongest relationships are invariably built on a foundation of constant, but sometimes quite unpredictable, change.

Although change is constantly occurring, its impact on each one of us is never identical but is determined by the attitude we bring to bear. Many of us are content to passively submit to its influence, and like a floating leaf, be carried along life’s journey as so much flotsam, ending in oblivion. But there are many who are not willing to accept   life’s demands and instead spend their time imposing their own will on their environment. By so doing, they succeed in modifying the influence prevailing changes or even in creating new ones. These are the true pioneers, the dreamers, the innovators and the doers who refuse to accept conformity and instead contribute to the changing society. The over-riding hallmark of all these leaders is a willingness to stand against the forces of change and attempt to impose their personal will and direction. This was what the great English poet and playwright, William Shakespeare, no doubt alluded to when he recorded these words in his outstanding tragedy, Hamlet:

“God has given you one face,

 and you must make yourself another.”

From its very inception, the history of the universe has been recorded and measured by the changes that have taken place. Its very birth was the result of certain cataclysmic changes scientists refer to as “the Big Bang”, resulting eventually in life itself. Since then there have been ongoing series of events occurring that have altered the conditions of survival, and resulting in a sequential evolution of species. This has continued unabated and include such cyclical changes and natural upheavals and catastrophes which when they occurred produced changes locally and globally. Anthropologists spend all their professional lives searching for the existence of changes in nature in order to explain its present developments. All their work revolves being able to demonstrate and explain the effects of change on the world and all its inhabitants.

In every one of us, change is constantly occurring. Everything we do or say or think results from, and induces some type of change in our milieu. And conversely, change in anything will affect every one of us in one way or another. Beginning with birth and until death, change is the beginning and the end and nothing will occur without it. Even at the microscopic level of our being, we are undergoing constant and unrelenting changes, whether this involves new growth, regeneration, organ function or degeneration. The mere fact that we are here today is precisely because we were able to more readily adapt and change, while the less fortunate species disappeared because of lack of adaptability. The great Naturalist and Anthropologist Sir Charles Darwin, author of “The Origin of Species” stated this most eloquently in the following quotation:

“It is not the strongest of the species, or the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”

          Reinhold Niebuhr, the great American theologian and commentator, in commenting on the fundamental need for everyone to aggressively take the appropriate action to seek change, gave the following advice on the impact of change on our lives:

“Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are, for what you could become.”

This statement is, in my opinion, the most potent advice that can be given to any one. The difference between success and failure is most often the result of our ability to deal with our changing environment. We admire those who have achieved success but fail to recognize that their achievement came only after they were able to accept the fundamental challenge of change. They were willing to take risks and venture into the unknown, while the others preferred to stay in their safe harbors and avoid the challenges of change.

        

Barack Obama, the 44^th President of the United States of America, during his political campaigns, was more direct and definitive in his comments when he spoke of the need for change:

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for;

We are the Change that we seek.”

Many people have been critical of this statement as mere “political rhetoric without an ounce of truth or validity.” But whether this is the real intent or not, does not take away the truly profound nature of the statement’s content. Indeed, change to be truly effective, must begin with the individual and cannot wait for a “right time”. It will do us all well if we recognize that, contrary to the general impression, change is never rigidly controlled, but rather is very flexible and subject to great individual modification. It must never be your master, but always your servant!

         Meaningful change always begins with the individual and irrespective of the initial appearance, is predominantly subjective and only rarely is it truly randomly occurring. The late Dr. Wayne Dyer, the internationally renowned American author and speaker, in one of his lectures in 2008, stated this fact in simple and dramatic terms:

“When you Change the way you look at things,

The things you look at, will Change.”

-We will never lose sight of our hopes and dreams and will stand a greater chance of achieving them, if we always remember to apply this rule to every thing we think or do.

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CHOOSING TO CARE

"When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.

Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and

you rejoice."

                                                                                                                                                                                     

This profound statement, ascribed to the folklore of the great Cherokee Indian Nation of North America will go down as one of the most important observations ever recorded. In just a few, well chosen words it casts a bright light on how we should live our life on earth. At birth there was joy all around at our arrival, even though as newborn infants, we resented the change of milieu. But when we die the only way we have of gauging our impact is by how the people around us respond. If there is happiness and relief expressed by all, you will know your living would have been a failure. But if there was regret and disappointment among those left behind for your departure, then your life was well spent and you will be remembered for your presence and your caring.

