DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - Making People Feel Good

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, and they will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”

         This very astute and relevant comment was made by Maya         

Angelou the African-American poet and author, who lived for most of her life in Miami, Florida. Her work as a civil rights activist and a genuine humanitarian continues to be held in high regard by scholars both locally and internationally. From a very humble and traumatic beginning, she devoted most of her adult life in trying to justify the goodness in humanity, and in persuading others in her belief that we are more alike than we are different, and that most people, given a chance, will always appreciate any opportunity to make someone else feel good.

Unfortunately, in this present unhappy world we all share, with its unyielding drive to compete more, to achieve more and to be better than anyone else, we tend to ignore the fundamental need of every person is to feel good about himself, and to make others feel good about themselves. These instinctual feelings of empathy and sympathy toward one another are actually deeply embedded in our psyche, as for that matter, they are in the rest of the animal kingdom. As Charles Darwin, the famous British biologist and naturalist, whose ground breaking work on the Origin of the Species altered our understanding of life on earth, confirmed by his own observations, that both animals and human beings possess a natural and automatic instinct for compassion and for making others feel good, and that this action in fact, actually served to ensure survival. 

He argued that these two instincts are the best developed of all the social instincts in the human mind and that they tend to impart a sense of satisfaction to the giver and one of appreciation from the receiver. He also observed that the communities which choose to freely encourage full expression of this behavior tend to flourish better and even more interestingly, also have a better quality offspring. He further suggested that this instinct is a natural human response that does not need to be rewarded for reinforcement. In fact, on most of the occasions, the individual’s responses are usually emotional and impulsive and remain hidden, even as his actions are blatantly showcased for all to see. In fact, quite unlike so many other human characteristics where intentions can be successfully misleading or hidden, a great deal can be learnt about an individual by just observing what he chooses to do to make others feel good about themselves.

 Human suffering of any kind will often operate as a catalyst that brings out the best or the worst examples of human behavior. Some of the most beautiful acts of compassion and caring can be seen in people whose only desire is to help relieve the suffering. The best of these examples are the ones that arise deep within the individual’s psyche, and they are always personal, voluntary, spontaneous, and free from any strings, expectations or conditions. This type of response is presently in full and open view during the current coronavirus crisis that has engulfed the world. There have been countless acts of kindness, and almost as many truly selfless incidents of heroism displayed by people from every level of society; the majority of which have remained invisible and unheralded. They come from the army of dedicated "first responders" in and out of the hospitals, and all the service personnel who risked their own health daily to insure our safety and comfort. They are also visible among the countless numbers of neighbors, and strangers as well, who have extended themselves to help others in need, with the only aim of easing their difficulties and restoring good feelings. -These are all people who have listened to, and are being guided by their Karma!

This really should not be a surprise since the urge for helping others is a fundamental part of humanity, deeply embedded in our DNA. Making people feel good, especially at times of tragedy or stress, is instinctually part of our make-up. But yet, even as this goodness unfolds, there are so many others who choose to take advantage of the situations, by breaking the rules, hoarding and ignoring the needs of others in their selfish urge to secure their own self-gratification at all cost. Instead of trying to ease the burdens of others and help to restore some semblance of balance, they circumvent the rules and introduce obstacles to further aggravate the difficult situations. Clear examples of this are all around us and they are affecting the more disadvantaged and most vulnerable of society. Rather than help to ease the burden, they have the net effect of increasing the difficulties. Rather than help to alleviate the stress, these people have no qualms about making life more difficult for others as they prosper in comfort.

And again, there are unfortunately a significant group of people who, as a result of past traumatic experiences, are just unable to allow themselves the freedom to feel or to make others happy. Because of a deeply scarred psyche, they lose the ability to trust, and tend to view every situation as a threat. As a result they are unable to permit themselves to feel good about themselves or anyone else, and even when they extend themselves with goodwill to others, they remain unhappy. I can think of at least one person, now deceased, whom I, personally, considered being most caring and considerate but who, unfortunately, was so riddled with uncertainty and insecurity that he even viewed appreciation with suspicion. His anger and resentment was so deeply rooted that he alienated everyone who tried to express their appreciations. 

Carol Burnett, the very highly regarded American comedienne, actor, author and Hollywood producer quite effectively observed:

“Doing good is selfish, because it makes you feel good. I have been helped by acts of kindness from strangers. That’s why we are here after all; to help one another.”

She was confirming, from her own personal experience, that the act of doing good not only induces a feeling of personal satisfaction, but when the action helps another, especially when that help gets the person to a better, happier state, it also induces a feeling of personal exhilaration in the giver. This, she explained was the real impetus to her choosing and staying with her profession of entertainment. She insisted that when the people are feeling good, she feels good; -and without question she was correct in her conclusions.

         As the outstanding Jamaican-born, international entertainer and reggae exponent, Bob Marley, so very wisely advised in the chorus of his acclaimed social masterpiece entitled, “One Love”:

“One love, one heart, let’s get together and feel all right”

-His message is crystal clear, that we will all feel much better if we choose to live our lives together, guided by our natural group instincts of sharing and caring, rather than the egotistic, selfish instincts of personal self-gratification.

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - The True Meaning Of Friendship

“One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and be understood.”

