A CHRISTMAS STORY - A Story of Faith, Hope and Belief

Nancy sat quietly on her kitchen chair. Her face screamed out for the many problems that seemed to be swirling about her, and with only 2 days remaining before Christmas day there seem to be little hope of resolution.

She knew only a miracle could save this, her special day when her family will be coming together, as they do each year, to celebrate together, pray together, to thank God together and to share their good fortunes together. Indeed, this was the very time that the whole world, Christian and non-Christian alike, come together with faith and with goodwill to pray for love and peace to all.

The last few years Nancy thought, were good ones for her and her family. All of her children had been doing well in their work and with their lives. They were contented with what they were able to achieve during the previous year and they all looked forward to more of the same in the coming year. These Christmas Eve gatherings were always happy and joyous events as everyone gathered around the Christmas tree in the living room.

 Nancy's Christmas routine began each year on the day after Thanksgiving when he will visit Jeremiah’s lot and carefully select a 6 ft. tree. She will then take it home, set it up in the living room and then slowly and painstakingly decorate it with all those ornaments, figurines and crystal pieces that she had procured over the years and very carefully stored for this occasion. Each one had its own special meaning for her and her family, and she would readily recall the story for each as they were hung on the tree.

         After she had completed decorating the tree to her satisfaction, she would finish off by placing her “guardian angel” on the very top. And after this was done, on every occasion, she would always close her eyes and take just a moment to recall that fateful day more than 30 year ago when she found her ‘angel’ in the Target store on the day after Christmas. It apparently had been discarded and thrown out with the thrash on the floor.  But as Nancy looked at her, the angel actually appeared to be shining even brighter than the sun itself. She still swears that the angel smiled at her and flashed her wings as soon as Nancy held her as if to suggest that both belonged to each other. The angel has been with Nancy from that day onward!

         But there was more to this story. On the way home, her baby son, Jim who was only 5 years old at the time, became desperately ill as they drove along the crowded highway on a dismal, stormy day. She was alone with her 4 young children, all if whom were as frightened as she was. She was desperate, almost panic stricken feeling the world closing on her.  All she could think of doing was to pull off the road, and pray that some kind guardian angel will come to help her.

         As she came to a stop on the side of the road, she remembers engaging the flashing lights, closing her eyes, and praying for a miracle to help her out of this dilemma. On opening her eyes again, she swears she saw the little angel smiling at her so reassuringly that she felt safe and secure. At that very moment, there was a knock at the window and an offer to help. It was from a doctor who had seen the flashing lights and stopped to help. From then onward for more than 3 decades, Nancy knew that her guardian angel was always with her, ready to find help if ever help was needed.

         For all the subsequent years that followed, the family prospered, the children grew up, left home, went to college, obtained degrees and went to work. The home was, like so many other homes, full of love, joy and happiness, interspersed with short moments of illnesses, conflicts and occasionally, disappointments, that were quickly resolved. Through all these years her Christmas festivities remained unchanged, and there was always a fully decorated Christmas tree with the Angel guardian proudly standing on top, overlooking everyone and everything.

But everyone knew that this year was going to be quite different, for as fate will have it, the arrows of misfortune had struck each one, on more than one occasion, and the resulting disappointments, anguish and pain could be felt in every word spoken, and every sigh elicited. Each one of the children nursed their own wounds and try as they could, the effects just radiated to all:

Jim, her young son who, until recently overflowed with confidence and looked forward to the day soon when he will be able to procure his Ferrari and take her for a spin, is now fighting for his survival as a result of the draconian restrictions laid down by the current economy.

 Linda, the eldest daughter whose meteoric rise in the company’s hierarchy has been suddenly stunted by a new short-sighted administrator, determined to bring in his own people.

Lucy, the determined, confident professional who has suddenly been burdened by events that were well beyond her control or her expertise, and for the first time was feeling threatened and vulnerable.

Lara, the youngest daughter, who lived all her life as a free spirit traveling and doing what she pleased, as she pleased, and always with outstanding success, found herself locked into a regimen which was stifling her imagination.

It was against this background that Nancy, burdened by a heavy heart, set about her Christmas tree preparations. Her routine was unchanged. She visited Jeremiah’s, chose her tree and brought it home. With the help of Jim, she brought out her decorations and meticulously placed them on the tree, making sure that each one was readily visible and identifiable. All the while, as was her habit over all these years, she played Christmas songs for all to hear, and to set the mood for the season of happiness and goodwill.

She was in the process of fitting her angel on the top of the completed tree when something happened that blew her away and sent her mind reeling back to that unforgettable day more than 30 years ago following her very first encounter with her guardian angel.

The mood was somber as she listened to Luther Vandross,’ 1995 masterpiece: “This is Christmas Day,” and to his advice which seemed to be directed to her. He began the song with these words:

“Don’t be discouraged; don’t be dismayed.
There's hope for all in this world,

 Cause this is Christmas day.
Say A little prayer for the world.”