When we are born we enter the world as empty vessels full of hope and expectations. But far too often so many of us end up having wasted our lives by following the crowd and by trying to conform to their demands. We live our whole lives in search of popularity and of acceptance, rather than being ourselves and living the life we ought to be living. We spend our lives doing things to please our selfish desires, or to satisfy the demands of others. We devote our efforts entirely to accumulating material possessions, or achieving fame and fortune. And all these are quite often achieved by us at the expense of others without our being concerned even aware about the consequences of our actions.

We give little regard to how our behavior affects the lives of our neighbors and we care less about their needs and aspirations. We are driven headlong with the desire to be successful at all cost, and do everything to receive the acclamation of our neighbors; without giving any consideration to the damage we do to others, by design or by neglect. We “strut and fret” about demanding attention and become disappointed or angry when the attention is not forthcoming. We are ready to blame everyone for our failures and take every opportunity to accuse others for the shortcomings.

 These are the trappings that our society requires of us to be included among the favorite, rich and famous and these are the measures used to decide success or failure. They are the requirements that society demands in order to bestow its rewards, its accolades, its embellishments and its monuments. It matters little how and under what circumstances these are acquired and even less, what kind of effect the actions had on others. But in truth, all these gains are merely facades that will remain only as long as the individual remains popular. They are all eventually destined to disappear into oblivion, buried with their owners, by the sands of time. As also, will their names and their achievements be equally forgotten by all but a few;   -and no one will care. 

And then there are other people who spend their time on earth caring about the welfare of others and doing what they can to improve the lives and the opportunities of those who, because of illness, need, circumstances, ignorance or neglect, are looked down upon and generally consigned to the societies’ rubbish heaps. These caring people on the contrary, are never forgotten, and their names and deeds are recorded, repeated and remembered long after they have departed. As Margaret Mead, the renowned American cultural anthropologist, so saliently reminded us all when she observed: 

“Never believe that a few Caring people can't change the world. Indeed, that's all who ever have”.

Throughout history, every generation has produced its own select compliment of candidates, all of whom possessed that common factor of caring for others and devoting their lives to doing what is necessary to improve their lives and opportunities. Their names and their works are indelibly recorded in the history of mankind and the world indeed has recognized these people and continues to do so with the passage of time. The names of such people like St. Francis of Assisi, Blessed Teresa of Kolkata, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Nelson Mandela, Louis Pasteur and Albert Schweitzer, will live into posterity not for the empires they built, or the material wealth they acquired, but for the lives they led, the people they helped and the examples they set.

In these modern days of excess and overindulgence, it is very  tempting to follow the crowd and fall into a life of selfishness and   self-gratification and spend your life, as so many are doing, only focusing on their goals and their desires and then justify this by adopting the popular attitude of ‘taking care of number one.” From early life we are being taught to “mind our own business” and we grow up believing that the less we become involved with other people, the better we can take care of ourselves. Our societies are being driven by a form of social paranoia, as we shy away further and further from the fundamental principles of care, love, affection and compassion that our forefathers preferred. Instead we have become more concerned with the self, and totally unconcerned about others or even less, of our own effect on others.

       This is unfortunate since man was never meant to live such a life of selfish indifference. Professor Alan Dershowitz, the outstanding American lawyer, author and one of the leading defenders of civil liberties, recognized this human trait when he noted:

“Good character consists of recognizing the selfishness that is inherent in each of us, and trying to balance it against the altruism to which we should all aspire.”

Clearly your life will become far more rewarding if you spend some time caring about the welfare of the other people around you. 

      Just by providing a listening ear, or extending a helping hand, or becoming concerned in, and providing support to people in need, will go a long way in making you a better person. To be more caring, you must be less self-absorbed and instead become more appreciative of the people in your life. We need to learn to be more grateful to others, and more concerned about their welfare. For by doing this, your humanity will grow and you will begin to realize the truth that mankind was never intended to be individual islands in a sea of humanity, but rather, as so many individual branches of the same tree, closely interconnected yet independent, with each one supporting the other. 

