LIVE EACH DAY AS THE LAST DAY

“Live everyday as if it were your last; because some day you’re gonna be right.”

         These exquisitely prescient words of wisdom were spoken by Muhammad 

Ali, the American professional boxer, activist and philanthropist who is universally regarded among the most celebrated and significant sports figures of the 20^th 

century. But this advice is not essentially unique to him alone, for it has been repeated, in one form or another, on countless occasions before and after him.

 Marcus Aurelius, the ancient Roman stoic philosopher and Emperor noted:

           “Live not one's life as though one had a thousand years.

            But live each day as the last."

While the Holy Bible in James 14:4 elaborated even further:

“Whereas you know not what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.”

Undeniably, the striking impact of these messages and the intentions contained 
in the statements cannot ever be understated, nor can they be ignored.

         Quite recently, I had the distinct pleasure to entertain a longstanding 
friend and a person for whom I have the highest regard and respect for his
 genuine sincerity and faith in God and in man, Roman Catholic Archbishop 
Robert Rivas of the diocese of Castries, West Indies. During our wide-ranging discussions, he made the following very profoundly true statement:

“The only difference between living and dying is a single breath.”

This statement immediately struck me as a powerful reminder of the singular 

need to unequivocally accept the words of Muhammad Ali, and those of the 
others, and equally, it confirms the reason for each person to fashion a life
 that truly reflects the fact that one day it will end, and after this, nothing
 else can help.

         In 2005, Steve Jobs, one of the greatest entrepreneurial visionaries of our times, the founder and CEO of Apple Computers and Pixar Animation Studios, delivered a commencement address to the graduating class of Stanford University. The advice he offered in this very short presentation was so profound that it will be listened to over and over for many years to come by countless succeeding graduating classes and equally, countless numbers of other people in all walks of life. I have no doubt also, that many will continue to derive great benefit his words of wisdom. At the time he delivered the address, he was aware of his own diagnosis of Pancreatic Cancer, a universally fatal disease, and that his own life span was seriously compromised. In a surprisingly far ranging address he made the following admission:

 “When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like this: -‘If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right.'- It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am doing today? –And whenever the answer has been ‘NO’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.” 

       This advice is unquestionably one of the soundest that can ever be given to anyone truly interested in living a full and complete life. One which chooses to reward the individual for effort and commitment for trying to cope with his overflowing dreams, hopes and ambitions, that of necessity, must include making plans for, and facing, eventual mortality. The fact that at the time of delivery of his address, Jobs was already facing his own imminent death, will surely speak volumes to anyone truly interested in living the true life. He concluded by making a statement that will apply to every person who truly wished to live a full and satisfying life:

“Never let a day pass that you will have cause to say:
 -I will do better tomorrow.”

Unfortunately, we live in a culture that denies the reality of death, and one where any discussion of death is taboo and one which no one is encouraged to think or talk about. Society as a whole gives it no important consideration except to be ignored until the time comes. People in general, are determined to live their lives to the fullest extent for as long as they can, and are not concerned with dying until it arrives. The late James Dean, the young, very talented American actor who created a sensation as a character actor for the few years before his untimely death in 1953 at the age of 24 years, viewed life very much in this light. His views are reflected in his celebrated quotation:

“Dream as if you’ll live forever.

Live as if you’ll die tomorrow.”

To him, life was a challenge handed to him to do as he pleased, to chase his dreams as far as he wanted, and to relish his successes for as long as he can. Such people accepted the fact that their life was limited without fear or sadness, but rather with unconditional hope and celebration. It was this fundamental attitude which gave them the urgency and purpose to enjoy the best of their lives, to set no limits to their dreams, to squeeze every drop of life as they can, and to live as much as possible, with the unequivocal conviction that whatever happened after, was beyond their control and therefore, of no concern to them!

         They think only of what can be achieved today and do not waste their time predicting the future or worrying about missing out of any of the intangible promises waiting for them. They know that no one has any control of what happens in the future, and to worry was merely wasting useful time and effort. To them, the present offers the best opportunity to find fulfillment, to satisfy their dreams and to find happiness. They know from past experience that they could not truly depend on the future for it may not be what they hoped for, or if it will even be present when the time comes. This concept was very beautifully described by the well respected American author and poet, Muriel Strode when she wrote:

“I do not ask for faith in the hereafter, but let me believe in today,

 and no hereafter can present that I shall not be well prepared.”

         But contrary to the view of many detractors who tend to place a literal interpretation to Jobs advice and see it as a ‘reckless philosophy’ that encouraged people to behave as if there is no tomorrow and grab as much as they can without regard to need or impact, in fact, he meant the very opposite. Living each day as if it were the last offers support to those in need of confidence to override their fears and uncertainties of life, to live a life of their own choosing and to challenge the prevailing attitudes. The true intention is not just to do as much as can be done, but rather, since no one knows when his last day will be, then the aim is to spend each day to the fullest doing the things that actually matter, and not be concerned about what others do or think. As it turned out, while living by this principle, Jobs developed several amazing companies during his relatively short life span and he did so by doing what he enjoyed doing, quite often against other people’s objections, in the spirit of the quotation.

            For my own self, I accept this advice personally as an invitation to do those things that I truly hoped and dreamed of doing, and as I prepare for the inevitable, I will try to live each day to the fullest I can as if it were my last day. 

-Indeed, a good life is not about encouraging people to work harder and acquire more, but rather to encourage them to seek out what they love to do the most, and to give their best each day, as if this day was going to be the last.

