THE POISON OF PREJUDICE

“Racial prejudice, anti-Semitism, or hatred of anyone with different beliefs has no place in the human mind or heart.”                                       

These words delivered by the late Rev. Billy Graham, one of the most celebrated and respected American Evangelical Ministers of all time, speak forcefully to the problem of prejudice which overwhelms every aspect of life in every country of the world. Unfortunately, he died without ever seeing any significant changes in the hearts and minds of the people of the world to whom he preached.

Prejudice is the prejudging, or the forming of an opinion on a subject, without being fully aware of all the information available. It is at its worst when it is used to refer to preconceived unfavorable ideas toward people for a wide range of differences including, sex, politics, class, age, disability, religion, race, ethnicity, language, nationality or any of hundreds of other differences. The very heart of all prejudices is dominated in every single instant by two fundamental emotional attitudes, ignorance and fear. These are always present in one form or another and invariably play important roles in the initiating and the propagating of the great majority of prejudices.

Psychologists explain that human beings use this inherently in-bred tendency to prejudge others as a way of insuring self-protection, especially if the others appear to be different or threatening. Research has shown that there is abundant evidence that this is an ingrained, instinctive tendency deeply embedded in the individual, born of the influence of environment and attitude and developed over the succeeding centuries of existence. They insist further, that most of what passes for prejudice in society is the result of an underlying ignorance and a subconscious fear resulting from lack of knowledge or of recognition. This is made worse by the fact that it readily becomes fixed and inflexible very early in life, and no amount of mental rationalization or evidence to the contrary, will make a difference.

Without any doubt, Words and Ideas whether spoken or unspoken, are the most powerful poisons that man has available to use to achieve his desires in establishing prejudices. They are the primary initiators and propagators of most of the incidents of prejudice that have occurred, or are occurring in the world. An ultimate example of the power of words appeared in the infamous statement by the late Osama Bin Laden, the founder and undisputed leader of the brutal Islamist movement, Al-Qaeda. It was delivered in a videotaped speech directed to Muslims all over the world in 2000:

“The killing of Americans and their civilian and military allies is a religious duty for each and every Muslim....We, with God's help, call on every Muslim who believes in God and wishes to be rewarded, to comply with God's order to kill Americans and plunder their money, whenever and wherever they find it.”

The most dramatic consequence of this verbal command occurred just over one year later on September 11^th 2001, when 19 Al-Qaeda affiliated terrorists hijacked 4 American commercial jet airliners and flew two of them into the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center in New York. Both buildings collapsed within 2 hours, killing almost 3000 innocent civilians, policemen and firemen. This has understandably released a firestorm of antagonism against Muslims and has launched a groundswell of Islamophobia that continues to grow with each passing day.

        

But horrific as this may be, it is an unfortunate fact that the concept of inciting and propagating prejudice by the use of words has been a universal mainstay of all the societies throughout history. On some occasions, even people who, while proudly proclaiming the highest standards of ethics, have not hesitated to use this as a weapon, when the need arose. History is replete with examples of people using words to incite hatred, wanton destruction and genocide. Both Religious leaders and Political leaders throughout the ages have been notoriously guilty of using prejudice to further their cause.

In every generation and in every society there are examples of the exploitation of the masses by individuals with evil or selfish intent. Indeed there are countless examples of individuals inciting serious prejudicial action by use of words in both oral and written form. The Roman and Greek Empires developed and prospered on the strength of intolerance of different cults and beliefs that were considered alien to their own. The Ancient Chinese and Indian societies used caste systems to divide and control vast populations, while the European societies survived and conquered by judicious use of suspicion and prejudice among them. No one should ever forget the deadly speeches by tyrants like Hitler and Mussolini that eventually led to the Second World War, the Holocaust and the barbaric destruction that resulted.

        

Even the United States, a nation established by words – The Declaration of Independence, and maintained by words – The Constitution, is guilty of some major transgressions in prejudicial behavior. From its very inception, there has been an undercurrent of racial prejudice, mainly exhibited by descendants of white European settlers to the others who arrived later. First it was directed against the Native Americans, then by years of Slavery of African-Americans, then on Chinese-Americans followed by Japanese-Americans and more recently, the Mexican-Americans and the Muslims. It seems that this country, founded on the declared principle of freedom to all, has yet to learn the true meaning of freedom. Bob Marley, the amazing Jamaican-born reggae exponent and social critic was surprisingly on target when he observed:

“Prejudice is a chain, it can hold you tight.

