THE PRICE OF WORRYING

“Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but will not get you anywhere.”

         The above quotation, an Old English Proverb, has been copied and used by numerous authors and speakers all over the world and has become a universally accepted truth. It very precisely explains that worrying, while keeping one occupied, does not get anyone anywhere or get anything done.

         To worry per se, is not necessarily an unnatural response, especially if it relates to a perceived problem requiring action.  Legitimate worries about matters needing a decision or solution are considered to be part of normal living provided they go away on resolution. Worry becomes a matter of concern when it involves negative and unproductive thoughts, emotions and ideas that occur in a repetitive, uncontrolled manner that appear in response to a perceived risk that may or may not be real. It is often associated with absent or ineffective attempts to solve or avoid the anticipated threats or potential consequences. Rather than serving to stimulate and help the individual to find a solution and reduce the threat, this worry serves only to impede attempts and amplify the threats. In basic terms, it serves directly to interfere with normal mental activities by robbing or cheating the individual out of normal living. Its effect has been very graphically and correctly described by Mary Boardman Page, in her book published in 1899 entitled, “The Confessions of a Worrier,” when she observed:

“So, far from stimulating and helping us to action, it cheats us and robs us of our strength. What friction is to mechanical machinery, worry is to the mental world.”

 In similar vane, Bishop Arthur Somers Roche, a prominent British Roman Catholic clergyman who presently serves in the secretariat in the Vatican, described all the encompassing effect of worrying in these exquisite terms:

“Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.”

In psychological terms, worry is part of a collective category of thought processes called Perseverative Cognition. This is typically defined as the continuous thinking about negative events and topics in the past or in the future, and includes worry, brooding, rumination and mind-wandering. If allowed to continue, worrying can have relatively severe physiological effects on all the bodily systems and can often give rise to cardiovascular, respiratory, gastrointestinal and mental dysfunction. It can precipitate severe anxiety and depressive episodes and cause substantial stress in every aspect of living. In addition, if it continues it can give rise to a number of severe behavioral problems causing serious compromise to normal life. The symptoms tend to become progressively worse and often lead to complete withdrawal in the most severe cases.

 No one knowingly ever deliberately chooses to worry to this extent on their own volition, without some reason. But for the many who find themselves unable to cope with the special demands of living, worrying becomes a blanket of security they can use to hide themselves from their perceived dangers. This is especially so, in the face of underlying insecurities and a history of previous failures, where the thought of having a blanket, however ineffective it may be, is a familiar and comforting safety net. Once this has started, it can quickly become an entrenched and habitual pattern that is utilized even when the victim may fully recognize that this action is ineffective and even destructive. 

The continued use of worrying will have the deleterious effect of distorting present conditions and suppressing any chance of using appropriate actions. It has the effect of ignoring the present circumstances while being locked in reviewing the past or projecting into the future, and dwelling on the way things can go wrong. This type of projective thinking does absolutely nothing to resolve the impasse in the present, but only serves to induce stress, uncertainty and anxiety. The Conflict of mind that takes over was described many centuries ago in his writings by Seneca, the Spanish born, Roman stoic philosopher, statesman and author who lived during the 1^st century AD, when in a simple but dramatic observation he wrote:

      “We suffer more in imagination than in reality.”

                                   

An Unknown Author, in trying to explain to true impact of worrying on an individual, once described the fundamental effects in a simple but very effective manner:

“Worry is a complete cycle of inefficient thought revolving about a pivot of fear”

:

This to me accurately describes the true reason for the deleterious effects that result from worrying. Over the span of a lifetime, worry can squander a significant part of the average individual’s life spent in useless activity; especially since that precious time is lost forever from dealing with the demands of the situation at the time.  By not trying to do so, will set in motion a series of uncontrolled, unhelpful reactions as the mind and body is thrown into overdrive, aimlessly focusing on what could happen rather than taking the appropriate steps towards resolution. It triggers an automatic response, setting in motion thoughts and actions completely out of proportion to the current events. This will expose a series of exaggerated, irrelevant and mischievous ruminations and fears that overwhelm normal thinking and dwells more on failure and vulnerability. Quickly compounding this, are the developing physical stress reactions which have the end result of rendering the individual helplessly at the mercy of circumstances.