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POWER OF ACTION

 “Action is the foundational key to all success.”

         These words by the great Spanish artist Pablo Picasso whose works of art are considered to be the most important works of the 20^th century, standout out as a statement that is blatantly appropriate and unchallenged. He believed firmly and correctly, that the only way to achieve your dreams, however difficult it may be, was on a plan built solidly on a foundation of action, and supported with courage and commitment to carry through to completion.

         Behavioral experts are fond of categorizing people as being made up essentially of 3 different types. There are those who make things happen, there are others who are content to watch things as they happen, and then there are those are not concerned about what is happening. This would explain why, except for the first group, there are so many people with beautiful ideas, dreams and passions which never ever see the light of day. Quite often this happens not because of any genuine problems which prevent their completion, but rather from such basic emotional obstacles as fear of failure, fear of venturing into unknown territory, and at times, even the fundamental fear of getting started. These fears serve to induce resistance and force the individual to be locked in a cycle of inaction, not so much because of being unable to complete the task, but much more, because of a lingering fear of inadequacy or embarrassment that their work will not be acceptable to others.

For as long as man has survived on this planet, developing new thoughts and ideas have always been the seeds of all great human accomplishments. But equally, a great many of these seeds remained just thoughts and ideas and never grew to fruition because there was no one capable of exercising the will to initiate, and the action to complete them. Nothing ever happens without a start taking place, but once the start has begun, magical results can accrue but only when intent is present. It is this combination of the will to start and the determination to continue that becomes the force for action that will invariably yield great success. But all of this activity will only flow when it is nurtured by an individual who has belief in himself, trust in his ability and confidence to keep moving forward, irrespective of resistance. These are the foundational keys which when acting together, will serve to successfully bring dreams to life. Steve Jobs one of the greatest visionaries in modern times, whose work over a very short span of active life has changed the course and direction of human living forever, was forthright in his advice to graduating students when he said:

“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown your inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”

Far too often, beautiful dreams appear, some even accompanied with faith and desire, only to falter because they lacked the necessary conviction and action to carry through to completion. Tragically this applies to a significant number of people who, even with the best of intentions, are never able to reach their full potential and have to be content to live out their lives in mediocrity, while envying the joyful successes of their neighbors. Most of the time the main reasons that separate success from failure are not due to lack of ability, but rather to either the lack of a realistic dream worthy of following, or alternatively, having the dream but never able to take the action necessary to bring it to completion. This has resulted in the development of ever increasing numbers people who spend their lives just dreaming and hoping, but never finding the courage or the power to move beyond this stage.

Other people on the other hand, choose to spend their whole lives in “safe waters” doing things they hate, but are comfortable doing, or living in simple, nonthreatening lifestyles, but always yearning for more, and looking at better things, but being afraid to grasp them. These people are driven to lead this type of life, not so much because of lack of ability or even lack of hoping, but rather because of their deeply embedded inability to find the way to turn these hopes into dreams and goals, and their lack of conviction to take the necessary action needed to reach their fulfillment. Indeed this is precisely what Eleanor Roosevelt the wife of President Franklin D. Roosevelt, and in her own right, a respected intellectual, diplomat and activist, was alluding to, when she observed:

      “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of

        their dreams”

Action is always positive and when this is not happening, the only reason for this can be traced directly to the individual in control. This should not come as any surprise since people by nature generally prefer to choose the easiest actions, or the paths of least resistance to satisfy their needs. The less effort needed, and the less utilization of resources, both emotional and physical, to achieve the desired goal, the better and more preferable it will be. This “efficiency” of activity has its origins in the early centuries of man’s survival in the life-threatening and inhospitable environments that existed at the time. This forced him to choose action to stay safe, and his sole aim was finding food and staying alive. The dream might well have been present but there was no time to consider or attempt anything else, especially if the action needed varied from the established safe patterns. Clearly no action can ever hope to succeed without it beginning with the heart and mind of the dreamer. As Thomas Jefferson, one of America’s greatest statesmen, Founding Father and 3^rd President of the Union, so very wisely advised:

“Do you want to know who you are? Don’t ask. Act!

Action will delineate and define you.”

           It required many more centuries and many attempts at smaller actions with increasing successes and encouragements, before man began to expand his hopes and his dreams and then find the courage to convert them to long term goals. This approach has continued to evolve over time with more and more results occurring. But the principle has not changed. It takes time for a person to acquire the skills needed. He is never able to harness the power needed at first try, but he must first begin by understanding the power of taking small actions successfully, and be able to repeat the experience more frequently, before he is able to consider long term dreams, set major goals and find the power to arrive at completion. Leonardo da Vinci, the great Italian sculptor and artist, explained this evolution in these terms:

“I have been impressed with the urgency of doing.

Just knowing is not enough, we must apply.

Being willing is not enough, we must do.”

Action when successfully carried out is not only rewarding to the individual, but it serves to induce physiological and psychological changes which will embolden him and encourage further attempts. There is no doubt that each successful episode will provide the strength, the courage and the energy to try more and to succeed more. Rewards are the backbone of all successful individuals and the impetus for continuing on. But individual successes do not in anyway imply that these people are differently endowed with special abilities than the others. But rather, they are better motivated, more willing to accept failure and try again, over and over, and will continue to do so until the results are achieved. They are not content to sit back and let things happen, but recognize that the dream will happen only after the right action is undertaken. But all of this does not come easy; there is a price to pay. It requires time, consistent focus, firm dedication, undeniable commitment and deep confidence in self and in ability, to find the courage and the willpower to continue on, sometimes against daunting odds.