If you’re prejudiced, you can’t move,

You keep prejudice for years and never get nowhere.”

     

It is important to recognize that prejudice is invariably an exploitation of fear and ignorance and any attempt to deal with it by using force or by separation will only serve to exaggerate the situation and increase the flames of suspicion and mistrust. Instead of pointing fingers or passing judgments when something goes wrong, it would be far better to pause and look at the other side and try to understand rather than lay blame. There is urgent need to re-examine the culture of the society and to effectively change it so that the original biases can be neutralized.

A good example recently occurred in the US when two black men in different cities were killed by white police officers during separate public encounters. This led to a disgruntled black gunman on the next day in another city, killing five white policemen and injuring seven more before he was killed. When the events were objectively examined the one outstanding common feature that stood out was the sense of fear and suspicion that pervaded both the police and the victims at each one of the encounters. One almost felt that there appeared to be no real attempt at understanding or accommodating each other at anytime, and that the final outcome was inevitable; obviously as a result of generations of prejudicial poison exposure on all sides.

     But at the same time, we need to understand that prejudice is neither in-born nor inherited but is the direct product of environmental influences and of learning. Nelson Mandela, the great black South African anti-apartheid leader who served as the first black President of the new Free Republic of South Africa recognized this very early in his career, when many years before gaining prominence he wrote in his manifesto:       

"No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite." 

The real problem however is that although everyone knows that there is only one answer to correct in this scourge, but alas very few people are willing to make the effort to follow through and to sincerely implement it. Most people are unwilling to admit to their own prejudices and they all readily insist that the change must come from the other side. Society in general, gives lip service to acknowledging the existence of this poison within it, but no real attempt has been made to changing the cultural attitudes needed to neutralize the poison. And even worse, many leaders, political or otherwise, continue to exploit it whenever they feel they need to do so to achieve their desired power and goals. Very few of us have seriously considered the wise words of people like Charlotte Bronte, one of the greatest and most successful of English authors and poets, in drawing attention to this difficulty when she wrote:

“Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilized by education; they grow there firm as weeds among the stones.”

 But correcting this imbalance and neutralizing the poison that has pervaded the whole world in one form or another is neither difficult nor impossible to achieve. For if we really wanted to do so, all they needed to do was follow the advice of a lifetime recurring victim of prejudice, Martin Luther King Jr., when he said:                          

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness,

Only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate,

Only love can do that!”

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STANDING UP

"No one saves us but ourselves. 

 No one can and no one may.

We ourselves must stand up and walk the path."

The above quotation, generally ascribed to the sayings of Buddha, addresses the recurring problem of so many people who do not possess, or are not willing to exert the courage to stand up and speak up when the circumstances warrant this action. They instead, are quite content to have others speak for them, make decisions for them and even dictate to them. To them, the act of standing up for themselves is such a daunting experience they prefer to avoid it at all cost.

       There are still far too many people who have yet to learn that success depends largely on being able to stand up and be noticed. When we try to please others against our better judgment, to accommodate their every whim and fancy, we pay the price of diminishing our own self-worth, of creating within ourselves a losing mentality and risk making this action habitual. Far too many people spend their lives in passive compliance, in the misguided impression that by doing this, they reduce exposure, avoid further conflict, and suffer less embarrassment. They are quick to offer a multitude of excuses to justify the action. Excuses, such as ‘wanting to avoid conflict’, ‘to keep the peace’, ‘I do not have an answer’, ‘it will not change anything’, or ‘it prevents them from turning what I say against me’, are so popular that they are have become routine and common place.

