TAKING RESPONSIBILITY

“If it is to be, it’s up to me”

         This statement was made famous by William H. Johnson, an African-American artist who is considered by most authorities to be one of the greatest American artists of the 20^th century. Beginning from a very deprived and unfulfilling environment in South Carolina he was able, by sheer ability and commitment to succeed in making an indelible impact on the art world, both in America and in Europe. In addition, he was one of those rare people whose influence goes well beyond art as he truly demonstrated how much can be achieved in life, if one is willing to take responsibility for one’s choices and actions in one’s personal and productive life.

         The common tendency for people to blame others for their poor lack of judgment and responses is by any measure, one of the greatest failures in the world today. Rather than take responsibility for their actions, accept their mistakes and learn from them, most people will prefer to look for excuses or blame other people or circumstances for any negative outcome that develops. They don’t seem to understand that taking responsibility means acknowledging and accepting the choices made and the actions taken as a consequence, nor are they concerned about the results these may produce. They prefer to hide behind excuses or find reasons to justify them, rather than facing up to the reality of the situation. In many ways, this behavior can be viewed as a reflection of the individual’s integrity, his poor basic personality and his lack of maturity, and shows itself in every thing done by the individual. They continue to fail miserably simply because they are unable to take up the responsibility to succeed.  Michael Korda, the very well respected English born author and editor-in-chief of the prestigious book publishers Simon and Schuster, neatly summarized this in the following quotation:

 “Success on any major scale requires you to accept responsibility. In the final analysis, the one quality that all successful people have is the ability to take responsibility.”

         By any measure, taking responsibility is a very important principle for every individual to undertake during his lifetime. It is even more important as he enters his adult years when his behavior is measured not by what happens to him personally, but how he responds to the people, events and activity that affect his living. The great majority of people, for a variety of reasons, suffer from stagnation in their growth and maturity during early development as a result of environmental influences or prevailing attitudes. They will arrive to adulthood overwhelmed with a sense of fear of the consequences, and as a result elect to do nothing. Unfortunately this fear becomes very quickly imprinted in the individual’s psyche, and just as quickly becomes a repeating standard of behavior. From this point on, there is less and less awareness that damage is being done, and increasing conviction that the right action is being taken. Eleanor Roosevelt, the wife of President Franklin D. Roosevelt, the 32^nd President of the United States, who in her own right was an accomplished diplomat, activist and author, placed this in the right context when she observed:

“In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And all the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”

The action of taking responsibility when executed promptly and appropriately, serves to accomplish a number of very important services to the individual’s psyche. It provides a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment for the completion of a task and this is reflected in personal decisions and efforts made. It encourages further growth and maturity, including becoming more assertive and positive in the making and carrying out of decisions. It increases confidence and reduces the need to depend on others for any decisions on life. This means that any decisions taken by the person will be done to suit his needs and not to pacify others. This can only lead to a life of more fulfillment where, rather than being driven to want and to take, they become givers and sharers. Their life overflows with feeling of satisfaction and contentment and this is visible in the work they do.

 But when the opposite situation operates, when the individual   has to depend on others to function in any way, this will destroy the person’s confidence and self-worth and will never be rewarding or satisfying. It is only when taking responsibility is allowed to evolve to its fullest in the individual that the true purpose of life can be appreciated. Too many people spend so much of their time weighed down by their fears and their insecurities and their need to oblige others that they fail to develop, lose their purpose in life and end up never knowing their true identity. This is the inevitable shame of not taking responsibility. Abraham Lincoln, one of America’s greatest statesmen, its 16^th President, who effected the emancipation of slavery and successfully led the nation in the Civil War, unequivocally described this in the following direct statement:

“You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today”