Terri Guillemets, the exceptionally gifted American Quotation Anthologist, who began collecting quotations at the early age of 13 years and launched her extremely successful website ‘THE Quote Garden” less than a decade later, made the following observation in her  publication:

                 “Worry chokes off the air supply of living joy.”

These words have always impressed me for their down-to-earth relevance and accuracy. They were clearly spoken by one who has already been there and lived it. Once under its control, the individual undergoes a slow and crippling metamorphosis clearly visible in all the subsequent thoughts, words and actions. It’s the incessant needling thoughts of gloom and failure that never stop, making it impossible to think or concentrate on the task at hand and rendering the individual incapable of making decisions. He is virtually crippled, unable to do even the most basic function without undergoing an endless series of second guessing and asking himself: “What if…?” He becomes obsessed with fear and disappointment that quickly engulfs every aspect of his life. In the worst cases these people become emotional cripples with severe, debilitating physical symptoms.

Dale Carnegie, one of America’s most successful lecturers and authors and a leader the field of self-help movement, reminded us clearly of the ultimate price we pay, when he advised:

"Remind yourself of the exorbitant price you can pay for worry in terms of your health.  'Those who do not know how to fight worry, die young.”

This type of worrying, if left unchecked can evolve into a serious pathological pattern not unlike that of the drug addict, where insight and control is overwhelmed by the need to satisfy internal emotional demands. The victims are locked in their own prison where perceived fears and inadequacy completely dominate reason and good sense, and where any attempt to help is dismissed by the overriding fear of failure. Once established, change can only be achieved after a long and tedious process of reciprocal inhibition where understanding and insight is first established, followed by the slow process of emotional desensitizing. It will take much time and effort, but like addiction, success is possible.

Unfortunately, the victims of excessive worrying spend all their lives in anxious anticipation of what might happen, and in so doing lose much of the joy and happiness that life has to offer. This indeed, is the severe price they pay without receiving any reward. The real tragedy is that since most of the factors causing the underlying symptoms are exaggerated and unreliable, these people suffer untold misery for little or no reason at all. This is precisely what Sir Winston S. Churchill,  the great English statesman who led the nation to success over Nazi Germany during WWII, implied when he wrote:

“When I look back at all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of worries in his life, most of which had never happened.”

The truth of this statement rings loud and clear to all who can hear it, but unfortunately the worrier very rarely does.

<      >

                                                                                  Kindly share this with your Friends

ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY

“The ability to accept responsibility is the true measure of the man”

These clear and dramatic words delivered by Roy L. Smith, the very well respected American evangelist and author during a lecture in 1986, summarizes the power of accepting responsibility is on the image of a man. It reflects in no uncertain manner, the importance and the tremendous impact that taking responsibility plays in the life of the individual.

These sentiments have been echoed in endless variations by a multitude of other people over the centuries of man’s existence confirming its genuine validity. Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross for example, the internationally acclaimed Swiss-American Psychiatrist whose ground breaking work on death and dying pioneered a whole new approach in the end-of-life care responsibilities by physicians and other caregivers, in effectively describing her own personal beliefs and life story of devotion to the causes she deeply believed in, and her commitment to accept responsibility for her successes and her failures stated:

“I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime”

         Unquestionably, the ability to accept responsibility for any action contemplated or undertaken by anyone is one of the fundamental principles for ensuring a rewarding and fulfilled life. Throughout their lives, people are constantly faced with new situations, decisions or choices which require some type of response as part of daily living. The response that results is always a good indication of the caliber of the individual. The great majority of people tend to respond in very similar ways; they happily take credit and seek appreciation for those decisions or actions that turn out right, but quickly look to other people or circumstances to blame if the results are disappointing or challenging. People are reluctant to admit that most prefer to feel that everything negative that happens to them is someone else’s fault and every problem they encounter can be readily excused by directing attention away from themselves. They pay little attention to the fact that this fundamental unwillingness to take responsibility for their thoughts and actions does substantial psychological harm to them and prevents them from growing and achieving their optimum potential.

