A NEW YEAR’S TOAST AND A PRAYER

 “You will still be eating last year’s harvest, when you will have to move it out to make room for the New.”

        

          These words contained in the Holy Bible in Leviticus 26:10, symbolize the true meaning of the New Year’s Day. It is that special time when the world enters into a new calendar year, and, as we try to leave our bad memories and our unfulfilled wishes behind us, we are enthusiastically hoping for new opportunities to come our way and fulfill our dreams and our wishes.

This is a time of celebrating that commonly occurs around the world when people, wherever they are, observe not only the end of one year but the beginning of a new year. It is a time when we all, without exception, are overflowing with hopes and dreams of a new year bringing with it success and happiness, and washing away the pains and the failures of the year gone by. Each one of us, in our own special way, will take the time to reflect on the past year, trying to set things as straight as we can in our minds, acknowledging the things that went right, and reviewing or denying those that were wrong. Irrespective of who we are, we all take the time to pray that, as the New Year is ushering in, we will hopefully see the fulfillment of all our dreams, hopes and wishes.

         The world recognizes this annual renewal of this time as an integral part of the cycle of life, and with it, a renewal of life itself, irrespective of the particular culture, belief or religion of the individual. The majority of the world’s religions set aside this period to celebrate the change over from one calendar year to another. The Western world and some African countries which follow the Gregorian Calendar observe the New Year, January 1^st as the beginning of each calendar year, while the Eastern and Far Eastern cultures which follow the Lunar Calendar observe days that change from year to year:  

-The Christians all over the world celebrate the first day of January as New Years day.

- The Chinese, adhering strictly to the lunar calendar, will celebrate their new year anytime between January 21 and February 20 and assign a different name for each succeeding year.

-The Jews, celebrate their day as Rosh Hashanah (Head of the Year) in September or October of each year.

-The Moslems, identify their New Year as Muharram (Rebirth) held in spring, usually during March.

-The Hindu New Year, Pahela Baishakh, is held in April to coincide with the start of the harvest season.

But despite the wide differences in the reasons and timing of the events, and in the secular celebrations which accompany all of them, there are deep, common spiritual roots going back for centuries. They underlie recognition of the fundamental psychological change from the end of one year and the start of another. Notwithstanding all the glitter and sparkle that is built around these celebrations, there is a basic fundamental impetus for recognizing the birth of a new year; for Christians, it reflects back to the Birth of the Son of God, and for non-Christians, the Return of the Sun. In both instances, the sincere hope is that there will be a dramatic change from the life before to the new life, yet to unfold.

More than 4000 years ago, the Babylonians in Mesopotamia’s celebrated their ‘New Year’ on the Vernal Equinox in late march, when the day and night were equal and considered to be the beginning of the New Year. The ancient Romans used the Ides of March as the start of their year with several celebrations honoring their God, Janus, the two-faced God who sees the past and the future. The ancient Chinese actually named and celebrated each New Year, a practice that continues to the present. In the Indian continent, the New Year coincided the season of harvest, a time of plenty and of fulfillment. Even the Heathen believers, who reject all religions, recognize December 21^st, ‘where the veils between the worlds are at their thinnest’, as their New Year.

         The current New Year’s Day celebrations have over the centuries acquired traditions which, although different in the different cultures, are all designed to signify the end of the old and welcome the new:

The Chinese and most of the Far East, welcomed the year with an abundance of noise using guns, firecrackers and drums with the intention of driving out the forces of darkness and allowing the light of the New Year to come in. The Western Cultures also celebrate the birth of the New Year with equally noisy enthusiasm using a variety of noise-making methods including, sirens, musical instruments, church bells and party horns. The celebrations invariably involve sharing of food, drinking and merriment and are all accompanied with the declarations of resolutions for change; the great majority of which will never see the light of day. This was simply, but brilliantly categorized by a Unknown Author in the following way:

“A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”

         In past years, the fact that the New Year followed so closely to the celebration of the birth of Christ, carried profound meaning in the life of most Christians. It was a time when Christians were encouraged to engage in crucial reflection on the state of their souls, the life they led, and ultimately, their mortality. In fact, this period was considered to be the focal point of the Christian calendar. There were no exuberant celebrations, nor was there the abandoned reckless behavior, with an abundance of food and drink that has become the hallmark of today’s activities. Instead, this was a solemn time of reflection of events now past, and the need to continue preparing for the relentless march to mortality. The great German 18^th century author and satirist Jean Paul Richter placed this feeling in the right context when he wrote:

“Every man regards his own life as the New Year’s Eve of time.”

Martin Luther, the famous German theologian and one of the leaders of the Protestant Reformation, very neatly summarized the true meaning of the New Year in the following quotation:

“Glory to God in the highest heaven,

Who unto man, his Son hath given,

While angels sing with tender mirth;

-A glad New Year to all the earth.”

        

Unfortunately, the recent times have seen an almost complete reversal of the true meaning and with it, the more solemn reference to past life and future direction that previously existed. Instead, we have become willing participants of events wallowing in excesses of jubilation and of liquor; where the prevailing attitude centers on ‘having an uninhibited time on New Year’s Eve, and then turn over a new leaf on New Year’s Day’. We have somehow convinced ourselves that God should play no role since this is not a time to pray, but a time of welcoming the change from past to present with noise, alcohol and promiscuity. Even the symbol of Father Time, an old man armed with a scythe and a New Born Baby at his side is reminiscent of another secular characterization, the Grim Reaper, rendering it closer to pagan traditions.