At that very moment as she stepped down to admire her work, she noticed that the angel, now safely in place, seem to have come alive again before her very eyes. There was an explosion of colors as her wings lit up and seemed to move with them. She was certain that the angel, with her sweet, serene smile was looking directly at her and telling her, as she had done before, that all will be well.

 And, like that previous occasion more than 3 decades ago, Nancy felt a wave of confidence and reassurance, that all will indeed be well. For her special guardian angel had promised this; and she has never failed to deliver. This was all she needed to be convinced that in her home, as in the past years, another Christmas miracle was about to take place, and that the whole world will be rejoicing the Birth if The Savior.

 And as every one gathered around the tree on that wonderful night to share in the glad tidings and to look to the new year with renewed hope, Nancy was moved to sing out the final verse of Vandross song:

“This is Christmas Let the world sing.
Let our soul begin to heal,

Hallelujah this is Christmas,
And with love we can begin today “

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - The Poison of Jealousy

“Jealousy is the jaundice of the soul.”

This very insightful statement by John Dryden, one of England’s greatest 17^th century poet and literary masters, who was honored with the title of poet-laureate of the century, speaks clearly and definitively to the effect of Jealousy on an individual. By any measure, the presence of jealousy is as destructive and as life-threatening to the individual as any poison he may consume, or any disease he may acquire. If left unchecked, it slowly and deliberately destroys the person’s psyche, in much the same way that disease or poison destroys the body and saps life away.

         We have all in one way or another, and at times even quite unwittingly, succumbed to the subtle power of jealous intentions on more times than we care to remember. On some occasions, especially following a particularly unhappy experience, or when we find ourselves threatened and unable to respond in the way we would have preferred to respond, we tend to instinctively react in jealous ways. whenever this happens, and for whatever the reason, we risk going down an all consuming pathway that will ultimately devour and destroy our self-esteem and our relationship with others, without ever achieving resolution or satisfaction. Without question, no human emotion can do, or has done, as much damage to people and to the environment as the scourge of unresolved jealousy. This fact has been long recognized in most cultures, and is reflected in their literature. The Arabs for example, make frequent reference to a proverb which explains in clear terms the complex nature and the power of jealousy among the other human emotions:

“Love sees sharply, hatred sees even more sharp, but jealousy sees the sharpest; for it is love and hate at the same time”

         Without any doubt, of all the emotional expressions, jealousy is almost certainly is one of the most confusing, frustrating, and very unproductive one. Unlike many of the others, the disappointment and the pain that result from unresolved jealousy will linger on for a long time. And they are often accompanied by undercurrents of anger and suspicion which tend to follow, and complicate any hope of resolution. Psychologists generally believe that jealousy develops as a result of an internal crisis of trust in oneself or in others, forcing him to resort to actions that are well beyond comfort behavior. These responses are essentially innate defensive reactions, which have developed through evolution, to ensure the ultimate survival and continuation of species. They are basically irrational fears of losing someone or something that are instinctual and deeply embedded within us, and once released are very difficult to control or contain. They can readily destroy inter-personal trust and relationships, and can give rise to severe reactive emotional conditions and behaviors.

         Although jealousy and envy are often used synonymously, the there are significant differences in their causes and application. The former relates to the fear of losing something or someone with whom there was some emotional attachment, and the latter refers to the resentment arising from an inability of obtaining an object desired, and not attainable. In both these instances, the primary responses are made up of a complex mixture of psychological and physical symptoms that include sadness, anger, depression, anxiety and feelings of unworthiness, as well as a varying number of physical symptoms. The secondary effects can be even more damaging and depend heavily on the responses of the people and the environment to his behavior. But whatever the etiology however, there is no doubt that the long-term consequences of uncontrolled or uncorrected envy or jealousy can inevitably lead to significant personality destruction, distrust of others, social isolation, and even to violence in extreme situations.

         To be sure, there are special occasions, and under special conditions when jealousy can in fact, be helpful even as it was meant to create negative results. It can at times provide an unexpectedly powerful positive connotation, especially if it serves to alert the individual to question the impending action, and to force him to seek corrective steps. In these instances, instead of triggering negative responses, the jealous reaction can be used as a catalyst to search and find reasons and intentions, and as a stimulus, to try harder to find an acceptable solution. Examples of these are seen frequently, especially in those who take the time to question their motives for the actions rather than giving in to them. Many of the very successful people in the world owe a great deal to being able to harness their feelings of jealousy and to spur themselves to try harder, rather than giving up in anger or disgust.

         Tragically however, for the great majority of victims, unresolved jealousy, in one form or another, tend to play a major role in the causation and the continuation of much of the social strife and conflicts that continues to destroy so much of the world’s societies and remains one of society’s greatest evils. And yet unfortunately, irrespective of all our bad experience, the admonitions of our parents and teachers, our political and religions leaders, we continue to allow jealousy to be the strongest and most potent of all human emotions. And it continues to exert its negative force on all of humanity, causing untold pain and suffering to individuals, to communities and between nations.

