ACCEPTING MORTALITY The Final Journey

“There is a dignity in dying that no one should dare to deny. For death begins with Life’s first breath”

     

The above statement by an Unknown Author has always impressed me for its profound simplicity and dramatic accuracy, and deserves much more than passing notice. We need to recognize that it is only in the minds of scientists and in science fiction believers that such things as time machines exist and that in fact, there is absolutely nothing we can do to change the certainty of death. And even though, by using our ability to think, explore and invent we are capable to some extent of prolonging the future, we cannot deny that there are so many variables that are so completely beyond our control that makes any consideration of interfering with the cycle of life and death, an exercise in total futility.

As I have stated previously, I believe life is a precious expression of a greater plan in which our time spent on earth is but a short segment of a journey which began in eternity and will continue to eternity. Because of this, I see the process of dying, not as the end of the journey, but merely a stage along its path, and as such I view my role as a physician and a person, to do my best to facilitate this passage for all concerned. Sri Chinmoy Kumar Ghose, the great Indian spiritual teacher and philosopher who recently died, described this concept of continuity in far more exquisite terms when he observed that:

"Death is not the end. Death can never be the end.
Death is the road. Life is the traveler. The Soul is the Guide."

Too often we allow feelings of anger, petty rivalry, suspicion or revenge to cloud our thinking and prevent us from sharing and expressing our true feelings at this important time. This is a shame, for by not doing this; we cheat ourselves and the dying person, and we set in motion negative feelings which stay with us long after the death has occurred. Under any circumstances this is wrong and regrettable. We should instead, be striving to correct these feelings, remove these obstacles and make every effort to come to terms with our differences, so that when the journey ends, so too will our anger and bitterness. In truth, if we really believe in the continuity of life, we must agree with the words of the great Irish poet and author, Arthur Joyce Cary when he wrote:

“Look at life as a gift from God. Now he wants it back, I have no right to complain.”

        

The great Italian Renaissance painter and intellectual genius, Leonardo da Vinci, was more accurate on the subject of life and death when he observed that:

“While I thought that I was learning how to live,

I have been learning how to die”

This statement, though initially appearing to be paradoxical, in fact contains a fundamental truth which we should not hesitate to unconditionally accept. For if we believe there is a divine plan that begins with birth, it would be impossible to deny that there will not be a plan in preparation for the end. Similar views are held by a whole range of completely different and unrelated religions; Lord Buddha many centuries ago in his teachings, offered profound advice that remains as relevant today as ever before, when he observed:

 “We begin to die from the moment we are born and from that moment we should be preparing for the final event.”

Unfortunately very few of today’s ‘advanced’ societies allow for this truth, and in fact, they tend to encourage the very opposite, that life should be lived as if it has no end. We give lip service to the inevitability of death, but live our lives as if this fact just does not apply to our living. So it is no surprise that when the time comes we are so deeply consumed with fears and regrets that we lose the ability to accept the moment of truth. Compounding this is the fact that too often, those of us who are in a position to help the patient during this period tend to hold back on providing the appropriate information and guidance, often treating it as an inconvenient truth, for fear of upsetting the patient or the family. Rather, we prefer to choose the safer path of being non-committal and hope that we can get by without being challenged. By doing this we are contributing to further unnecessary suffering and to the lingering pain which stays on long after the loved one has passed on. 

      Yet the undeniable truth is that in the end we must all anticipate the inevitability of death as an integral part of living and as such we must, as we have done in every other aspect of our living, make preparations for its arrival. The great majority of us still choose to remain with our heads buried in clouds of ambiguity and uncertainty, preferring to admit lack of knowledge and understanding. It is this neglect of preparation that constitutes the most powerful reason that so many of us reach this final stage of our life so insecure and so frightened about the thought of crossing over. Had we been given the opportunity to learn how to do so, there will surely have been far less fear and uncertainty. The most powerful reminder of this fact is contained in a simple statement in the Holy Gospel, in The Book of Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3, Verse 1:

"For everything there is a season, and

 a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die.”

      But irrespective of one’s belief system, one fact is constant and predictable, and that is, as a good friend is fond of reminding me in his very unscientific yet effective way that:

“Sooner or later we will all be entering the departure lounge, and waiting for our names to be called.”

