“Death is not the greatest loss in
life. The greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live.”
This
astute and interesting observation was made by Norman Cousins, an internationally respected American journalist, humanist
and author, who spent his adult life struggling against a potentially deadly
medical disorder. In making this statement, he was clearly reminding us of the uncertainties
of life itself, and that it must always be lived to the fullest, and not be
allowed to just exist in the shadow of dying. The laws of nature are such that
from the moment of our birth, our life begins its relentless march to its death,
and until that moment arrives, we are really only provided with two options
from which we could choose to live out our life; either to live life wisely and achieve something, or to do nothing, and end with nothing.
Unfortunately,
far too many of us choose to waste our precious lives and our emotional energies
just floating aimlessly on the seas of life, drifting along on the tides of
habit, and being carried by the winds of influence, without ever finding out
who we really are, and what we are meant to be. We spend most of the time
allotted to us on this earth, focused on ensuring our survival and seeking
contentment, and we spare little time, if any at all, to the important matters relating
to the reasons and the purpose for life. We give lip service to thoughts of the end of life, and of life after death, and whenever we do so,
we are eager to set them aside until “the
right time comes.” We willingly devote ourselves to the demands of the “here and now”, but choose to remain
oblivious of what comes after. We envy
the few lucky ones who are able to achieve the happy medium of living fully
each day while preparing for the next, but make no effort to learn from them. All of this serves only to give truth
to the statement offered by an Unknown
Author that:
“In the time our bodies remain alive
on this earth, we will die many times before we die.”
But what if we knew how and when we are
going to die. Also what if the day of our demise was somehow imprinted on us;
as in fact it is on so many of the things we use in our daily lives? Will that
make us any different? Will it change the image of our lives in any way? Will
we be more encouraged to do the things that we dreamed of doing, or less afraid
of not doing others? Will we feel less beholding to people and to circumstances,
and move more confidently in the direction of our choices? Will we continue to
feel the way we are expected to feel, or will we be able to elect how we
actually wanted to feel? And will we have the courage to challenge what is
expected of us, and then live our life as we choose, rather than just working
as we all are doing, without any direction, to an unpredictable and an uncertain
future? These are but a few of the
countless number of questions that have remained unanswered as they lay
scattered on the debris of human existence.
In the current world, with the possible
exception of a select few very fortunate people, most of us find ourselves
caught up in the loop of just going through the motions of living; afraid,
bored and lacking enthusiasm. We appear to be content to accept this as our lot in life that must be endured until such
time when change comes along. This should not come as a surprise, since we have
all conceded our lives, in one way or another, to the whims of nature; and nature
prefers only conformity and dislikes change. The reality is that, whether we
are aware of them or ignorant of the facts, we are conditioned to accept what
is offered to us. We are indeed caught in a social trap which discourages any
type of thinking out of the box; that we could and should do more. It is no surprise therefore that we are all
unwittingly living our lives as if we are getting ready to die, without ever
knowing the purpose or reason.
Much of this can be traced to our deeply
embedded beliefs and commitments to maintaining conformity and securing a good
relation with our environment and the other people who share it. We become so
concerned about fitting in with the other people around us, that we allow
ourselves to be influenced by what they say or think. We are so consumed by our
fears and idiosyncrasies of not conforming, that we are afraid to step forward,
even when it looks safe enough. We readily suppress our hopes and dreams, our
ideas and ambitions, our wants and our wishes, not because they were unattainable, but because they might be unacceptable to the image we hold of
ourselves. We will even question our need for contentment and satisfaction in
this life especially if we think this offends others. -Indeed, if we are to be honest to ourselves, we must begin by admitting
that we are all guilty of wasting our living, for fear of dying.
Therein lays the very root of our
weaknesses, the reason for not living fully, and our fear of dying. We
sacrifice so much of our living on the altars expediency, conformity, fear and
insecurity that we starve ourselves of the opportunity to be ourselves, to fly
freely, to be fully engaged, to give vent to our imagination and freedom to our
hopes and dreams. Instead of our moving in the direction dictated by our
living, we are conditioned to see life as nothing more than leading to dying.
Rather than celebrate this gift of life to its fullness, with all the
enthusiasm, excitement and optimistic energy which it richly deserves, we find
ourselves questioning our own validity and asking whether this choice is
appropriate for us. Unless we believe, deep within our own psyche that our
presence on this earth is by design and not by chance, and that we each have a
distinct role to fulfill in the cycle of living, we will never be able to
comprehend the true relationship of life and death. We will continue to cry out
in despair, as the late Tupac Shakur, one
of America’s
leading rappers did, in his wildly popular rendition entitled, “Living to Die”:
“Why am I dying to live, if I am only
living to die?”
When on the other hand, we are
connected to what we truly believe is our destiny, we are not only driven and
motivated to move forward to achieve our goals, but we are able to do so, with hope,
enthusiasm and confidence. By recognizing that life should never be looked upon
as merely a pathway to dying, but as
a journey in living given to us to
experience and to enjoy, we will then begin to see that death is but a singe
point on that journey, and therefore, does not deserve to be feared but rather
to be accommodated. Every living person is destined to eventually die, but it
is essential that each one learns how to make full use of his living. This
journey of life we are all travelling on was not afforded to us as a vehicle for
trepidation and fear, but rather one to be assimilated, deeply and enjoyably. Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens), one of America’s
greatest essayists, humorists and authors, very simply and effectively summed
this up, when he observed:
“The fear
of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to
die at any time.”
The overriding
problems that prevent people from untangling themselves from the shackles of
fears and uncertainties of their living and leading a more fulfilling,
rewarding life are far more self-generated than circumstantial. Rather than
choosing to live a life according to their vision and belief, they prefer to
react to other images and in so doing lose basic understanding and control. We
yearn for happiness and contentment in our lives, but few are willing to make
the effort needed to secure it. Instead we succumb to the natural fear of
losing everything not because we needed them, but because of our difficulty in
letting them go. Rather than accepting the fact of dying as a natural corollary
of living, and living life to the fullest, we allow the element of fear and
uncertainty to pollute it and render us vulnerable. Without a true sense of
mindfulness to balance all of life and to allow us to take full control of the
meaning and purpose, we are doomed to spend the allotted time on this earth
living in fear of dying. This is precisely what Buddha, thousands of years ago tried to advise his followers when
he noted:
“Even death is not to be feared by one who has
lived wisely.”
-Perhaps instead of spending our time on this earth
just living to die, we can endeavor to follow this advice by dying to live, and
in so doing, free ourselves to grow to our full potential.
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