The world has yet to learn that jealousy is indeed man’s greatest poison to his humanity and to his image. The Apostle James in the Holy Bible in chapter 3, verse 16 spoke clearly and precise to this, when he recorded:

“For where jealousy and selfish ambition exists, there will be disorder and every vile practice.”

-The world needs to urgently wake up to the rapid proliferation of this poison in its many forms, before it becomes too late to save it, and all who live on it, from certain destrucion.

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DAILY SLICE OF LIFE - Finding The True Self

“The only ones among you who will be really happy, are the ones who will have sought and found how to serve.

                    These immortal words were recorded more than a century ago by Dr. Albert Schweitzer, the incomparable Alsatian Polymath, as he explained why he chose to spend his life in the manner he had done. He was a brilliant man who had gained honor and respect in all of Europe, as an accomplished theologian, organist, author, philosopher, physician, and Nobel Laureate. In 1913, at the age of 30 yrs, he chose to travel to the heart of the African continent where he established a hospital in Lambarene, Gabon. There he planned to provide healing services to those who needed it, as he brought the holy words of the Gospel to the people. To this end, he gave up all his positions and glory, to devote the rest of his life to spreading the Gospel by personal example, and by serving those who needed his help most. He had indeed found his true self in the serving of others who were in genuine need.

         For as long as man has inhabited this earth, he has sought to determine the nature and the source of his true self without ever arriving at any definitive answers. This should not be a surprise, since it is physically impossible to demonstrate, or to measure one’s true self. Like so many other phenomena in nature, including light, heat, and sound, we can only know it by its effects on us. Philosophers often describe the true self as the soul of the individual; the fundamental nucleus of the person, freed of all the external debris that makes up living. They place it as the true center of life, the root of all actions, and the source of our identity. It emanates from the person’s inborn personality, and is the main vehicle that deals with such vital traits as the ability to accept or reject, to like or dislike, to know right from wrong, and to show feelings of joy and sadness. And to the world, it projects who we are, what we value, and what we can offer.

         Far too many of us, spend all our lives never ever finding our true, authentic selves. And we do so because of our unwillingness to risk the trauma and the pain that can result from finding a different or unexpected outcome. Instead, we prefer to choose the easy way, to listen to our pseudo-self, with its overindulgence and its self-centered goals designed to bolster the ego. And we do this while ignoring truth and reality, and rejecting any attempt to accept personal blame or responsibility. This indeed is humanity’s major failing, the most prominent cause of the wanton misunderstanding and distrust that permeate the society, and the reason for so much hate, conflict and disharmony among people, societies and nations. Indeed, without a true and clear knowledge of ourselves, we are more likely to be wrong with everyone else. This was what he intended to impart to his audience when William Shakespeare, the great English poet and playwright, in his greatest classic tragedy, Hamlet, recorded in these dramatic words:

“This above all: To thine own self, be true.

And it must follow as the night, the day.

Thou canst be false to any man.”

         The effort needed to find oneself demands an honest, unselfish undertaking to understand the root of everything we do in our life. To be truthful, it must reflect our self-identity, self-value and our self-fulfillment and must include, above all else, a clear and unequivocal understanding of our life’s meaning. Without this purpose deeply instilled in our psyche, we will be incapable of successfully undertaking the process of exposing and shedding those layers that do not serve us in our lives, and do not reflect who we really are. Our true self is a permanent and indestructible focus which, if allowed unhindered freedom, will bring out the best of our humanity. It is the inner voice that understands our physical and psychological needs, that separates past from present experiences, and can confidently express who you are. To be ruled by the self, is the only way to be at peace with the world around, with all you think or do, and with all that happens for or against you. In the end, the ‘self’ will never be measured by how successful you are, but only how contented you are!

         One of the greatest obstacles to finding and living your true self is without doubt, in the trying to live in, and conform to the needs of society. By its very nature, any society will need to establish and maintain uniformity and create rules to which everyone is required to conform. The individual members are discouraged from being who they really are, and encouraged to ‘fit in’. Since the image of one’s ‘self’ is like the clothes one chooses to wear, society insists on using their clothes to fit as you can, to ensure there is conformity. They are not concerned about the effect on the individual, but only on its own survival. Without doubt, Society is happier when you remain in the ‘current self’ than when you insist on your ‘true self.’

The result of this is that the few who insist on questioning or choosing the true self, are subjected to accusations of selfishness or questions of stability, and generally ignored by the rest of society. In this respect, this was perhaps the reason why Bruce Lee, the highly acclaimed American-Chinese martial arts champion, film actor, and a respected philosopher in his own right, was advocating when he advised:

“In order to realize our true self, we must be willing to live without being dependent upon the opinion of others.”

-No greater advice can ever be given to anyone who chooses to follow the paths of the many contented people who chose to do so, and turned their backs away from conforming to, and pleasing others.

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SLICES OF LIFE - Living with Superstition

“Superstition is the poison of a thinking mind.”