But In fact these excuses are all merely manifestations of deep-seated, subconscious fears and a sense of unworthiness and inferiority by the individuals. These have the effect of controlling and manipulating the responses and accentuating the anxieties. The final result is that instead of helping the situation, they more often than not, cause more complications and more unhappiness than they hope to prevent. Shannon L. Adler, a well-received and successful American inspirational author and speaker very effectively explained this in a simple analogy, and offered the obvious conclusion:

“Staying silent is like a slow growing cancer to your soul. There is nothing intelligent about not standing up for yourself. You may not win every battle but everyone will at least know what you stood for: -YOU!”

        

Standing Up for oneself, even in a strong and confident individual, is always a quite challenging undertaking. But in the person whose natural inclination is to avoid confrontation, the task can often appear to be gargantuan. Nevertheless, despite this, it is undoubtedly an important asset to develop, if one entertains any hope of taking one’s rightful place in society. The ability to speak for oneself and express one’s views is one of the most important prerequisites for achieving one’s identity. It certainly is the most effective way of ensuring respect from others, and getting them to understand and accept your position. But of course, none of this is possible if the person continues to shy away from any form of confrontation, or to avoid accepting personal responsibility for his behavior. Eleanor Roosevelt, the wife of America’s longest serving president, Franklin D. Roosevelt, summarized this very effectively in the following observation:

“In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves.

The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”

But this never comes easy. It requires a lot more than just knowing what to say or do, or how it should be done. It involves being ready and prepared to be self-assertive, and to take the necessary action to project this intention. The manner in which you interact with others and allow them to interact with you must always be consistent and predictable, and must relate to inter-personal boundaries defined by you. For it is the successful enforcement of these boundaries by you that is the single most important way of securing your identity and establishing confidence. Stephen Covey, an American educator, author, public speaker and a leader in the “self help movement” in the latter half of the 20^th century, explained this very effectively went he said:

“This security represents your sense of worth, your identity, your emotional anchorage, your self-esteem and your basic personal strength, or lack of it”

         One of the common ways people adopt in trying to avoid having to cope with the assertive individual is by use of passive compliance. Unwilling to risk fall-out from trying to be proactive, they fail to see that their refusal to speak up and avoid displeasing others is not only detrimental, but is non-sustainable in the long run. Experience has shown time and time again that the popular thinking, to wherever possible avoid rocking the boat for the sake of peace and harmony, is not viable in the face of objection. In the long run, more problems have resulted from this approach than have been prevented. George Bernard Shaw, the famous Irish playwright, author, critic and political activist summarized this very effectively when he wrote:

“The people who get on in this world are the people who get up 

and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them."

         In truth, the act of standing up for yourself is, in reality, not as difficult as most of us might want to believe. Norman Vincent Peale, the famous American Methodist minister, preacher, and author of the widely successful “The Art of Living” offered the following advice:

 “Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them.

 You will find that they haven’t half the strength you think they have.”

This is sound advice indeed. For not only does it challenge you to deal with your obstacles, but reassures you that they are less daunting than you might think they are. In every case, it is always up to each one of us to recognize that the ultimate decision rests in our hands. Whether we cower behind a wall of uncertainty and fear, or stand up to the challenge before us, is the single most significant factor that will determine the outcome.

But merely establishing the ground rules is far from adequate in the art of self-assertiveness. It is vitally important to always remain aware that when   you choose to assert yourself, every word uttered, or every action taken can have a double-edge effect that depends on reception and interpretation, and can lead to unintended consequences. Consider the following examples:

 Silence, intended to indicate approval, may be easily interpreted as a betrayal of trust and lead to further conflict.

Being Firm or Assertive in defense of a position can be readily viewed as being aggressive and antagonistic.

Holding Back or not providing enough information and assuming that others should know all the facts, can lead to more suspicion and antagonism. 

Not being Explicit enough and assuming that everyone should be able to read your mind will inevitably lead to further confusion and mistrust.

        

Jeremy Limn, a young, rising author from Tasmania, Australia spoke from his heart when he recorded the following comment:

“Finding your own voice is hard.

It has taken me years to find my own voice.

But for me now, speaking up is a virtue.”

