TAKING RESPONSIBILITY

“If it is to be, it’s up to me”

         This statement was made famous by William H. Johnson, an African-American artist who is considered by most authorities to be one of the greatest American artists of the 20^th century. Beginning from a very deprived and unfulfilling environment in South Carolina he was able, by sheer ability and commitment to succeed in making an indelible impact on the art world, both in America and in Europe. In addition, he was one of those rare people whose influence goes well beyond art as he truly demonstrated how much can be achieved in life, if one is willing to take responsibility for one’s choices and actions in one’s personal and productive life.

         The common tendency for people to blame others for their poor lack of judgment and responses is by any measure, one of the greatest failures in the world today. Rather than take responsibility for their actions, accept their mistakes and learn from them, most people will prefer to look for excuses or blame other people or circumstances for any negative outcome that develops. They don’t seem to understand that taking responsibility means acknowledging and accepting the choices made and the actions taken as a consequence, nor are they concerned about the results these may produce. They prefer to hide behind excuses or find reasons to justify them, rather than facing up to the reality of the situation. In many ways, this behavior can be viewed as a reflection of the individual’s integrity, his poor basic personality and his lack of maturity, and shows itself in every thing done by the individual. They continue to fail miserably simply because they are unable to take up the responsibility to succeed.  Michael Korda, the very well respected English born author and editor-in-chief of the prestigious book publishers Simon and Schuster, neatly summarized this in the following quotation:

 “Success on any major scale requires you to accept responsibility. In the final analysis, the one quality that all successful people have is the ability to take responsibility.”

         By any measure, taking responsibility is a very important principle for every individual to undertake during his lifetime. It is even more important as he enters his adult years when his behavior is measured not by what happens to him personally, but how he responds to the people, events and activity that affect his living. The great majority of people, for a variety of reasons, suffer from stagnation in their growth and maturity during early development as a result of environmental influences or prevailing attitudes. They will arrive to adulthood overwhelmed with a sense of fear of the consequences, and as a result elect to do nothing. Unfortunately this fear becomes very quickly imprinted in the individual’s psyche, and just as quickly becomes a repeating standard of behavior. From this point on, there is less and less awareness that damage is being done, and increasing conviction that the right action is being taken. Eleanor Roosevelt, the wife of President Franklin D. Roosevelt, the 32^nd President of the United States, who in her own right was an accomplished diplomat, activist and author, placed this in the right context when she observed:

“In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And all the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”

The action of taking responsibility when executed promptly and appropriately, serves to accomplish a number of very important services to the individual’s psyche. It provides a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment for the completion of a task and this is reflected in personal decisions and efforts made. It encourages further growth and maturity, including becoming more assertive and positive in the making and carrying out of decisions. It increases confidence and reduces the need to depend on others for any decisions on life. This means that any decisions taken by the person will be done to suit his needs and not to pacify others. This can only lead to a life of more fulfillment where, rather than being driven to want and to take, they become givers and sharers. Their life overflows with feeling of satisfaction and contentment and this is visible in the work they do.

 But when the opposite situation operates, when the individual   has to depend on others to function in any way, this will destroy the person’s confidence and self-worth and will never be rewarding or satisfying. It is only when taking responsibility is allowed to evolve to its fullest in the individual that the true purpose of life can be appreciated. Too many people spend so much of their time weighed down by their fears and their insecurities and their need to oblige others that they fail to develop, lose their purpose in life and end up never knowing their true identity. This is the inevitable shame of not taking responsibility. Abraham Lincoln, one of America’s greatest statesmen, its 16^th President, who effected the emancipation of slavery and successfully led the nation in the Civil War, unequivocally described this in the following direct statement:

“You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today”

Failing to take personal responsibility on a regular basis for one’s actions can result in a series of unsatisfactory consequences over time. They can give rise to distrust, anger, hostility and suspicion that will   adversely affect any attempt to corrective actions and lead to a further   deteriorating interpersonal relationships.  It is not surprising therefore that the incidences of emotional lability, vulnerability and suspicion of others become quite prominent in their behaviors and render them incapable of developing lasting or meaningful relationships. It is not surprising therefore that they will readily blame other people or circumstances for any or all of their difficulties and shortcomings, and increasingly reject accepting the responsibility for their actions. Instead of trying to take corrective action, they end up becoming arrogant and suspicious. Some try to justify all of their actions by making up stories or spreading rumors to discredit others, even as   they are pushed to the periphery of their society. It is this attitude that led the famous American author, humorist and entrepreneur Mark Twain (Samuel Clement) to offer the following advice:

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can become great.”