         In this world, dominated by endless uncertainty, and equally overwhelmed by interminable, conflicting ideas and beliefs, where ignorance, poor reasoning and lack of confidence are accepted, often without challenge, Superstition remains deeply embedded in people’s psyche, and often override logical and rational thinking. The above quotation, by an Unknown Author, gives credence to this observation and firmly confirms the poisonous effect that superstition exerts on the mind of a susceptible individual.

         Superstition is described as a belief or practice that is considered to be unnatural or supernatural, and intended to produce beneficial actions of thought, behavior, and results. It is a singularly human failing, and is always based on irrational or widely held beliefs, originating from a background of misunderstanding or ignorance of science or causality. They most often present as strong beliefs in such intangibles as fate, magic, and fear of the unknown, and favor such reasons as luck, magic and ritualistic behavior. The most potent ones are founded primarily on popular spiritual beliefs and interpretations, and deal with predicting the future. By their very nature, they tend to completely ignore and reject knowledge and reason as being not applicable, and show more trust on past experiences, and prevailing belief structures.

         The tendency to superstitious behavior is a recognized human response. It is a deeply embedded survival instinct in the human mind appearing especially in situations in which there is uncertainty or lack of confidence. Superstition does not take hold in any situation where confidence is high, and satisfaction and reward are present. However when confidence is lacking, especially where survival is involved, an instinctual search for some external source in triggered to provide reinforcement, and regain confidence. In such situations, people are more likely to turn to abnormal sources in the hope of reinforcing their insecurities, and increasing the chance of succeeding. The belief is that the external source will provide the extra ingredient needed, and that without this help, failure is inevitable. This action, once executed, will instill confidence in the person, especially if it is accompanied by rituals and designated activities and results occur. Once this has happened, they will then be encouraged to assign all their successes to the external force, and blame any failure to inappropriate or wrong beliefs.

The psychological processes associated with the expression of suspicious beliefs and behaviors are well documented and can be explained by the brain’s tendency to dual processing. Human beings use two separate streams of thought in finding solutions, one being slow, logical and rational, and the other, impulsive and instinctive. When faced with a problem, the individual can react impulsively and find any reason, however illogical, to escape, or alternatively, take the time for reason and logic to find the answer, and then respond in an appropriate manner. Often, the impulsive response will be recognized as an error, but they will choose to ignore any corrective action because of their false belief. Constant repetitions will inevitably become imprinted in the person’s habit pattern, and ultimately passed on from generation to generation.

Superstition and Faith are often assumed to be similar and to be associated in many ways. But this assumption is very far from the truth, since there are fundamental differences which render them completely unrelated. The former is always based on false belief and doctrine, irrational fears, ignorance and the use of external forces, rituals, and omens to ward off evil and to bring success. Faith, on the other hand, is always based on good sound and reasonable thought, established from confidence, and arrived at by understanding and logic. Genuine Faith readily coexists with correct reasoning and is never in conflict with good, sensible actions. Suspicion, on the other hand, based on irrational beliefs, could therefore not stand the test of knowledge, reasoning and logic. This difference was very clearly illustrated and demonstrated in a description by an Unknown Author when he noted:

“Superstition, if unchecked, can set the whole world aflame. But only Understanding and logic can provide the Faith to quench the fire.”

            Superstition thrives in the presence of anxiety, low esteem, lack of confidence, and fears of uncertainty, and its promise of predictable success. It provides comfort and security especially at such a low cost as repeating a word or action or belief. This indeed is why it has continued to grow in popularity despite all the obvious evidence pointing to its uselessness. Yet despite this, by far the great majority of these responses will do little or no harm to people, and in fact can and do play a reassuring role in their lives. But unfortunately, in far too many of these, especially among the most vulnerable cases, these actions become habits and ultimately develop into more serious, life-consuming repetitive thinking and activity. Many of these unfortunate people develop severe, debilitating psychiatric disorders such as phobias, obsessive-compulsive behavior, anxiety and depression.

         In the end, although superstitious thinking and actions are essentially irrational and unproductive in the great majority of instances, there are no easy or standard approaches available to correct them. The only truly effective remedy is by increasing knowledge and understanding and by discouraging the unfounded beliefs and prognostications. This will always be an uphill battle, not only because of natural human susceptibility, but also, as a result of the constant desire by many to control and to dominate. In this respect, the only real answer revolves around the individual and his needs for his living. As the following quotation from an Unknown Author so wisely advised:

“Live a good life for the good of it, and not out of fear of punishment, or promise of reward.”

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - Living without Kindness

“A single drop of water falling into the sea will create a ripple 

that will be felt all over the world.”

     This very interesting, creative, and truthful observation by an Unknown Author serves to effectively remind us of the wonderful and uniquely powerful effect that an act of kindness can have on others, even far away from its original location. Like the single drop of water falling into the sea, a kind thought, word or deed, well placed, can deliver a response far beyond its intended focus, and leave an impact that will continue well beyond the original source.