         To me, as the transition from the old to the new takes place, any celebrating that occurs must of necessity be combined with a time for genuine reflection. Clearly there is need to celebrate the birth of a New Year with all the promises of good things to follow. But before we can do so, we must also recognize all the trials and tribulations of the year gone by, and we must free ourselves from all the bad memories of bitterness, rancor and hate we acquired during the year. Without doing this, we cannot consider entering into the pristine world of the coming New Year and hope to do any better than we had done before. It is only by reflection, can we identify those things that must be changed, or learn about those things we must do in order to make full use of this time of new beginnings and hope to achieve full meaning to our life.

         So instead of the current wild abandonment, and uninhibited orgies of behavior that seems to be the exclusively popular choice for ushering the New Year, it will be so much more rewarding to temper the celebrating with a period of genuine reflection on your past, serious projections on your present needs, and above all, begin profound consideration of your ultimate mortality. Indeed it is a happy moment in every person’s life to be able to toast the dawn of yet another year, but in the long run, this will be of very little consequence if the toast is not combined with an earnest prayer for the recognition of the needs and changes in your life. The very influential American author and social critic, Justin Brooks Atkinson summarized the impact and disposition of these events of the past year in these terms:

“Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past.

Let it go, for it was imperfect and thank God, it can go.”

-This is undoubtedly the most appropriate approach we should all adopt to this special event in our lives. We will all be far better served by releasing all the imperfections and mistakes of the past year, and instead, thank God for the opportunity to try again.

-A HAPPY AND MEANINGFUL NEW YEAR TO ALL-

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GOODWILL AT CHRISTMAS

“You who bring good tidings to Jerusalem,

Lift up your voice with a shout,

lift it up and do not be afraid;

Say to the towns of Judah: "Here is your God!”

This statement, taken from Isaiah 40:9, encapsulates the true meaning of the wonderful season of Christmas. Since the 3^rd century AD, a period to rejoice at the birth of Jesus Christ, the Savior was set aside and formally designated by the Christian Church for all true Christians to acknowledge and celebrate the coming of the Son of God. Although this has continued in some form since then, it has never succeeded in fulfilling the true spirit of this occasion.

      In the early days, in keeping with prevailing customs, the celebrations were always held in public gatherings, and to a large extent incorporated the existing pagan rites of Winter Solstice by equating the birth of Jesus to the birth of the good Season. But by the early 19^th century, the focus of activity gradually changed as it became more family centered and less public oriented. They were also accompanied by such added traditions as exchanging gifts, decorating the homes, attending church, and giving gifts to charity. It was a time of true sharing and religious celebrating, when families attended church services, exchanged greetings and Christmas cards, enjoyed meals together and went from home to home offering greetings and singing Christmas carols. This was a time when the spirit of Christmas truly prevailed and the feelings of goodwill to all were paramount.

Since the end of World War II however, Christmas has been gradually losing its image as a time of sharing and caring and has instead become increasingly overtaken by a slowly rising tide of commercialization and secularism while rapidly replacing whatever religious meaning it ever had. In fact today, although 9 of 10 Americans still celebrate the holiday of Christmas, only 1 of 10 will do so as a truly religious celebration. Even the public displays of Jesus’ birth in the nativity scenes that were formally prominent throughout, have virtually disappeared. The spirit of the season that had been previously so important to the community is rapidly fading into oblivion.

Instead, Christmas has become just one more excuse for corporations to sell more things and for people to spend more money. Any sharing with family and friends has been replaced by massive traffic jams, packed shopping malls, and lines stretching around the block. These have become the hallmarks of the holiday season, even as the original reason of celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ has faded. Even uglier, are the “special sales announcements” used to herald the start of season which are appearing earlier and earlier and regularly lead to more pandemonium and chaos. All of this deliberately designed by the corporations, banks and credit card companies to convince us to spend more and more, and owe more and more.

     

For me however, as I grow older, Christmas is a time for my family and myself. The powerful feeling of family is never any stronger than at midnight of Christmas-eve when, gathered with all of them we welcome, together with all the faithful of the Christian world, the glad and glorious tidings of the birth of our Lord. This is a time of sharing and caring, of exchanging expressions of love and gratitude and cherishing all the blessings that we enjoyed.

But Christmas is more than just an opportunity for family to gather together and share the joy and love of one another. It is an opportunity for us all to take the time and reflect upon the message of the season, as announced by the angels to the shepherds on that fateful night in Luke 2:14:

“Glory to God in the highest,

 And on earth, peace and good will toward men."

This message was addressed to all of us without exception, and was meant for us to take to heart; words that should mean so much to every God-fearing individual: “Glory to God” and “Peace and Goodwill to all men.”

Unfortunately, in the same way we have deliberately exploited the opportunity to distort and commercialize Christmas, we have also successfully buried this beautiful command from God of “Peace on earth and Goodwill to all men” into the mud of greedy exploitation. For as we enter this season, instead of peace on earth, we have wars raging among nations and religions, in every corner of the world, and others even within the nations or religions them-selves. In fact, peace appears to be the most elusive commodity in the whole world today.