These words, considered to be perhaps the most appropriate description of the meaning of friendship ever recorded, were offered by Lucius Annaeus Seneca, one of ancient Rome’s greatest stoic philosophers, statesmen and dramatic authors. Seneca, who lived in the 1^st century BC, spent a great deal of his life contemplating the true meaning of friendship to humanity, and how to insure its continued survival. He wrote extensively on the art and the importance of friends to the welfare of society, as well as its role in maintaining good and strong relationships among people. He further emphasized the vital importance of being one’s own friend first, before being able to establish any other meaningful and lasting friendships. He insisted that when a person genuinely befriends himself, he can be a friend to all and will never be alone. He declared this in such statements as:

“True friends are the whole world to one another; and he that is a friend to himself, is also a friend to mankind.”

         Without question, friendships are the true backbones of any society. They facilitate easy communication by removing the elements of doubt and hesitancy, and by encouraging trust and respect. These are vital components to every aspect of the human experiences since they provide the confidence needed to ensure truth and honesty. When this confidence is absent, elements of uncertainty and distrust will dominate the relationship, interfering with the free flow of sentiment, and eventually color all thinking. This is usually the main reason why so many of us find ourselves dealing with incidents which have caused us unnecessary disappointments. The reasons were not because of any wrong intentions from us, but because of the absence of the basic trust of friendship to help facilitate the relationship. Such situations are likely to happen because without the solid foundation of trust and honesty, it becomes very difficult for people to exchange freely, to trust one another, or to develop mutual respect.

         A good friendship is always founded on a base of honesty, trust and respect. It will never ever survive on the shifting sands of convenience, fear and subservience. Such an arrangement is much more likely to result in a relationship dominated by disappointment, suspicion and regret, where there is difficulty and resistance in sharing personal feelings, and even less, in giving or asking for support. On the other hand, when the friendship is well founded, there is a palpable aura of a healthy, mutually supportive relationship where each partner eagerly supports and encourages the other, ensures their welfare, and protects and corrects each other. Rather than strive to hold back or to deceive, friends go to great length to encourage, guide and share in their successes. This is precisely what Abraham Lincoln was alluding to, when he declared:

“I am a success today because I had a friend who believed in me, and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.” 

         Healthy friendships need a blend of love, respect, empathy and compassion firmly rooted with trust, in order to survive and to flourish. Such relationships can only last when the participants are able to willingly communicate freely on a basis of truth, consideration and respect of one with the other. The most important requisites for any strong and lasting friendship are:

1. Honesty and Truth

2. Trust and Confidence

3. Respect and Independence

4. Compromise and Equality

5. Respect and Independence,

Without these components fully in place, no relationship can be considered to fulfill the criteria of true friendship. Instead they will fall under the several categories of interpersonal relationships that are formed and used to complete the transactions of living. They clearly will serve their intended purpose but will never survive without the emotional commitment demanded by a good friendship.

         A true friendship must never be confused with the many other different “associations” that are used by people in the course of living. These non-authentic “acquaintances” or “collaborations” exist to fulfill a purpose and very rarely ever serve to reinforce or expand a relationship. Most of the time such arrangements are developed to achieve specific, selfish goals that may or may not be limited to one side only, without regard or consideration of the other side. Such arrangements are much more akin to developing a network to serve specific goals, without the commitment for the caring and the welfare for all concerned. In truth, the interactions from these types of arrangements all lack the essential emotional attachments, confidence and trust that can only develop in a lasting friendship. True friendship must arise from within, it cannot be acquired or copied, as Muhammad Ali, the former world heavyweight boxing champion and a philosopher in his own right, so wisely indicated when he stated: 

“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It is not something you learn at school. But if you have not learnt the meaning of friendship, you really have not learned anything.”           

Contrary to the generally held view, true friendships are not common, nor are they easy to establish. In fact, it is quite uncommon   to find anyone who will admit to more than a handful of genuine friends. This fact has been recognized for many centuries as this ancient Arabic proverb demonstrates quite impressively: 

“You can make a thousand enemies every day, but it takes a thousand years to make a friend.” 

There is no doubt that most people will agree that making and keeping a true friend has always been very difficult and equally unpredictable. One could never assume that at the early stage of any relationship, however genuine it may seem, will eventually blossom into a true friendship. In fact, multiple psychological studies have consistently demonstrated that the making and keeping a true friend is a complex interaction involving a whole range of emotional factors which need to come together and stay together, like the perfect storm that develops from time to time. This indeed is the very soul that gives rise to every good friendship. Unless there is an intermingling of the spirit and a sharing of feelings, one with the other, there is only a relationship. As this quotation by an author who is unknown, so exquisitely describes:

“A true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes, when everyone believes the smile in your face.”

I never fully understood why my late mother would often say to all of her children:

“A true friend is not the person you share your bread with, but the one you will willingly share your heart.”

-until I finally realized that a true friendship was never of the world, but only from the heart.

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - The Courage to be You

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.”

         This worthy advice, originally offered, at least in part, by Bernard Baruch, Presidential advisor and confidante to Presidents Woodrow Wilson and Franklin Roosevelt, speaks decisively and firmly to the great importance of being yourself at all times. Far too often we find ourselves frozen with fear, anger and indecisiveness, unable to think or act correctly, and as a result risk feeling unnecessary pain and disappointment. The unfortunate result of this situation is that many of us spend most of our lives living under clouds of uncertainty, being unwilling and unable to be ourselves, while we cower under our self-made boulders of insecurity and lack of confidence. This is the price we must pay for not having the courage to be who we really are, and instead choose to follow another.