         A true act of Kindness, quite unlike many of the other human emotions, must be given unconditionally, without any underlying motive attached, and with no expectation of reward. Charles Darwin, the great English anthropologist and author of the definitive, Origin of the Species, insisted that kindness is an instinctual behavior in man that is always accompanied by genuine concern and consideration for others, and associated with feelings of well-being and satisfaction. It is, without doubt, the single most important key to ensuring a life of fulfillment, sustained genuine and meaningful relationships, and a future filled with optimism. It is however, effective only in the presence of love, the main driving force, which always guarantees truthful implementation, and it will certainly die in any milieu dominated by greed, selfishness and anger.

         The language of kindness is universal, readily understood and appreciated by all living beings. When executed on a regular basis, such behavior induces lasting effects on the person’s well-being, his emotions and his inter-personal commitments. Such responses are so deeply embedded in the psyche that even a single act of kindness can induce lasting positive effects on the person, and result in stimulating a desire for continued kindness in all the aspects of living. Kindness can be exhibited using every form of sensory expression, and is readily identified and appreciated by others by the satisfying effects it produces. It is, without doubt, the most reliable image of love, and with trust, it forms a solid underpinning for any good relationship. Its value to human existence has long been understood, and it is a most important requisite of all known religions, irrespective of underlying doctrine or beliefs, where all members are taught and encouraged to express kindness to all others.

         The popular connotation that kindness is associated only with the weak and the naïve and therefore it should be discouraged, is a myth and blatantly false. In fact, an act of true kindness is a skill that requires courage and strength to implement successfully against the prevailing environment of greed, selfishness and individual gain that presently dominate modern societies. It is not a virtue that can be adopted or showcased only in specific situations or under selected conditions, but rather, to be truly effective, it must function as an integral component of the individual’s belief and behavior make-up, and must be expressed in everything they do. Anything else is merely a sham!

Unfortunately, by their very nature, acts of kindness can be, and are very often exploited by others for their own gain. In fact, people generally, have lost the ability to treat each other with the kindness and respect due to them, and this is clearly evident in all the daily interactions.  The once routine attitudes of respect and care for people and for the environment are being replaced by fear, suspicion and the questioning of everything. So that an act of kindness even when freely offered, is often viewed with skepticism and suspicion as an ulterior motive, rather than accepted in good faith. The rising incidences of social unrests, racial and religious conflicts, and open hate crimes point clearly and definitively to the loss of this virtue of kindness among the peoples of the world. It should come as no surprise therefore that the whole world is in turmoil, with no solution in sight.

There is urgent need for the world to recognize that this loss of a sense of kindness that seems to be so prevalent will only confuse and compound the raging distrust and conflicts that presently engulf the societies. This has made it difficult, almost impossible, for people to feel, far less offer, goodwill and help to others in need, and has served only to underline and reinforce fear and distrust. This indeed has become a major human failing where we are conditioned to be quick to judge that we are victimized or hurt, and react with antagonism and revenge. It is precisely because of this progressive deterioration in our attitudes that we find it hard to feel goodwill to others, to understand their needs, and to offer help. We are even choosing our leaders who are determined to champion this attitude.

The answer lies not in prolonging the situation by judging right from wrong, or to take sides for, or against anything, but rather to find and hold on to that fundamental thread of kindness that binds us together as human beings, and bridges the many divides of sex, race, religion, politics and nationality. This demands a concerted effort by all, and it must begin with the fundamental commitment to first, do no harm to others, followed by the expression to all the people of genuine kindness. In this respect, we seem to have completely forgotten those immortal words of wisdom by Mahatma Gandhi, the great Indian statesman, which spoke directly to the real power of kindness:

“The simplest acts of kindness are far more powerful than a thousand heads bowing in prayer.”

 

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DAILY SLICE OF LIFE - Life without Regrets

“The only thing standing between you and a life without any regrets is you.”  

            This very definitive observation was made by Caterina Rando, a noted American psychologist, author and life coach. In her brief and precise statement, she unequivocally confirmed the fact that we ourselves are the major reasons for the feelings of regret and disappointment we experienced throughout our lifetime. By our unwillingness to accept responsibility for our actions, we invariably put up barriers that quite often will render situations much worse than they need to be.

Most of the time, such unanticipated feelings of regret can give rise to some of the most difficult individual responses. For a person to have to admit from deep within him that he had failed himself by his own hand, is more painful and unforgiving than occurs in any other emotional response. Yet despite the fact that most people know this well, very few are willing to truthfully admit to the fact, and even less, accept the responsibility necessary to exercise the effort to correct it. Without this, they risk continuing to render themselves vulnerable to having regrets all their lives, to being incapable of taking chances, or to satisfying personal ego. Instead, many will find easier and more expedient excuses by blaming other people, or the prevailing circumstances, or a variety of external factors for their shortcomings.

Repeated studies have confirmed that the great majority of incidents that give rise to regretting appear to be centered around two separate but related circumstances; either doing things just to please  or impress others, or alternatively, knowingly doing something wrong while rejecting the right action for personal gain. It really makes no psychological difference whether the action was undertaken to please others by following them, or to please oneself, the fact of knowing it is wrong, will precipitate feelings of regret, with the accompanying feelings of pain and disappointment and the induction of emotional insecurity that is difficult to manage.