  Humans, unlike all the other members of the Animal Kingdom, find it difficult to accept and adapt to the reality of dying and as a result experience greater pain and suffering. The animal, whether it is the mighty Lion or the humble Otter, will pause to acknowledge the loss of a companion, and then continue along its way. Humans, by and large, are so preoccupied with the pleasures of living and personal self gratification, that they either ignore or suppress the reality that death is a reality which cannot be avoided or worse, ignored in the believe that they can somehow fool it. It is no surprise therefore, that most of us arrive on that final departure packed with so many regrets that we tend to lose the real impact of the experience until the final moment of ‘boarding’ has arrived.

      In 2009, an Australian nurse, *Bronnie Ware, published a brief internet essay based on her 10 year experience as a Hospice nurse entitled “The Top Regrets of the Dying,” in which she recorded the five most common regrets expressed by her patients as they approached death. This was so well received that two years later she expanded her presentation into publishing a book under the same title. In a simple, very personal way, she identified the most common regrets expressed by her patients and their need and desire to have them addressed before the final event occurs. She also spent some time reminding us that with some effort it was possible to avoid these unfortunate situations and die with peace of mind and dignity, if we took care to make the right choices during our lifetime. She further reaffirmed the truth, which anyone working in the field will readily confirm, that even in dying, with some effort, it was possible to help the person to achieve peace and acceptance. In a very personal and deeply sensitive way, she recorded the following observation in her essay: 

“I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.”

      In my own personal life, I have witnessed the peace of mind and calm that comes from the acceptance of the inevitable, and the subsequent joy and celebration of the life of the departed which followed. Above all, I appreciated the good memories that seem to remain with me long after, and have cherished the good feelings they imparted. And even more satisfying, in a few instances along the way, I have also witnessed the overnight metamorphosis that took place where an angry, aggressive, antagonistic patient was abruptly transformed into a peaceful, caring and accepting person, on a few occasions after he reported having experienced a “spiritual” visit. The joy and relief that radiated throughout the family after such an occurrence was truly indescribable, as the home was transformed forever from a prison of sadness into a place of love and caring. But alas, I have also shared the deep excruciating pain and torment of one who could not and would not accept the truth, and who fought to the very end, cursing his lot, his luck, his life and his God. That pain lingers on forever, and I and the family are robbed of all the good memories of his life that could have been, but were buried by the unrequited resentment.

Compounding this issue, there is a difference in the approach to death between the Eastern and Western cultures that needs to be viewed. it is clear to me that quite unlike most of the Eastern societies where dying is considered to be an integral part of life; the Western attitude is one of denying and ignoring its relevance in favor of living at all cost. You begin to wonder which of these views is really the more “civilized” culturally. There is a growing tendency in this modern society, where so much amazing and wonderful discoveries are being made on a daily basis, and where there appears to be increasing optimism that we will be able to replace and restore destroyed and dying organs at will, that perhaps ultimately one day in the future, we will be able to defeat death itself.

The most extreme form of this thinking is the increasing interest in the concept of Cryonics where the recently deceased body is preserved in extremely cold temperatures until such time as science catches up with the ability to restore and renew life itself. Recently an international group of 68 leading scientists, speaking for themselves, from such institutes as MIT, Harvard, NASA, Oxford and Cambridge, among many others worldwide, issued a signed declaration which stated their belief that Cryogenic is a “legitimate science-based endeavor,” and that:

“…there is a credible possibility that cryogenics performed under the best conditions achievable today, can preserve sufficient neurological information to permit eventual restoration of a person to full health.”

While I endorse and welcome all the scientific advancements that have occurred and encourage aggressive research designed to improve the quality of life, I fear that we might find ourselves further lulled into a sense of security that death is indeed not inevitable and that it could be avoided.

 Already we increasingly try to cover up the signs of aging with cosmetics and surgery, and we have no hesitation to reverse some of nature’s fundamental changes with the ambitious use of powerful hormones in a concerted attempt to stay young. This might well serve to prolong the inevitable, and improve the quality of life. This obviously will be a desirable goal for us all to achieve, but it will not change the outcome. We must never lose sight of this fact, nor should we ever abandon our responsibility to prepare ourselves and those around us to the inevitability of our destiny in God’s ultimate plan. 

Michelangelo of Lodovico, the Italian born grand master whose name is synonymous with the Renaissance Period and whose sculptures, paintings, architecture and poetry are treasured all over the world, recorded one of the finest descriptions of the relationship of life and death I have ever seen: 

“If we have been pleased with life, we should not be displeased with death, since it comes from the hand of the same master.”

No one who believes in God should need any further proof.

  

       

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