DEALING WITH WEAKNESSES

“It is more useful to be aware of a single weakness in oneself, than to be aware of a thousand weaknesses in someone else.”

The above quotation by His Holiness Dalai Lama has always been one of my favorite quotations and one which I often repeat to others who need to be reminded of its truth. In a single uncomplicated sentence he has drawn attention to one of the most significant failings of the human spirit.

Most of us when asked, will rarely acknowledge that we have any personal weaknesses that may affect our behavior. Instead, we spend all our time and effort searching for, and being concerned about, other people’s behavior and how they affect us. We spend little time trying to understand ourselves but we readily look for and criticize other people’s weaknesses. Further, we compound this by constantly trying to find ways and reasons to blame our own weaknesses on others. We never seem to recognize that by using this rationalization, we are in fact applying a type of unconscious arrogance as an excuse to express some type of misguided justification for our own inadequacies. Unfortunately we never really understand that in the end this does nothing for us or for our confidence. At best, this is just wasted effort that can only lead to trouble, since by doing so, we may feel encouraged to continue along with a false sense of security that we are making the right decisions.

Victoria Morton, a highly acclaimed Scottish artist and sculptor who resides and works in Glasgow, Scotland, in describing her own feelings, recorded the following observation:

“I am brave because I know my fear,

I am strong because I know my weakness,

I am wise because I've been foolish.

I love because I've been hurt.” 

This to me perfectly encapsulates the true understanding of how we should respond to situations of weakness that we inevitably encounter along the course of our living. Life is all about experiencing, learning and developing. It is about understanding oneself, of having self-awareness and of knowing our strengths and our weakness. It also involves recognizing that our weakness can actually be a position of strength, for it offers us an opportunity to undertake corrective action. For it is only when we begin to understand this state of affairs can we truly recognize the need for change. And alternatively, in those situations where this was not possible, we can learn to compensate by accepting our weakness and instead, proceeding in another more effective direction with our strength.

In fact, we all possess a mixture of strengths and weaknesses which form an integral part of our lives. Many of us tend to reject our weaknesses as unacceptable and unpleasant, and do everything we can to deny them or to avoid tasks that require their use. It is this avoidance that causes unnecessary concerns and problems to arise by forcing us to hold back our effort. Often we try to camouflage our perceived weakness by deliberately trying to focus on the weaknesses of others. But by doing so, we undermine our own positions even more as we expose the other person’s strength. It is exceedingly easy to identify and point out other people’s weaknesses but very dangerous to try to match them against our own capabilities. This invariably turns out to be non-productive and non-sustainable and even worse may provide a false sense of security that will ultimately lead to unhappy consequences. For in the end, despite all the effort to conceal them, weaknesses that are not directly identified and actively corrected, become more pronounced with time, and can often lead to inevitable embarrassments.

An Author who has not been identified is thought to have recorded the following brief and dramatic statement:

 “I am strong enough to know when I am weak.”

This I believe is one of the finest summaries that could be offered toward the corrective action that should be undertaken. Developing a positive attitude, free of the arrogance of ignorance and denial, is clearly the most desirable and meaningful approach we can all undertake in dealing with our faults and weaknesses. By recognizing that our weaknesses are often merely the absence of knowledge, which when corrected, leads to strength. And by just making the effort to do this, our weaknesses can be replaced with success, leading to true satisfaction in our living.

         In his comment, the Dalai Lama was directing us to recognize that we will indeed be better and stronger if we devote our time to searching out our own weaknesses and then taking steps to correct  them or at least modify them as best as we can. By doing this, we ensure continued growth and confidence in ourselves, while at the same time being better able to deal with our challenges, without having to make excuses or to deny them. We need to understand that searching for and admitting to your weaknesses is not a sign of failure, but of strength. And further, when your weaknesses are pointed out to you, you should not consider this as an insult, but welcome the comments as an opportunity for improvement. Michael Jordan, perhaps the greatest sportsman of all times who is noted for his uncompromising and aggressive approach in everything he attempts, explained his actions in the following way:

“My attitude is that if you push me toward something that you think is a weakness, then I will turn that perceived weakness into a strength.”

He in fact, welcomed being made aware of any weakness he may show as a reason to double down his effort to correct his already enormous ability.

There is no doubt that it is precisely those things that we are afraid to deal with or try to set aside or deny outright that are the ones that become monsters and create much of the insecurities that we experience. The more they are allowed to control us, the worse they become and the greater are our fears and intimidation. Eleanor Roosevelt, the wife of America’s longest serving president, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and herself a prominent author, politician, activist and diplomat, once noted that the main cause of our behavior toward our weaknesses is our own fear of not being able to carry through. She explained further:

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing that you think you cannot do.”

Clearly by taking time to face your fears directly, you will not only grow in confidence, but you will bring the monster under your control and give full expression to the real person, unshackled by any of the perceived obstacles. Oprah Winfrey, one of the most successful and enterprising women in America today, whose life itself has been a story of facing and overcoming her fears and weaknesses throughout her lifetime, was perfectly correct, astute and to the point, when she observed:

“Whatever you fear most has no power,

          It is your fear that has the power.”

Overcoming this weakness is a very essential component in everyone’s life. Albert Einstein, Nobel laureate, and the world’s foremost physicist and philosopher drew attention quite correctly to the dangerous long term consequence of leaving weaknesses uncorrected when noted that:

“Weakness of attitude will become weakness of character.”

While each person is born with some weakness, it is clear that unless these are adequately dealt with, they will eventually take control of the individual and seriously compromise life and living. People who try to ignore their personal weaknesses will find themselves overwhelmed with insecurities, repeating the same mistakes, and end up leading sorry, unfulfilled lives. The answer for correcting this rests directly on the individual. It requires a deliberate attempt to understanding oneself, recognizing the faults, and actively instituting corrective action or alternatively, learning to neutralize those that resist correction. To successfully achieve this requires the development of a strong and positive self-image and a confidence by the individual to fulfill his true potential by developing strong and healthy relationships and respect from others.

When this happens, and one’s own self respect and confidence is reinforced, one can then, and only then, confidently deal with the external world, without any need to hide behind veils of insecurities. William Shakespeare, in his great tragedy Hamlet, summarized this state most beautifully, when he wrote:

“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

-This indeed should become a banner for all of us who want to live our lives to the fullest. For without truly understanding ourselves, we are destined to live a live of unhappiness and regret as we allow our weaknesses to become monsters within us.

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