But to be truly effective in achieving this attitude, it must be balanced with an effort to listen when appropriate, to challenge when necessary, stand firm when needed, and to accept change when appropriate. Armed with these resolutions, and reinforced with a positive attitude, it is possible to successfully change one’s image and self-value from being a victim or push-over to one of confidence and assertiveness. Perhaps this is what the brilliant Russian-American philosopher, novelist, playwright and screenwriter Ayn Rand, was alluding to when she recorded the following statement in her ground-breaking book  “The Virtue of Selfishness”, published in 1964:

“The man, who has no value for himself, cannot have value for anything or anyone.”

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LIVE EACH DAY as if it were your last.!

“Live each day as if it were your last;

         -And some day you will be right.”

        

         Each time I encounter this very famous and often repeated quotation, I tend to react defensively. The words were originally recorded by an extremely talented and adventurous Australian-born pioneer, Harry “Breaker” Morant, who during his lifetime was an enigmatic and enterprising Australian bushman, author and journalist.  He was also a volunteer in the British army that was sent to subdue the Dutch Settlers in South Africa in the Second Boer War. His life came to an early and abrupt end when he was executed in 1902, by a firing squad made up of his own colleagues, for “war crimes” he was accused of committing during that war. He was 36 years old!

Like myself, most people’s initial response to the quotation is with positive acquiescence but not full acceptance. Clearly since no one really knows when the fateful time will arrive, one must prepare  as if it will occur at any time, but at the same time continuing their daily living nevertheless. There are some people however, especially those with ultra-conservative Christian principles, who prefer to choose the literal interpretation, quoting the Holy Bible, especially Matthew Chapter 24, Verse 36, as their guide: 

 “But concerning that day and hour, no one knows.

Not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son; But the Father”

They cease upon this and, in the context of living by God’s wishes and of securing a place in the eternal hereafter, spend their lives focusing on their ultimate life in eternity, while ignoring their life in the present. In effect these people spend their lives chasing the hoped-for illusion of a life in the hereafter, and ignore the genuine rewards of fulfillment and contentment that can be achieved by living in the present.

Perhaps the most extreme example of such interpretations was seen in the famous case of the “Heaven’s Gate Extinction” which occurred in 1997 in San Diego, California. A group of 39 very intelligent and successful men, urged on by Marshall Applewhite, an eccentric son of a Presbyterian minister, and an equally eccentric Bonnie Nettles, gave up everything they owned on earth and participated in a mass suicide. They believed that this was God’s wish and that he had sent a special extraterrestrial spacecraft, which was supposed to be following the projected Hale-Bopp Comet, to collect their souls and transport them to a better place. 

My personal dissatisfaction of the Morant quotation is not with its accuracy, since clearly no one knows when his day will come, but with its incompleteness. I prefer to relate to the more effective and more substantive view expressed by so many people throughout the ages including Mahatma Gandhi, one of the world’s finest statesmen, father of free Republic of India and founder of the non-violent movement that swept the world, when he advised:

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow.

Learn as if you were to live forever”

Or the equally impressive quotation contained in the Hadith, one of Islam’s Holy Books, and attributed to the Prophet Muhammad, which advises the followers to:

       “Live for your afterlife as if you will die tomorrow, 

        and live for this life as if you will live forever.”

In both these instances, the overriding theme is that irrespective of what happens, we can only live our life in the present. The real meaning of living can only be experienced in the present moment, and however we tried, we can only live life from moment to moment. The past is gone and will not return, and the future is still a dream, and has not yet arrived. Whatever we undertake, we must do so with the clear knowledge there is no guarantee of any results extending beyond this moment. The rest is but a dream; until it arrives!

         Living for today should not imply that tomorrow is forgotten, nor should it be ignored. However, although tomorrow should be anticipated, it must not be allowed to influence this moment, nor affect living life in the present. 

Living for today means that each day must be spent to maximum effort, to achieve the most we can, and above all, to avoid the inclination to put off for tomorrow because of convenience or expedience. Not only because tomorrow may never come, but also, when tomorrow comes, the circumstances would have changed and so will be the opportunities available. 

It also means that while it is futile to hold on to the past, or worry about the future, it would be equally naïve not to believe that we must live every day like it was the last day.