Without doubt the harboring of unresolved regrets, like so many other emotional factors operating in life, can adversely define who we are and control how we behave. The symptoms tend to linger on in the background, undermine confidence, interfere with relationships and make it impossible to enjoy life fully, or to plan for the future. Even worse, if they are allowed to continue unresolved, they are capable of significantly affecting interpersonal relationships, increase distrust and suspicion to everyone, friend and foe alike, and induce severe emotional reactions. They can indeed cause undesirable changes in personality and behavior.

Perhaps the greatest impact can be seen on people approaching the end of their lives. So many people reach the end of their life loaded with unresolved regrets, quite often knowing there is little time or hope of resolution. This fact was brought to attention in 2009 by Bonnie Ware, an Australian palliative care nurse in an article she published on the internet entitled “Regrets of the Dying”, in which she detailed her experiences. She stressed, over and over, that one of the greatest concerns expressed by her patients were the total inability to address the factors causing them to regret and that by far the great majority of regrets result more from poor personal or interpersonal relationships, rather than from lack of material or personal success. A multitude of separate studies in different settings have confirmed Bonnie Ware’s findings.

There is no doubt that to be free of regrets, one must begin by first being able to understand oneself and one’s needs, and to try to satisfy these without the need to copy what others say or do. By  doing this, one is more likely to avoid the many pitfalls that may result and far better able to accept responsibility for the outcome. This initial action of just admitting to, and accepting, failure will provide an opportunity to wipe the slate clean, and hopefully to gain the insight to begin again with new resolve to do it right. Clearly instead of having to regret the missteps, we can recognize, embrace and learn from them, and use them to become the persons we want to be.

Contrary to the general impression that failure only serves to engender more failure, regretting an action should only be used as a trigger to correcting behavior, and never be accepted as the final outcome. This indeed, is the advice that was meant to be conveyed by an Unknown Author, when he wrote:

“Don’t regret anything you do, because in the end, that can just make you who you are.”

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DAILY SLICE OF LIFE - Living a Full Life

“I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.”

         This quotation, by Diane Ackerman, a highly acclaimed American poet, essayist and field naturalist, whose name and work is recognized worldwide, speaks clearly and unambiguously to the great importance of living a full life. The statement was made while she was lamenting the current behavior by so many, of being content to merely exist in the world, just going through the motions, and stumbling along through life like programmed robots, and in so doing, ignoring the very purpose and reason for living.

Far too often, we find ourselves searching for reasons to justify not doing what we ought to have been doing, or even holding back in our efforts, when instead we should have been making full use of the opportunities available to us. Many of us will rather spend the time and effort looking for ways and reasons to justify our inactions, and if necessary, be more than willing to blame circumstances or people rather than accept responsibility and find the truth. And we will continue to do this over and over, even when in our hearts we recognize that by adopting this action we are cheating ourselves from getting the most we can from the life we have.

We tend to confuse having a ‘busy’ life, stuffed full with endless schedules of routine activities, assignments, and trying to satisfy other people’s expectations, as tantamount to having a ‘full’ life.  So many of us labor under the assumption that to live a full life equates always to living a life of continuous joy and happiness, free from pain and disappointments, and we fail to recognize that those situations where courage and strength of spirit is needed to cope with pain and suffering, are equally necessary to fulfill the task of living. People fail to acknowledge that living a full and satisfying life can only flourish in the presence of extremes, and that a good life should never be measured by quantity but always by quality.

Living a full and satisfying life can only be truly acquired by the slow process of self-exploration, by finding meaning in challenges, by facing and overcoming obstacles and by pushing past one’s comfort zone. Doing things to impress or to please others may ensure acceptance; and even lead to fame, popularity and often to success. But this reaction can never be as rewarding as the deep feeling of fulfillment and of satisfaction that comes from truly living life to the fullest on one’s own terms. Indeed, in  retrospect, anything we do in our lives can only have meaning when it is done on our terms, and not on those of anyone else, or for any other reason. This is the hallmark of living a true and full life; nothing else matters!

Without doubt, moving forward is the essence of a full and worthy life and at all times, one’s personal expectation is all that will truly matter. What others may do or think or expect should be of little meaningful consequence, since it is of utmost importance that everything done must satisfy a deep need and provide personal fulfillment to the individual. Indeed a good life will only be appreciated when there is a purpose and a meaning. Sir Winston Churchill, one of Great Britain’s greatest statesmen, who led the country to victory in the 2^nd World War, very clearly implied this when he declared:

“It should not be enough to have lived.

We should be determined to live for something.”

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DAILY SLICE OF LIFE - Finding Peace of Mind

“Only when you’ve seen beyond yourself, then you may find peace of mind is waiting there.”