Failing to take personal responsibility on a regular basis for one’s actions can result in a series of unsatisfactory consequences over time. They can give rise to distrust, anger, hostility and suspicion that will   adversely affect any attempt to corrective actions and lead to a further   deteriorating interpersonal relationships.  It is not surprising therefore that the incidences of emotional lability, vulnerability and suspicion of others become quite prominent in their behaviors and render them incapable of developing lasting or meaningful relationships. It is not surprising therefore that they will readily blame other people or circumstances for any or all of their difficulties and shortcomings, and increasingly reject accepting the responsibility for their actions. Instead of trying to take corrective action, they end up becoming arrogant and suspicious. Some try to justify all of their actions by making up stories or spreading rumors to discredit others, even as   they are pushed to the periphery of their society. It is this attitude that led the famous American author, humorist and entrepreneur Mark Twain (Samuel Clement) to offer the following advice:

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can become great.”

The consequences of not taking responsibility can be very serious indeed. They can effectively negate all the good features the individual may possess and render them vulnerable and dependent.  When any action is undertaken with a full sense of responsibility, the need for dependence on others vanishes and confidence on personal ability dominates. But when one fails to do so, there develops a sense of inferiority and inertia which is reflected in the actions and behaviors of the individual. This inability induces an overall sense of helplessness and inadequacy which so distorts the individual’s thinking that any attempt to take responsibility by the individual will give rise to feelings of weakness and powerlessness to others, making them feel as if they are disrespecting them. Far too many people weighed down by negative feelings, bad experiences, unfortunate environments or just bad genes are suffering under a cloud of insecurity and unhappiness brought on by their failing to accept the responsibility for their lives.

In the end, we will all do well to recognize that there is a certain joy or satisfaction and a personal honor in taking responsibility of our actions at all times. What matters above all is not that such actions may be mistaken or misguided, but the fact that by accepting responsibility we have the opportunity to correct them or learn from them. Without this taking place, we are condemned to blindly repeat the same mistakes over and over and get the same results. When we cowardly choose to make excuses by blaming other people or other circumstances we will continue to fail and in doing so, continue a life of unhappiness and regret and all else will fail. As Les Brown, the highly respected African-American motivational speaker, author and politician so wisely noted:

“If you take responsibility for yourself, you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams.”

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THE DILEMMA OF ANTICIPATION

“Oft expectation fails, and most oft, there where most it promises; and oft it hits where hope is coldest, and despair most fits.”

         These memorable words recorded in 1600 by the great English poet and playwright William Shakespeare in his literary masterpiece, “All is well that ends well,” speak directly and most accurately to the competing effects of anticipation on the individual. In the scene he was drawing attention to one of the fundamental facts of life that may affect any one at any time. He was referring to the fact that there are times when results hoped for may fall short of expectations, and yet at other times they may succeed far more than expected.

         There is no doubt whatsoever that Anticipation, the expectation a particular event happening in the future, can be a very powerful force for good or for bad, depending upon our expectation at that time. From any point of view, anticipation plays a vital and constant role in the life of everyone, and in the choices they make or do not make. Samuel Smiles, one of Scotland’s most famous and celebrated authors, a reformer and a strong advocate for self-help, who died in 1904, expressed this in the following observation:

“An intense anticipation itself transforms possibility into reality. Our desires are often but precursors of the things which we are capable of performing.”

He quite correctly explained that the effort we make in anticipating can in the right context, lead to positive results, but this effort in the wrong direction, can be the source of great concern. On every single occasion when we begin to anticipate an action which we consider most likely to take place, we are in fact setting in motion certain changes in our emotional make-up in preparation for good or for bad results. It is this Dilemma of Anticipation that is the driving force in our lives and the one that is directly responsible for success or failure in every thing we do or plan to do.