         The basic instinctual response related to accepting responsibility for our actions and behaviors appears o be an innate personality trait deeply embedded in the psyche, which can be significantly modified by external influences such as learning, experience and example. Together they form an integral unit in the individual’s personality make-up and as such, can influence subsequent behavior. While most people generally possess enough responsibility to allow them to function adequately in their society, there is a significant number of others who have such reduced or absent levels that renders their behavior difficult, anti-social or even pathological. These Sociopathic and Psychopathic Personalities are characterized by a very low sense or feeling of responsibility causing them to function in negative and anti-social ways and to continue to repeat the behavior over and over without any guilt or remorse. These are the individuals who spend their lives taking advantage of other people and situations around them, and are unaffected by criticism and rejection by the rest of society. H. G. Wells, the prolific British science fiction author, critic and social commentator, in his eloquent and very searching language, described this type of person in the following terms:

“He is one of those weak creatures, void of pride, timorous, anemic, hateful souls, full of shifty cunning, who face neither God or man, who face not even themselves.”

         Accepting responsibility is precisely the opposite of this definition.  It fundamentally entails the taking ownership of one’s own behavior, and being willing to stand by the resulting benefits and the consequences of the behavior. Unless one is willing to accept the responsibility for both his successes and his failures, and to stand by them, he would find it exceedingly difficult to secure his own identity and self-respect, and even less, gain the respect of others. Without these attributes, true personal success is almost impossible to achieve or maintain. Further, the good effect derived from this behavior is not only in the immediate satisfaction experienced, but even more than this, is the encouragement it provides for further growth and confidence. Clint Eastwood, the extraordinary successful American actor, director, author and political activist, whose whole life is a model of determined actions and accepting responsibility, quite often against the objection of his peers, placed this in the right context when he declared:

Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline, and when you have both these under your belt, that’s real power!”

            But exercising responsible behavior does not develop as naturally as in the acts of breathing and hearing, but requires exposure and experience rather like learning to speak, in order to reach maximum potential. The final product depends both on the genetic factor as on the external influences to which the individual is exposed. Like speaking, the individual exposed to the correct milieu, where established standards are maintained and examples of behavior abound, will naturally tend to follow the examples and act likewise. A child exposed to an environment where exacting standards of responsible behavior are expected and practiced is more likely to repeat the behavior and maintain the standards. This type of behavior can never be forced upon the individual, but will only flourish in someone who is able to appreciate the need to take ownership of all his actions. Anybody will be happy to accept success and good news, but it takes a strong, determined character to successfully cope with adversities and failure by accepting responsibilities and moving forward. Calvin ‘Les’ Brown, the popular American inspirational speaker, author and politician whose life story of success was a constant drive to rise up against a variety of obstacles was very clear when he observed:

“If you take responsibility for yourself, you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams.”

         A failure to accept responsibility for one’s actions however is not always simply due, as is often suggested, to conscious attempts to deceive or be malicious. Rather, it may reflect an underlying insecurity that leads to low self-esteem, low conscientiousness, antagonistic manipulation and denial. These people become conditioned to believe that by taking responsibility they may be admitting to weakness and loss of control and as such, they may lose some of their importance and value. Sadly, once this pattern of refusal to accept responsibility is repeated it quickly transforms into a habit and the person evolves into someone who is irresponsible, dissatisfied, unreliable, manipulative and readily suspicious of other people’s intentions. This often leads to a sense of arrogance and prejudice which can effectively undermine trust in the action of others, and sabotage any attempt at accepting further responsibility. It is this deep insecurity that makes any effort to correct them an almost impossible task, and sabotages any effort at rehabilitation. This is also the reason why so many  potentially good and helpful people are lost to society despite every good intention. As an Unknown Author reminded us all in an often repeated quotation that:

“You will never become the person you want to be, if you keep blaming everyone else for who you are.”

         But accepting responsibility cannot possibly be considered to be complete if it deals exclusively with satisfying individual’s needs. There is the broader issue of satisfying the needs of all those who live and share our environment. In its broadest sense it implies that we are all entrusted with the safety and protection of one another, and of improving the world we all share. Albert Einstein, the great German-American mathematician and theoretical physicist whose theory of relativity dramatically influenced the philosophy and direction of science, and a committed humanist and pacifist, drew attention to this in the following statement:

“I believe we are all here to do good. It is the responsibility of every human being to aspire to do something worthwhile, to make the world a better place than the one we found.”