        

To live each day as if it were the last day demands always giving your fullest and best effort, without being burdened with the fears and the anxieties of wondering if you made the right choices. This will also allow you to be free of the worry and regret of possible mistakes, or concerned about what tomorrow will bring. All of this will inevitably produce such enriching and rewarding results that  give rise to feelings of true fulfillment. For to be able take action unencumbered by fear of the future, and to have the confidence to take chances, and to have faith in yourself about tackling and completing tasks, without being afraid of ultimate failure, will go a long way to ensure true personal satisfaction.  Perhaps, Lord Buddha might well have been alluding to this benefit when he offered the following advice his followers:

“Do not dwell in the past and do not dream of the future.

Concentrate your mind on the present moment only.”

But living for today alone without taking into account that a tomorrow could appear and will need to be lived in, is both short sighted and unrealistic. But in doing so however, it is important that you do not fall into the trap that each tomorrow is but a continuation of today. The world that we live in and the lives of each one of us who inhabit it, are all in constant change in ways that are unpredictable. Nothing ever remains constant, and survival, to be truly effective, must always recognize and accommodate this fact. Man, quite unlike any of the vast array of living beings that inhabit the earth, is blessed with the unique ability to learn from his mistakes if he chooses to do so. Most of the time however, he fails to do so, and as a result continues to commit the same errors and suffer the recurring consequences of failure and disappointments.

 Gandhi in his quotation drew attention to this anomaly when he advised:

“Learn as if you were to live forever.”

It is not enough to recognize that life must be lived in the present alone, but that for as long as our life continues, we must continue to learn from the mistakes, always changing to satisfy the demands of the present. It is only by knowing the errors of the past can we avoid mistakes in the future. And it is only by the act of learning, by identifying the faults and the mistakes we make, can we begin to understand how to correct them or avoid them. Even more important, is the fact that only from the experience acquired from dealing with our setbacks can future changes be anticipated and then corrected. It is precisely for this reason that learning must continue for as long as life itself lasts; and if life ever continues forever, so too must be our learning.

Sadly very few of us ever take this to heart. We instead prefer to react to the demands of today by trying to escape to the safety of tomorrow and in so doing, lose all the benefits of today. Bernard Berenson, the highly respected Lithuanian-born, American art historian lamented publicly this unfortunate state of affairs when he noted:

“I wish I could stand on a busy corner, hat in hand, and beg people to throw me all their wasted hours.”    

Far too often we spend all our energy and effort wasting our lives trying to hold on to our yesterdays or to escape to our tomorrows because of some poorly founded beliefs that our lives will improve. We ignore or avoid the lessons that are staring at us, and end up angry and disappointed with our life and ourselves. We never see the solutions that are glaring before our eyes and continue to repeat the same mistakes. Stephen Vincent Benet, the Pulitzer Prize winning American poet and author, beautifully described the final outcome in the following manner:

“Life is not lost by dying. Life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.”

We need to realize that death itself is not life’s greatest enemy, but the way we choose to live our life each day. It depends entirely on if we allow ourselves to fall victim into the sea of fears and anxieties that exists all around us and drown in desperation. Or to choose to live life to the fullest each day, being fully aware that the next day may or may not come. The ultimate choice rests with us; To live each day fully and free of tomorrow, or to live in fear of our yesterdays and our tomorrows, while ignoring the beauty of today. Samuel Langhorne Clemens (Mark Twain), undoubtedly one of America’s greatest authors, summarized this option most beautifully when he wrote:

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life.

A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

-We will all do well if we learn to follow the wise words of Mahatma Gandhi and all the great masters throughout the ages, and live each day as if it is our last, never forgetting that if tomorrow comes, we live it equally.

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DEALING WITH WEAKNESSES

“It is more useful to be aware of a single weakness in oneself, than to be aware of a thousand weaknesses in someone else.”

The above quotation by His Holiness Dalai Lama has always been one of my favorite quotations and one which I often repeat to others who need to be reminded of its truth. In a single uncomplicated sentence he has drawn attention to one of the most significant failings of the human spirit.