       Professor Leo Buscaglia, the very successful public speaker and one of America’s most popular authors and inspirational gurus, who devoted his teachings to love and caring, spent his life trying to makes us aware of the need for caring and the dangers of trying to live a life of selfish isolation. He explained his beliefs in the following terms:

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring; All of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

The truth of these words rings out loudly and clearly to any one who is willing to listen. But unfortunately, so many people have been so deafened by the cacophony of modern civilization that they never hear a single word of reason. As a result, these people are doomed to a life devoid of the joy and satisfaction from caring, and forced to live in a world of suspicion and distrust. This is the price that must be paid for living a life devoid of caring for others.

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KNOWING YOURSELF

“From here that looks like a bucket of water. But from an ant’s point of view, it’s a vast ocean, and from an elephant’s point of view, it is just a cool drink; and then of course to a fish, its home.”
 

The above quotation by Norton Juster, the American-born architect, academic and popular author, best known as a writer of children’s books, very effectively addresses one of the most essential requisites in our successful understanding of living to our best ability. In a very basic and simplistic manner, he was able to demonstrate clearly and effectively, the completely contrasting perspectives possible by different observers faced with the same situation. At the same time he successfully illustrates the importance of knowing yourself, and equally, the need for everyone else to develop and understand their special individual perspective. And then applying it constantly in everything they do.

An individual’s perspective, what he knows of himself, is the composite which results from everything he sees, or hears or experiences in any way at all. It is specific to him and cannot be transferred or copied in any manner or form. It ensures that his reaction to any situation is completely controlled by him. Clearly, the image he sees of himself, from his own perspective, is invariably very different from the image others perceive of him. It is this difference which, to a large extent, actually determines the behavior of others toward him and his behavior toward others.

Indeed perception is everything in life. For not only does it play a vital role in the decisions taken by the individual, but also, and equally importantly, it determines how successful he will be in interacting with others in his environment. Therefore, without truly knowing exactly who you are, you cannot hope to relate correctly with your environment. As the quotation illustrates, there is a vast difference between the perspective of an Ant, an Elephant and a Fish toward a common bucket of water, and hence there should be an equally vast difference in the approach of each in dealing with the bucket. It would be impossible for the ant to understand the Elephant’s perspective, and equally, the Elephant to understand the Ant’s approach, but together, armed with the correct perspectives; they can both appreciate the situation and recognize that the fish will have an altogether different perspective.

 This very simple illustration demonstrates the importance of fully understanding and applying one’s perspective in any situation. For it is the absence of such knowledge that is the root cause of so much unnecessary misunderstanding and misinterpretation that is taking place and giving rise to so much anger and destruction in the society. Clearly, without fully knowing ourselves, we will, and in fact are continuing to cause dissension, alienation and animosity, often without intending to do so.

But being able to know yourself is neither automatic nor is it easy to accomplish. The great ancient Chinese master, Lao-tsu, drew attention to this when he reminded us that:

“He who knows others is learned;
     He who knows himself is wise.”

He implied that it required more than simple knowledge to really know about yourself. It demands acquiring the fundamental insights about yourself to truly determine your strengths as well as your weaknesses. To be able to know the length to which you can go and equally the point beyond which you may not. It demands the ability to be aggressive when appropriate and yet be able to submit or withdraw when the situation calls for this action. It means being willing to stand fast to principles, but at the same time being flexible to admit when you are wrong.

         Unfortunately, most of us tend to take the idea of “knowing yourself” for granted and use it without really giving full consideration to its implications. Many of us spend our time reacting to situations impulsively, without examining the implications of our actions. We go along with the crowd in herd fashion, just doing and thinking what the others are doing. We prefer to follow along, rather than stopping long enough to make conscious choices or to ascertain what is best for us. When we do this, when we stop trying to understand ourselves and what’s best for us, we end up losing sight of our direction and not choosing the best course for ourselves. Under these circumstances, it is not difficult to understand why so many people are not able to set goals, or lack the motivation to search out new directions. They invariably end up lost, without the ability to find their best course for themselves.

Each individual creates his own “personal universe” based on his own perception, and his behavior is entirely dependent on how well he understands his universe. Being able to see oneself correctly from one’s own perspective can allow one to interact successfully with others, irrespective of the situation. It really does not matter if others have perspectives that do not necessarily coincide. What matters above all else, is that any interaction that results, is based on the realistic perceptions by each individual. This is the only way to ensure a level playing field and an amicable conclusion. Only when this is achieved can it be expected that any further interactions within the environment will have a much better chance of successful outcome.