It is this sense of Social Responsibility that is so sadly lacking in the world today. In our determined desire to take as much as we can, avoid collective responsibility for our actions for as long as possible and ignore the legitimate rights and claims of others who differ from us, we are guilty of abandoning responsibility and paying the price with global conflicts, suspicion and suffering.

Pope Francis, the current pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church, recorded in his encyclical ‘The joy of the Gospel’, in 2014 the following observation which was a total indictment of the lack of responsibility in today’s world:  

“Almost without being aware of it, we end up being incapable of feeling compassion at the outcry of the poor, weeping for other people’s pains, and feeling a need to help them. It is as though all this were someone else’s responsibility and not our own.”

This indeed is the price we pay for failing to accept responsibility in everything we think or do throughout our lives.

<         >

ACCEPTING MORTALITY The Final Journey

“There is a dignity in dying that no one should dare to deny. For death begins with Life’s first breath”

     

The above statement by an Unknown Author has always impressed me for its profound simplicity and dramatic accuracy, and deserves much more than passing notice. We need to recognize that it is only in the minds of scientists and in science fiction believers that such things as time machines exist and that in fact, there is absolutely nothing we can do to change the certainty of death. And even though, by using our ability to think, explore and invent we are capable to some extent of prolonging the future, we cannot deny that there are so many variables that are so completely beyond our control that makes any consideration of interfering with the cycle of life and death, an exercise in total futility.

As I have stated previously, I believe life is a precious expression of a greater plan in which our time spent on earth is but a short segment of a journey which began in eternity and will continue to eternity. Because of this, I see the process of dying, not as the end of the journey, but merely a stage along its path, and as such I view my role as a physician and a person, to do my best to facilitate this passage for all concerned. Sri Chinmoy Kumar Ghose, the great Indian spiritual teacher and philosopher who recently died, described this concept of continuity in far more exquisite terms when he observed that:

"Death is not the end. Death can never be the end.
Death is the road. Life is the traveler. The Soul is the Guide."

Too often we allow feelings of anger, petty rivalry, suspicion or revenge to cloud our thinking and prevent us from sharing and expressing our true feelings at this important time. This is a shame, for by not doing this; we cheat ourselves and the dying person, and we set in motion negative feelings which stay with us long after the death has occurred. Under any circumstances this is wrong and regrettable. We should instead, be striving to correct these feelings, remove these obstacles and make every effort to come to terms with our differences, so that when the journey ends, so too will our anger and bitterness. In truth, if we really believe in the continuity of life, we must agree with the words of the great Irish poet and author, Arthur Joyce Cary when he wrote:

“Look at life as a gift from God. Now he wants it back, I have no right to complain.”

        

The great Italian Renaissance painter and intellectual genius, Leonardo da Vinci, was more accurate on the subject of life and death when he observed that:

“While I thought that I was learning how to live,

I have been learning how to die”

This statement, though initially appearing to be paradoxical, in fact contains a fundamental truth which we should not hesitate to unconditionally accept. For if we believe there is a divine plan that begins with birth, it would be impossible to deny that there will not be a plan in preparation for the end. Similar views are held by a whole range of completely different and unrelated religions; Lord Buddha many centuries ago in his teachings, offered profound advice that remains as relevant today as ever before, when he observed:

 “We begin to die from the moment we are born and from that moment we should be preparing for the final event.”

Unfortunately very few of today’s ‘advanced’ societies allow for this truth, and in fact, they tend to encourage the very opposite, that life should be lived as if it has no end. We give lip service to the inevitability of death, but live our lives as if this fact just does not apply to our living. So it is no surprise that when the time comes we are so deeply consumed with fears and regrets that we lose the ability to accept the moment of truth. Compounding this is the fact that too often, those of us who are in a position to help the patient during this period tend to hold back on providing the appropriate information and guidance, often treating it as an inconvenient truth, for fear of upsetting the patient or the family. Rather, we prefer to choose the safer path of being non-committal and hope that we can get by without being challenged. By doing this we are contributing to further unnecessary suffering and to the lingering pain which stays on long after the loved one has passed on. 

