“Letting go of the past is not about having the
courage to release the past. It is about having the wisdom to embrace the present.”
This
powerful comment was made by Dr. Steve Maraboli, the very successful American author, behavior scientist, educator
and inspirational speaker. He was speaking on the importance of releasing bad
experiences from the past, and choosing instead, to live contented in the
present. He insisted that unless we are able to free ourselves from the
shackles of past bad decisions and actions, and leave behind all the hurts and
the mistakes we collected along the way, we will never able to find the freedom
to start over again in the present. He cautioned that unless we were able to do
so on every occasion, we will be doomed, like so many people presently are, to a life of continuing
emotional pain, disappointment and unhappiness.
We all have, in one way
or another, a tendency to spend a great deal of time reliving and remembering
past events that had caused us any pain and unhappiness. Instead of trying to
find answers or learn lessons from them, we are choosing to rehash and regret
and further imprint them in our memory banks. This only increases the hold and
tightens the shackles on us, making us more and more prisoners of our past. We
become so blinded with the negatives that we fail to see all the good things
that are happening around us. Because of this, any hope of ever finding answers
or solutions is effectively drummed out of our consciousness by the noises of
the past failures, and replaced by feelings of humiliation, fear and imagined
threats. Even worse, we end up being so buried by the worry of what next will
happen that we actually become prisoners of ourselves.
Tragically, the great
majority of people, including myself, will admit that even when we know that our
actions are not helping us, we still find it difficult to stop them and do the
right thing. And even when, on the and few occasions an effort was made to
correct the attitude, we were so burdened by all the guilt and regrets from our
past activities that we were just unable to take even a single step in the
right direction. Instead we end up spending all our time feeling dejected and
unhappy, and ready and willing to blame everybody and everything. The great
shame of this is that instead of enjoying all the good things in our life, we
end up consumed by our failures, our hurts and our disappointments.
We have lost sight of the fundamental rule
that life can only be lived in the present and any attempt to go back to any of
the painful memories of the past is doomed to failure. The Arabs have long
recognized this fact, and their culture has always held firm on insisting on
never dwelling on any mistakes or bad judgments committed. This is reflected in
one of their great proverbs which advises:
“Write the
bad things that are done to you in sand,
But write
the good things that happen to you in marble”
This advice clearly makes great sense in that when bad things or bad
experiences are written in sand, they will be easily blown away and forgotten,
as should happen. But however, as most of us choose to do, by engraving them in
the marble of our life, we effectively immortalize them in our minds and in so
doing, create ghosts that will haunt us incessantly.
The effects on the human
psyche and physiology by unresolved conflicts resulting from the harboring of
the unforgiving thoughts and actions have been studied in countless scientific
settings and the outcomes have been unanimously consistent. Emotionally, the
ongoing anger and resentment quickly precipitates chronic anxiety symptoms
leading to an unrelenting depressive state with significant personality and
behavioral manifestations. They can exert severe psychosomatic pressures on the
body causing major health changes. They precipitate cardiovascular dysfunction including
increased heart rates and high blood pressure, and in severe cases may cause
heart attacks. In some instances they have been shown to directly affect
recovery from other health issues so much so that they are classified as a
distinct “disease” entity in many medical classifications.
Without any question, releasing
the grip of the unforgiving past, if successfully achieved, will undoubtedly
open a true floodgate of transformative behavior, and lead to substantial
improvement of life in the present. Removing the dark clouds of suspicion and
fear will quickly allow the bright sunshine of hope and joy in the present to
rush in and take hold. But nothing new or meaningful can be started or carried
on until the unchangeable past is effectively released and the future is
willingly embraced. This is the task that must be undertaken by anyone hoping
for change, and nothing good will ever happen without it. It will only begin to
happen after we start to forgive ourselves, bury our bad, distorted memories,
and get rid of all the negative garbage that has accumulated in our minds. By
successfully introducing understanding and forgiving thoughts, there will be
greater insight and perception, and better understanding of the actions of
others.
I
can attest from my own experiences this will never happen on its own but
requires a conscious effort on our part to release the past, to recognize,
understand and forgive the mistakes made, and try to make amends if we can or even
correct if possible, as we plan ahead. Any hope of moving forward will only
take effect when there is understanding and commitment in place, and a
determination to secure the changes necessary. Since the past cannot be
changed, we can only hope to deal with it by accepting it, learning from it and
by forgiving ourselves and the others. This is the only way we have of ensuring
a life of happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction and free our spirit to
achieve more. This is precisely what Jack
Canfield, the highly successful American author, entrepreneur and
motivational speaker was alluding to when he made the following observation:
“To let go of the past is to release the images and
emotions, the grudges and fears, the clinging and disappointments that bind our
spirits.”
-Indeed, no man can ever claim his spirit is free,
while he continues to allow: “the shadows of his past to darken the doorstep of
his future.”
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