Bruce Lee, the great Chinese born, American actor, director, martial arts exponent, scholar and philosopher, in discussing relationships among different people, very precisely explained the importance of truly knowing yourself when he advised:

“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself.

Do not go out and look for a successful person and copy him.”

One of the greatest disappointments of mankind is that he has not yet learnt to know himself, nor is he willing to make the effort to do so. For knowing who you are is paramount in fulfilling his true destiny. Instead he still prefers to choose the easier road of copying, or just following others and continues expecting to get good results.

- Is it any surprise therefore that the world continues to be in such turmoil and that people remain so distrusting and resentful of one another?

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LIFE WITH HUMILITY

“Humility oftentimes conjures up images of weakness, submissiveness, and fear. -But this is a false idea of humility. Real humility is a sign of strength, authentic confidence, and courage. It is the mark of a true man.”

This comment by an author whose identity is unknown perfectly encapsulates, in my opinion, the true meaning of Humility. It is one that I have passed on to my children, and strongly believe that we all should do well to take it to heart.

As the quotation indicates humility is often mistakenly used to refer to a state of inferiority, of being afraid or having a low esteem of oneself or tending to accept and project an image of unworthiness. This behavior is associated with a feeling of being less important than others and not deserving to be at the same level. This state must never be mistaken for Humility but rather refers to a condition of Meekness which must not be confused with the more positive state of Humility. 

Humility is a position of strength and confidence, a virtue without a need to advertise, to be pretentious or to be afraid or make excuses. Throughout history people who have had the courage to display this behavior have earned the respect and admiration of their peers and communities. Both Confucius, the ancient Chinese philosopher, and St. Augustine, whose life was a study in humility, described it as “the foundation of all other virtues”. In fact, throughout the ages and in every civilization, the one most constant characteristic of many of the prominent and successful leaders, thinkers, scientists and teachers is that of humility. It was viewed as the most respected and most admired behavior.

All the major religions emphasize repeatedly the importance of humility in the lives of their followers;

In Christianity; consider the life of Jesus, the Son of God. He chose to be born into the family of a poor carpenter, in a stable among animals, and live for most of his life on earth in poverty. And when he began to preach the Doctrine of Heaven he was ridiculed, accused of blasphemy and ignored by the establishment. In the end he was treated like a criminal, tortured and crucified between two thieves. He endured all of this with humility and forgiveness in his heart. His message was clear and indelibly imprinted in all who believe, that entry into the kingdom can be achieved only by humility and forgiveness. The constant theme in the Bible and all Christian literature attests to the overriding emphasis of humility among the disciples, prophets, saints, leaders and teachers in their lives and thought, so much so that the Christianity is often called the Doctrine of Humility.

In Judaism, humility is considered an indispensable ingredient in the religious and social perspective. The Torah, the sacred writings of Judaism, contains many references to humility as being deeply associated with the complex system of Jewish ethics. Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, Chief Rabbi for Great Britain and the Commonwealth, in his excellent essay entitled On Humility, expressed his religion’s profound sentiments in the following manner:

“Humility, true Humility, is one of the most expansive and life-enhancing of all virtues. It does not mean undervaluing yourself. It means valuing other people. It signals a certain openness to life's grandeur and the willingness to be surprised and uplifted by goodness wherever one finds it.”

In Islam, Muslims are encouraged to practice the daily Islamic virtues of modesty, submission and respect, and to reject pride and arrogance. The act of prostration at pray five times a day is meant to acknowledge the person’s humility and lowliness before the world. The Holy Quran advises the practitioner to “Call Allah in humility” to prevent suffering and adversity.

In Buddhism, Humility leads to being liberated from the sufferings of life and all illusions of stress and self-deception by achieving the freedom of Nirvana. They believe that enlightenment can come only when humility is achieved, and only after, can it ultimately lead to wisdom.

I have no doubt that each one of us can readily think of many examples of people with true humility with whom we have come in contact or about whom we have read or heard. For my own self, of the many people who have crossed my path or about whom I have acquired knowledge, I will identify two persons whose life has been spent in total humility despite having to deal with enormous obstacles.

The first is His Holiness the Dalai Lama XIV, who has been forced to live in exile since 1959 when the Chinese invaded Tibet. Despite profound deprivations suffered by him and his followers, he continues to preach peace, love and forgiveness to all. Although he has met leaders of most of the nations of the world, this has in no way affected his self-image and he continues to shine with the aura of humility. The following quotation speaks volumes on his views on life:

"Every day, think as you wake up; today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life. I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; I will achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get

angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can."