      Yet the undeniable truth is that in the end we must all anticipate the inevitability of death as an integral part of living and as such we must, as we have done in every other aspect of our living, make preparations for its arrival. The great majority of us still choose to remain with our heads buried in clouds of ambiguity and uncertainty, preferring to admit lack of knowledge and understanding. It is this neglect of preparation that constitutes the most powerful reason that so many of us reach this final stage of our life so insecure and so frightened about the thought of crossing over. Had we been given the opportunity to learn how to do so, there will surely have been far less fear and uncertainty. The most powerful reminder of this fact is contained in a simple statement in the Holy Gospel, in The Book of Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3, Verse 1:

"For everything there is a season, and

 a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die.”

      But irrespective of one’s belief system, one fact is constant and predictable, and that is, as a good friend is fond of reminding me in his very unscientific yet effective way that:

“Sooner or later we will all be entering the departure lounge, and waiting for our names to be called.”

  Humans, unlike all the other members of the Animal Kingdom, find it difficult to accept and adapt to the reality of dying and as a result experience greater pain and suffering. The animal, whether it is the mighty Lion or the humble Otter, will pause to acknowledge the loss of a companion, and then continue along its way. Humans, by and large, are so preoccupied with the pleasures of living and personal self gratification, that they either ignore or suppress the reality that death is a reality which cannot be avoided or worse, ignored in the believe that they can somehow fool it. It is no surprise therefore, that most of us arrive on that final departure packed with so many regrets that we tend to lose the real impact of the experience until the final moment of ‘boarding’ has arrived.

      In 2009, an Australian nurse, *Bronnie Ware, published a brief internet essay based on her 10 year experience as a Hospice nurse entitled “The Top Regrets of the Dying,” in which she recorded the five most common regrets expressed by her patients as they approached death. This was so well received that two years later she expanded her presentation into publishing a book under the same title. In a simple, very personal way, she identified the most common regrets expressed by her patients and their need and desire to have them addressed before the final event occurs. She also spent some time reminding us that with some effort it was possible to avoid these unfortunate situations and die with peace of mind and dignity, if we took care to make the right choices during our lifetime. She further reaffirmed the truth, which anyone working in the field will readily confirm, that even in dying, with some effort, it was possible to help the person to achieve peace and acceptance. In a very personal and deeply sensitive way, she recorded the following observation in her essay: 

“I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.”

      In my own personal life, I have witnessed the peace of mind and calm that comes from the acceptance of the inevitable, and the subsequent joy and celebration of the life of the departed which followed. Above all, I appreciated the good memories that seem to remain with me long after, and have cherished the good feelings they imparted. And even more satisfying, in a few instances along the way, I have also witnessed the overnight metamorphosis that took place where an angry, aggressive, antagonistic patient was abruptly transformed into a peaceful, caring and accepting person, on a few occasions after he reported having experienced a “spiritual” visit. The joy and relief that radiated throughout the family after such an occurrence was truly indescribable, as the home was transformed forever from a prison of sadness into a place of love and caring. But alas, I have also shared the deep excruciating pain and torment of one who could not and would not accept the truth, and who fought to the very end, cursing his lot, his luck, his life and his God. That pain lingers on forever, and I and the family are robbed of all the good memories of his life that could have been, but were buried by the unrequited resentment.

Compounding this issue, there is a difference in the approach to death between the Eastern and Western cultures that needs to be viewed. it is clear to me that quite unlike most of the Eastern societies where dying is considered to be an integral part of life; the Western attitude is one of denying and ignoring its relevance in favor of living at all cost. You begin to wonder which of these views is really the more “civilized” culturally. There is a growing tendency in this modern society, where so much amazing and wonderful discoveries are being made on a daily basis, and where there appears to be increasing optimism that we will be able to replace and restore destroyed and dying organs at will, that perhaps ultimately one day in the future, we will be able to defeat death itself.

The most extreme form of this thinking is the increasing interest in the concept of Cryonics where the recently deceased body is preserved in extremely cold temperatures until such time as science catches up with the ability to restore and renew life itself. Recently an international group of 68 leading scientists, speaking for themselves, from such institutes as MIT, Harvard, NASA, Oxford and Cambridge, among many others worldwide, issued a signed declaration which stated their belief that Cryogenic is a “legitimate science-based endeavor,” and that:

“…there is a credible possibility that cryogenics performed under the best conditions achievable today, can preserve sufficient neurological information to permit eventual restoration of a person to full health.”