Most of us when asked, will rarely acknowledge that we have any personal weaknesses that may affect our behavior. Instead, we spend all our time and effort searching for, and being concerned about, other people’s behavior and how they affect us. We spend little time trying to understand ourselves but we readily look for and criticize other people’s weaknesses. Further, we compound this by constantly trying to find ways and reasons to blame our own weaknesses on others. We never seem to recognize that by using this rationalization, we are in fact applying a type of unconscious arrogance as an excuse to express some type of misguided justification for our own inadequacies. Unfortunately we never really understand that in the end this does nothing for us or for our confidence. At best, this is just wasted effort that can only lead to trouble, since by doing so, we may feel encouraged to continue along with a false sense of security that we are making the right decisions.

Victoria Morton, a highly acclaimed Scottish artist and sculptor who resides and works in Glasgow, Scotland, in describing her own feelings, recorded the following observation:

“I am brave because I know my fear,

I am strong because I know my weakness,

I am wise because I've been foolish.

I love because I've been hurt.” 

This to me perfectly encapsulates the true understanding of how we should respond to situations of weakness that we inevitably encounter along the course of our living. Life is all about experiencing, learning and developing. It is about understanding oneself, of having self-awareness and of knowing our strengths and our weakness. It also involves recognizing that our weakness can actually be a position of strength, for it offers us an opportunity to undertake corrective action. For it is only when we begin to understand this state of affairs can we truly recognize the need for change. And alternatively, in those situations where this was not possible, we can learn to compensate by accepting our weakness and instead, proceeding in another more effective direction with our strength.

In fact, we all possess a mixture of strengths and weaknesses which form an integral part of our lives. Many of us tend to reject our weaknesses as unacceptable and unpleasant, and do everything we can to deny them or to avoid tasks that require their use. It is this avoidance that causes unnecessary concerns and problems to arise by forcing us to hold back our effort. Often we try to camouflage our perceived weakness by deliberately trying to focus on the weaknesses of others. But by doing so, we undermine our own positions even more as we expose the other person’s strength. It is exceedingly easy to identify and point out other people’s weaknesses but very dangerous to try to match them against our own capabilities. This invariably turns out to be non-productive and non-sustainable and even worse may provide a false sense of security that will ultimately lead to unhappy consequences. For in the end, despite all the effort to conceal them, weaknesses that are not directly identified and actively corrected, become more pronounced with time, and can often lead to inevitable embarrassments.

An Author who has not been identified is thought to have recorded the following brief and dramatic statement:

 “I am strong enough to know when I am weak.”

This I believe is one of the finest summaries that could be offered toward the corrective action that should be undertaken. Developing a positive attitude, free of the arrogance of ignorance and denial, is clearly the most desirable and meaningful approach we can all undertake in dealing with our faults and weaknesses. By recognizing that our weaknesses are often merely the absence of knowledge, which when corrected, leads to strength. And by just making the effort to do this, our weaknesses can be replaced with success, leading to true satisfaction in our living.

         In his comment, the Dalai Lama was directing us to recognize that we will indeed be better and stronger if we devote our time to searching out our own weaknesses and then taking steps to correct  them or at least modify them as best as we can. By doing this, we ensure continued growth and confidence in ourselves, while at the same time being better able to deal with our challenges, without having to make excuses or to deny them. We need to understand that searching for and admitting to your weaknesses is not a sign of failure, but of strength. And further, when your weaknesses are pointed out to you, you should not consider this as an insult, but welcome the comments as an opportunity for improvement. Michael Jordan, perhaps the greatest sportsman of all times who is noted for his uncompromising and aggressive approach in everything he attempts, explained his actions in the following way:

“My attitude is that if you push me toward something that you think is a weakness, then I will turn that perceived weakness into a strength.”

He in fact, welcomed being made aware of any weakness he may show as a reason to double down his effort to correct his already enormous ability.

There is no doubt that it is precisely those things that we are afraid to deal with or try to set aside or deny outright that are the ones that become monsters and create much of the insecurities that we experience. The more they are allowed to control us, the worse they become and the greater are our fears and intimidation. Eleanor Roosevelt, the wife of America’s longest serving president, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and herself a prominent author, politician, activist and diplomat, once noted that the main cause of our behavior toward our weaknesses is our own fear of not being able to carry through. She explained further:

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing that you think you cannot do.”