The second is Saint Teresa of Kolkata, the Romanian-born Roman Catholic nun who spent all her life caring for the sick, the poor and the needy of India and of the world. She was recognized and honored by leaders of many countries for her contributions to improving the suffering of the people, but never ever lost sight of the paramount value of humility. She expressed her concept of humility in the following terms:

“Humility is the mother of all virtues; purity, charity and obedience. It is in being humble that our love becomes real, devoted and ardent. If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are. If you are blamed you will not be discouraged. If they call you a saint you will not put yourself on a pedestal.”

In 1985, Michael Jackson and Lionel Ritchie co-wrote a song entitled “We are the World” that was performed on stage by a large group of the most prominent and successful entertainers alive as part of international aid program for Africa. It began with the following words:

“There comes a time when we must heed a certain call; when the world must come together as one.”

Sometimes I find myself wondering how beautiful this world of ours will become if all the leaders and the people of the world could somehow transcend the bitterness and the conflicts that consume us all, and instead acquire the humility and the courage to truly heed the advice of these gifted and talented people. To replace the inherent envy, suspicion, greed, selfishness and inhumanity that has dominated us, our religions and our societies, by a true sense of humility and the courage to live by it.

 --- But then I wake up and realize that this was only a dream that will never see the light of day. What a shame, that we all lack the humility of character and the courage of conviction to do the right thing!

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LIVING WITH LONELINESS

“All the Lonely people,

Where do they all come from?”

These unforgettable and haunting words formed part of the chorus of a very famous and well received ballad entitled Eleanor Rigby. The song was written and published by Paul McCartney and John Lennon, the two most gifted members of the immensely successful Beatles Quartette, the British group that changed the world of popular music in the 50’s and 60’s, while at the same time effectively drawing attention to a variety of social ills. Published in 1966, it went a long way to draw attention to the increasing problems of loneliness among the elderly population and the lack of genuine concern shown by society. The song actually became an unforgettable cry for help and set in motion a powerful movement toward providing more care and attention for the neglected growing elderly population.

Khalil Gibran, in his book, A Second Treasury, a brilliantly written observation on life, very beautifully and exquisitely described the true status of loneliness in the context of living, in this following excerpt:

 “Life is an island in an ocean of loneliness. It is an island whose rocks are hopes, whose trees are dreams, whose flowers are solitude, and whose brooks are thirst.

Your life, my fellow man, is an island separated from other islands and regions. No matter how many are the ships that leave your shores for other climes, no matter how many are the fleets that touch your coast, you remain a solitary island, suffering the pangs of loneliness and yearning for happiness. You are unknown to your fellow man and far removed from their sympathy and their understandings” 

 

He described most effectively, the full impact of the effect of loneliness on the individual which results in his isolation even as he remains in full view.

     

Loneliness is the state of feeling separated from, and longing for other people’s company. It occurs when there is avoidance or absence of physical or emotional contact with people, whether these are loved ones, friends, or acquaintances. This is not to be confused with Solitude, which is consciously choosing to be alone. Here the individual voluntarily chooses to withdraw for deliberate reasons and as a result, elects to enter into a state of isolation. Being alone in instances can actually be a very positive, rewarding and profitable experience, especially when used, as is often done, as a time of reflection, contemplation and self-evaluation. It can often lead to personal growth and enhancement and can contribute to improved quality of life.

Loneliness is a totally different state of affairs. The profound feelings of isolation and rejection, the pain of losing your contacts and social networks and the inability to communicate with others can lead to intense feelings of inadequacy, anxiety and depression, and can seriously compromise physical and mental well-being. Loneliness   is a very common human response and few, if any of us, are immune from recurrent episodes. Anyone of us will have no difficulty in readily identifying instances of loneliness that have taken place and the indelible effects left on our psyche, and no one will ever choose this option of his own free will.

      Loneliness does not have a single specific cause, nor does it respect age, sex, intellectual ability or socioeconomic status. It is complex and is unique to the individual. But it does have a strong correlation to age, personality and underlying psychological make-up. It is ubiquitous and universal, existing all around us, not respecting status or station. We see it in our friends and family, among our neighbors and with strangers and we read about it in our books and newspapers. Unfortunately, although we will all have no difficulty in recognizing it and all its sequelae, it is rare that we are able to help others to successfully deal with its consequences.