While I endorse and welcome all the scientific advancements that have occurred and encourage aggressive research designed to improve the quality of life, I fear that we might find ourselves further lulled into a sense of security that death is indeed not inevitable and that it could be avoided.

 Already we increasingly try to cover up the signs of aging with cosmetics and surgery, and we have no hesitation to reverse some of nature’s fundamental changes with the ambitious use of powerful hormones in a concerted attempt to stay young. This might well serve to prolong the inevitable, and improve the quality of life. This obviously will be a desirable goal for us all to achieve, but it will not change the outcome. We must never lose sight of this fact, nor should we ever abandon our responsibility to prepare ourselves and those around us to the inevitability of our destiny in God’s ultimate plan. 

Michelangelo of Lodovico, the Italian born grand master whose name is synonymous with the Renaissance Period and whose sculptures, paintings, architecture and poetry are treasured all over the world, recorded one of the finest descriptions of the relationship of life and death I have ever seen: 

“If we have been pleased with life, we should not be displeased with death, since it comes from the hand of the same master.”

No one who believes in God should need any further proof.

  

       

<        > 

ACCEPTING MORTALITY An Overview

“Everybody is born with an expiry date.”

This statement was made to me many years ago by a friend, now deceased, after he was diagnosed with cancer of the Lung. It has forever impressed me by its profound simplicity and truth. In just a few simple words he easily confirmed the fact of man’s mortality. This reality facing every living person offers a stark choice; either to live out his days in a state fear of his inevitable mortality, or in total denial of it, or else, to accept its inevitability, make preparations and continue life without having to worry about something over which he  has absolutely no control over.

It is this fear we feel of our own mortality that makes us so frightened and overwhelmed. For regardless of how we view it or think about it, we are constantly faced with having to accept and deal with the cataclysmic change associated with it. A change that involves going from a state of living into the unknown or whatever else there might be after life. Like birth, this happens only once in each lifetime without any opportunity to correct or to change. It is this ‘change’ from life to death, with its absolute uncertainties, this leap into the unknown that gives rise to such overwhelming fear, confusion and apprehension. It can take its own time to take place or can be helped along by people and events, as Christopher Sabga, my nephew, a talented and aspiring author succinctly noted that:

 “Death like Love is patient, though it is rarely kind and never proud.”

      Since the beginning of time, the status of death and dying has always held a dominant position in man’s thinking. Centuries ago, in the ancient, ‘primitive’ societies, both religion and culture were closely inter-related and death was tied to life in a cyclical pattern. The death cycle, like the cycles of seasonal changes and agricultural changes, was necessary in order to allow for rebirth or resurrection in one form of life or another. Primitive rituals reflected this belief universally, and people generally accepted the inevitability of death as part of the cycle of human life. The Native Americans for example, viewed life and death as parts of a circular movement, wherein the process merely represents a transformation and not finality. They believed that after death the spirit continues to live on. Buddhists always celebrate death. For even though dying means losing someone close in this world, they believe that it is only through death can a person be one step closer to Nirvana, the perfect state of mind.

      In Western cultures, the attitudes of the society have a huge impact on people’s perception of death. Fear of the unknown has always been one of the most common factors affecting our approach towards death, giving rise to unresolved uncertainty. To counter this, all the religions teach their followers to view death not as something to be denied or feared, but as something that was precious, and even should be welcomed for the blessings of the promise of eternal life it brings to each in their own special way. Further, to counteract the aura of fear and uncertainty that invariably surrounds the thought of dying, elaborate customs and ceremonies are used to provide reassurance that the departed person has indeed traveled to a better place. All of this takes place mainly to relieve stress of the individual who is unwilling to accept the reality that death and life belong on the same continuum and should always be view in this way. Vladimir Nabokov, the internationally acclaimed Russian born American poet and novelist described this relationship in his own beautiful style:     

      

Life is a great sunrise.  I do not see why death should not be an even greater one.