         People who do not choose to take the necessary action to fulfill their dreams do so, not out of ignorance or inability, but rather from reluctance, born from a multitude of various fears and insecurities. These take the form of a vast range of underlying etiologies that include personality characteristics, parental influences and past experiences. But over-riding all these causes is the missing taste of success. Without this experience acting as an impetus there can be little hope to find the energy to act. Paradoxically the only true antidote to overcome inaction is action itself. Fear of inaction for whatever reason, induces lower self-esteem, increases doubt in ability, and increases fear of failure. But with action comes success and experience which will increase the self-esteem and reduce the fear and ignorance and ultimately lead to growth, maturity and self-confidence. These are all the critical foundational keys that will open the doors to action. Without them being opened, action will not take place and life remains dormant. Joseph DiMaggio, one of America’s greatest baseball players and a person who himself has successfully overcome a countless number of challenges in his lifetime, spoke from personal experience when he noted:

“If you keep thinking about what you want to do, or what you hope will happen, you don’t do it and it won’t happen.”

-Picasso's message indeed is the true message of every successful individual who has tasted the fruit of success. Not only must there be a dream and a hope, but there must be a need and a desire to achieve, and the willingness to act in whatever necessary way to find the power to completion.

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LIVING A MEANINGFUL LIFE

“A Meaningful Life is not about being rich, or being popular, or being educated or being perfect.  It is about being real, being humble, being strong, and being able to share yourself, and touch the lives of others.”

         These beautiful words recorded by an Unknown Author, have become accepted as a gold standard to describe the real meaning of living a meaningful life. It has been universally accepted and has appeared in the literature and the language of various countries worldwide. 

Whether we admit to it or not, we all spend our lives trying to find a meaning for our living. Many are content to accept this to mean the acquisition of the basic instinctive and materialistic rewards such as power, wealth, popularity or pleasure, and then spend their lives in a mirage of their own making. But a true meaningful life is not about being rich, or being smart, or being talented, or any of the other superlatives. Even at best, these are all trappings that can be acquired and lost at will. In many ways they are the result of the society’s influences which are focused on constant positivity, looking at the bright side and accepting only success. But a true meaningful life is not about being rich or being smart or being talented or any of the other superlatives. These are all trappings that can be acquired and lost at will. Our life becomes meaningful only when we each are truly able to find and give to ourselves an individual meaning, a reason and a purpose to live.

Life is not always the success or the most positive nor the happiest we had hoped for, and there are times when we become truly disappointed and dejected. But all of these moments are as important as those when we reign supreme and enjoy the applause from all for succeeding. For to consider a truly meaningful life requires that we recognize these variables and embrace them in the same way we accept the changes in the weather without question. Dr, Susan David, a well recognized South African born psychologist and an authority on the subject, has gone further and argued that:

 “Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life”

She suggested that instead of insisting on positive results and trying to push the negative ones away, we must embrace them, understand why they occurred, and learn to cope with them. This, she insists, is the only way to give fullness to meaning and completeness to our living.

Our life becomes meaningful only when we each are truly able to find and give to ourselves an individual meaning, a reason and a purpose to live. It is only then can we look forward to a full, happy, rewarding and contented life. Victor Frankl, the outstanding Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, a survivor of many years of Nazi Gestapo atrocities during WWII, whose book “Man’s Search for Meaning”, is considered among the 10 most influential books in the US, explained this in these terms:

“The meaning for living comes to us only when we are willing to accept the full responsibility for living.”

Frankl’s life was indeed a confirmation of this reality. Even though he was exposed to and suffered from the worst horrors of the Nazi concentration camps, including torture and terror that occurred daily, he was able to find a purpose and a meaning to his struggle, and that gave him the power to push through. His life clearly confirmed in no uncertain manner, as so many others have demonstrated before and after him, the veracity of that much-repeated quotation by the German philosopher, Friedrich Nietzche, which states:

“He who has a ‘why’ to live for, can bear almost any ‘how’.”

            Understanding the true meaning of one’s life requires first, a fundamental knowledge of what really matters in the life. Not only must there be sound understanding of one’s strengths, commitments and confidences, but there must also be present an honest and clear appreciation of the underlying failings and weaknesses existing, and a realistic willingness to accept all of these. It requires knowing who you are, what you want, and how much you are willing to expend before the desired outcome can be achieved.  Mahatma Gandhi, the great Indian leader and foremost champion of the non-violent movement, explained this in a simple but very appropriate manner when he declared:

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be; if I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it, even if I may not have it at the beginning.”

A truly meaningful life is not one that is based on matching or surpassing the most talented or the most respected person around. Rather it is one that is grounded in a sense of purpose that goes well beyond the events of the day, and the failures or the successes of the moment. It involves a deliberate process of examining the reason for existence and exactly what one’s specific role should be in the context of the rest of humanity. It means accepting, neither denying nor ignoring, one’s existing weaknesses, while maximizing the positives, and choosing to live with intention. Above all, it means understanding oneself and making full use of this knowledge to achieve a successful and fulfilling life. This is in total rejection of the generally held view that only those people who have achieved success and happiness in their lives are by and large, the ones who are able to live a meaningful life. This is to my mind, misleading and inappropriate, and very far from the truth.