So too, are our leaders, irrespective of whether they were elected by the people or otherwise. We grant the prestigious Nobel Peace Prize to one of our Presidents and he promptly increased the size and extent of the war in Afghanistan. We are spending more money on building greater and greater weapons, or higher and higher walls, than we are feeding and housing our neighbors or trying to keep them healthy.

 We have clearly not learnt any lessons from the past wars and conflicts, nor do we seem to give more than lip service to the mounting death toll and worse still, the mounting numbers of young men and women whose horrendous injuries are an abomination to humanity. Nor are we seriously concerned about the rampant spread of elicit drug usage and the resulting death and destruction they are causing. --- And we do this all, in the name of freedom and democracy!

      And as to goodwill to all men; few of us have taken the time to understand its true meaning. We appear to specifically prefer the most successful, the most notorious and the most aggressive people as the ones deserving the recognition. We happily appoint men and women of very questionable morals as our leaders in politics, sports and business and men and women of equally questionable character as our great entertainers, showering them with our money and adoration. Yet we ignore the millions of people who go from one day to another not knowing if food is available to feed their children.

-They somehow seem not to deserve or qualify for peace and goodwill.

We glorify the freedom we enjoy of owning arsenals of deadly weapons but give little regard to the wanton death and destruction they cause to our children, our schools and our neighborhoods. Even worse than this, is the lopsided attitude of our governments towards the care and support of society. We will unhesitatingly spend billions of dollars to support the greedy incompetence of our financial leaders, including handsomely rewarding them with large bonuses and tax cuts for destroying the world’s economies. Yet we do not raise a finger to help the increasing pool of our friends and neighbors forced into failure and bankruptcy. -Where in God’s name, is the goodwill toward men?

        

So as we enter this season of Christmas, a season chosen by God to remind us of our own responsibility towards our brothers and our neighbors, let us all commit to live by his words. That we will all strive, by word and by deed, to ensure peace on earth, and do whatever and whenever we can, all that we are capable of doing, to restoring good will toward men. Perhaps we could all learn a lesson from the poignant  words of the remarkable and gifted American author, lecturer and public activist, Helen Keller, who despite being a deaf/blind from birth,  spent her whole life in seeking peace and goodwill on behalf of all those in need, when she declared:

“The only blind person at Christmas time;

 Is he who does not have Christmas in his heart.”

-None of us who claim to be Christian need to be deaf or blind to truly understand or live our lives in fulfillment of those truly beautiful and sincere words: “Peace and Goodwill to all Men.”

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ACCEPTING MORTALITY - ON DEATH AND DYING

“The darkness of death is like an evening twilight. It makes all objects more lovely to the dying.”

            These beautifully perceptive words were recorded by the 18^th century German poet and author, Johan Paul Richter (Jean Paul) in his masterpiece The Invisible Lodge, which detailed his own personal spiritual crisis. It describes an experience that most people who have worked with the dying will readily confirm; that at the final moment of life, there is a peace of acceptance as the spirit moves on.      Death is the single, most certain event in the life of every single living creature on this earth. While some of us will die in ways beyond our control, most of us will be aware of our final moments, and contrary to the prevailing beliefs, only a very few unfortunate ones will not be able to surrender control, and depart this life in a state of true submission.

         In my own personal professional life I have witnessed the peace of mind and calm that comes from the acceptance of the inevitable, and the subsequent joy and celebration of the life of the departed which followed. Above all, I appreciated the good memories that will remain with me long after, and cherished the good feelings they imparted. And even more gratifying have been those few instances along the way when I also witnessed the overnight metamorphosis that took place where an angry, aggressive, antagonistic patient was abruptly transformed into a peaceful, caring and accepting person, sometimes after he reported having experienced a “spiritual” visit. The feelings of joy and relief that resulted, and radiated throughout the family after such an occurrence was truly indescribable. But I have also shared the deep excruciating pain and torment of a few unfortunate ones who could not, and would not accept the truth, and who fought to the very end, cursing their lot, their luck, their life and their God. That pain lingers on forever, and I and the family, are robbed of all the good memories of a life that could have been, but were buried by the unrequited resentments.

         Our general attitude to the concept of death and dying has never been honest or realistic. Although we all readily accept and recognize that death is inevitable, yet we all seem to behave that this is not really the case, or at least hope in some way, that it does not apply to us. Most of us are so concerned in spending our lives in the pursuit of living and in satisfying our needs and our desires, that we seem totally oblivious of the fact that it will someday come to an end. In fact, we actually spend a great deal of our time actively trying to avoid thinking about dying, and when we do so, it will invariably be about someone else. We steadfastly resist thinking or projecting about our own mortality, almost as if at a subconscious level at least, we are hoping for immortality. We all seem to have a deep-seated fear of dying and that colors our thinking and goes a long way to preventing us from facing the truth. We show this in our daily living by our unmistakable tendency to banish any thought or reference to dying and hope by so  doing, to eliminate the possibility of it affecting us. We are of course, sadly mistaken, for whether or not we believe in the inevitability of death, each and every one of us will face that moment whenever the appointed time arrives. This is precisely what the great Roman-Syrian orator Publilius Syrus was alluding to when he advised:

“The fear of death is worse than death itself.”