         The emotional responses to anticipation have been extensively studied by psychologists and neuroscientists with substantial agreement. The focus of activity seems to be mainly centered in the frontal lobes of the brain and dependent upon the release of the powerful chemical neurotransmitter, Dopamine. The act of expecting a future event triggers the production of increased amounts of dopamine from the frontal lobes which then stimulate the other brain centers to initiate the various responses. When positive events are anticipated feelings of excitement and confidence are engendered and the individual experiences a sense of satisfaction and happiness. But when the expectation is associated with negative feelings, there develops a sadness, disappointment and anxiety, which continue grow with time. This emotional rehearsal for future events is in continuous play in the individual’s brain with the outcome, positive or negative, modified by the underlying personality make-up as well as to current and past experiences. Dr. Deepak Chopra, the well known Indian born American physician, author and inspirational speaker, very wisely summarized this relationship in a simple, precise statement:

“Our thinking and our behavior are always in anticipation of a response.”

                                                                             

         In fact, the human brain is often described as a natural anticipation machine whose role in protecting the person is by predicting the future. Its capability to use past experiences and current events to project the future  serves to increase the odds of obtaining the desired results, while at the same time avoid or minimize any adversity encountered. Real problems arise from the person’s psychological baggage brought along, which can alter the prediction and the reactions that result. This is the fundamental dilemma that has determined human behavior from the beginning of time. It is never the actual event occurring that creates the impact, but it is how we expected them to unfold and affect us that determine our ultimate behavior. A prediction that reflected favorable outcomes automatically increases positivity and confidence in behavior, while one that points to uncertainty or threat can induce concern and anxiety for this, and any subsequent actions.

This fact has been recognized as a fundamental component in anxiety for as long as man has been alive. Centuries ago, the great Greek philosopher, Aristotle, drew attention to its occurrence when he noted: 

“Fear is the pain arising from anticipation of evil”

He was referring to the very common occurrence in people, of overt symptoms of anxiety and heightened emotional reactions in response to a perceived threat or a potentially unpredictable situation. These anticipatory anxieties, which can at times become extremely debilitating and life changing are the underlying causes of a large number problems and suffering in the individual. They affect a significant percentage of the population and can present with a wide range of symptoms that include fear, apathy, social withdrawal and a variety of affective and behavioral disorders. Symptoms may range from mild expressions of fear and inadequacy to extremely severe debilitating conditions requiring special care.

         In all these instances, the underlying causes can be traced to an inability by the individual, because of any number of pre-morbid and personality factors, to anticipate or cope with the uncertainty of potential threats or adversity in the future, irrespective of whether these are real or imagined. Eckhart Tolle, a popular German-born Canadian author and spiritual leader, in one of his public lectures observed:

“These people tend to dwell more on negative things than good things. So the mind becomes obsessed with negative things, with judgments, guilt, and anxiety produced by thoughts about the future.”

This statement very neatly encapsulates the negative effects on the behavior caused by a mind weighed down by the burdens of anticipation. Every one can readily identify, either personally or in others, examples of this behavior and the resulting damage that may follow. The fact that in almost 95% of the time, the anticipatory anxiety is far greater than subsequent activity is of little consequence to the victim, but the resulting pain and suffering can be great.

         But when anticipation is based on positive hope for better things and is accompanied by an expectation of success, there is underlying optimism which is reflected in the enthusiasm and confidence exhibited and the urge to continue without fear or antagonism. Unlike the feelings of anxiety and uncertainty that is the constant companion of negative expectation; the complete opposite takes place as the individual is encouraged to do much more by the promise of success. This indeed, is the underlying strategy that has been used by all the successful people who have achieved in their endeavors. The underlying strength and the real reasons for substantially improving their opportunity to succeed is directly related their ability to rise above their feelings of uncertainty and to positively anticipate future trends and take the appropriate action. Paul Allen, the highly respected American entrepreneur, investor, business magnate and philanthropist, co-founder of Microsoft and considered to be one of the true leaders of the computer revolution, has never hesitated to attribute his success to his uncanny ability to anticipate future trends and then act on them. He freely admitted this when he declared:

“In my own work, I've tried to anticipate what's coming over the horizon, to hasten its arrival, and to apply it to people's lives in a meaningful way.” 