While happiness and meaningfulness can at times overlap, there is indeed a vast and distinct difference between them. They each function under different sets of rules and they each travel along separate roads. In no way can the happiness experienced by a popular entertainer whose claim to fame is flouting her body in public, be compared to the joy and satisfaction of the humble housewife volunteering to serve food at the neighborhood soup kitchen. Nor can the famous tennis player bragging about her latest conquest be compared with the devoted mother taking care of her family at home. Nor can the politician making public speeches for significant reward, be compared with the steel worker as he goes to work through good and bad weather to earn enough to support his family.  Nor is there any comparison between the pseudo-joy of the CEO of a profitable company awarding himself a gift of the latest Lamborghini, and the happiness of the carpenter who volunteers his off day to assist in a project by Habitat for Humanity to help a disabled veteran.

These indeed are all examples of Meaningful Happiness, a state typically characterized as a sense of contentment, gratification and pleasure for present behavior, with continuous bearing on the past and into the future. It is much more closely related to ‘giving’ and has little concern for ‘keeping’. While in complete contrast, there is Meaningless Happiness, much more concerned with taking and keeping, rather than with giving and sharing. The latter is fragile and volatile and is solely related to the purpose of achieving an immediate goal. It is also transient and unstable and can be readily and completely destroyed by any disappointment or failure. For without a true meaning to living, the satisfaction from this happiness is relatively shallow and more often self-serving.

        

Developing a meaningful life leads to something far more satisfying and rewarding than just pleasure and contentment. In my experience, the most contented people I have ever encountered are those who found something much more satisfying than the pleasure of success or recognition from others. They were people who took the time to search for and understand the meaning of their lives and then pursuing it. They found that inner sense of joy and gratitude that can only come from a commitment to set aside principle for person, and personal satisfaction for unselfish participation. It is a life dominated by purpose, and is unconcerned about rewards in the present, past or future. By giving and sharing and above all by a humble sense of participating in the lives of others, they succeed in finding and living their life of meaning.

        

These people are by no means uncommon. In fact they live among us and their stories are constantly unfolding around us. It’s the man who spends his nights searching the city dumpsters to find discarded food to feed the hungry, or the volunteer who gives up the security of his home to help others ravaged by natural disaster, or the teacher who devotes time and resources to help a struggling student, or the business owner who shares some of his profits so that his employees may enjoy a better life. These and the millions and millions of similar examples are precisely what is required by, and expected of, living a meaningful life.

History is replete with examples of people who were able to achieve the finest pinnacles of genuine meaningful living. Their names will not be found emblazoned on the great towers of the world, nor are they found in the annals of conquests or in the economic pages or business magazines. The people who inhabit these sites, can only boast of passing success that inevitably dies with the passage of time and memory. But those who have successfully arrived on a purposeful and meaningful road will always enjoy the pleasure and satisfaction of doing the right things and their deeds will be remembered in the hearts and minds of all who were touched by them.

 They live and walk among us as they have done in the past, fulfilling their purposes and living a truly meaningful life. Examples of these abound; Like Dr. Albert Schweitzer, the French theologian and physician, who gave up a promising and privileged life to serve the people of a small village in Africa. St. Francis of Assisi, the Franciscan monk who gave up a life of luxury and power to serve the poor and disenfranchised. St. Teresa of Kolkata, the European-born Roman Catholic nun who devoted her life to living and working among the poorest and neediest members of India and other countries worldwide. These are but a small, but outstanding example of people who have indeed found and lived a meaningful life. But just as important are the less notable, but equally satisfied people who go about their daily routine, doing what they can to put meaning in their life, by word, by example or by deed. Their names will never be known to anyone except to themselves and to those who know them.

They demonstrate that achieving such a life is neither impossible nor unattainable. It requires however, a determined effort to take time to pause from the fast pace and demands of society and to reflect on their own needs and desires and to truly understand themselves. It is only when this happens can we truly attain the wisdom and the understanding to begin to live a life of meaning. Henry David Thoreau, the great American essayist, poet and philosopher was perhaps most appropriate when he advised:

“What you get by achieving your goals, is not as important

as what you become by achieving your goals.”

-Indeed, life must never ever be measured solely by the external deeds carried out, or the rewards collected, however successful these may be. These are meaningless in terms of true satisfaction of the spirit. For life to be meaningful, it must include in addition, both a deep satisfaction of spirit, and a true contentment of the heart as well.    ....Nothing else really matters!

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FINDING LIFE"S MEANING

“The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you found out the reason why.”

         This powerful and timeless aphorism, often ascribed to the writings of the great American author Mark Twain (Samuel Langhorne Clemens), stands out as a shining beacon on the road for those trying to understand life’s meaning. It has also been the source of endless arguments between proponents, who believe in it, implicitly, and opponents who question its validity.

         Indeed no other questions can ever prove to be as vital and as decisive in the lives of every individual on earth as these two questions. The answer to the first is clearly beyond our understanding and our control, especially since the fact of our existence was predetermined by factors outside our control. But the ‘Why’ for our existence is left entirely up to each individual to determine and to implement as he pleases. The process for finding the true answer to this question has never been easy for anyone to undertake, and even on the occasions when it is found, it produces burdens on each one which never end until death occurs. Because, since the answers are not permanent and will vary with prevailing conditions, we must be continually aware of the constant variations in reason and purpose as they occur as our lives progress and our needs change. Professor Thomas Szasz, the well respected Hungarian-American psychiatrist and psychotherapist, placed this in the right context in personal terms when he observed:

“People often say this or that person has not found himself. But the ‘self’ is not something one finds. It is something one creates.”

