LIVING WITH MEMORIES

“Memories are the treasures locked deep within the storehouse of our souls; to keep our hearts warm when we are lonely.” 

         These beautiful and unforgettable words are commonly ascribed to Becky Aligada, about whom, except for this quotation by her, little   else is known. It speaks to the fact that our memories are the very foundation of our lives, the storehouse of all that has happened, and our reliable companion, especially in times of need.

Some time ago, I was reminded of the truth of the statement when I had the most satisfying and exhilarating experience of meeting with a colleague whom I had last seen more than fifty years ago when we both graduated from Medical School. Although we had not seen or communicated with each other for all this while, it was amazing how readily the memories of that period came flowing back and how easy we were able to recall events that had taken place so many years ago.

 Over the short span of a few hours we were able to restore and recall encounters, faces and events that had laid buried in our memory banks for so many years, and experience emotions that had remained dormant for just as long. For a brief period I was a young man again, reliving the past, savoring the faces and the visions of people and places I had not seen for more than five decades. I was again feeling and sharing the emotions that once dominated my life, and had remained buried for all these years by all my other subsequent life experiences. I was again that young, ambitious man, overflowing with confidence and determined to conquer my world. -For that moment in time, I had indeed fallen under the spell of the invincible power of Memories.

Many years ago I came across a memorable quotation which was recorded during one of the episodes of the popular television series, “The Wonder Years.”  It was originally recorded by the authors of the series, Neal Mariens and Carol Black and spoken by one of the lead characters, Kevin Arnold. He reminded everyone in the room:

  “Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love,

the things you are, the things you never want to lose”.

To me, this statement epitomizes in very simple terms, the truly basic meaning of memories of times gone by. In fact memories play a very fundamental role in the lives of every one of us. For it is from our memories that we learn how to live and to grow and to avoid impending dangers. It is by remembering past events in our lives and the outcomes of these events, that we improve, and acquire new skills. And equally, it is by remembering our mistakes and our missteps that we learn to correct ourselves. Memories serve to define us for who we are, and who we strive to be. And in the end, it is only by remembering what we, or others, have done or did not do, can we learn who we truly are, or want to be. Without good memories to fall back on, we are but empty vessels wasting our lives on a shelf.

But memories are very subjective and unless we are careful, they can become distorted over time by our attitudes and our interpretations. As the great American author Tennessee Williams, so correctly noted in his outstanding book, “the Glass Menagerie”:

“Memory takes a lot of poetic license. It omits some details and others are exaggerated according to the emotional value of the articles it touches. For memories are seated predominantly in the heart and the interior is therefore dim and poetic,”

Most of us have a tendency to take for granted the reliability of our memory and to assume that it will always serve us well. The truth is that even in optimum conditions, we generally remember only those things we want to remember, or that have impacted us, positively or negatively, in a significant way. All the other components just appear to fade out of sight, only to return under very special circumstances.

I have no doubt that we can all attest to instances where our memory of an event or situation is colored more by its effect on us than by the actual event. This is as a result of our instinctive tendency to suppress anything which may cause us pain or disappointment; so much so that, when it is recalled later, much of it appears to have been unconsciously erased. Extensive research has confirmed the unreliability and inconsistency of memory in accurately recording and reproducing an event. So much depends in fact, on the individual, his state of mind and the prevailing conditions that existed at the time. Because of this it becomes vitally important that we should all be very careful when giving total credence to the true veracity of a memory.

That not withstanding, memories occupy a very important and integral part of our lives and there is very little that we do that does not involve the use, in one way or another, of our memory. From the moment of waking and throughout the day, all our thoughts, actions or decisions are subject to, and under the influence of our memories. We choose what we wear, or what we eat or what we say by referring to our past memory and then deciding. The more complex the decision, the more dependent we are on our ability to process information from our memory banks. In fact some very well respected authorities have confidently attributed the fundamental difference between average and intelligent behavior to the individual’s ability to efficiently process his memories.

The outstanding German-born, Jewish author, philosopher and social critic Walter Benjamin, was more direct when he observed:

“Memory is not an instrument for surveying the past but it is a theater. It is the medium of past experiences, just as the earth is the medium in which dead cities lie buried. He who seeks to approach his own buried past must conduct himself like a man digging.”

It should be no surprise that anything which interferes with our memories will profoundly affect our behavior. We see this in a reversible form, following the use of alcohol, drugs and in clinical toxic states. We see it also in its most tragic and painful manifestation in the Chronic Brain Disorders associated with Alzheimer’s Dementia, Organic and Traumatic Brain diseases or Stroke manifested with its progressive disintegration of basic memory function and replacement with chaos and confusion.  Anyone who has had to spend any time taking care of such people will be forever traumatized by the appalling damage that results from the loss of the memory systems.

These diseases underline the classical effect of the power of memory in our lives and the supreme tragedy that occurs when it is lost. Charles Baudelaire, the eminent nineteenth century French poet and critic, who was often described as being antisocial, anti religious, anti establishment, and who in fact, spent his life living that way, most eloquently described this tragedy in his own life as he slowly recognized his brain being progressively consumed with Syphilis contracted as a young man. He described this in the following terms:

"How little remains of the man I once was, save the memory of him.

 But then remembering is only a new form of suffering." 

         Tragically, it does not require any stretch of imagination to recognize that any one of us is but one incident away from this catastrophe happening to us. All the more reason that we must all do what is necessary to safeguard our memories for as long as we possibly can. We can try to achieve this by doing all we can to keep our memories alive and taking every opportunity to recall and remind ourselves of events that meant so much to us. When I reflect on this, I often recall the words of the highly acclaimed 1973 romantic drama movie entitled “The Way We Were” and its award-winning song of the same name, with its truly sensitive and heart-felt chorus:

   

“Memories, light the corners of my mind.

Misty watercolor memories of the way we were. Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind, smiles we gave to one another for the way we were. Can it be that it was all so simple then, or has time rewritten every line?”

Too many of us choose to spend our entire lives living from day to day, and from incident to incident, without ever showing concern about their effects on our lives and our memories. We live for today only, and show no regard for the past or the future. This is a tragic state of affairs that will inevitably lead to unsatisfactory consequences. For without good memories to fall back on, life becomes unbearable and tedious. All the more reason to heed the words of the great American folk singer/songwriter and social commentator, Bob Dylan who so wisely advised the world:

“Take care of all your memories, you can never relive them.”

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