     

      Over the many years in my medical practice, I have seen loneliness present itself in all its many and varied faces. I have seen it in children, manifesting itself as apathy, withdrawal, as eating and bowel disorders, and even as aggressive and anti-social behavior. Some experts even suggest that Autism is probably an extreme, untreated manifestation of Loneliness. Among adolescents, loneliness may well be the most common underlying factor in a large number of behavioral problems encountered. This is not surprising when one considers the enormous conflicts to which they are exposed and the ridiculous demands of our “modern” society. Quite often the consequences may be tragic as was the recent case of a young girl who was driven to committing suicide as a result of peer pressure and isolation. This situation is certainly not improved by the persistent dependence on such popular community sites as Facebook and Twitter where loneliness can easily find a “refuge in public view”.

In adulthood and to a larger extent, among seniors, the problems of loneliness wreak havoc among the individuals and their families. With the added burdens associated with socio-economic distress, severe health problems and loss of life-long partners and relationships, the incidence of loneliness and the resulting health and emotional deterioration become dominant and the resulting suffering becomes overwhelming. Is it any surprise that loneliness is often referred to as “Scourge of Growing Old!”

Whatever the cause, it is vitally important that immediate and urgent steps be taken to correct or reduce its impact. Every effort must be made to educate people on the early recognition, correction and prevention of this damaging state of mind. People in this state tend to feel increasingly empty and unwanted. Although they recognize the need for human contact, their state of mind actually makes it more difficult to correct it and as a result they run an increased risk of developing serious health and mental problems.

     

Despite all we know about the subject, and how relatively easy it is to recognize its appearance and its effects, I fear that as individuals or as a society we have not done well in combating it. We seem to be much more concerned in our self-gratification and self-improvement than trying to improve the conditions or offer the opportunities to reduce the need for people to choose loneliness. It is no secret that much more was achieved in the past when people were less comfortably disposed but were closer, their inter-dependence stronger and responsibility for supporting one another greater.

Sir Bertrand Russell, one of Britain’s greatest philosophers, historians, logicians, mathematicians and social critics who died in 1970 at the age of 97 years, reflected the thinking of that time

When he wrote: 

. “Nature did not construct human beings to stand alone.

Those who have never known the deep intimacy and intense companionship of happy mutual love have missed the best thing that life has to give. Love is the principal means of escape from loneliness, which afflicts most men and women throughout the greater part of their lives.”

And St. Teresa of Kolkota, the Romanian-born nun who devoted her life to the care of the poor and destitute of India and of the world, was adamant on the power of loneliness and the need to address it:

“Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted, is the most terrible form of poverty”

-How disappointing is it that despite the efforts of so many, we could not, in good conscience, say that everything is being done to help these unfortunate people at this present time when we have much more ability to do so!

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GETTING THE MOST OF LIFE

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass;

… It’s about learning to dance in the rain."

        

One of the greatest myths in life is the belief that when you were born you were entitled to all the amenities of living that your heart may desire. But this myth is as far from the truth as you can ever get. Nobody ever promised or offered anything to you other than life itself, and the most anyone can do for you, is to show you the road to travel on. Whether your journey succeeds or not, is left entirely up to you and your resources.

The above quotation is by Vivien Greene, the wife of the distinguished English author and novelist Graham Greene, considered to be among the greatest writers of the 20^thcentury. She was herself, an accomplished poet in her own right, publishing several favorably received books of poetry. This quotation speaks clearly and precisely to the fact that you cannot assume that you are entitled to anything more than what was provided to you, and that you must learn to get the best out of life by making the most of what you have.

Life undoubtedly, is our most precious possession. It is the only one we will ever have on this earth, and it would be a shame to waste it by either choosing to chase another person’s dreams, or by just sitting around and waiting for our sun to shine. Either of these approaches are destined to fail, and we are inevitably left, like so many are, disillusioned and disappointed, unfulfilled and unhappy, bitter and angry and above all, cheated of our promise of a life of fulfillment.

Far too often we find ourselves trapped in a vicious cycle of believing that we can only get to be our best by learning from, and trying to follow others. Instead of getting to know who we are, and making the most of the abilities we possess, we prefer to follow what others are doing, and spend the rest of our lives in hopeless pursuit of somebody else’s dreams. As the quotation suggests, life does not wait for us to find the right time, but it continues on without regard to prevailing conditions. It is up to us to learn to adapt to our situation and live to the best we can, or refuse to do so, and suffer the resulting disappointments and consequences.