            This second most important day, the day when we get to know why we are born, how we acquire knowledge about our true life, and when we begin to find the answers to the reasons for our living, is recognized by many as the day of our second birth, or as is described in Christianity as being born again. This stage of life is significant for every one of us, for it implies the beginning of our exposure to the knowledge of our life, and of being granted the opportunity to find and appreciate the reasons and answers to life’s paradoxes. Every person is offered this opportunity to grow and to develop self-worth, but this will not take place by copying others or modeling our lives with their own. Doing this is tantamount to spending our lives just satisfying our egos, and trying to match them against the accomplishments of others. This is a formula that is doomed for certain failure, and one that is certain to produce a life of wasted intentions. Carl Jung, the great Swiss psychiatrist and a founder of the school of psychoanalysis, very clearly explained the options available when he wrote:

“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

         For as long as man has existed on earth, he has sought to find answers to the meaning of life. The different religions have gone to great lengths to each express their own views in relation to their beliefs. The ancient Chinese Taoists believed the answer to life was to achieve inner harmony. The Hindus insist that the real purpose is to find release from the cycles of rebirth and to escape this life in order to achieve eternal life, Dharma. The Buddhists looked on life’s purpose as a way of achieving enlightenment and being freed from life’s suffering. Islam directed its followers that the answer lies in submitting to the will of Allah, while Judaism and Christianity both encouraged their followers to obey God’s Commandments. In all these approaches, there is a common factor, an in-born predisposition, ‘an instinct’, which if used correctly will lead to success, and if ignored, will lead to pain and suffering. And there are still yet many people who knowingly choose to refrain from talking or even thinking about meaning in their lives because it makes them uncomfortable. They are content to hide behind two arguments: either they don’t know what it means to them, or that it is beyond their reach or comprehension.

         But in fact, each individual is endowed with an instinct that, when used appropriately, will drive him to take action and to respond to factors affecting his life. The more he understands them and he works with them, the more he will be able to find the answers for those things that matter and the directions leading to self-awareness and self-fulfillment. But along the way, he will face major obstacles that, if left unchallenged, will obstruct and prevent progress. These are deeply embedded in the individual’s emotional psyche as “Anxieties of Existence.”  They include Feelings of Guilt; leading to self-hatred and fear of failure, Feelings of Inadequacy; giving rise to a fear of non-fulfillment and incompetence and Feelings of Identity; producing a fear of hopelessness and meaninglessness. These feelings remain lodged in the minds of the victims and induce the individual to resist or refrain from accepting change, preventing him from learning the truth about himself, and doing whatever necessary to maintain the status quo at all cost, however inadequate it may be. To these people, life has lost all meaning beyond continuing to do the same things over and over, until such time that external circumstances impose changes.

         We are living in a society dominated by the two major ideals of selfishness and self-gratification, where the individual is constantly discouraged from finding meaning on his own, and instead, he is encouraged to follow the example of the successful ones, and to copy what they do. But this approach has only succeeded to produce a large number of followers who are content to keep up with them. But for the others who still prefer to discern truth and meaning in their lives, the process will require first a willingness to examine themselves, as well as the demands of the world they live in. Clearly any attempt to try to understand the self in isolation from the environment will yield no better result than just looking into a mirror. Divorcing one from the other will be futile, for in understanding oneself adequately, one must be able to see and appreciate the changes and their effects on the individual that are taking place in the world around them. Without full and personal involvement there can be no understanding, as this advice from an Unknown Author correctly suggests:

“Stop looking for the answers from strangers, they don’t know you enough. All the answers you are looking for are within you already. Only you can tell what makes your heart feel at home”

.           Joseph Campbell, the very well regarded American author, teacher and mythologist, in his writings observed:

“Life has no meaning. Each one of us has meaning and we bring it to life. It is a waste to be asking the question when you already know the answer.”

There is great truth in this statement. Human beings by nature, long for meaning in their lives but many find this need too difficult to achieve and are quickly discouraged, choosing to follow others instead. He correctly confirmed that life itself has no meaning whatsoever without the direct involvement of the individual, which then together bring significance and purpose to it. Unfortunately, people in order to conform to society’s needs are encouraged to lose sight of this fundamental meaning of life and instead find meaning and purpose in the pursuit of all the good things available to them that will provide contentment and satisfaction. This however serves only to leave a deep void inside and an emptiness which is not easily fulfilled without searching. St. Augustine of Hippo, the great Christian theologian who lived in the 4^th century AD, very wisely drew attention to this dichotomy when he wrote:

“Men go abroad to wonder at the heights of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the vast compass of the oceans, at the circular motion of the stars, and pass themselves without wondering.”

The people who truly believe their lives have meaning and purpose enjoy much higher life-satisfaction and far better control of their life direction. They are confident, with much improved emotional health, increased self-worth and clear ideas of what they are living for, who they are, and what they are doing. Having a good grasp of the meaning and purpose in one’s life will induce a better sense of control, and encourage good relationships built on confidence and knowledge. In addition, because they spend less them worrying what others think of them, they are able to devote more time to planning and building their future. In being able to feel this way and not being restrained by what others are doing or thinking, they feel less afraid to take chances or exercise options in their life and more able to start new projects.