Clearly by taking time to face your fears directly, you will not only grow in confidence, but you will bring the monster under your control and give full expression to the real person, unshackled by any of the perceived obstacles. Oprah Winfrey, one of the most successful and enterprising women in America today, whose life itself has been a story of facing and overcoming her fears and weaknesses throughout her lifetime, was perfectly correct, astute and to the point, when she observed:

“Whatever you fear most has no power,

          It is your fear that has the power.”

Overcoming this weakness is a very essential component in everyone’s life. Albert Einstein, Nobel laureate, and the world’s foremost physicist and philosopher drew attention quite correctly to the dangerous long term consequence of leaving weaknesses uncorrected when noted that:

“Weakness of attitude will become weakness of character.”

While each person is born with some weakness, it is clear that unless these are adequately dealt with, they will eventually take control of the individual and seriously compromise life and living. People who try to ignore their personal weaknesses will find themselves overwhelmed with insecurities, repeating the same mistakes, and end up leading sorry, unfulfilled lives. The answer for correcting this rests directly on the individual. It requires a deliberate attempt to understanding oneself, recognizing the faults, and actively instituting corrective action or alternatively, learning to neutralize those that resist correction. To successfully achieve this requires the development of a strong and positive self-image and a confidence by the individual to fulfill his true potential by developing strong and healthy relationships and respect from others.

When this happens, and one’s own self respect and confidence is reinforced, one can then, and only then, confidently deal with the external world, without any need to hide behind veils of insecurities. William Shakespeare, in his great tragedy Hamlet, summarized this state most beautifully, when he wrote:

“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

-This indeed should become a banner for all of us who want to live our lives to the fullest. For without truly understanding ourselves, we are destined to live a live of unhappiness and regret as we allow our weaknesses to become monsters within us.

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MAKING A DIFFERENCE

“It is not what you possess in life that makes you so important. 

 It is who you are, that makes the difference.”

                                                        

The above comment was made to me by my niece Sylvia, many years ago in the context of her late father’s impact on her life. He had only recently passed away following a long period of severe physical incapacity resulting from an unfortunate accident he had sustained.  

She insisted that her most important memories of him had nothing to do with the businesses he developed, nor the buildings he built, nor even the substantial reputation he had acquired from his peers during his lifetime; however formidable that they each might have been. To her, the true measure of this man was in the person he was. In his total devotion and commitment to his wife and his family, the care and concern for the welfare of those who worked for him, the respect he showed to everyone, irrespective of social or economic status, and above all else, in his genuine humanity. She insisted that while the businesses he built and the buildings he erected may change with time, the man he was and the reputation he has left behind will live on in the lives and minds of all those who knew and loved him.  To her, this is the most important value a man can possess, to make a difference in life; anything else about him will be secondary and less consequential.

There are of course, many who will not agree with this statement, and continue to praise those men and women who were astute enough to gain power and notoriety and build large followings of foolish, immature and misguided followers. These include many members of the entertainment and the sporting fraternities who spend their whole lives seeking selfish acquisition of fame and fortune without any regard to their morals or their humanity. No less are a significant number of leaders of the financial and business world,  “the 1% group”, who spend their whole lives amassing great fortunes and living exorbitant lives, but show little regard or concern toward the needy and less fortunate members of their community. By doing this, they ignore the real reason for their living on this earth. As Albert Schweitzer, the great Swiss physician and humanitarian so beautifully advised:

“Even if it is a little thing, do something for those who need of a man’s help, something for which you get no pay but the privilege of doing it. For remember you do not live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.”

Instead too many choose to live by the creed which totally disavows this advice and in its place confidently declare:

 “I have earned it myself, why should I share it with anyone!.”

But to me the pursuit of one’s humanity is paramount, and rises above all else. Our primary goal on this earth which we all share, is to make a difference and to leave it a little better than we found it. The act of setting aside one’s own ego with its insatiable demands, and instead, seeking the welfare of another individual or situation, whether solicited or unsolicited, is far more rewarding and satisfying to all who try. By doing so, by giving rather than demanding, we not only express our fundamental human spirit, but also acknowledge that there is indeed much more in life than merely the pursuit of greedy personal conveniences and the gratification of our selfish desires. This to me is what making a difference means. 