Like so many other people, I believe that life is not an accident of nature but a deliberate gift from the Almighty given to us to be used to its fullest. It is not meant to be wasted in useless expectations, nor in the unrealistic pursuit of other people’s dreams. It is instead, to be used by the individual as it was meant to be used, for as long as time allows. Though the real purpose of our living on earth will never be fully understood, nevertheless it is left up to each individual to determine, as best as he could, the meaning of his own life and to make full use of this knowledge. This clearly means that in order to obtain the most of one’s life, one must take control early and not allow negative experiences or other people’s actions determine the direction. This can only be achieved if we seek out our own goals and dreams, and then go after them ourselves.

We all came into this world under similar conditions. When we were born there was a clean slate and a whole world ahead of us. But unfortunately this picture became distorted almost immediately when we came in contact with the many and varied influences which then affected our future, for better or worse. Some of us were blessed to be born into a stable, loving home and were given every opportunity to grow and develop to our fullest potential. While others, through no fault of their own, were exposed to a disruptive and unstable milieu and as a result suffered major deficiencies in their developing personalities. The first group, with the better influences, will likely stand a better chance of making use of the opportunities available than the latter group, already burdened by the weight of its negative experiences. And yet in both cases, there will still be no guaruntee of success without the continued, specific, direct, deliberate involvement of others around them.

Even after all this, a great deal is still dependent on how the circumstances and opportunities available to each individual are utilized. This is yet another example of “carpe diem” that nature is so fond of offering; that of trying to make the best of the opportunities available to obtain the most out of life. Clearly, greater success depends on the more effective searching out and making full use of the opportunities available, together with the desire and willingness to do so. To me, this indeed is the fundamental difference between those who succeed and those who do not. For in any given situation, it matters less to us what the circumstances were at the time, and more, on how well they are handled by us. This indeed is the advice given by St. Paul in his letter to the Ephesians, Chapter 5, verses 15 and 16:

“Be careful then how you live, not as unwise people but as wise; making the most of the time, because the days are evil.”

The world has always been a very complex, demanding and difficult environment for its inhabitants, and happiness or even survival is not ever guaranteed. Each inhabitant must find the best and most efficient way to survive adequately by taking from it what he is capable of using. Nothing comes automatically and there are no entitlements, but much is possible provided one is willing to identify one’s dreams and wishes, and is prepared to accept the hardships and the frustrations that may come along. There is no way of predicting the outcome until it arrives. There is no guarantee that all the effort will succeed, and by the same token, nothing will be achieved from copying others. Some people are able to make the most of their lives no matter the situation that they find themselves in, while others equally disposed, cannot seem to deal with the easiest of situations. The difference rests not on the circumstances, but on the individual. The former will grasp every the opportunity offered to the fullest, while the latter, for a multitude of reasons, will fail to seize even the simplest of them.

But in principle this need not be so, for it is possible for everyone to make their lives much more meaningful and rewarding. It requires first, recognition of one’s weaknesses and then taking steps to correct them. Equally, it requires accepting the reality of the circumstances existing and then using this knowledge as a springboard to make changes that will go a long way to get to the quality of life desired. Further, it demands living for today only, and avoiding dwelling on the past or lingering in the future to avoid failure and to ensure stability. And it requires actively tackling the obstacles and the fears that surround the current issues, and not wasting time wishing they were not there. Above all, knowing and accepting who you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses, and avoiding trying to be someone else, will instill the confidence and security in you to take the necessary risks and not be afraid of failure but in fact, use them as lessons to be better.

In the end, you will only succeed to get the most out of your life when you grab the opportunities offered rather than wait for something better to come along. Nature is not designed to be flexible or to accommodate the special needs of anyone, or any alternative. It rests entirely in the hands of each individual to get the most they can out of their life by choosing to live the best way they can. In this context I am reminded of an ancient poem by the Classical Sanskrit author, Kalidasa, written in the 4^th century CE, which remains as current and as relevant now as it was in his time:

“Look to this day, for yesterday is only a dream,
and tomorrow is only a vision.

But today well-lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day.”

--Life will be so much more meaningful if we can all heed this advice and spend all our time taking care of our garden, and avoid looking at our neighbor’s garden!

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