The great majority of the people who have achieved success in every field of endeavor known to man have done so precisely because they were able, very early in their lives, to find their own meaning and purpose and then build on it.   But these people who have successfully achieved the comfort and security of finding meaning also, as an integral part of the process, tend to be more engaged and interested in the environment and much more aware of sharing themselves with others. The great baseball player and African-American trailblazer, Jackie Robinson, whose life had itself been dominated by his grasp of meaning and purpose, was very correct when he declared”

“A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives”

In this respect, finding and living your life’s purpose can be the most satisfying, joyous and rewarding exercise anyone can undertake. In so doing, the pleasure comes not only from the internal satisfaction  of fulfilling your dreams and your desires, but equally by taking time to help and benefit others in need. This indeed is the true formula for a life fully lived, with a legacy that will live on and a desire of helping to change the world for the better. Mahatma Gandhi, one of the greatest political leaders of all time, and a philosopher in his own right, placed this purpose of finding meaning in life in an absolute personal context when he observed:

“The best way to find yourself, is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

-No truer word has ever been said, nor greater advice given by anyone, than to spend your life learning who and what you are, and in sharing the knowledge in serving the well-being of yourself and others.

        

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KNOWING YOURSELF

“The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself.”

This statement, originally recorded by Thales of Miletus during the 6^th century BC, reflected the emerging attitude of the ancient Greek scholars as they began to reject the current mythological and theocratic beliefs that had existed at the time. Thales, himself, a prominent Greek philosopher, astronomer, and mathematician was held in highest regard as one of the 7 sages of Greek philosophy and is historically recognized as a father of Western civilization.

Since then, this concept has remained virtually unchanged over the succeeding thousands of years of civilization and continues to dictate all human interactions. It is only by knowing oneself can enough self-familiarity be developed to justify any action taken, and to know the reasons why it was taken. Clearly, to accomplish any action or arrive at any conclusion, an inner process of rationalization and accommodation, whether subconsciously or otherwise, must take place in order to justify the choice made. Trying to understand oneself is not as some people try to suggest,  a useless ego trip, but is of vital importance in providing the social skills needed to survive in a dynamic society. Aristotle, two hundred years after Thales in the 4^th century BC, took great pain to explain this concept to his students when he stressed:

“The most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself. The most important journey you can take is one of self-discovery. To know yourself, you must spend time with yourself, you must not be afraid to be alone. Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

  A large portion of a human being’s extrinsic behavior is essentially controlled by the subconscious mind and as a result the reasons behind the decisions taken can often appear to be beyond any conscious control. But this in fact is not correct, for there are always demonstrable reasons for every action undertaken. Problems only appear to arise when there is no real awareness or understanding of the underlying reasons. Unpredictable behavior will occur only in such circumstances where the individual lacks full awareness of who his, and therefore lacks purpose in his life. In these situations, it would be impossible for him to appreciate or explain the resulting behavior, and the reason why it was executed.

Self-awareness, the ability of knowing yourself intimately, is of great importance in every aspect of life and living; and especially so, when dealing with interpersonal relationships. A person who is fully aware and in control of what he thinks, says and does, is less likely to take action that is inappropriate or unhelpful. And even when this happens, he is able to recognize the negative results of the action and its impact on others and take corrective action. To be fully aware, implies that there is sound understanding of oneself and one’s relationships with others. More importantly, that the individual must be in firm control, both mentally and emotionally and clearly understands who he is and what he stands for in this moment, and not affected by past or future influences. Bernard Baruch, a successful American financier, statesman and philanthropist quite wisely placed this in the right context when he advised:

“Only as you do know yourself can your brain serve you as a sharp, efficient tool. Know your own failings, passions and prejudices so you can separate from what you see.”

In most instances, any unanticipated actions taking place can almost always be justified on the basis of failed self-awareness of the parties concerned. In such situations, when one examines the interpersonal conflicts developing between the several parties, one usually finds that the reason may be due less to differences of opinion, and more likely from a failure of the parties to understand the causes or appreciate the facts operating, and therefore arriving at the wrong conclusions. All of which could have been avoided if there had been better self-awareness operating at the time, on all sides.

Although most people when asked, will probably insist that they know their needs and are fully aware of themselves and their actions, yet repeated studies have shown that there are in fact a number of roadblocks, myths and untruths operating which adversely affect the individual’s beliefs and perceptions. The clinical estimate of the numbers of people who are actually fully self-aware is probably less than 20%, while the great majority will find some difficulty in fulfilling all the criteria. Much of this has its basis on a combination of the person’s underlying personality and life-experience factors. These play a major role in predicting subsequent behavior since they dictate the subconscious responses which ultimately control the choice of action taken. This constitutes a great stumbling block to better self-awareness, for without being fully cognizant of himself, the individual will find it difficult to remain true. This will constantly force the person to change position in order to accommodate others, especially when the values are conflicting.

Self-awareness requires not only being fully aware of yourself and your surroundings, but that you are fully aware of your needs and desires. At the same time there has to be an understanding of the effect of your actions on the intended targets. Far too often we allow our own shortcomings and prejudices to color the decisions, and then blame others or the circumstances when the results go wrong. We tend to react to angry responses from others with a sense of righteous indignation, blaming others for actions that were in fact appropriate responses to our ill-directed acts. Clearly, the more effective you are in understanding yourself and your actions, the more successful you will be in dealing with relationships. For this reason for example, people who are generally introspective tend to be much less self-aware and less able to relate efficiently, because of their inherent inability to deal with external influences.