In recent years, quite unlike previous generations, the dichotomy of confusion in the attitude towards death is being modified even further by the rapid increase in science and technology. Many in these modern times seem to be losing the sense of death as being an inevitable consequence of living, and more and more, death is being regarded as something that should not happen, and should not be allowed to happen. As a result, we find ourselves demanding and expecting everything be done, at all cost, to keep life going, without regard to the resulting quality or certainty of the life. In some ways death is regarded as the taboo these days, and it is considered impolite to speak of its reality and its inevitability.

Compounding this confusion is the increasing trend towards the   widespread exposure of death to children in the media at a very early age. This has the effect of removing the aura of the unknown, and giving rise to the development of a variety of conflicting attitudes towards life and death. All this leads to confusing and unrealistic interpretations and expectations, and result is an increasing difficulty of acceptance and equally, the ability to accommodate to the change.
         

 Whatever the situation, we should recognize that there can be no standardization of attitude to death. Each person has his or her own view of death and its consequences. Although much of this is based on the prevailing society’s attitudes and beliefs, each one has to deal with the loss in one’s own way. Clearly a sudden unexpected loss of anyone or the death of a younger person carries a greater impact than an older or terminally ill person. And also, children are generally much more accepting because they do not understand the meaning of finality and expect the loss to be correctable in some way. But in the end, there can be no easy common position except for the fact that death is as certain and as inevitable as any other cycle of nature.
           

For my own self, as a practicing Physician with more than 50 years experience, I have encountered and dealt with a wide range of attitudes, responses and reactions to the anticipation and reality of death from my patients and their families. I still find it difficult to predict or influence other people’s attitudes, but to me death is merely a brief stop on the journey of life. What matters above all is the quality of life led, for I firmly believe that a person who has lived a full and fulfilling life has no reason to fear death. There is a purpose in dying; it is but a point on the continuum of life. I have stated this position previously in describing my concept of "life." It is contained in the following statement:

“To me, life is not a random series of transient, overlapping, unrelated experiences, destined to be consigned to oblivion upon completion. I believe instead, life is a precious expression of a greater plan in which our time spent on earth is but a short segment of a journey which began in eternity and will continue to eternity”.

I believe that part of our living must of necessity involve our preparation for dying. In our early years, we were consumed with life, vitality and achieving our dreams, so death occupied a very minor portion in our thinking. But as we grew older we are faced increasingly with the natural urge to consider the likelihood of dying and spend time in making preparation. I am always bothered by those who avoid, deny or are afraid to deal with the subject, or spend all their time and effort trying to “beat it”. By doing this, the person ends up cheating himself of the reality and the opportunity of peaceful acceptance.  Like the analogy of the “half-full/half-empty glass,” the person who thinks of his life as half-empty is destined to spend all his days in constant search without fulfillment, even to the very end when all is spent. While the other who views his life as half-full will continue to enjoy his life as he consumes the rest of life to the end. Stephen Benet, the highly respected American poet and author of short stories drew attention to the futility of this approach when he noted:

“Life is not lost by dying; Life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.”

Instead of suffering from the fear and anguish that invariably accompanies the person who is ill-prepared, it would be so much better to take the time to enlighten and to educate him well before his  time arrives. Society, as a whole, prefers to shy away from this responsibility and does not attempt to correct the false impressions, or take active steps to introduce positive ones. But in fact this is not an impossible task to initiate. It requires a concerted effort on all parts to be truthful and sincere to blunt the fear and confusion that exists.. In this context, I am reminded of that beautiful letter written by the Rev. Henry Scott Holland, the 19th century English clergyman, in regard to his own impending death, and sent to all his friends and family after he died, under the caption, "All is Well":

“To my beloved family and friends,
           Death is nothing at all. I’ve only slipped away into the next room. I am I, and you are you. Whatever we were to each other then, that we are still. Call me by my old familiar names. Speak to me in the same easy way which you always used to. Put no difference in your tone. Wear no air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laugh at the little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, Pray for me, let my name ever be the household name it ever was. Let it be spoken without effect, without a ghost of a shadow on it. Life means all that it ever was. There is absolutely unbroken continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you an interval, somewhere very close, just around the corner. …..All is well!”

This indeed should be the view that all God-fearing people must adopt especially if they genuinely believe the promise made to the world by Jesus Christ in John 14:3:

“And I go to prepare a place for you. I will come again and receive you unto myself; Where unto myself; Where I am, there you will be also.”

<      >