                   

It is this ability to anticipate the future before it has arrived and to prepare for it as best as you can, rather than be overcome with the fear of failure or inadequacy which serves only to increase the person’s vulnerability, that determines the final outcome. The successful people differ mainly by their ability to visualize the future, identify their options and in so doing increase confidence and reduce risks. Instead of the paralysis of fear and trepidation that swallows the negative thinker, they are able to use their confidence to think forward, determine the obstacles and find solutions. It is not the failure that matters as much as what happens after. The anticipation of failure can either lead to disaster, or be a source of learning for the future. The winners have learnt to anticipate and adapt, the losers choose to withdraw and hide.

 This is the dilemma of living to which every person is expected to spend his life choosing; either to anticipate the possibility of not succeeding and live in fear and anxiety, or to anticipate the possibility of success and enjoy a life of challenges and opportunities.

“Fear is the pain arising from anticipation of evil”

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LEARNING FROM FAILURE

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeeded.”

These memorable words, which have now become a standard bearer to everyone who has experienced failure in his attempt to succeed, were uttered by Michael Jordan, one of the world’s most famous and most accomplished professional Basketball players ever. He was reminding his audience of the fact that failure, rather than being a hindrance to success, was in fact its most helpful ally, when it is used judiciously. He first learned this lesson as a sophomore in high school when, to his surprise he was not accepted on the Varsity team. He used this setback to fuel a drive to learn more to prove his coach wrong, and unhesitatingly credits this failure to make the team as the trigger that started his successful career subsequently.

This story is neither uncommon nor is it limited to a few special or gifted people in the world. The history of man throughout the ages is overflowing with examples of people who have gone on to great successes after suffering humiliating failures. To my knowledge, many highly successful people have arrived at the top only after having travelled on roads strewn with multiple rocks of failure, and they willingly credit their success from the lessons they learnt while having to deal with these obstacles. That indeed, appears to be the secret weapon that many successful people make full use of. To them the risk of failure, like so many other intangibles, is just part of doing business. Failure is merely a pause from which they will learn lessons to help them to try again with a better chance of succeeding. It is only those who are afraid of failure or do not learn from it, that end up in despair and disappointment. Robert Fripp, the very successful and prolific English musician and composer, neatly summarized this in the following observation:

“There are no failures, save one;

the failure to learn from a mistake.”

In 2011, Jeff Stibel, a very successful and enterprising American investor, venture capitalist, entrepreneur, author and newspaper columnist who from a very early age started, developed and sold a number of technology and marketing companies and was one of the youngest CEOs of a public company, conceived an idea that he hoped will encourage his employees to learn from their failures by writing their biggest mistakes on a large wall in the office. He called it “The Failure Wall” and began by writing what he felt had been his own mistakes over the preceding years. The idea quickly caught on and before long, the entire wall was covered by the contributions from the entire staff and colleagues. It was clear that this experiment was a great success, as Stibel himself subsequently noted two years later:

“Not only was it cathartic for individuals to expose their mistakes, but it also contributed to creating a company culture where failure could be openly acknowledged, accepted and used as a learning tool.”

         Unfortunately the great majority of people in the world are so concerned about failing that they approach any challenge with undue trepidation and caution. The thought of failure weighs so heavily on them that many potentially successful ventures never see the light of day. Most of the time, instead of taking the right steps toward completing the task ahead, they become concerned with the fear of failing and the consequences of failure itself. They spend more time preoccupied with what others will think of them for being failures, than trying to search for ways to correct their approach and try again. People have a tendency to blindly associate every failing episode as a defeat, forcing them to consider abandoning their effort prematurely, if only to avoid a repeat failure and further regret and embarrassment.