         This profound observation was recorded by George Harrison, a founding member and lead guitarist of the very successful and world-renowned English rock band, “The Beatles.” His own personal search for his Peace of Mind ended after many years of intense and focused effort, among the mystics of India where he also formally embraced

 the beliefs and lifestyle of Hinduism.

         The human mind can in many ways, be viewed as a vast ocean of our emotions which when left undisturbed, remains essentially calm, peaceful, and free from turmoil. But when it is stirred up by the winds of our restless thinking, and the raging storms of our anxieties and our fears, it becomes a boiling cauldron lashing out at all of life, causing 

deep pain and suffering, and fomenting increasing feelings of anger, inadequacy and hopelessness. This unfortunately is the price that we 

will inevitably pay when we allow our insecurities and our weaknesses

 to take hold of our minds and of our thoughts, and in so doing, make 

us prisoners of ourselves.

Far too many of us are convinced that in order to survive and be accepted in this world of strife and conflict which we all inhabit, we must be willing to give up the peace and the calm and caring confidence that comes with fulfillment and satisfaction. We must instead, learn to replace these with the anger, suspicion and jealousy of greed and selfishness that are the standards of modern societies. And in so doing, end up surrendering the serenity, happiness and satisfaction of a secure and contented mind, and injecting it with the poison of worry, shame, anger and distrust; all of this done in a useless attempt to gain acceptance. This is precisely what the Dalai Lama was alluding to, when he declared in a short but precise note:

“Anger is the destroyer of Peace of Mind.”

         When there is peace and calm in the mind, life is a joy to behold. The past, instead of being a source of regret and worry, now becomes a source of good memories; no longer a source of concern. The future is 

not yet here, and will therefore matter little. And each day, the mind, 

now unencumbered by any unnecessary thoughts and fears, will view everything in its right perspective. Difficulties and problems now appear as challenges to be solved, or at least controlled, but never to be feared and avoided. And with the mind, now freed of the clutter caused by the many imagined obstacles, that may or may not even be present, both understanding and insight will improve, and so too, will logic and reason. The mind us at peace with its world!

 Although problems and difficulties will not disappear, yet they will be more readily managed by a mind not distorted by turmoil, and fully able to focus more clearly and effectively, while disregarding any interference. This singular hallmark of a mind at peace with the world was exquisitely described by Marcus Aurelius, one of ancient Rome’s greatest emperors and stoic philosophers in these terms:

“Whoever values peace of mind and the health of the soul, will live the best of all lives.”

True Peace of Mind however, should not merely be seen as the absence of mental stress, fear, or anxiety. Rather it should truly relate to a deep state of inner peace, a state of genuine mindfulness that speaks out, without fear or anger, free of inhibitions, and focused solely the enhancement of the spirit. This peace of mind arises deep within the soul, where calm, comfort and composure are usually found. But unfortunately, so often because of centuries of unhelpful life exposures, they lay buried beneath layers and layers of conflict, pain and disappointment that had been laid down, they lose their ability to bring joy and happiness and instead, remain atrophied, dormant and without hope .

Unfortunately, finding inner peace is neither easy to acquire, nor

is it readily achievable. It cannot be acquired by learning from others, nor can it develop by dint of exposure or experience; these are all merely false facades that will never withstand the test of time. It must always begin with a person’s basic desire to know himself, and his willingness to recognize the truth of his inner being. Without this,it would be impossible to recognize one’s needs or desires, and to exercise choice. But when this is found, it will serve to liberate one’s ego, reinforce the will and permit the person to overcome the fears and the uncertainties that threaten his spirit and the world around him.

Perhaps this is what James E. Faust, the highly respected American politician and clergyman was referring to,  when he declared:

“The Savior of the world taught us to seek that inner peace, which taps the innate happiness in our souls.”

Unfortunately, only a few of us ever choose to heed this advice. The rest are content to aimlessly float along the seas of convenience, like so much helpless flotsam, just searching for acceptance, and never ever knowing who we truly are.  

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DAILY SLICE OF LIFE - Mending the Broken Heart

“A record of our emotional life is written on our hearts.”

         This definitive observation was recently made by the highly respected Indian-born American cardiologist and accomplished author, Dr. Sandeep Jauhar while exploring the many mysterious ways that a person’s emotions can physically impact the health of the heart, and induce serious, life-threatening disease. The condition, although previously talked about by Clinicians and others, was only recently confirmed by Japanese researchers who were able to demonstrate the effect of unresolved emotional stress directly causing serious damage to the heart’s appearance and function. The name they chose for what had long been described as the “Broken Heart” was the “Takotsudo Heart” because of its classic enlarged pear-shaped appearance. They stressed the urgent need for everyone to pay particular attention to this finding, since the only way to prevent its development is by dealing with the underlying emotional episodes before they go out of control.

