Friday, December 14, 2018

ACCEPTING MORTALITY - THE JOURNEY


“There is a dignity in dying that no one should dare to deny. For death begins with Life’s first breath”
     
This statement recorded by an Unknown Author has always been a clear and direct guide for me on the delicate subject of death as the end of the journey of life. Its profound simplicity and dramatic accuracy deserves much more than passing notice, especially in these times when some scientists are trying to convince us that death can be thwarted and life prolonged or possibly prevented. This denial of mortality, in my mind, contravenes the very fundamental principle that although, by using our abilities to think, explore and invent, we are capable of modifying the length of life to some degree, we cannot deny the fact, that because of so many variables beyond our control, any attempt to interfere with the cycle of life and death will be an exercise in total futility.

 Human Beings, unlike all the other members of the Animal Kingdom, find it difficult to accept and adapt to the reality of dying and as a result experience greater pain and suffering following the loss of another. The animal, whether it is the mighty Lion or the humble Otter, will pause to acknowledge the loss of a companion, and then continue along its way in search of its next meal. Humans, by and large, are so preoccupied with the pleasures of living and personal gratification that they ignore or suppress the reality that death is inevitable, or worse, there are some who genuinely believe or hope that they can somehow fool it. The result is that most of us arrive on that final departure so unprepared and loaded down with so many unresolved regrets that we tend to lose the real impact of the experience until the final moment of departure has arrived. Death, instead of being an event that should be anticipated with adequate preparation, becomes a frightening, painful, unwelcome intrusion.

The great Italian Renaissance painter and intellectual genius, Leonardo da Vinci, was precise and accurate on the subject of life and death when he observed that: “While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.” This statement, though initially appearing to be paradoxical, in fact contains a fundamental truth which we should not hesitate to unconditionally accept. For if we believe there is a divine plan that begins with birth, it would be impossible to deny that there will also not be a designated end. Contrary to the general belief, this view is not limited to the Western cultures but is held by a whole range of completely different and unrelated Eastern and African cultures. Buddha, for example, many centuries ago in his teachings, offered a similarly profound advice that remains as relevant today as ever before, when he observed:

 We begin to die from the moment we are born and from that moment we should be preparing for the final event.”

         Despite this, a variety of confusing and conflicting concepts of death have continued to actively engage the attention of mankind throughout the full spectrum of survival on earth and to produce a wide assortment of interpretations ranging from nothingness to personal or spiritual reincarnation. On the one hand, the Nihilists are convinced that death is absolute with nothing to follow, while the Buddhists view death simply as a change of life to replace the one that has been used up, ultimately leading to a transition into another life, where they can continue to work on dissolving their karma. The Christian, Jewish and Moslem traditions however view death as merely a portal to earn entry to eternal life in heaven. But whatever the reasoning offered, there can be no denial that death as an integral part of life, has a purpose beyond being the end of current living. The great 19th century English scholar and author Professor J.R.R.Tolkien, a prolific visionary in the classic field of high fantasy, very wisely expressed his views on this subject in the following observation:

 “The journey does not end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take.”

 And Sri Chinmoy Kumar Ghose, the late great Indian spiritual teacher and philosopher, whose prolific writings and teachings were recognized internationally, exquisitely described a similar concept on the continuity of the journey of life and death when he observed that:

"Death is not the end. Death can never be the end.
Death is the road. Life is the traveler. The Soul is the Guide."

My own view is not very different but more definitive, as I have stated repeatedly: “I believe life is a precious expression of a greater plan in which our time spent on earth is but a short segment of a journey which began in eternity and will continue to eternity.” Because of this, I see the process of dying, not as the end of the journey, but merely a stage along the path of the journey, and as such I view my role as a physician and a person, to do my best to facilitate this passage for all concerned. Far too often we arrive at this stage so overwhelmed with feelings of anger, pettiness, rivalry, suspicion or revenge clouding our thinking and preventing us from sharing and expressing our true feelings at this important time. This obviously is an unfortunate state for any one of us to be in at this time. For by doing this we cheat ourselves and others who care about us, of those last precious and vital moments, and set in motion negative feelings which stay with us long after death has occurred.

This situation is always an undesirable and regrettable one, for it invariably leaves everybody with unresolved feelings of loss that will affect subsequent relationships for a long time after. Instead, we should be striving to correct these feelings, remove these obstacles, and make every effort to come to terms with our differences, so that when this journey ends, so too will our anger and bitterness. In truth, if we really believe in the existence of a God and the continuity of life, we should willingly and confidently be able to share the words of the great Irish poet and author, Arthur Joyce Cary when he proclaimed:

“Look at life as a gift from God. Now he wants it back, I have no right to complain.”
        
For instead of having to suffer from the fear and anguish that invariably accompanies the person who is ill-prepared, it would be so much better to take the time to enlighten and to educate ourselves well before this time arrives.

Unfortunately very few of today’s ‘advanced’ societies allow for this truth, but instead, they tend to encourage the very opposite.  We give lip service to the inevitability of death, but try to live our lives believing that it should be lived as if it has no end.  It is no surprise then, that when the time comes, we are so deeply consumed with fears and regrets for having to lose it, that we have great difficulty to accept the moment of truth when it arrives. Adding to this is the fact that, too often those of us who are in a position to help the individual and others around, during this period to adjust and understand, are inclined to hold back from providing the appropriate information and guidance. We choose instead, to follow the prevailing attitude and treat it as a ‘medically inconvenient truth’, for fear of upsetting the patient or the family. We prefer to choose the safer path of being non-committal and hope that we can get by without having to be unduly challenged. But by doing this we end up contributing to further the unnecessary suffering and pain which will linger on long after the loved one has passed on.

Society, as a whole, prefers to shy away from this onerous responsibility and takes no steps to correct any false ideas or to introduce positive ones. Yet in fact, correcting attitudes is not an impossible task to initiate, if there is a will to do so. It requires a concerted effort on all parts to be truthful, open and sincere in order   to blunt the fear and confusion that exists. For the undeniable truth is that in the end we must all anticipate the inevitability of death as an integral part of living and as such we must, as we have done in every other aspect of our living to ensure success, make preparations for its arrival. Instead of this, the great majority of us choose to remain with our heads buried in sands of ambiguity and uncertainty, preferring to admit lack of knowledge and not willing to accept the truth. This to me is probably the most poignant reason that so many of us reach this final stage of our life so ill-prepared, hesitant and so frightened about the thought of crossing over. Had we accepted the opportunity to learn how to do so, there will surely have been far less fear and trepidation. The most powerful reminder of this fact is contained in a simple statement in the Holy Gospel, in The Book of Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3, Verse 1:

"For everything there is a season, and
  a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die.”
                                                                               
         But irrespective of one’s belief system, there is one fact in life that is constant, unyielding and predictable, and that is, as my good friend is fond of reminding me, in his very unscientific yet highly effective way that:

“Sooner or later we will all be entering the departure lounge, and waiting for our names to be called.”

-This indeed, is the unequivocal message of life. The journey of life itself can never be completed without first dying. So death, rather than letting it to be a source of anxiety and consternation, must be understood and anticipated in order to replace the cowering in fear and trepidation, with informed preparation for whatever comes after.


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