         Life is full of meaningful and influential decisions that we are required to deal with as a price of living. Many of these will demand our strength, courage and confidence in order to make the right choices and avoid the wrong ones, and when we don’t do so, we lose a little piece of our self each time. Much of this is acquired as a reflection of society’s need for conformity and the subtle attitude of discouraging dissension. From a very early age we are encouraged to remain in “the group”, and discouraged to think differently or to look “outside the box.” Children are rewarded to “follow the leader” and any attempt to “stand up” is frowned upon. The result of this milieu is that we become conditioned to question ourselves, and to acquire a fear of making decisions and a hesitancy to taking action. Because of this, we become victims of ourselves, replacing our innate instincts with fears and anxieties, and leaving us with a sense of being unable to be ourselves.

This is precisely what Steve Jobs, one of the world’s greatest and most successful innovative entrepreneurs was alluding to in his 2005 Stanford Commencement Address when he strongly advised:

“Have the courage to follow your heart and your intuition; they somehow know what you truly want to become.”

But finding this courage to be yourself does not in any way, imply thinking that you have to be wiser, or stronger or better than any one else, nor does it mean that you must necessarily be different from every one. It must however begin with the realization that you are who you are, and that you have no reason to compare yourself with anyone else. This is precisely what William Shakespeare, in his masterpiece, Hamlet, was recommending when he advised:

                            “Above all, to thine own self be true.”

Without this sense of authenticity firmly in effect, it would be impossible to sweep away the emotional debris accumulated over the past years of existence, and allow you to see yourself as you really are, and equally, to take the actions that ought to be taken. But even under the best conditions, achieving this is neither easy nor is it ever guaranteed. One of the most significant failings of the human psyche is the difficulty in trying to change established patterns of behavior; and without doubt, being true to oneself requires this. It must first begin with the recognition of the “demons” which have accumulated in you and given rise to the fears and the inadequacies that interfere with your choices. Without this first step, there can be no meaningful change and no escape. You will end up, like so many of us have ended up, living a life of regret and unhappiness and repeating it over and over, to no avail while saying:

“I could have, should have and would have followed myself.”

         But the courage we seek is not the one that is needed to conquer, to dominate or to overpower; that would indeed be counter-intuitive. The courage we seek instead is the one that allows us to arrive at a state of equanimity, and permits us to make full use of our natural, innate resources. It must not be the fear of doing wrong that must dictate our choice, but rather the good judgment to do right. It should not the fear of not being accepted that determines our actions, but rather the confidence in yourself that should be the guide. It is not the need to influence everything in our life that matters, but the wisdom to know what must be influenced and defended, and those actions that do not need to be protected, but be accepted instead. The highly respected and influential British author, J.R.R. Tolkien, speaking from his own personal experience, described it most exquisitely when he recorded:

“It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of spirit.”

            But taking control of one’s own destiny is never an easy task, because of the prevailing fear of being judged by others and found wanting. To do so however, requires that one begins by curtailing the self-criticisms that focus on your inadequacies and weaknesses, and  forgiving yourself for doing so. Without this insight clearly embedded, it would be impossible to understand the reason for your basic fears and the demons’ hold on your thinking and choices. And even more difficult to understand your continued repetitions in spite of the pain and suffering they cause. When this is attempted initially, it tends to precipitate a paradoxical increase in resistance which has to be accepted and accommodated before progress can be achieved. This I believe was what Nelson Mandela, the South African freedom fighter and the republic’s first president meant to convey when he declared:

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

-This indeed is the fundamental tenet for possessing the courage to be you. It is never a reflection of what others think you ought to be, but must always be one that reflects who you really are.

 

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - The Price of Loneliness

“Loneliness does not come from having no one around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you.”

         In 1957, as a young and enthusiastic medical student eager to learn as much as I can, I attended a tutorial on loneliness, conducted by Dr. Erwin Stengel, the Professor of Psychiatry at Sheffield University. He began his session with the above captioned quotation by Carl Jung, the outstanding German psychotherapist who had been his mentor many years before. He stressed that in fact, the actual pain experienced in loneliness is not caused by the isolation from being alone, but rather from the unconscious trauma resulting in the inability to maintain physical or emotional connection with others. He concluded that the feelings of despair and despondency so prominent in loneliness arise not because of being alone, but rather from loss of the opportunity to physically and emotionally share with others.

         The ancient Greek philosophers considered loneliness an abnormal condition resulting in a loss of the ability of connecting with others. They viewed it as a negative energy that blocks the person from feeling others around him, and also blocks others from the opportunity to reciprocate. Human beings are by nature wired for meaningful connection in order to belong to, and to maintain strong positions in the group, and ultimately, to ensure survival. Loneliness therefore, by its very nature, is never an acceptable behavior under any condition because of the accompanying sense of fear and hopelessness that removes any purpose in life. This is completely different from solitude, the voluntary act of choosing not to be with others. While loneliness causes emotional loss and pain, solitude leads to replenishment and optimism.

         The whole world is currently buried into the depth of despair by a public health crisis precipitated by the coronavirus pandemic that has caused millions of infections and thousands of deaths in every single nation in the world. Unfortunately, even as the social and economic infra-structures are crumbling in the face of this invisible, vicious onslaught, we can do nothing to halt it at this present time. For in the absence of any effective means of treatment, we can only wait out its fury using the only effective means at our disposal; to hunker down in quarantine or in social isolation for the foreseeable future, while we try to find a cure or vaccine, or more likely, develop immunity or pray that the virus loses some of its viciousness.

