JUDGING OTHERS

“When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

This concise, profound and dramatic statement was originally made by Earl Nightingale, the famous American radio personality, motivational speaker and author. He at one time hosted one of the most highly syndicated radio programs ever.

He was indeed echoing a well recognized and universally accepted fact that your self-image is primarily a reflection of how you measure others, and how you assume you are being measured by them. This concept has been well recognized throughout the ages, and has been used by many well respected authorities over the years. Most recently, Dr. Wayne Dyer, who died within the last few years, quite often used the quotation in his talks while adding the following observation:

“Stop the judging and get out of your own way.”

There is little disagreement among the experts that this tendency of readily passing judgment on others is a reflection of our own insecurities, and our need to obtain validation for ourselves by blaming others. It provides us, at least at a subconscious level, with a feeling of justifiable reassurance and a conviction that if their actions are wrong then our action must be right. This tendency to judge or categorize others is in fact a very efficient way of justifying the authenticity of your own core self-image, since any conclusion arrived will not be challenged by you. This no doubt, was the reason why Viktor Frankl, the renowned Austrian neurologist, holocaust survivor and humanitarian, felt moved to advise us in his masterpiece, “Man’s search for Meaning:”

 “No man should judge unless he asks himself in absolute   honesty, whether in a similar situation he might not have done the same.”

         When we pass judgment on others, we are essentially focusing on their faults with a view to criticizing rather than complimenting them. In doing so, we clearly are acting against the person’s best interests. We are in fact acting selfishly, because the intention for taking this action is to find ‘fault’ in the person, so that we can subconsciously justify the ‘good’ in ourselves. For this reason, it is so important that before we consider judging anyone else, we should first ask ourselves if we are really justified in doing so. This advice is by no means unusual and has been repeated over and over by people throughout the ages. The problem is that we have yet to take it to heart.

Bob Marley, the great Jamaican reggae exponent, in a simple, unsophisticated but poignant manner drew attention to this fact when he commented:

“Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I am not perfect and I don’t live to be. But before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.”

It is always wrong to judge others in order to condemn them, or to find fault in them to justify your purpose. This is never acceptable and should always be rejected.

 The practice of judging others is universal and appears to be a deeply embedded human instinct. It has existed for as long as man himself has existed. In all of the surviving accounts of recorded history extending as far back as 1000 BCE, there are clear references to the practice of passing judgment among all the major civilizations and religions. The Holy Bible, in Matthew 7:1-5, Jesus bluntly and absolutely advises the following:

“Do not judge or you too will be judged.

For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged.

And with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?”

And in Judaism, the ten Days of Awe leading up to Yom Kippur, (Day of Atonement), are set aside for reflection on all one’s transgressions, including false judging, and for making amends.

While the Holy Koran has several references reflecting the commands of Allah in respect of judging others, such as: 

“Allah says: ‘O you who believe! If a wicked person comes to you with any news, ascertain the truth lest you harm people unwittingly.”  

The universal message is that the judging of others, under any circumstance, is perilous and ill-advised, and that the person who chooses to be judgmental is risking a great deal of personal pain and disappointment.

And even then, the correct action would be to pause and review the intentions, since such actions are never justifiable where there are underlying ulterior motives. A very popular approach is to follow these generally accepted four steps clearly laid out by an Unknown Author, before doing anything:

 

           “Before you assume anything, find out.   

                     Before you make a judgment, try to understand.

                     Before you hurt anyone, ask how it feels.   

                     Before you say anything, think about it.”

         This indeed, is the only way to assure that the natural inclination we all have buried deep in our psyche to prejudge anything and anyone who may represent a ‘threat’ to us is controlled. It is also the only way there is to ensure that we live in peace and harmony and without any regret subsequently. Dr. Gerald Jampolsky, the internationally recognized psychiatrist, inspirational speaker and author, eloquently offered the following explanation which clearly underscores the importance of doing so:

“When I am able to resist the temptation to judge others,

I can see them as teachers of forgiveness in my life, and reminds me that I can only have peace of mind when I forgive rather than judge.”

We will all do well to heed these words of wisdom and the world will certainly be a better place for all of us!

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