         Unfortunately, the attitudes to death and dying by most of the modern societies have undergone very drastic changes over the last few centuries of civilization. In the past, and to some extent, still existing in many of the Eastern cultures, the dying individual will be kept at home, surrounded by family and friends tending to their comfort and listening to everything said. Children were brought in and encouraged to be actively involved. Death was therefore familiar to all and was calmly accepted as a common destiny of all of mankind. The experience that results for all in attendance, although intense and conclusive, achieved acceptance for them, and provided them with opportunities for personal reflection on their own mortality.

But in the last two centuries, the rapid economic and scientific changes brought about by the industrial revolution forced a rethinking on many of the familiar ways of life, including the attitudes toward death and dying. Instead of death being seen as a common destiny of all the species, the scientific advances have encouraged a desire to preserve life at all cost and by all means. At the same time, there has been a shift in society’s attitude to death from one of sharing the experience with the individual, to one of protecting all those around from experiencing the disturbing and painful exposure to dying and death. The result is that, instead of dying at home, fully surrounded by familiar faces, death occurred in sterile impersonal places like hospitals or nursing homes; usually alone and unsupported. This has resulted in a gradual loss of the dignity for death and an increasing alienation of people from the idea of the acceptance of mortality.

            Sigmund Freud, the renowned German psychiatrist who is considered to be the father of modern psychoanalysis, in 1918 quoted in a paper on death, the ancient popular Latin proverb, “Si vis vitam, para mortem,” which loosely translates to:

“If you want to experience life, prepare for death.”

He was making the point that to truly experience and respect life, one cannot ignore the reality of death being an integral part of life. But more and more, this original concept of the dignity in death is being assaulted, and instead, an attitude of resentment to dying has taken hold. The feeling that death should never be allowed to take place, if at all possible, is rapidly gaining credence among scientists and other leaders. This serves only to extend the suffering and alienate and confuse others with wrong expectations. We are at risk of losing that noble dignity that once dominated our expectations; that dying was a natural extension of living and that life continues beyond. This attitude is clearly reflected by the very sensitive observation of Albert Einstein, the outstanding theoretical physicist and a genuine philosopher in his own right, when he noted:

“Our death is not an end if we can live in our children and the younger generation. For they are us; our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life.”

In 1969, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist and pioneer in death and dying studies, published a book on this subject  in which she detailed the five stages of grief an individual will generally go through during the period of dying. It has become a gold standard in the understanding of death and dying and is being used all over the world. The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, anticipatory grief/depression and withdrawal, then leading ultimately to acceptance and coming to terms with death as a natural part of the life cycle. Although the order and the duration of each stage may be different, there appears to be a consistency in their occurring. If these stages are allowed to take place with the presence and support of friends and family, then the transition from life to death will be made easier and the subsequent remorse will be much lighter. But, if, as often happens in the current settings of hospital or nursing home isolation, they take effect without support, the experience is invariably much less acceptable to all.

In 2009, an Australian nurse, Bronnie Ware, published a brief internet essay based on her 10 years of experience as a Hospice nurse entitled “The Top Regrets of the Dying,” in which she recorded the five most common regrets expressed by her patients as they approached death. This was so well received that two years later she expanded her presentation into publishing a book under the same title. In a simple, very personal way, she identified the most common regrets expressed by her patients and their need and desire to have them addressed before the final event occurs. She also spent some time reminding us that with some effort, it was possible to avoid these unfortunate situations and die with peace of mind and dignity by taking care to make the right choices during our lifetime. She further reaffirmed the truth, which anyone working in the field will readily confirm, that even in dying, with some effort, it was possible to help the person to achieve peace and acceptance. In a very personal and deeply sensitive way, she recorded the following reassuring observation in her essay: 

“I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually true acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.”

Professor James L. Hallenbeck,  a leading authority in palliative care and the study of end-of-life issues, noted that people tend to lose their senses in a certain predictable order. They will lose hunger and thirst first, followed by speech then vision, but the sensations of hearing and touch will usually linger on to the very end. This clearly underlines the very real need for all concerned to understand that even to the very last moment of life when awareness appears to have ebbed away, the dying person is still able to feel and hear. So rather then standing by in silence, the need to continue to express feelings of love and comfort, and engage in personal touching and support are paramount in making the transition easier. This finding completely contradicts the present-day attitudes of placing our dying in the ‘sterile’ isolation of the hospital or nursing home under the care of trained personnel. For although we have succeeded in optimizing the physical care of the individual, we are sacrificing the all-important last words and feelings that may mean so much to the individual and the family at this stage.

       There is a growing tendency in these days with so much amazing and wonderful discoveries are being made on a daily basis, and where there appears to be increasing optimism that we will be able to replace and restore destroyed and dying organs at will, that perhaps ultimately, one day in the future, we will be able to defeat death itself. Already we increasingly try to cover up the signs of aging with cosmetics and surgery, and we have no hesitation to reverse some of nature’s fundamental changes with the ambitious use of powerful hormones in a concerted attempt to stay young. This might well serve to prolong the inevitable moment and improve the quality of life, which obviously are desirable goals for us all to achieve, but it will not change the outcome. We must never lose sight of this fact, nor should we ever abandon our responsibility to prepare ourselves and those around us to the basic inevitability of our destiny in God’s ultimate plan. 