            As a result, worldwide ‘distancing’ measures have now been put in place in the vast majority of countries. These measures comprising of various levels of isolation, home quarantine, lockdowns, closures of businesses, schools, places of entertainment and worship, and any other place where people may congregate, are aimed at preventing the spread of the virus. They have indeed proved to be very effective in doing so. But while these steps have been effective in mitigating the spread of the disease and reducing the mortality rate, they have been associated with increasingly worrying consequences of mental health and physical well-being that are a cause of concern in the short and long term. These consequences can not be underestimated or ignored without risking serious mental health problems continuing long after the pandemic has faded.

Without question, social interactions are critically important to the overall physical and mental well-being of any individual. This instinct is deeply embedded in man’s psyche, and constitutes a vital source of comfort and affirmation to the person’s self-image. It is essentially useful to validate his existence, and to support him in difficult, uncertain times. Repeated studies have confirmed that strong social bonds are vital to the psychological strength and survival of the individual throughout his lifetime. This is why we constantly search out others who care about us, and who provide us with the personal connections and the reassurances we need to justify our existence and our need to continue. Without the sense of security they provide, many will crumble from the fears and anxieties of emotional isolation. F. Scott Fitzgerald, one of America’s greatest authors, in his masterpiece, “The Great Gatsby”, used his unique literary ability to paint a true picture of the effect of this isolation on a human being:

“There is a loneliness that only exists in one’s mind. The loneliest moment in someone’s life, is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”  

         Social Isolation is generally described as the absence of any social interaction, contact or relationship with related family, friends and acquaintances both at an individual level, and with society generally, on a broader level. Brief periods of isolation or loneliness are mostly quite manageable and not usually significant, but extended periods, especially when the end of the separation is unknown, can be decidedly problematic. They are capable of producing a variety of psychological, behavioral and physical manifestations that can sometimes be quite complex and profound. Among these, perhaps the most common is the tendency to precipitate feelings of loneliness that can be associated with very serious outcomes. St. Teresa of Kolkota, the Roman Catholic nun of Albanian descent who spent her whole life administering to the poorest and loneliest members of the Indian and to many of the world’s downtrodden societies, described this effect in exquisitely sensitive terms when she declared:

“Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted, is the most terrible poverty.”

        

         We must never underestimate the distressing and dehumanizing effects of loneliness, nor should we ignore the severe emotional pain and suffering these people endure alone and unsupported. We must also be aware of the fact that although the current pandemic has served to greatly increase the opportunities and the incidences of loneliness in our societies, it is the single most unrecognized and unattended of all the serious emotional manifestations of the actions taken so far. The feeling of loneliness is a subjective response, and it is very wrong to assume that it only arises from just being alone. In fact, it is much more from the feeling that no one cares, and can either develop from the lifestyle or the conditions the person finds himself in, or from his inner personality makeup, which determines his emotional landscape. Whatever the origin, loneliness can become a very distressing slippery slope into disaster, unless there are good support structures available to stop the slide and help to reconnect to reality.

         It is not correct to assume that loneliness is always the result of physical isolation. In fact, the worst forms of loneliness are most often found in people who are surrounded by a crowd, but with whom there is an emotional barrier that renders them invisible. This is the kind of loneliness experienced with those with a vulnerable personality make- up, the depressive, the introvert, the paranoid and the dependent types, who crave support from others to bolster their own suspect morale. These are usually the earliest victims in any change in the existing milieu, and they are the ones that will need urgent attention under the current conditions of social isolation. The list of potential victims is long and can be surprisingly unexpected, and the end results are often catastrophic. The late Robin Williams, one of America’s most successful comics and actors, who entertained the world with his wit and his acting for years, was a notable victim of loneliness that remained hidden until his sudden end. He chose the ultimate, final solution of suicide while he was engulfed in his own private world of loneliness. The entertainment world reacted in horror, but this should not have been so, especially since he had frequently expressed his despair in terms such as this quotation:

“I used to think that the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. But the worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.”  

         It is a very unfortunate fact, that in these present conditions, when we all find ourselves fully preoccupied with coping with our own concerns over the prevailing coronavirus pandemic, that countless numbers of people are succumbing to the only available antidote, social isolation. In a society such as our society, where there was an already rising incidence of loneliness especially in respect of older people, most of whom already have shaky support systems, it is not difficult to comprehend the rapid escalation that is occurring in a vulnerable and susceptible population. This certainly gives full credence to the fact that the cure is making things worse and the urgent need by both the health and the political authorities to pay urgent attention.

         For the rest of us, in addition to trying to do what we can do to  avoid falling victim to the deadly virus, we must exercise extra care to avoid becoming lonely, and take active steps to mitigate any feelings, should they arise. We need to understand that loneliness is essentially a subjective feeling of disconnection that can only neutralized by reconnecting with others. The only way this will take place is by actively sharing with others using whatever form of communication available. Physical isolation does not, and must not imply emotional isolation, and we must all diligently monitor our emotional health as we do our physical health especially if the crisis is extended, as it appears to be, and the levels of stress increase. Perhaps, this is what the great 19^th century German classical scholar, author and cultural philosopher, Friedrich Nietzsche, meant to convey when he observed:

“The worth of any man is measured by the amount of loneliness that he can withstand.”