        

Victor Frankl, a fine example of a true humanitarian, whose life- story before, during, and after his internment by the Nazi Gestapo during World War II, is considered to be among the most outstanding examples of love and service to others. In his highly acclaimed and well received classic publication, “Man’s search for Meaning,” he recorded the following observation: 

“A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being, who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, can never throw away his life. He knows the ‘why’ for his existence, and will be able to wait for the ‘how’.”

He noted further that wherever he traveled in the world, he found that men can be readily divided into two separate and distinct classes irrespective of nationality, race, religion or social status. On the one hand, there are the selfish, who are guided by greed and personal self-gratification and by a desire to acquire all they can, in complete disregard of the hopes, needs and expectation of others. While the other is a group motivated by a love for others and a desire to protect and support as much as possible. Unlike the former group, they are not content to stand by while others are in need, and will do whatever needed, even without being asked. The members of this latter group, whose names and reputations have embellished the history books throughout the centuries, are defined by the values and the principles they lived by, and not by the monuments that may or may not bear their names. These are the people who have made a difference in their world.

        

One of the great tragedies of life is that so many people spend all their lives without ever experiencing the joy and satisfaction of living a life that makes a difference. They were so consumed with living the sort of life that society expected of them, and determined in trying to please other people at all cost, that they had no time to find their own personal fulfillment. Even more tragic is the fact that quite often they do this less by intention than out of ignorance because they were never given the opportunity to know or do better. Modern society with its determined drive to succeed more, to acquire more, to build more and to compete more, fails to recognize that true lasting rewards do not lie in the taking or accumulating, but rather in the giving and in the sharing. That true success is measured less by the results, and more by the effect on others. As Brian Tracy, the very successful Canadian inspirational speaker so succinctly observed:

“Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking: “What’s in it for me?”

This, and only this, is what makes the difference, and everything else in life are merely window dressings.

        

There is yet another factor to be considered in the making of a difference in our living. Each time an act is performed to assist another person, there is a direct cost involved to the doer. Some sort of a sacrifice is required whenever someone takes time or makes the effort to help another. He often is not aware of it, but he would have had to change or omit doing something for himself or risk loss of opportunity that may have arisen. This consideration is in fact what makes life more meaningful to the giver; For the satisfaction derived from giving of oneself, will have far more value and far more meaning than the satisfaction resulting for self-glorification and self-indulgence. The joy experienced by the giver is reward enough, and it is this joy that makes the difference.

Anthropologists have always recognized that this behavior characteristic is the one that separates man from the rest of the animal kingdom. Whereas an animal who achieves a kill will hoard it until it is completely satisfied, man on the other hand, prefers to share his bounty with the group. In the natural habitat, hoarding in any form is against the natural laws of human survival.  Selfishness and self-gratification only developed as a distinct human trait as society became more sophisticated, and more disintegrated into class and status differences. Instead of the general group welfare, it evolved into a survival of the fittest, or the luckiest, or the smartest or the wickedest. This attitude became more prominent as the society became more affluent and more complex. The more advanced the society became, the more pronounced the separation between the few who control and the rest of the members who serve appeared. -And the less important the difference mattered.

This to me, is the real shame of modern societies, with all their great advancements in knowledge, opportunity and conveniences. Instead of developing forward, man has indeed devolved backwards to the animal thinking. Instead of sharing the blessings and making a difference to the lives of all members, some men has chosen to hoard while others are left wanting. All of this is being confidently projected as occurring in the name of progress! What a shame that so many of us are too blind, or are courageous enough to take up our responsibilities and follow the right path in living.

We will all do well to take heed of those fine words recorded by the late Robert P. Kennedy on the night he was tragically assassinated by a disturbed Sirhan Sirhan:

“Each time a man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples to build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.”

But alas, instead of a current of goodwill sweeping away the mighty walls of oppression and resistance, we are choosing to build more walls, restrict more freedoms and use religion as a reason to kill and destroy.

-And we do this in the name of protecting modern civilization!

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