         Up until this development, Physicians and Psychologists had believed that the emotions were essentially mental expressions generated by the brain that impacted the workings of the body’s systems but did not do serous damage to the various organs. But this view is now changing, and these emotional upheavals are being recognized to have as much physical effect on the heart and the body as they do with the psychological state. In fact there is increasing general agreement that the examination of any emotional response can only be fully explained by looking at the brain, body and heart acting in concert. Professor Matthew Berg, PhD, an American physiologist at Yale School of Medicine reinforced this observation further when he wrote:

“The general results of studies are that, for the most part we believe depression is a risk factor for the development of heart disease.”

And Professor Dean Ornish, an American cardiologist and authority on preventative medicine, unequivocally confirmed this fact, and even went further when he observed:

“Study after study has shown that people who feel lonely, depressed, and isolated are many times more likely to get sick and die prematurely, not only from heart diseases but virtually all causes, than those who have a sense of love, connection, and community.”

         This presumption is not really difficult to understand since the heart in many ways, is in constant two-way dialogue with the brain so that as the emotions change so too are the biological and chemical stimulation received. These chemicals, in the form of stress hormones like cortisol, and adrenaline are triggered by the brain and induce significant changes in cardiac and pulmonary function that lead to long-term irreversible damage. The risk for developing serious heart disease is significantly increased in those people who experience constant stressful emotional responses especially if they remain unresolved. They tend to create a chain reaction in the body which overwhelms its defense and immune systems, causing serious damage to health and function.

         Happily, many of these changes, if dealt with early and effectively enough, can be reversed, at least to some extent. This is especially so when they learn to avoid or to shift out of the stress into more meaningful situations. In fact, in the right setting and with the right effort in improving the individual’s coping skills, there can be profoundly positive effects on the cardiovascular system and the overall health of the individual.

         The over-riding approach for success is not only to help the individual to manage the difficult situations and the painful feelings, but to guide them to avoid continuation of emotional stress. Brian Tracy, the well known Canadian motivational speaker and prolific author very wisely reminded us that:

“Stress comes from within; it is your reaction to circumstances, not the circumstances themselves.”

-This indeed is the real lesson that everyone must learn in order to prevent a broken heart. It is never what happens to a person that really matters, it is always how he reacts that does the harm!  

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DAILY SLICE OF LIFE - Finding one’s Destiny

“We are but the instrument of heaven;

Our work is not by Design, but Destiny”.

        

This quotation by the great 19^th century English poet and playwright Lord Edward Lytton, very neatly described a commonly held concept that a person’s destiny is subject to some kind of external “power” beyond their control, and that we were expected to accept and live by the consequences of this influence. Even today, many people, more particularly in the Eastern traditions, still believe and accept this to be their lot and fate in life; ‘their Naseeb.’ The more religious on the other hand, are content to attribute these experiences to supernatural sources and accept the results as the ‘Will of God.’ In all these situations the recipients were quite content to live out their lives in the firm belief that the course of their lives were somehow predetermined, and that they could do nothing but accept the consequences. They believed that irrespective of the options they exercised, the ultimate course of action taken by them will always lead them to a predetermined destiny.

         But in the last two centuries, especially so in the Western cultures, with the increasing advances in science, understanding and logic, there has been a gradual shift away from this previously accepted view of destiny. Currently, while the term is still used to refer to a sequence of events related to the future that may often appear to have been outwardly unalterably predetermined, it is now recognized that these events are subject to change, and are in fact, directly dependent on the choices made by the individual. Most people are now comfortable with the argument that individuals can and often do choose their own destiny by selecting their own different "pathways." William Jennings Bryan, the celebrated American politician and presidential candidate, described this situation most succinctly in this manner:

       “Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice.

        It is not a thing to be waited for; it is a thing to be achieved.”

         Unquestionably, the most important asset in finding and fulfilling one’s destiny is a thorough knowledge of one’s needs and aspirations. No one is ever able to determine his own destiny by copying the destiny of others, and certainly no one has ever succeeded in doing so by following the lifestyles of others. Destiny is always personal and more closely related to the individual’s dreams, passions and purpose in life. These alone, are the keys that must be used by the individual to align himself correctly in the direction that assures fulfillment of his true destiny.

But like so many other important personal characteristics of mankind, the answer will only be found by looking inward, and will never be found by spending time looking in any other direction; as so many people prefer to do. William Shakespeare, in his masterpiece, Julius Caesar, very clearly endorsed this fact when he declared, to any one who will listen:

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves.”

          In this respect, destiny should never ever be viewed as a single incident in life that takes place by chance and occurs without any reason or precedent. In fact, destiny indeed is an integral component of life’s journey and plays a significant role in determining both direction and satisfaction. As one travels along the road of life, one’s destiny will change in order to accommodate the varying needs and the passions of that time, but it will always be up to each person to choose the next direction.

In the end, what really matters for all of us is not the finding of the opportunities themselves, but rather what we chose to do with them after they are found. That choice alone, will truly determine the final outcome of our destiny. As Nathaniel Hawthorne, one of America’s greatest 19^th century authors, so wisely observed:

“Every individual has a place to fill in the world and is important in some respect; whether he chooses to be so or not.”

-Your destiny my friend is in your hands, and never in the stars!

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