 This attitude is further compounded by society’s common and recurrent tendency to acknowledge and reward success wherever possible, while rejecting failure at any cost. In all of the ‘advanced’ societies, there is in fact a culture in existence that openly honors and praises success and frowns upon any type of failure, irrespective of the reason for the failure. Society offers awards, recognition and advancement to successful people but pays little attention to others, however hard they try. It appears that only the result matters and no one is ever concerned about how they were obtained. This inevitably leads to creating an increased caution where no one is encouraged to accept and learn from his mistakes, and no one bothers to show how to prevent repeating them over and over again. We have yet to seriously take the advice of one of America’s most successful authors and inspirational speakers, Anthony Robbins, when he observed:

“If you do what you’ve always done,

You’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”

            But this should not come as a surprise since the fear of failure has always been recognized as humanity’s greatest scourge and the main killer of man’s dreams and hopes. From the very beginning, man has used fear as a protective mechanism to avoid getting into danger. As a result, fear has become an innate part of our genetic makeup of life, our DNA. Man, after generations of having to survive in life threatening environments has learnt to recognize the effects of fear and rather than challenge them, to choose alternative solutions to escape them. This is as a result of acquiring a basic instinctive response that ensures survival of the species at all cost, by finding ways to avoid the threat rather than to modify the environment. Learning to do so only comes later with the development of maturity and the realization that mistakes can only be corrected by a process of using the fear to find the answers and avoid repetition. 

         Failure should never to be considered deleterious to the individual since at one point or another everyone fails. The real danger comes from falling to the fear of failing which inevitably sets in motion a wall of resistance that prevents any attempt to try to learn from the past experiences. Without this opportunity, any chance of finding or even looking for a different direction is thwarted, and we end up doing what so many people are doing on a daily basis, just being afraid of the fear of failing even before it happens. They prefer instead of choosing the easy way of embracing the failure rather than finding ways to fight it. And they continue to do so, not because they are not aware of what needs to be done, but rather because of the damage done to their psyche from years of living with the fear of consequences. This explains why the great majority of humanity in any setting however inconvenient, remains content to accept the status quo rather than search for change.

         But throughout history, anyone who has achieved anything great enough to change the world or even meaningful enough to change their lives could only have succeeded to do so by embracing failure and learning from it, rather than running away or fighting it. The very act of stepping back and facing failure induces very significant changes in the mind and the attitude in the individual. It serves to redefine the important priorities in life and identify the values that are really significant to him and in need of defending. It makes the person aware of himself, his strengths and his weaknesses, and gives him better insights of his self-worth and his ability. He becomes more aware of his ego, his strengths, his anxieties, his shortcomings and bad habits. This will give him an opportunity to understand himself better and in so doing, improve his perspectives. It will also go a long way to improving his relationships with others who he will now be seeing as less a threat, and more a help to him. 

         One of the most successful of the innumerable numbers of people throughout the ages who have fulfilled the category of achieving success, fame and fortune by learning lessons from their mistakes and failures and successfully applying them, was the great American inventor, innovator and industrialist, Thomas Alva Edison. He is considered a legend in the history of American industry and inventions. In his lifetime of more than 80 years, he held more that 1000 patents in a wide range of areas that included electricity, light bulbs, phonograph, telephone and telegraphic communications. His work has been so influential on securing a better life and living that he is considered by many, to be the greatest inventor of all times. Yet throughout all this while, Edison freely admitted that his successes came only after repeated trials and failures. He openly confirmed to this in such statements as:

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”

He believed very firmly in never giving up until he succeeds, and eagerly tested his theories over and over after each failure, each time learning from the previous attempt. He recorded this experience in these terms:

“I tried 3000 theories in connection with the electric light, each one different, reasonable and likely to be true. Yet only in two cases did my experiment prove the truth of my theory.”

        This indeed is the hallmark of dealing with the failures of life. No one ever promised a life free from trials and failure, nor freedom from pain and disappointment. These are as much part of living as are the other benefits we so readily take for granted. But they are all given to us as opportunities to grow and to learn and it is left up to each individual to find his way out. Johnny Cash, the great American guitarist, singer and songwriter whose life was riddled with failures amid his amazing successes, summarized it very effectively when he noted:

“I learnt from my mistakes. It is a very painful way to 

learn but without pain, as the saying goes, there is no gain.”                               

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