“Loneliness does not come from having
no one around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem
important to you.”
In 1957, as a young and enthusiastic medical student eager
to learn as much as I can, I attended a tutorial on loneliness, conducted by Dr. Erwin
Stengel, the Professor of Psychiatry at Sheffield University. He began his session with the above
captioned quotation by Carl Jung, the
outstanding German psychotherapist who had been his mentor many years before.
He stressed that in fact, the actual pain experienced in loneliness is not
caused by the isolation from being alone, but rather from the unconscious
trauma resulting in the inability to maintain physical or emotional connection
with others. He concluded that the feelings of despair and despondency so
prominent in loneliness arise not because of being alone, but rather from loss
of the opportunity to physically and emotionally share with others.
The ancient Greek philosophers considered loneliness an abnormal condition resulting in a loss
of the ability of connecting with others. They viewed it as a negative energy that blocks the person
from feeling others around him, and also blocks others from the opportunity to
reciprocate. Human beings are by nature wired for meaningful connection in
order to belong to, and to maintain strong positions in the group, and ultimately,
to ensure survival. Loneliness therefore, by its very nature, is never an
acceptable behavior under any condition because of the accompanying sense of fear
and hopelessness that removes any purpose in life. This is completely different
from solitude, the voluntary act of
choosing not to be with others. While loneliness causes emotional loss and pain,
solitude leads to replenishment and optimism.
The whole world is currently buried into the depth of despair
by a public health crisis precipitated by the coronavirus pandemic that has
caused millions of infections and thousands of deaths in every single nation in
the world. Unfortunately, even as the social and economic infra-structures are
crumbling in the face of this invisible, vicious onslaught, we can do nothing
to halt it at this present time. For in the absence of any effective means of
treatment, we can only wait out its fury using the only effective means at our
disposal; to hunker down in quarantine
or in social isolation for the
foreseeable future, while we try to find a cure or vaccine, or more likely, develop
immunity or pray that the virus loses some of its viciousness.
As a result, worldwide ‘distancing’ measures have
now been put in place in the vast majority of countries. These measures
comprising of various levels of isolation, home quarantine, lockdowns, closures
of businesses, schools, places of entertainment and worship, and any other
place where people may congregate, are aimed at preventing the spread of the
virus. They have indeed proved to be very effective in doing so. But while
these steps have been effective in mitigating the spread of the disease and
reducing the mortality rate, they have been associated with increasingly
worrying consequences of mental health and physical well-being that are a cause
of concern in the short and long term. These
consequences can not be underestimated or ignored without risking serious mental
health problems continuing long after the pandemic has faded.
Without question,
social interactions are critically important to the overall physical and mental
well-being of any individual. This instinct is deeply embedded in man’s psyche,
and constitutes a vital source of comfort and affirmation to the person’s
self-image. It is essentially useful to validate his existence, and to support him
in difficult, uncertain times. Repeated studies have confirmed that strong
social bonds are vital to the psychological strength and survival of the
individual throughout his lifetime. This is why we constantly search out others
who care about us, and who provide us with the personal connections and the
reassurances we need to justify our existence and our need to continue. Without
the sense of security they provide, many will crumble from the fears and
anxieties of emotional isolation. F.
Scott Fitzgerald, one of America’s
greatest authors, in his masterpiece,
“The Great Gatsby”, used his unique literary ability to paint a true
picture of the effect of this isolation on a human being:
“There is a loneliness that only exists in one’s
mind. The loneliest moment in someone’s life, is when they are watching their
whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”
Social Isolation
is generally described as the absence of any social interaction, contact or
relationship with related family, friends and acquaintances both at an
individual level, and with society generally, on a broader level. Brief periods
of isolation or loneliness are mostly quite manageable and not usually significant,
but extended periods, especially when the end of the separation is unknown, can
be decidedly problematic. They are capable of producing a variety of
psychological, behavioral and physical manifestations that can sometimes be quite
complex and profound. Among these, perhaps the most common is the tendency to
precipitate feelings of loneliness that
can be associated with very serious outcomes. St. Teresa of Kolkota, the Roman Catholic nun of Albanian descent who
spent her whole life administering to the poorest and loneliest members of the Indian
and to many of the world’s downtrodden societies, described this effect in exquisitely sensitive terms when she
declared:
“Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted, is
the most terrible poverty.”
We must never underestimate the distressing and dehumanizing
effects of loneliness, nor should we ignore the severe emotional pain and
suffering these people endure alone and unsupported. We must also be aware of
the fact that although the current pandemic has served to greatly increase the
opportunities and the incidences of loneliness in our societies, it is the
single most unrecognized and unattended of all the serious emotional
manifestations of the actions taken so far. The feeling of loneliness is a
subjective response, and it is very wrong to assume that it only arises from
just being alone. In fact, it is much more from the feeling that no one cares,
and can either develop from the lifestyle or the conditions the person finds
himself in, or from his inner personality makeup, which determines his
emotional landscape. Whatever the origin, loneliness can become a very
distressing slippery slope into disaster, unless there are good support structures
available to stop the slide and help to reconnect to reality.
It is not correct to assume that loneliness is always the
result of physical isolation. In fact, the worst forms of loneliness are most
often found in people who are surrounded by a crowd, but with whom there is an
emotional barrier that renders them invisible. This is the kind of loneliness
experienced with those with a vulnerable personality make- up, the depressive,
the introvert, the paranoid and the dependent types, who crave support from
others to bolster their own suspect morale. These are usually the earliest
victims in any change in the existing milieu, and they are the ones that will
need urgent attention under the current conditions of social isolation. The
list of potential victims is long and can be surprisingly unexpected, and the
end results are often catastrophic. The late Robin Williams, one of America’s most successful comics
and actors, who entertained the world with his wit and his acting for years,
was a notable victim of loneliness that remained hidden until his sudden end.
He chose the ultimate, final solution of suicide while he was engulfed in his
own private world of loneliness. The entertainment world reacted in horror, but
this should not have been so, especially since he had frequently expressed his
despair in terms such as this quotation:
“I
used to think that the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. But the
worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.”
It
is a very unfortunate fact, that in these present conditions, when we all find
ourselves fully preoccupied with coping with our own concerns over the
prevailing coronavirus pandemic, that countless numbers of people are
succumbing to the only available antidote, social isolation. In a society such
as our society, where there was an already rising incidence of loneliness
especially in respect of older people, most of whom already have shaky support
systems, it is not difficult to comprehend the rapid escalation that is
occurring in a vulnerable and susceptible population. This certainly gives full
credence to the fact that the cure is
making things worse and the urgent need by both the health and the
political authorities to pay urgent attention.For the rest of us, in addition to trying to do what we can do to avoid falling victim to the deadly virus, we must exercise extra care to avoid becoming lonely, and take active steps to mitigate any feelings, should they arise. We need to understand that loneliness is essentially a subjective feeling of disconnection that can only neutralized by reconnecting with others. The only way this will take place is by actively sharing with others using whatever form of communication available. Physical isolation does not, and must not imply emotional isolation, and we must all diligently monitor our emotional health as we do our physical health especially if the crisis is extended, as it appears to be, and the levels of stress increase. Perhaps, this is what the great 19th century German classical scholar, author and cultural philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche, meant to convey when he observed:
“The
worth of any man is measured by the amount of loneliness that he can
withstand.”
-Indeed,
the coronavirus pandemic will be testing the strength of every single person by
the way he withstands the force of loneliness thrust upon him by the
circumstances beyond his control.
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