-Indeed, the coronavirus pandemic will be testing the strength of every single person by the way he withstands the force of loneliness thrust upon him by the circumstances beyond his control.

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE - Dealing with the Effects of the Present Fears and Anxieties

“The only thing we have to fear is ‘Fear’ itself; a nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”

         These powerful words, indelibly imprinted in the library of mankind’s greatest orations, were delivered by President Franklin D. Roosevelt, the 35^th President of the United States, on March, 1933, during his first inaugural address to the nation. That year 1933, was without question, the worst year of the great depression which followed the global economic crash in 1929. A number of economic reasons were offered as the causes of this collapse, but irrespective of what they were, the fundamental failures were directly precipitated by the profound fears and anxieties that were developing in an apprehensive  population already frightened over the sudden loss of confidence in themselves, their leaders, and in the system. 

         In every corner of the world, that crash was the direct cause of  severe emotional and economic pain and suffering being felt by people at all levels of society, and ultimately leading to severe deprivations and increased mortality. Coming as it did, following the period of exuberant euphoria and prosperity of the 1920’s; it resulted in a marked increase of psychological disorders in a population that was totally unprepared to deal with. The unrelenting stresses and fears of uncertainty that were prevailing at that time resulted in an alarming escalation of severe anxieties and depression as well as increasing incidences of antisocial behaviors. Society was in a state of turmoil, and the incidence of interpersonal aggression, distrust and disputes increased dramatically, as did the incidence of family disruptions, drug and alcohol abuse and suicide. All of which laid the foundation which ultimately contributed to the disastrous 2^nd World War.

         The world is presently faced with a crisis of equally gargantuan proportion. Although the causes are not similar, the resulting impact on the world is likely to be equally, or more disastrous. In the near term, we are all at great risk of severe fatal consequences from the effects of the Covid-19 viral infection, especially if we choose to disregard the urgent warnings by the medical experts for isolation and sanitation. The current predictions suggest an infection rate of up to 5 million people worldwide with a mortality rate in the region of 200,000 – 500,000 people. Even at this relatively early stage, this situation has already resulted in the rapid and increasing disintegration of the social supports and networks that underpin society and ensure stability. Without question, we are all being affected, to a greater or lesser degree, by the unrelenting destruction of the world’s economies, which may well be as bad as, or worse than any previous episode. What will eventually happen is entirely dependent on how we understand and manage this stage.

            Consistent with the sudden development of any unexpected or unpredicted period of distress or crisis, the natural human response invariably includes strong emotions of fear and anxiety which can often be blown out of proportion and become overwhelming and beyond his control. During this period when we are all held hostage to this vicious, unrelenting, invisible enemy, and as the present tragedy unfolds before our very eyes, we can do no more than try to adjust as best as we can, to the chaos and to the emotional upheaval swirling around us. No one can hope to come out of this totally unscathed and unaffected. Under the very perfect and optimum conditions, we can best help ourselves by trying to recognize our underlying fears and anxieties, understand their impact on us, and then take steps to adapt enough to allow us to cope with the prevailing circumstances; until they change for the better.

         No one can consider himself immune from the long-term effects of a crisis such as this, and every member of society must be willing to do their part in protecting themselves and their families, while at the same, do whatever they are capable of doing, to support others in need, and ameliorate their environment. The long list must include the following:

-The First Responders: including the doctors, nurses, hospital staff, emergency workers, essential and security personnel all over the world who spend endless hours in the frontline, are likely to suffer not only from the extreme hours of work, under the harrowing conditions of the sheer number of patients and the uncertainties of supply and personal protection, but also from the risk of disease affecting themselves and their family. But even more than this, is the risk that a significant number will, as a result, succumb to PTSD which could subsequently continue to take a huge toll on their lives, long after the event has passed. In addition, as several studies based on previous mass catastrophes including the World Trade Center in 2001, and Ebola Pandemic in 2014, have elicited, multiple long-term, sometime permanent damage causing burnout, anxiety, depression and suicide can occur. 

The very recent tragic news of suicide by a young and dedicated emergency physician I fear, is but the beginning of more to come, unless proactive steps are urgently instituted to prevent further morale injury, burnout and emotional trauma from taking hold. These people must not be taken for granted, but rather be nurtured, supported and given as much attention as they need. Their effort should never be taken lightly, but rather be regarded in the highest esteem.

-Social Isolation and Distancing: instituted by most authorities to try to control the spread of the virus and reduce the incidence the fatal disease has created or aggravated an already existing problem of Loneliness. Unless contained, this is likely to cause significant increase in physical and mental health problems that often go unnoticed, and result in a rapid escalation of otherwise preventable breakdowns, suicides and early deaths. ‘Distancing’ does not imply ‘isolation,’ nor does it exclude your continuing to be your neighbor’s keeper.

 -Loss of Psychosocial Control: Because of its unfamiliar threats which are difficult to understand or predict, this situation has touched off a stealthy and growing crisis of conscience and has caused an upheaval of normal habits, social interactions and economic exchanges. This has created an immense psychosocial crisis that can be seen in the increased tendency to hoarding of essential supplies, increasing suspicious behavior, and widespread distress. The situation will get worse with time and demands that those in authority begin to empathize with these fears and provide clear and honest guidance, free of political influence.