In the end however, few will ever be bold enough to deny the inevitability of death as part of the cycle of life, and it is left entirely to each person to come to his own decision with regard to the events that will happens afterwards. I personally, like so many others,  prefer to share the view of Michelangelo of Lodovico, the Italian born grand-master, whose name is synonymous with the Renaissance Period and whose sculptures, paintings, architecture and poetry are treasured all over the world. Before he died he recorded one of the finest descriptions of the deeply spiritual relationship of life and death I have ever seen or heard: 

“If we have been pleased with life, we should not be displeased with death, since it comes from the hand of the same master.”

-No one who believes in God should need any further proof or explanation, and no God-fearing person should ever be afraid to cross over when his name is called!

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KINDLY SHARE THIS, AND THE OTHER 2 ESSAYS

ON THIS SUBJECT, WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY. 

ALSO IF POSSIBLE, BEGIN A DISCUSSION ON THEM. THIS MAY BE THE BEST THING YOU WILL DO, FOR YOURSELF AND FOR THEM.

ACCEPTING MORTALITY - THE JOURNEY

“There is a dignity in dying that no one should dare to deny. For death begins with Life’s first breath”

     

This statement recorded by an Unknown Author has always been a clear and direct guide for me on the delicate subject of death as the end of the journey of life. Its profound simplicity and dramatic accuracy deserves much more than passing notice, especially in these times when some scientists are trying to convince us that death can be thwarted and life prolonged or possibly prevented. This denial of mortality, in my mind, contravenes the very fundamental principle that although, by using our abilities to think, explore and invent, we are capable of modifying the length of life to some degree, we cannot deny the fact, that because of so many variables beyond our control, any attempt to interfere with the cycle of life and death will be an exercise in total futility.

 Human Beings, unlike all the other members of the Animal Kingdom, find it difficult to accept and adapt to the reality of dying and as a result experience greater pain and suffering following the loss of another. The animal, whether it is the mighty Lion or the humble Otter, will pause to acknowledge the loss of a companion, and then continue along its way in search of its next meal. Humans, by and large, are so preoccupied with the pleasures of living and personal gratification that they ignore or suppress the reality that death is inevitable, or worse, there are some who genuinely believe or hope that they can somehow fool it. The result is that most of us arrive on that final departure so unprepared and loaded down with so many unresolved regrets that we tend to lose the real impact of the experience until the final moment of departure has arrived. Death, instead of being an event that should be anticipated with adequate preparation, becomes a frightening, painful, unwelcome intrusion.

The great Italian Renaissance painter and intellectual genius, Leonardo da Vinci, was precise and accurate on the subject of life and death when he observed that: “While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.” This statement, though initially appearing to be paradoxical, in fact contains a fundamental truth which we should not hesitate to unconditionally accept. For if we believe there is a divine plan that begins with birth, it would be impossible to deny that there will also not be a designated end. Contrary to the general belief, this view is not limited to the Western cultures but is held by a whole range of completely different and unrelated Eastern and African cultures. Buddha, for example, many centuries ago in his teachings, offered a similarly profound advice that remains as relevant today as ever before, when he observed:

 “We begin to die from the moment we are born and from that moment we should be preparing for the final event.”

         Despite this, a variety of confusing and conflicting concepts of death have continued to actively engage the attention of mankind throughout the full spectrum of survival on earth and to produce a wide assortment of interpretations ranging from nothingness to personal or spiritual reincarnation. On the one hand, the Nihilists are convinced that death is absolute with nothing to follow, while the Buddhists view death simply as a change of life to replace the one that has been used up, ultimately leading to a transition into another life, where they can continue to work on dissolving their karma. The Christian, Jewish and Moslem traditions however view death as merely a portal to earn entry to eternal life in heaven. But whatever the reasoning offered, there can be no denial that death as an integral part of life, has a purpose beyond being the end of current living. The great 19th century English scholar and author Professor J.R.R.Tolkien, a prolific visionary in the classic field of high fantasy, very wisely expressed his views on this subject in the following observation:

 “The journey does not end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take.”

 And Sri Chinmoy Kumar Ghose, the late great Indian spiritual teacher and philosopher, whose prolific writings and teachings were recognized internationally, exquisitely described a similar concept on the continuity of the journey of life and death when he observed that:

"Death is not the end. Death can never be the end.

Death is the road. Life is the traveler. The Soul is the Guide."

My own view is not very different but more definitive, as I have stated repeatedly: “I believe life is a precious expression of a greater plan in which our time spent on earth is but a short segment of a journey which began in eternity and will continue to eternity.” Because of this, I see the process of dying, not as the end of the journey, but merely a stage along the path of the journey, and as such I view my role as a physician and a person, to do my best to facilitate this passage for all concerned. Far too often we arrive at this stage so overwhelmed with feelings of anger, pettiness, rivalry, suspicion or revenge clouding our thinking and preventing us from sharing and expressing our true feelings at this important time. This obviously is an unfortunate state for any one of us to be in at this time. For by doing this we cheat ourselves and others who care about us, of those last precious and vital moments, and set in motion negative feelings which stay with us long after death has occurred.

This situation is always an undesirable and regrettable one, for it invariably leaves everybody with unresolved feelings of loss that will affect subsequent relationships for a long time after. Instead, we should be striving to correct these feelings, remove these obstacles, and make every effort to come to terms with our differences, so that when this journey ends, so too will our anger and bitterness. In truth, if we really believe in the existence of a God and the continuity of life, we should willingly and confidently be able to share the words of the great Irish poet and author, Arthur Joyce Cary when he proclaimed:

“Look at life as a gift from God. Now he wants it back, I have no right to complain.”