  Developing a better understanding of yourself results in greater self-confidence in your ability to understand others and to forgive yourself for being who you are, when things go wrong. Doing this will go a long way to improve your capacity to deal with the physical and emotional responses of other people and reinforce self-confidence in yourself. This does not come about just by chance, but requires a committed and conscious journey of self-discovery filled with endless searches, challenges and questions.  The result of this effort, if successful, is that it will eventually lead to better control of the inner self, thoughts, beliefs, and emotions. The more successful the journey, the more likely will there be improvement in the satisfaction and accommodation to personal and environmental characteristics like attitude, personality, ethics, expectations and values, and less disappointment will occur. Professor Tariq Ramadan, a highly acclaimed Swiss-Muslim academician, philosopher and statesman summarized this in a very personal and relevant manner when he wrote:

“The more you look into and understand yourself, the less judgmental you become towards others.”

         Unfortunately, contrary to what we might think, by far the great majority of us actually lack a significant degree of self-awareness in our daily lives. If we were to objectively examine our daily routine, very few of us will be able to find that we were fully and completely satisfied with the outcome. We will have no difficulty to identify deeply embedded traits which are not helpful, but which we frequently utilize.

Without being consciously aware of the faults and making the effort to correct them, we risk significant problems developing that can affect our relationships both with family and with the outside. Even further the situation is further compounded by the fact that any incomplete awareness can create a paradox in perception, that will interfere with normal responses.

There are a multitude of factors which can contribute to interfering with the acquisition and application of adequate self-awareness. Among these, the following seem to be quite prominent in causing problems:

-Adopting a Defensive Attitude, where the individual is quick to offer solutions without finding out if they may be wrong or appropriate.

-Adopting an Offensive Attitude, where any criticism is immediately deflected by going on the offensive, preventing any opportunity for dialogue.

-Adopting Rigid Attitude, insisting on being always right and rejecting the possibility of ever being wrong. This immediately negates any chance of change.

-Poor Self-worth, feelings of inferiority in everything done. This results in a constant admission of failure and a sense of hopelessness that interfere with finding a solutions.

-Denial, constantly denying that a problem even exists and finding reasons to justify this. These are usually associated with admissions of fear.

If any of these issues and a host of others are left unattended, they can quickly spiral out of control and give rise to serious consequences leading to unhappy interpersonal relationships. It is this conflict of self that led Sun Tzu, one of ancient China’s greatest philosophers and military leaders to declare:

“Know your enemy and know yourself, and you can fight a hundred battles without disaster.”

         To get to know yourself is certainly not about skimming the surface and finding only those things that attract you. It is about searching deeply, and doing what is necessary to improve your life and increase your opportunities for happiness. It is a journey of discovery involving a review of who you are and what you are, of finding and correcting your deepest fears, your weaknesses and your strengths and using these to embolden your life and to derive the greatest you can from it. This requires courage and willingness to peel back the fears and the inadequacies, and expose the flaws. But without this exercise, a person is doomed to spend all his life hiding from life itself. J. J. Paulsen, a gifted author and TV producer, speaking from deep personal experience from prison after he was found guilty of murdering his wife, very powerfully summarized the options available when he noted:

“The cost of not following your heart is spending

the rest of your life wishing you had.”  

-This indeed is the ultimate price we must pay for not making the effort to truly know ourselves and to recognize those things that require change. As Leon Brown, the exciting African-American author, so wisely concluded:

“First know yourself, then you will begin to understand why things are as they are, and life is as it is.”

 

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FINDING LIFE’S PURPOSE

“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.”

This brief but profound observation was recorded by Robert Byrne, an American engineer, author, and accomplished billiard player, who spent his whole life successfully engaged in all three occupations. In just a single line he succeeded in saying everything that needed to be said regarding the purpose of life. Life’s purpose is the central motivating aim for living for every one. It is the fundamental guide to all of life’s decisions, the force that directly influences all behavior, the framework that shapes all the goals, the signpost that provides directions and the formula that creates the meaning for life. Indeed, one’s life’s purpose is the reason for choosing a particular direction of life, and ultimately determining its outcome.

Human beings, unlike every other living member of the animal kingdom, are the only creatures who crave significance, meaning or purpose in their living. All of the other members of the animal kingdom spend all their lives dedicated solely to personal survival and continuation of their species, and have no interest or concern in anything else. The members of the human race alone, exhibit this unique phenomenon of contemplating their purpose for existence and their influence on the world around them and even beyond. In fact, this is the defining factor that separates man from all the other living creatures on this earth. Craving for a purpose in life is clearly the fundamental component for achieving fulfillment, and any absence of this in their life, leads to significant psychological difficulties.

More than 2000 years ago, the Greek philosopher Aristotle, declared that the inherent purpose of anything living can be found in the question ‘Why’ (which he referred to as Telos). To him, the answer can be found in a basic and all-inclusive description which he named Eudaimonia, which simply means that the real purpose of life was to live well and do well in the pursuit of happiness. Interestingly, this view of the fundamental purpose of life has shown very little change over the many centuries of man’s existence on earth. The Dalai Lama, reflecting the established views of Buddhism, echoed exactly the same basic sentiment when he advised:

“The purpose of our lives is to be happy.”