-Negative effects on Children: In their haste to establish new rules and behaviors and to institute social prevention designed to bring the crisis under control, little consideration has been given to the psychosocial stress of the children. The lifestyles to which they are accustomed, of going to school and playing with their friends, has been replaced with home confinement and restrictions. The adults around them are visibly worried and confused as they spend the time listening to the news. This is a formula for long-term emotional damage, unless the parents and adults are able to create direct and open conversations with them, so they too will understand the reasons for the action taken and actively become part of the solution.

-Socio-Economic Effects: We are currently deeply involved in a socio-economic crisis quite unlike anything the world has faced in over 100 years. A crisis that has killed large numbers, spread human suffering and upended society, causing widespread closures of businesses, schools and entertainment and enforced isolation. The overall effect in the short-term is at best, disastrous, but hopefully with time, this will recover. But until this time, much can be done to alleviate the pain and suffering by careful planning and social assistance. Above all, the people need to be assured of social assistance and emotional support until such time when the recovery begins.

         As this crisis continues, we must all be alert to recognizing whether our symptoms are still adaptive and manageable, or become problems requiring professional help; and seek help as early as possible. Under the very best circumstances the current crisis which is attacking all the world’s societies at their very core, and claiming thousands of lives and livelihoods, will not begin to recede for a very long time, and only after a concerted effort by the world leaders to act together for the common good. My deepest fear however is that with  our instincts of power and selfishness deeply embedded in our human psyche, it will continue to prevent the degree of cooperation needed and that we are destined the suffer the effects of this coronavirus for a very long time to come. For unless we begin to exercise much more care, we run the risk of repeating the same mistakes and having the same or even more disastrous consequences as we have seen previously. Once again confirming the validity of the classic and age-old dictum originally enunciated by Georg Wilhelm Hegel, the highly respected 18^th century German philosopher that:

“Man learns from history that he does not learn from history”

-And in so doing, confirm my deepest concern, which I predicted some time ago, that:

 “We will end up like so many other people in the past, drifting hopelessly in the seas of despair, subjected to the winds and tides of fear, and the crashing waves of disappointments that will overwhelm us.”

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DAILY SLICES OF LIFE -The Dilemma of Prophesies and Predictions

 

"I will raise up for them a prophet.

I will put my words in his mouth.

And he will tell them everything I command him."

These words, contained in the Holy Bible, in Deuteronomy 18:18 spell out in clear and precise terms the fundamental meaning and purpose of a Prophet and his intended role in society. It presumes a pre-existing belief in a higher authority who provides the message. The sole aim of the prophet is to act as a representative or an emissary whose duty is to provide the Prophesy given to him by the higher authority without modification or interpretation. The prophesy is a statement about the future, received from another source and passed on without change or explanation.

The great majority of these prophecies are fundamentally religious in nature, and appear in all the holy writings of every single religion, ancient and modern, the world has ever seen. In addition, they are  present in the world’s oldest surviving publication, I-Ching, the ancient Chinese book of knowledge, as well in many of the ancient Roman, Greek, Persian, Buddhist and Hindu texts. The Holy Bible and the Koran contain a large number of them where they relate to every aspect of life and beyond. They are generally presented in the form of foreknowledge received from gods, visions or other supernatural sources by a chosen prophet and intended to foretell coming events. In all the instances, the prophet serves only to announce the information he is given in the manner he is directed to do so. His sole function is the provision of the information and never offers an interpretation or explanation.

A Prediction is not a prophecy. While the latter is based on the word of a supernatural source, a prediction is strictly a natural action that is the result of extrapolating existing information by a living human and arriving at a conclusion about the future. In many ways, predictions are self-fulfilling prophesies in that they are forecasts of the future, but unlike prophesies, they are based on experience, knowledge and observation of the individual, and therefore subject to being corrected as information changes. They are always self-generated and a reflection the person’s confidence, and not on any external sources. Because of this, the truth and strength of each prediction depends directly on the ability and confidence of the source. Brian Tracy the very successful Canadian author and inspirational speaker explained this in the following manner:

“Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy.”

  

         Mankind has held prophesies and predictions in very high regard from the very beginning of time. In fact, the tendency of combining information and expectation together and then projecting them to suit future needs is deeply embedded in the psyche of all humans and plays a very significant role in controlling their lives on a daily basis. Much of a person’s decision-making for example, is tinged to a greater or lesser degree, by subconscious reference to the many pre-existing prophesies predictions, and suppositions that lay buried in the psyche. They are the subconscious source of much of the feelings of insecurity and suspicion which often interfere with our choices and decisions, without our being aware of their subtle influence on us. Because of this influence, we end up making firm decisions without even being conscious of, or even understanding, the reasons for doing so. We are oblivious to these undercurrents of uncertainty swirling in our minds, and totally unaware that they interfere with our thinking. This would explain why we develop slavish tendencies to following prophesies and prediction even after they have resulted in our making wrong decisions and ending with great disappointments.

         For as long as there has been any recorded history, people have tried to predict the future, either in the name of divine inspiration or from their own observation, imagination and calculations. In addition, people claiming to have special psychic powers have existed in every society, and some of them have demonstrated amazing abilities to foretell the future with uncanny accuracy. Many have used them to justify their own special needs and to persuade others to follow them. Some people have been so impressed that they willingly believe the claim of superhuman origin, while others remain unimpressed and skeptical.

