FINDING HAPPINESS

“People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.”

The above quotation by the well-respected and very successful author and inspirational speaker, H. Jackson Brown, Jr. speaks to the fundamentally complex nature of the human expression of happiness, and our inability to understand it.

The main difficulty in understanding is that, like all the basic emotional expressions, happiness cannot be defined or quantified, and at best, it can only be recognized by its effects on the individual. And even these may vary quite substantially from person to person depending on the prevailing circumstances. In addition, the expression of happiness to be effective must also include other components as hope, fulfillment and satisfaction in good amounts. But when it is successful, it invariably gives rise to feelings of contentment and joy in the individual and a desire to continue on the same path.

There have been extensive studies and much written on the causes and effects of these feelings but as expected, these have produced many different explanations without definitive conclusions. The clinical responses can be demonstrated physiologically by studying the release of endorphins and dopamine in the brain. These can in fact be measured and can reproduce feelings of happiness. On the other hand, the Psychologist and Behaviorist confidently explain feelings of happiness as basic conditioned responses that result from the need to be rewarded. And to the deeply religious person, happiness comes from achieving closeness to God.

But whatever the etiological factors in operation, happiness is never a continuous feature of life. True happiness comes generally, in small fleeting moments which require constant reinforcement or else, it will quickly fade away. Genuine, lasting happiness will only be achieved after we learn how to reach and hold-on to those moments. And when we do, life becomes an adventure full of continuous happy, contented moments of enjoying the rewards of these feelings. Mahatma Gandhi, the great Indian-born humanitarian, and father of the civil-rights movement in India, very beautifully described this stage of happiness in these simple but exquisite terms: “When what you think, what you say, and what you do are in complete harmony.” This to me is a truly inspired assessment of the expression of genuine happiness. It refers to that state where the inner and outer being has achieved true harmony giving rise to feelings of contentment, joy and satisfaction.          

The great American novelist Nathaniel Hawthorne once very eloquently noted in his writings, the following observation:

"Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, it may alight upon you."

It is this sense of confidence in oneself and in one’s choices that dictates the predictability of happiness, and it is the expectation that the reward will always come in the form of fulfilled dreams, joy and desires. It is having the confidence to believe that it will always be there if one persists in the endeavor. It is indeed the main force that encourages you to stay on your road and not waver. This will only happen however, if we are patient enough to allow happiness to take place.

Unfortunately, for a large number of people, especially those caught in this consumer-oriented society with its raging currents of modern civilization and its determined undercurrents of selfishness and competition, happiness equates to the next acquisition, the next conquest or the next compliment. But these material objects serve only to enhance a false sense satisfaction, like a coat of cheap paint that quickly fades. They do not, nor can they ever be compared with the deep sense of joy and satisfaction emanating from the depth of your soul for sharing yourself with others.

 Bill Gates recently resoundingly reaffirmed this feeling in an address directed especially to the college graduates of 2017 when describing his own measure of happiness in the following terms:

“I measure my happiness by whether people close to me are happy and love me, and by the difference I make in other people’s lives.” 

-There was no mention of his enviably immense reputation, the highly successful companies he built, the mansions he owned, nor the billions of dollars he is worth; only of the difference he made on other people’s lives. This indeed is a true hallmark of happiness and one that will endear him for as long as he is alive.

Unfortunately however, in our determined haste to find happiness, many of us have sacrificed its true meaning on the altar of personal convenience. No longer do we seem to recognize that, while the emotion of happiness is itself fleeting, its effect on us is as lasting as the depth of meaning we attach to it. How can one ever compare the happiness shown on the radiant, smiling face of St. Teresa of Kolkata as she ministered to the most destitute and rejected inhabitant of India’s pavements, with the grinning, gloating image of Donald J. Trump after his success at the recent presidential elections? Or for that matter, is there any comparison between the joy and pride experienced by a teacher receiving recognition from her school board, and that of the young woman’s applause for exposing her body and her morals on TV? The answer to both these is loud and clear!

In the end, living the happy life and pursuing happiness is not, as so many people try to insist, a matter of luck, circumstances or opportunity. It is more correctly related to one’s attitude, intention and willingness to make the effort and take the appropriate steps in their lives to achieve happiness. As Earnest Hemingway, the controversial American author, journalist and Nobel Laureate, so wisely concluded: 

“Every man’s life ends the same way. It is only in the details of how he lived that distinguishes one man from another.”

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