        

For instead of having to suffer from the fear and anguish that invariably accompanies the person who is ill-prepared, it would be so much better to take the time to enlighten and to educate ourselves well before this time arrives.

Unfortunately very few of today’s ‘advanced’ societies allow for this truth, but instead, they tend to encourage the very opposite.  We give lip service to the inevitability of death, but try to live our lives believing that it should be lived as if it has no end.  It is no surprise then, that when the time comes, we are so deeply consumed with fears and regrets for having to lose it, that we have great difficulty to accept the moment of truth when it arrives. Adding to this is the fact that, too often those of us who are in a position to help the individual and others around, during this period to adjust and understand, are inclined to hold back from providing the appropriate information and guidance. We choose instead, to follow the prevailing attitude and treat it as a ‘medically inconvenient truth’, for fear of upsetting the patient or the family. We prefer to choose the safer path of being non-committal and hope that we can get by without having to be unduly challenged. But by doing this we end up contributing to further the unnecessary suffering and pain which will linger on long after the loved one has passed on.

Society, as a whole, prefers to shy away from this onerous responsibility and takes no steps to correct any false ideas or to introduce positive ones. Yet in fact, correcting attitudes is not an impossible task to initiate, if there is a will to do so. It requires a concerted effort on all parts to be truthful, open and sincere in order   to blunt the fear and confusion that exists. For the undeniable truth is that in the end we must all anticipate the inevitability of death as an integral part of living and as such we must, as we have done in every other aspect of our living to ensure success, make preparations for its arrival. Instead of this, the great majority of us choose to remain with our heads buried in sands of ambiguity and uncertainty, preferring to admit lack of knowledge and not willing to accept the truth. This to me is probably the most poignant reason that so many of us reach this final stage of our life so ill-prepared, hesitant and so frightened about the thought of crossing over. Had we accepted the opportunity to learn how to do so, there will surely have been far less fear and trepidation. The most powerful reminder of this fact is contained in a simple statement in the Holy Gospel, in The Book of Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3, Verse 1:

"For everything there is a season, and

  a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die.”

                                                                               

         But irrespective of one’s belief system, there is one fact in life that is constant, unyielding and predictable, and that is, as my good friend is fond of reminding me, in his very unscientific yet highly effective way that:

“Sooner or later we will all be entering the departure lounge, and waiting for our names to be called.”

-This indeed, is the unequivocal message of life. The journey of life itself can never be completed without first dying. So death, rather than letting it to be a source of anxiety and consternation, must be understood and anticipated in order to replace the cowering in fear and trepidation, with informed preparation for whatever comes after.

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ACCEPTING MORTALITY AN OVERVIEW

“Everybody is born with an expiry date.”

This statement was made to me many years ago by a friend who is now deceased, after he was diagnosed with Cancer of the Lung. It has forever impressed me by its profound simplicity and truth. In just a few simple words he readily confirmed the unequivocal fact of man’s mortality and the price that every living person, regardless of every other condition of living, will one day be required to pay.

This reality of having to die at some time in the future is not only an absolute fact, but it is the ultimate price for having lived. But before it happens, the individual is always presented with several stark options from which he must choose and which will determine his future course:

-Either to live out his days in a constant state of fear and anxiety over his inevitable mortality, and lose all the joy and pleasure of living in the present,

 or

-To live in total denial of it for as long as he possibly can, and spend the rest his life hiding from it and from everyone else,

or

-To accept its inevitability, make preparations as best as he possibly can, and continue living without having to worry about something over which he has absolutely no control over.

Most of us will readily admit to a certain level of fear we feel of our own mortality from time to time. It can sometimes make us so frightened that we are overwhelmed by just having to think about it. But regardless of how we view it or think about it, we are constantly faced with having to accept and deal with the cataclysmic changes associated with it. Changes that involve going from a state of viable living and thinking and sharing, into a bleak unknown or, whatever else there might be after life. Like birth, this happens only once in each lifetime and in both instances there are no opportunities to correct or to change the outcome at any time. It is this leap into the unknown, the change from life to death, with its absolute uncertainties that gives rise to such overwhelming fear, confusion and apprehension. And, that it will take its own time to occur and can never be influenced by what people say or need. It appears to do its works patiently and decisively without care or concern, and as my nephew Christopher Sabga, a talented and aspiring author once succinctly observed that:

 “Death like Love is patient, though it is rarely kind and never proud.”

Since the dawn of civilization, the status of death and dying has occupied a dominant position in all of man’s thinking and writings. Centuries ago, in the ancient, so-called ‘primitive’ societies, both religion and culture were closely inter-related and death was tied to life in a cyclical pattern. The life/death cycle, like all of nature’s cycles of natural changes which include: day and night, weather, and seasons was necessary in order to allow for rebirth or resurrection from one form of life or another. Primitive rituals reflected this belief universally, and people generally accepted the inevitability of death as part of the cycle of human life. The Native Americans for example, viewed life and death as parts of a circular movement, wherein the process was seen merely as a transformation and never as finality. They believed that after death the spirit continues to live on. Buddhists always celebrated death. For even though dying meant losing someone who was close to them in this world, they believed that it was only through death can a person be one step closer to Nirvana, the perfect state of mind. And in the ancient Greek and Roman cultures, death was given a prominent role in ensuring a passage to being closer to the Gods.

