“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”
This very astute, and often-repeated, proverbial phrase, was originally coined by Elbert Hubbard, an obscure Christian writer, but made universally popular by Dale Carnegie, one of America’s most successful and most acknowledged authors, and followed motivational speakers.
He used the phrase in his enormously successful publication in 1948, “How to stop Worrying and Start Living” to illustrate the quality of choice a successful person will likely adopt when faced with an undesirable situation. In doing this, he was confirming that in the same way that the lemon, a sour, unappealing, and unacceptable fruit, can be made into a delightful and refreshing lemonade, so too, we can all choose to make good with our lives, irrespective of the difficulties we may encounter along the way. In the face of threatened difficulty or misfortune, having a positive and confident attitude and being willing to adjust as the situation demands, will always increase the chances of converting what would have been a potential failure, into a desirable success.
Human beings by nature, need to feel rewarded in order to derive satisfaction and happiness, and, consciously or unconsciously, they tend to search for things that will provide it. And, in most instances, irrespective of their status in life, they all prefer to spend their lives essentially, in the pursuit of happiness, peace and harmony. To secure this result they try to spend their time, and devote much of their effort, on such ‘meaningful things’ as successful careers, financial, and emotional security, as well as accumulating material possessions. These are the ‘sweet’ rewards of a good life, and are used as measures of how much they have succeeded. Others prefer to measure their happiness and satisfaction by intellectual rather that materialistic goals, and find great fulfillment in doing so. And yet there are a few who will eagerly turn their backs on these, and instead, spend their lives in the service of other people in need, or on a specific cause. But whatever the avenue they choose, it is clear that few of them derive any satisfaction from, or welcome any disappointments along the way.
Originally, man, like the rest of the animal kingdom, was conditioned to stay within safe boundaries, and to respond only when challenged, by backing away or giving up. The great majority tended to look for and choose the easy road, and do whatever they can to find ways to avoid facing difficulties. All of this, by their instinctual nature, was designed to protect their egos from having to submit to, or accept the responsibility to adjust, whenever the milieu is not satisfactory. Left to his basic instincts, man the other animals, is not usually motivated to search for what the best outcome should be, but rather inclined to choose the easiest, and the most convenient. This explains why humans find it so difficult to anticipate or accept any change from the ‘norm’, and find it so difficult to adapt when the change is taking place.
But happily, however, human nature has progressed, and has evolved significantly from the rest of the species, mainly because of its character of resilience. In his desire to dominate and to control the environment, man has acquired the ability to adapt to unexpected situations, and to search for a better quality of life. It is this ability of self-actualization that has set the human being apart, and has given him the ability to alter his life and expectations, and to adapt to any of the prevailing conditions. By being able to maintain his composure and alter direction, he was able to cope with disagreeable situations by finding solutions. Carl Jung, the great Swiss psycho-therapist explained the mechanism in these terms:
“I am not what happened to me.
I am what I choose to become.
This ability to adapt to a change of any kind however, is dependent on a number behavioral components working together. These include such factors as a willingness to accept the change, ability to adapt to the new requirement, insight to adjust their behavior, and confidence to expect positive outcomes. Without these factors operating, it would be impossible to find the courage to break away from the basic instinct of holding on to the status quo. The reason why so many of us generally choose to give up in despair and admit defeat, even though we know we may have to spend the rest of our lives cowering in despair and disappointment, is because of our insecurity in the face of challenge. Our natural inclination is to be intimidated by the change, overcome with apprehension, and give up in despair while indulging in self-pity. This is why left alone, so many of us are inclined to find difficulty in following the advice of the above quotation, and try to look for answers to the ‘sour lemons’ in our lives.
Alfred Adler, a German psychologist, and a contemporary of Freud and Jung, who spent his career studying the behavior of human beings, insisted that the greatest potential in mankind was ‘the power to turn a minus into a plus’, if he chooses to use it. This, indeed, is the real secret of survival of the human race. This is a unique quality of mankind of, not only recognizing the need for change, but also the vision to search for and find answers. Without question, every single person, as part of his being alive, is destined to encounter situations that offer challenges. Some of them are readily solved without causing concern, but there are many that are problematic and have the potential of causing concern. It is these latter ones, and only them, that make the difference between living well, and failing to live! These ‘lemons’ are part of nature’s way of testing a person’s capabilities, and determining the survival of the fittest. The ones who are able to make ‘lemonade’ will continue forward, while the others will be left behind, wallowing in their indifference. Adler himself confirmed this when he stated:
“It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow man who has the greatest difficulties in life, and provides the greatest injury to others. It is among such individuals that all human failures spring.”
From the very beginning of human survival on this earth, the history of human growth is made up of the stories of men who have had to face and overcome the “lemons” in their path, in order to achieve advancement and enhancement in their quality of living. At all levels of society and at every age, progress was only made by stepping over the obstacles, or by changing direction. The majority of these actions occur at such levels that the person is not even aware of the ensuing change, but there were also many instances when success was achieved in the face of impending absolute failure. Here are a few examples, chosen from completely different settings, to illustrate the resilience of man:
-Michael Jordan, arguably the greatest exponent of basketball ever, was once cut from the high school team, before he settled down to serious training.
-Thomas Edison, who is often describe as America’s greatest inventor, freely admitted to the endless failures which occurred before he succeeded. In fact, he described them in these terms:
“I did not fail. I just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
-Albert Einstein, considered to be the greatest physicist of all time, whose work has revolutionized the way the world is viewed, suffered from early speech difficulties and poor school performance.
-Abraham Lincoln, had little formal education, poor service record, and failed in his first election, before being elected to the presidency and becoming the greatest of them all.
-Walt Disney, without any doubt, the greatest and most successful entrepreneur, visionary and entertainer in the world, failed miserably in several of his early ventures. He addressed this in these terms:
“All our dreams will come true,
if we have the courage to pursue them.
-This indeed, is the true message that Dale Carnegie tried to impart to his followers. From every angle viewed, difficulties and failure are nature’s most important vehicles it uses to test the durability of the conditions it creates, and the ability of the living inhabitants who make use of them, to survive and flourish.
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