         Finding his true purpose by anyone is never easy nor does it come naturally. It is never a generic factor that is common to all people and readily available on demand. Equally, quite unlike the common habits acquired during life, they cannot be copied and passed along, or acquired by learning from others. In fact, a life’s purpose can be achieved only by the individual undertaking a personal journey along his life’s path and searching for himself. It must begin by the individual clearly understanding and accepting whom he really is, and where he intends to be. And it further demands diligently avoiding the very natural pitfalls of identifying with others and travelling on their road or worse, by trying to be like them.

This undertaking is neither a simple exercise, nor is there ever a guarantee that it will be successfully achieved. It involves a number of complex emotional responses that are related to the fundamental make-up of the individual himself, his beliefs, his character and his life’s experience. It is possible that small minority of people can accidently fall upon their purpose by circumstance, pure chance, or coincidence, or even without any effort, find it clearly expressed in all aspects of their lives. But for the great majority, the process usually evolves slowly, cautiously, and meticulously, and is accompanied by many unanticipated trials and missteps. The ultimate aim however is quite clear, as Rick Warren, one of America’s most successful evangelical preachers and author of several publications, noted:

“Without a purpose, life is motion without meaning, activity without direction and events without reason.”

Arriving at one’s life purpose is fundamentally finding the overall reason for one’s existence, the real purpose for being alive, and a clear understanding of oneself. Aristotle, very wisely recognized this when he observed:

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

To be truly meaningful, any purpose in life must first be something that is authentic and instinctive, and must be supported by absolute belief and understanding. The individual must be able to accept himself as he is, with all his weaknesses and his strengths, and must believe in himself and his identity. To be true, the purpose must of necessity be one that is uniquely individual, with aims and priorities that are favorable to him. When in place, a well developed sense of purpose will produce substantial improvements to the total overall well-being of the individual, and provide the stimulus to achieve more. It induces confidence and continuity in thinking and decision-making, improves self-esteem and optimism, and provides the impetus for trying harder and overcoming greater obstacles.

Each person’s purpose is necessarily unique to the individual, and is related to the particular path chosen. Although the aim of each ultimately is the achievement of happiness, this may present itself in a variety of different ways. But whatever is chosen, whether spiritual, intellectual or otherwise, must be accompanied by deeply held beliefs and a singular focus to neutralize the underlying uncertainties and fears that develop. Once a purpose is established, it induces a strong sense of commitment and confidence, and provides the reason for living, and strength to continue striving. Having a purpose gives meaning to life, and it is this meaning that ultimately provides the reasons for living, and for being satisfied with the life being lived.

This fact was clearly demonstrated by Viktor Frankl, the Austrian existential psychologist in his masterpiece publication, “Man’s search for meaning,” based on his experiences while a prisoner of the German Gestapo’s concentration camps during WWII. During their internment, he observed that the prisoners who retained a purpose to live, irrespective of the nature of the purpose, were much more likely to survive the brutality, torture and threats of extermination. He found that it was their power of purpose that provided their strength to continue, irrespective of the obstacles present. He was convinced that in any stressful situation, it was this power and strength of purpose that superseded all forms of needs, desires or sufferings and allowed them to continue. He confirmed this observation in the following quotation:

“In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.”

Behavior psychologists insist that the developing of successful, functional purposeful lives rely much more on the body’s intrinsic factors than on extrinsic factors. In fact, the general consensus is that no more than 10% might be related to such outward factors as fame, status, money or physical and intellectual ability. Successful lives rely much more on the possession of such intrinsic factors as attitudes, values, strength of character, desires, passion and beliefs. The driving force is clearly related to the individual’s desire to search out and find the reason for living. This comes less from the examples of others and much more from their internal needs to find contentment. Because of this, there can no final endpoint at which one’s purpose is completely fulfilled, since as life and circumstances change, so will the life’s purpose. Wayne Dyer, the recently deceased, highly successful inspirational speaker and author described this very effectively using the common activity of dancing:

“When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way.”

For completion, it is important to point out that this concept of a Life’s Purpose is not universally accepted, and that there are several schools of thought that absolutely deny that life has any other purpose whatsoever, other than living. To the Nihilists, a purpose of life is absurd to consider because to them, life is meaningless. They argue that since the world itself is considered to be an accident of nature, without any reason or meaning, then it would be an exercise in futility to argue that anything in the world will have any meaning. Arthur Schopenhauer, the 19^th century German philosopher, one of the leaders in the concepts of pessimism and nihilism, was quite clearly confirming this when he wrote:

“We can regard our life as a uselessly disturbing episode in the blissful repose of nothingness. Human existence must be at best, a kind of error”

         
         There is fundamental conflict between, on the one side, those who believe that life is really meaningless, without significance and purpose, and that our existence on earth is merely accidental, and on the other, the great majority of people, who believe that despite all the obstacles, there indeed is purpose and meaning and that there is significance. This conflict will never be really settled, and it comes down to whether we believe that we are accidental victims of a meaningless universe, or that we are part of a greater plan by a supreme being, with autonomy and ability to finding meaning in our existence, and make a difference in our lives and our world.

         For myself, I prefer to look at my life as one, handed to me by an Almighty God to use as I see fit, in fulfillment of my life expectations and in sharing with others. This to me is the true purpose of life. The sincere hope is to be able to spend it in a way that provides meaning and satisfaction, while at the same time offering understanding and support to those around.  As Pericles, one of ancient Greece’s greatest philosophers and statesmen who lived in the 4th century BC, so very wisely observed:

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.”

-The true purpose in every person’s life is never measured in the conquests achieved, or the mountains overcome, but rather in the fabric successfully woven into the lives of others.

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