         In the Western and Moslem cultures the attitudes of religion and society have always had a huge impact on people’s perception of death and how it is subsequently managed. Fear of the unknown has always been a prominent factor affecting our approach towards death and giving rise to a myriad of unresolved uncertainties. To counter this, all of the religions teach their followers to view death not as something to be denied or feared, but as something that was precious, and should be welcomed for the blessings of the promise of eternal life it brings each, in their own special way. Further, to counteract this aura of fear and uncertainty that invariably surrounds the thought of dying, elaborate customs and ceremonies are used to provide calming and positive reassurances that the departed person has indeed traveled to a better place. All of this has the effect of not only relieving the stress and anxiety of the individual who is reluctant or unwilling to accept the reality of his mortality, but to reassure him that life and death belong on the same continuum and should always be viewed in a positive way. Vladimir Nabokov, an internationally acclaimed Russian-American poet and novelist described this relationship in his own beautiful style:     

      

“Life is a great sunrise.  I do not see why death should not be an even greater one.”

     

But in contrast, the Far Eastern cultures, influenced by the fundamental Confucian thinking laid down many centuries ago, believe that human life was controlled by the four phases of birth, aging, illness and death which are expected to progress along a predestined plan from one to the other and that each should be   accepted gracefully. From a very young age, Chinese children are taught that death should never be feared but be welcomed as any of the other phases are. To them the concept of mortality does not carry the same frightening connotation but instead they approach death with far more realistic degrees of acceptance, or even with celebration of a life well spent. Interestingly, several studies have indicated that when these people grow up in western cultures they quickly adopt the western attitudes.

In recent years, quite unlike the previous generations, with the rapid advances in medicine and science, there has been developing a dichotomy of confusion in the understanding and attitude towards death.  With the increasing evidence that the animal and human genetic structure can be modified and replaced, more and more authorities are beginning to modify their concepts of mortality and seriously suggesting that life could be prolonged or even sustained indefinitely. This has led many to question death as being an inevitable consequence of living, and more and more are going further by proposing that death is something that should not happen, and should not be allowed to happen. As a result many people are seriously questioning their concepts of mortality and demanding and expecting everything be done, at all cost, to keep life going; without regard to the resulting quality or certainty of the life. Some extreme authorities are actually suggesting that death should be regarded as a failure and a taboo, and therefore considered impolite to speak of it in terms of reality and inevitability.

         

 Because of the very wide variations that exist with regard to people’s concepts of death and dying there can be no standardization of attitude and expectations. Each person will have his or her own view of death and its consequences that may not be accepted by others. Although most people’s attitudes are based on the prevailing society’s attitudes and beliefs, yet each one has to deal with the loss in his own way. Clearly a sudden unexpected loss of anyone or the death of a younger person carries a greater impact than an older or terminally ill person. And also, children are generally much more accepting because they do not understand the meaning of finality and expect the loss to be correctable in some way. In the end, there can be no easy common position except for the fact that death is as certain and as inevitable as any other cycle of nature.
           

For my own self, as a former practicing Physician with more than 60 years experience, I have encountered and dealt with a wide range of attitudes, responses and reactions to the anticipation and reality of death from my patients and their families. Throughout this period I have never tried to predict or influence other people’s attitudes, but have always tried to assist them in accepting its reality without disappointments or regrets. For myself, I see death as merely a brief stop on the journey of life. What matters above all is the quality of life led, for I firmly believe that a person who has lived a full and fulfilling life has no reason to fear death. There is a purpose in dying which cannot be fathomed in the same way that birth itself is always unfathomable. I have previously expressed my view the following statement: “To me, life and death are not random series of transient, overlapping and unrelated experiences destined to be consigned to oblivion upon completion, but they are both points on a continuum of life. I believe life is a precious expression of a greater plan in which our time spent on earth is but a short segment of a journey which began in eternity and will continue to eternity.”

I believe that an integral part of our living must of necessity involve our preparation for dying. In our early years, we were consumed with life, vitality and achieving our dreams, so death occupied a very minor portion in our thinking. But as we grew older we are faced increasingly with the natural urge to consider the likelihood of dying and must spend time in making preparation. I am always bothered by those who avoid, deny or are afraid to deal with the subject, or spend all their time and effort trying to “beat it”. By doing this, the person ends up cheating himself of the reality of his death, and the opportunity of peaceful acceptance.  Like the analogy of the “half-full/half-empty glass,” the person who thinks of his life as half-empty is destined to spend all his days in constant search without any fulfillment, even to the very end when all is spent. While the other, who views his life as half-full, will continue to enjoy his living as he spends the rest of his life to the last drop in fulfillment. Stephen Benet, the highly respected American poet and author of short stories drew attention to the futility of this approach when he noted:

 “Life is not lost by dying; Life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.”

-Indeed, in the final analysis, the quality of the life we will eventually spend on this earth will depend entirely on how we view our mortality. And unless we diligently take the necessary steps to understand the true relationship between life and death, we are destined to live it out in anxious anticipation.

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GIVING THANKS

 “Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the mother of all the others.”

