“Vengeance is mine!”
These
words, contained in the Holy Bible,
in St. Paul’s letter to the Romans 19:11,
are probably the most misconstrued and most misused statement in the English
language, and for that matter, in the rest of the world. Instead of the
complete interpretation which stated that vengeance
is restricted to the Lord’s action, and not for man to seek, it is used to
justify the seeking of revenge from another who has deliberately or not, wronged,
hurt or otherwise betrayed them.
Few
of us ever consider that attempts to retaliate without due deliberation will not
solve anything, but will just serve to further increase pain and disappointment
to both sides. In fact the urge for revenge
is deeply embedded in the psyche of all living social beings, where it
originally functioned as an essential trait for survival. It was intended to
act as a defensive mechanism against aggressive actions by others to ensure its
continued existence. Examples of this behavior is seen in a very wide range of
both wild and domesticated creatures including many animals, birds and fish,
all of which will at times respond to provocation by seeking some level of
redress. Revenge is meant to be a natural response to any threat or
intimidation with a call to challenge or confrontation, and it is nature’s way
of ensuring self-preservation by preventing recurrence of the perceived harmful
behavior.
The
human revenge response however is substantially different in that the need for
revenge has become much more than a defensive act. It has actually evolved into
a more complex response involving both the cognitive and the emotional expressions
in the brain, and containing mixed elements of defense as well as aggression. It
is a reaction in which very unfortunately, retribution plays an equal or
greater role than prevention. There is no
doubt that in the early days of life on earth, the threat of revenge may have
helped the original human beings to build social bonds and encourage group
formation by providing the risk of swift retribution for potential
transgressors. This action was clearly intended to discourage further hostility
and encourage survival and expansion of the community. But as man evolved and
his needs became more complex, the act of seeking retribution became less and
less a defensive requisite, and more an emotional release that can be used to
make him feel better and achieve more for himself.
Repeated studies have shown that both the
cortical and frontal lobes of the brain are stimulated by revenge and that the
actions adopted were not primarily defensive ones, but contained in addition,
strong emotional components. In some situations there is sometimes demonstrable
evidence that revenge will directly activate the “pleasure centers” in the
frontal lobes giving rise to a craving sensation and trigger an intense need
for satiation. Even more, in other settings, revenge can induce an intense
fantasy for satisfaction that lingers on long after the original episode has
passed. This is seen more notably in people who are deeply insecure and
suspicious, and who spend their lives steeped in anger and discontent. These
people are more likely to use revenge and punishment as weapons to try to
conceal their own weaknesses and inadequacies.
But seeking revenge and seeking punishment are not
synonymous either in intent or in outcome. They differ significantly in
motivation as well as in the anticipated goals. True revenge is aimed at making
the transgressor pay a price for the action committed, in the hope of preventing
further transgressions. Punishment hopes to achieve the same goal by trying to
improve the behavior and the understanding of the transgressor. But when the
desire for revenge is quite often motivated from bitterness and anger and
associated with over-bloated egos, then even when the cause is justified and
the goal honorable, it will create more suffering and injustice than the
situation deserves. The end result is that, in great majority of instances, the
use of revenge becomes more a source of abuse rather than being one of prevention or
correction.
Revenge as a response to injustice has a long and nefarious
history, and has been used throughout the ages to justify actions that were
indefensible. Heinous acts including senseless killings are constantly carried
out in the name of revenge, and often excused by a history of provocation. This
should not come as too much of a surprise since society itself has underpinned
its own survival on the principle of reward and punishment. This begins early
in childhood when children are exposed to punishment for misbehavior without
understanding the reason for the action taken. This distorts the child’s
reasoning and his view of the world and encourages a need to strike out. These
attitudes are prominent in people with narcissistic traits and who have
difficulty in forgiving. In such instances, they are driven to strike back, as
much from the resulting need to extract retribution and from their response to
their unconscious shame it induced.
In
the real world, any attempt at seeking payback of any kind can also lead to
unexpected and unfortunate consequences. In the wrong setting, it can result in
serious and precipitous life changes which can do more harm far beyond just
achieving redress. For this reason, reasonable people choose not to succumb to
the urge of revenge, but instead prefer to use good sense to get even. Revenge,
once begun, is an unbreakable cycle which continues to grow from within the
individual, causing serious systemic changes. And although initially the
thoughts of revenge and retaliation may provide some relief, they quickly
become entrenched and obsessive, leading to recurrent pain and anger and
ultimately, to reckless behavior.
Buddha, the
ancient Indian philosopher, enlightened teacher and founder of one of the
world’s great religions, Buddhism, thousands
of years ago, in the 4th century BCE wisely noted and preached on the
ills of hatred and of dealing with it by seeking revenge. He observed:
“Hatred is
never appeased by hatred in this world.”
By non-hatred
alone, is hatred appeased.
This is
the eternal law.
Similarly, the highly
respected 17th century English philosopher and statesman, Sir Francis Bacon firmly placed the
correct response for revenge in the right context when he observed:
“In taking revenge, a man is but even with his
enemy. But in passing it over; he is superior. For it is a prince’s part to
pardon.”
In fact, most of us, even
if we might briefly entertain some form of retaliation for the hurt or the
wrong done, will not go beyond this stage. We have learnt from past experience
that seeking revenge never cancels out good reason but it only perpetuates the
cycle, and encourages its extension. Even more, the effort of extracting
revenge will not remove the pain and the disappointment that was felt. It might
briefly satisfy our hurt ego, but may leave a bigger, more permanent scar on
our conscience.
But
yet there are others, who continue to ignore this wise and sober warning, and
instead allow their emotion and their impulse to prevail and end up with
serious consequences for their action. High in the list of these personality
types are the narcissistic and sadistic traits who derive special pleasure in
causing pain. These are the people who tend to harbor grandiose self-images and
who resent everyone else. To them revenge is not only a way to exercise
control, but also to cover the shame of their own inadequacies.
But
even for those who severely lack basic humanity, seeking vengeance does not
ever taste as sweet as they claim, but leads to greater pain and regret, and ultimately to the
destruction of both parties. It was precisely to warn his followers of this,
that the great ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius
thousands of years ago, offered this advice:
“Before you embark on a journey of
revenge, dig two graves.”
The only meaningful answer
lies in choosing to live well, free from anger or resentment. In so doing, by
replacing fear and anxiety with love and understanding, the need for redress
quickly fades and will be filled with joy and contentment. The Holy Bible, in the book of Leviticus 19:17
actually gave the optimum direction for anyone seeking revenge:
“Do not seek revenge, or bear a grudge among your
people. But love your neighbor as yourself.”
-This world that we all share will be so much more
beautiful, if we all learn to live as Jesus Christ taught us to do, to replace
hate and anger with love and respect, and to dispel the need for revenge, with
better understanding.
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