         The present catastrophe that is unfolding as a result of the current Corona Virus Pandemic bears this out in no uncertain manner. The whole world is presently under siege from a pandemic caused by the corona virus Covid-19 that appears to have originated in the city of Wuhan in China. Actually the news of another pandemic occurring is not unexpected because of the fact that there is a long history of recurrent pandemics that have swept across the world from time to time. But despite this fact, any such event is always accompanied by the names of people who claim ability to predict and prophesy. On this occasion great emphasis is being placed on the “prophetic predictions” of Dean Koontz and his 1981 publication, “The Eyes of Darkness” in which he predicted this event. His story was supposed to have foretold a world catastrophe caused by a virus called “Wuhan 400.” So that when it was noted that the current outbreak started in Wuhan, Koontz earned a “prophet” status and his book has become a “prophecy” and quickly sold out.

 But in fact, on closer investigation, his initial name of the virus in his original publication in 1981 was “Gorki 400,” which he later updated in 2008 to “Wuhan 400” in a subsequent publication. He had chosen both those cities, in Russia and in China, simply because they were in fact their government’s main centers of biological weapons research, and therefore more likely to be the source of creating any such global weapon. Still many people have insisted on calling Koontz a soothsayer and a visionary, but the truth, he is more in favor of being a shrewd and gifted author who was able to search out and make full use of the information to suit his purposes.

         This is but one example of the countless numbers of predictions and prophecies that regularly occur, and have been occurring since man has been on earth. But there is no denying that some of these predictions have been so accurate that it would be very difficult to refute the fact that some extraordinary power directed them. And equally, many have been shown to be so absurd and bizarre that one wonders how so many apparently normal people were convinced of their truth. Throughout the history of mankind, there has been an unbroken succession of people who have devoted their lives to foretelling future events, and have all encountered a mix of believers and detractors. This should be no surprise because of the vague and sometimes elusive boundaries that separates prophesies and predictions.

The ancient Chinese culture is rich with an abundance of soothsayers whose predictions controlled the lives of the people. The oracles of ancient Rome and Greece were held in high regard and the majority of the population believed they spoke for the Gods. The Arab cultures, throughout its existence have given great credence to foretelling the future and both the Holy Bible and the Holy Koran contains a large number of predictions attributed to Jesus Christ, and to the Prophet Mohammed, many of which have as yet to be fulfilled. In all these cases the evidence has always been such that there are as many supporters as there detractors.

One of the most famous of the non-religious soothsayers is a 15^th century French physician and astrologer of Jewish descent known as Nostradamus, who published his masterpiece “Les Prophėties” in 1555 listing over 940 predictions of future events.  Each year his followers will review his publication and prepare a list of predictions to underline the accuracy of his prophesies. Although the majority of them is clearly questionable in accuracy, there are always some of them that appear to be surprisingly possible. The following are a few chosen for the current year, 2020, that may well be possible events: 

-A Plague on the world.

-People will cease to travel.

-Global financial crisis 

-New King of England

-New Pope in Rome

-Major natural disasters: Earthquake in Vancouver, Tsunami in the pacific, Major hurricane in the Atlantic

Many people have already begun to use the effects of the current pandemic with its global disruption of travel and economy as clear confirmation of the veracity of his ‘unique powers’ of prophesy and prediction.  But the other more pragmatic people prefer to ascribe practical answers such as historical observation instead. Clearly arguments can be offered to support both positions, but the final choice will always be left up to each individual and his beliefs. 

But for a prophesy to be convincing, there must be strong and positive evidence that it was not the result of cherry-picking the information or interpretation to justify the conclusions. There must also be irrefutable evidence of some form of supernatural influence or divine guidance that must rise above the level of coincidence or chance. In truth, it has never been easy to predict with real confidence any prophesy, in the end, the final decision for accepting or rejecting any statement must always be left to the individual. Indeed, while I am generally skeptical of the large majority of them, there are many, particularly those contained in the religious writings, which seem to be far more convincing than just chance or guessing. 

But irrespective of whether I endorse or reject any particular prophesy or prediction, it is far more important to understand that there are reasons for their existence. Perhaps this is what St. Paul was teaching us in his 1^st letter to the Corinthians, chapter 13, verse 2, when he observed:

“”If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all the mysteries and all the knowledge, and if I have faith to move all the mountains, but I do not have love, I am nothing.”

-To my mind, therein lay the true value of any prophesy or prediction.

 It is never the content that really matters, but rather the purpose intended, and the messages that they convey.

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SLICES OF LIFE Judging Yourself

“We beat ourselves up when we falter.

 We are ruthless in our judgment.

We are quick to entertain self-condemnation.”

This highly appropriate and extremely relevant observation was recorded in one of her recent essays on life and living, by my grand niece Angelina Naime Lee, a young and very successful practicing Attorney-at-Law and a mother of 3 young children. For as long as I have known her, she has had that rare and exquisite ability to express her thinking and her feelings in a clear and elegant style, and to consistently arrive at conclusions that are the envy of many other people, with far greater experience of life. Her amazing and uncanny grasp of the philosophy of life and of living is well beyond her tender age, and her ability to give expression to her thoughts has the potential to place her among a privileged group of authors. Some of her current work can be reviewed in her recently published blog:

“Exploringplanbe.com.”