        

These words were recorded by one of the Ancient Roman Empire’s greatest orators, philosophers and political leaders, Marcus Tullius Cicero, who lived in the 1^st century BC. They speak eloquently to the true value of Giving Thanks to others and yourself, and to its immeasurable importance in maintaining good human behavior.

True gratitude, the genuine expression of appreciation and thanks, can mean many things to many people. It is much more than just saying “thank you” to someone for something or some act done for you. It is rather, a deep-seated manifestation of a person’s innermost expression, and constitutes the very foundation of his personality and his life. With true gratitude deeply embedded within his psyche, a person has no difficulty in seeing life from a positive field of vision and to savor all its goodness without any preconceived expectation. It assumes the individual will never take things or people for granted, and always accept himself and his capabilities as they are, while equally respecting those of other people for what they are. It means living a life that is present-oriented, free from the shackles of the past, and the anxieties of the future. It means recognizing the goodness of others and the help they give without the expectation of anything in return. Above all, it demands that the individual makes every effort to recognize and express acknowledgement and show   appreciation for any help provided.

The scientific expression of gratitude has been a subject of interest for as long as man has been on earth. Over the centuries of recorded civilization, ancient, medieval and modern philosophers, psychologists, and behavior biologists have expended countless hours in the study of gratitude as it affects human behavior. It appears that gratitude is often a reliable index of degree of a person’s maturity and the extent of its manifestation is often a good indication of underlying personality. Further, those people who regularly practice gratitude, by taking the time to acknowledge and appreciate the actions of others and to reflect on why they should be thankful, experience more positive emotions, better feelings of well-being, better sleep patterns, improved immune systems and an overall ability to show more compassion and understanding to others. All the evidence confirms that a person who is committed to recognizing and expressing gratitude in everything, is less likely to be depressed, anxious, lonely, suspicious or afraid of others and much more likely to make and keep lasting friendships.

 But in today’s setting, the act of giving thanks is not something that comes easily to many of us. Although everyone, without exception, will have countless reasons for expressing gratitude on a daily basis, many are unable or unwilling to do so, as often as they should do it. They are usually so consumed by the underlying fear that expressing their emotions will somehow be interpreted negatively, they are reluctant to do anything. Their minds, mainly as a result of their past experiences, have become so sensitized to the fear of failure, regrets and disappointments that they are overwhelmed by negatives, suspicions and reluctance to express their feelings. They feel that expressing gratitude may be interpreted as an admission of weakness and inability to complete the task without help. They are so conditioned to trying to avoid anything that appears negative, that they spend their time worrying about the many things that may go wrong rather than appreciating those good things that have taken place. In many ways, they are afraid of having to admit their appreciation to others because by doing so, their actions may be interpreted as an admission of their weakness or dependence on them.

Every person possesses a multitude of assets in them which they often do not give even the most fleeting acknowledgment. They are content, instead, to allow them to stay buried under useless layers made up of ignorance, fears and insecurities they had acquired from past experiences. Although they have no difficulty in identifying the many reasons for being grateful for the involvement or contribution of others, yet because of the feelings of negativity and perceived flaws in them, they end up feeling that life has little to offer and they can never be fully satisfied. This leads inevitably, to unresolved feelings of unhappiness and resentment and forces them to keep searching for more, while appreciating less. In the process, they wind up neglecting the good things they have already acquired; taking everything for granted and losing the sense of appreciation that makes life truly enjoyable. Professor Alfred North Whitehead, the outstanding English mathematician and philosopher, recognized for his work on the logic and process psychology of science, placed this in the right perspective when he observed:

“No one who achieves success does so without having to acknowledge the help of others. The wise and confident acknowledge this help with gratitude.”

In the Judeo-Christian culture, special times are set aside during the year when we come together to express our gratitude for all the good things that we have experienced. We set aside special days such as Thanksgiving and Christmas for that purpose but then when that is over, we go back to our former lives and seem to ignore every one of the promises as we get on with our daily living. But expressing gratitude should never be limited to these special occasions but must be a life-long exercise to be successful, and provide the rewards desired. This is in fact a very satisfying dividend that we receive when we forego the false images dictated by our fears and inadequacies and assess our life against a background genuine appreciation. It is only after we try to show our gratitude and true appreciation in every instant can we begin to appreciate the successes in our own lives and the good things we have.

But unfortunately we have a tendency only to give lip service to expressing appreciation, while we spend our time in active competition with intent on succeeding at any cost, and without any consideration to the overall effect of our actions. We willingly ignore the wonderful and relevant advice from such authorities like Ralph Waldo Emerson   one of America’s greatest essayists, authors and poets, when he drew attention to the need for continually expressing gratitude for every good thing in our life:

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you and of giving thanks continuously. And because gall things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.”

For my own self, I have found from hard experience that nothing is as important in my life as the expression of gratitude for the endless array of good things that have come my way over the years. So much has occurred in my life, any one of which, but for the help of others, could have easily gone wrong, that I can never ever fully express my gratitude to others. Not only do I willingly express my gratitude as often as the opportunity presents itself but I also try, whenever possible, to pass these sentiments on to my children and to anyone who listens. In this, I am guided by the sacred words contained in the   Holy Bible, in the Letter of St. Paul to the Ephesians, chapter 5, verses 19-20:

“Speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

-This after all is the only right and expected behavior for all of us to do!

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