         The true impact of her comment is clear and unequivocal. We spend a great deal of our time being critical of ourselves and our actions. We tend to dwell on and review all the moments we believed we have failed ourselves and our expectations without ever finding resolution. We invest so much of our time and energy in unhelpful rumination that we end up giving it much more significance than it deserves, and in so doing, further punishing ourselves; all of which to no avail! We find ourselves becoming restless, unhappy and irritable of other people and of ourselves, and soon begin to wonder about our weaknesses and our inadequacies. All of this leading to a potentially debilitating and painful emotional state of anger, immobilization and self-depreciation.

In psychological terms, there is no dispute that that a person’s true individual self is a reflection of how he judges himself and others. The mechanism of expression however, is quite complex, and made up of a variety of internal personality factors that include inherent traits, developmental exposure, past experiences and current interpretations. As a person faces recurring situations and new challenges in his life, the way he will respond will depend almost entirely on the insights he has acquired and on his self-concept at that time. Because of this, his behavior will always be strictly subjective, and directly based on how he perceives the situation at that time. Only very rarely does anyone consider the consequences of his actions until the deed is done. Without question, our behavior is based much more according to how others think we should be seeing ourselves, and not on how we should be seeing ourselves.

Therein lays the dilemma which causes most of the pain and disappointment that so many of us suffer in silence and regret. We unhesitatingly punish ourselves for not meeting the standards we believe we should be meeting, and we never take the time to understand why we do so. Above all, we continue to measure ourselves with other people’s yardsticks, and forget that, however we tried, our own yardstick is as unique and as different from anyone else as the color of our eyes or our fingerprints. Contrary to popular opinion, this rejection is not an inborn inherited instinct of the human mind, but rather it is a conditioned response to an environment that rewards accomplishment and encourages self-criticism. Society thrives on the principle of competition and criticism, and frowns on any attempt to encourage self-awareness or self-perception. It should not be a surprise therefore, that most of us are wired in such a way that we insist on comparing ourselves with others while remaining critical of ourselves.

There is a vast and irreconcilable difference between self-awareness; looking for, seeing and finding out whom you really are, and self-judgment; who you think you ought to be. The former requires that you learn to know and accept who you are, your strengths and your weaknesses, without any blame or regret. It demands that instead of punishing yourself for not doing right, you forgive yourself and understand why you do so. Self-awareness engenders inner satisfaction, self-respect and contentment, while self-judging effectively moves these away and replaces them with anger and regret. Judging oneself gets in the way of loving oneself, and in the absence of love, there can be no acceptance. For without being able to love and respect who you are, it would be impossible to accept what you are. This is what I believe, the Dalai Lama, the highly respected Tibetan Buddhist spiritual leader meant to convey, when he noted:

“Love is the absence of Judgment.”

Once we give in to the urge of self-judgment, we quickly fall under its spell and within a short time, it takes hold of our whole life. The effect on our psyche is no different from that of any addiction, which distorts the thinking and suppresses any desire for change. Like the addict who, even when he knows that his behavior is negative and will lead to further stress and suffering, remains locked in his behavior. They are victims of their distorted thinking and weighed down by the recurrent fear of failures and regrets. They convince themselves that they cannot succeed and this becomes entrenched as a core belief. Soon they begin to focus only on things that provide evidence of their distorted thinking, and look for excuses to cast blame for their actions on others or on circumstances. They even do things to persuade themselves that they can do no better, and may even set about to prove to the world that they are indeed failures.

         There is no way of escaping this unhealthy cycle of choice-consequences-judgment without first acquiring a true insight into who and what you are. William Shakespeare, in his masterpiece, Hamlet, stated it clearly and precisely when he advised:

“Above all, to thine own self, be true!”

Without being fully aware of who you are, you cannot begin to know or understand yourself, your needs, and the truth. And in the absence of this insight, it is impossible for you to truly fulfill your destiny. The tragedy for all of us is that we all suffer under the yolk of conformity laid down by society. We measure ourselves and our success, not by our spirit or our feelings, but by artificial standards laid down by others. It is just not good enough to do the right thing as we see it, but rather we are encouraged to follow the ‘convenient’ choice. It is not surprising therefore that in many of us, with time, the small seed planted early in our development will grow into self-doubt and uncertainty and then blossom subsequently into self-judgment.

         Angelina Naime Lee, in her own personal journey of search, appears to have found her answer, and has embarked on a voyage of discovery that may well carry her to a place of true insight and contentment. She recorded her thoughts of Exploring Plan B in her blog of the same name:

“My journey has turned inward and now my measure of success is no longer what I do in this life, but rather, who I am becoming. I seek to delve deeper into the art of being; fully, unapologetically, and honestly being.”

She has taken her first step on a journey that I sincerely hope will eventually carry her to a better understanding of her true self, free of the artificial shackles established by custom and by society. My hope is that she will grow in insight and in understanding and that in time, her own tree will blossom into fruits that will nourish many who follow her.

Her journey has only just begun, even as my own journey is nearing its end. Although I am as yet not fully satisfied that I have totally accomplished all that I had hoped and dreamed I will, there is no doubt in my mind, that all those moments of joy and satisfaction I experienced throughout my life came at times when I was not encumbered by any self-doubt and self-judgment and overflowed with good insight and intentions.

 Perhaps this is what the late Roy E. Disney, the nephew of Walt Disney, the founder of the Disney Empire, who succeeded his uncle and led the company for more than 2 decades, was alluding to when he observed:

“It’s not hard to make the right decisions, once you know what your values are.”

-It will do us all a great good to remember that we can only get out of life what we are willing to put into life. If we allow ourselves to be shackled by life, we will surely pay a price!

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