The consequences of not taking responsibility can be very serious indeed. They can effectively negate all the good features the individual may possess and render them vulnerable and dependent.  When any action is undertaken with a full sense of responsibility, the need for dependence on others vanishes and confidence on personal ability dominates. But when one fails to do so, there develops a sense of inferiority and inertia which is reflected in the actions and behaviors of the individual. This inability induces an overall sense of helplessness and inadequacy which so distorts the individual’s thinking that any attempt to take responsibility by the individual will give rise to feelings of weakness and powerlessness to others, making them feel as if they are disrespecting them. Far too many people weighed down by negative feelings, bad experiences, unfortunate environments or just bad genes are suffering under a cloud of insecurity and unhappiness brought on by their failing to accept the responsibility for their lives.

In the end, we will all do well to recognize that there is a certain joy or satisfaction and a personal honor in taking responsibility of our actions at all times. What matters above all is not that such actions may be mistaken or misguided, but the fact that by accepting responsibility we have the opportunity to correct them or learn from them. Without this taking place, we are condemned to blindly repeat the same mistakes over and over and get the same results. When we cowardly choose to make excuses by blaming other people or other circumstances we will continue to fail and in doing so, continue a life of unhappiness and regret and all else will fail. As Les Brown, the highly respected African-American motivational speaker, author and politician so wisely noted:

“If you take responsibility for yourself, you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams.”

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THE DILEMMA OF ANTICIPATION

“Oft expectation fails, and most oft, there where most it promises; and oft it hits where hope is coldest, and despair most fits.”

         These memorable words recorded in 1600 by the great English poet and playwright William Shakespeare in his literary masterpiece, “All is well that ends well,” speak directly and most accurately to the competing effects of anticipation on the individual. In the scene he was drawing attention to one of the fundamental facts of life that may affect any one at any time. He was referring to the fact that there are times when results hoped for may fall short of expectations, and yet at other times they may succeed far more than expected.

         There is no doubt whatsoever that Anticipation, the expectation a particular event happening in the future, can be a very powerful force for good or for bad, depending upon our expectation at that time. From any point of view, anticipation plays a vital and constant role in the life of everyone, and in the choices they make or do not make. Samuel Smiles, one of Scotland’s most famous and celebrated authors, a reformer and a strong advocate for self-help, who died in 1904, expressed this in the following observation:

“An intense anticipation itself transforms possibility into reality. Our desires are often but precursors of the things which we are capable of performing.”

He quite correctly explained that the effort we make in anticipating can in the right context, lead to positive results, but this effort in the wrong direction, can be the source of great concern. On every single occasion when we begin to anticipate an action which we consider most likely to take place, we are in fact setting in motion certain changes in our emotional make-up in preparation for good or for bad results. It is this Dilemma of Anticipation that is the driving force in our lives and the one that is directly responsible for success or failure in every thing we do or plan to do.

         The emotional responses to anticipation have been extensively studied by psychologists and neuroscientists with substantial agreement. The focus of activity seems to be mainly centered in the frontal lobes of the brain and dependent upon the release of the powerful chemical neurotransmitter, Dopamine. The act of expecting a future event triggers the production of increased amounts of dopamine from the frontal lobes which then stimulate the other brain centers to initiate the various responses. When positive events are anticipated feelings of excitement and confidence are engendered and the individual experiences a sense of satisfaction and happiness. But when the expectation is associated with negative feelings, there develops a sadness, disappointment and anxiety, which continue grow with time. This emotional rehearsal for future events is in continuous play in the individual’s brain with the outcome, positive or negative, modified by the underlying personality make-up as well as to current and past experiences. Dr. Deepak Chopra, the well known Indian born American physician, author and inspirational speaker, very wisely summarized this relationship in a simple, precise statement:

“Our thinking and our behavior are always in anticipation of a response.”

                                                                             

         In fact, the human brain is often described as a natural anticipation machine whose role in protecting the person is by predicting the future. Its capability to use past experiences and current events to project the future  serves to increase the odds of obtaining the desired results, while at the same time avoid or minimize any adversity encountered. Real problems arise from the person’s psychological baggage brought along, which can alter the prediction and the reactions that result. This is the fundamental dilemma that has determined human behavior from the beginning of time. It is never the actual event occurring that creates the impact, but it is how we expected them to unfold and affect us that determine our ultimate behavior. A prediction that reflected favorable outcomes automatically increases positivity and confidence in behavior, while one that points to uncertainty or threat can induce concern and anxiety for this, and any subsequent actions.

This fact has been recognized as a fundamental component in anxiety for as long as man has been alive. Centuries ago, the great Greek philosopher, Aristotle, drew attention to its occurrence when he noted: 

“Fear is the pain arising from anticipation of evil”

He was referring to the very common occurrence in people, of overt symptoms of anxiety and heightened emotional reactions in response to a perceived threat or a potentially unpredictable situation. These anticipatory anxieties, which can at times become extremely debilitating and life changing are the underlying causes of a large number problems and suffering in the individual. They affect a significant percentage of the population and can present with a wide range of symptoms that include fear, apathy, social withdrawal and a variety of affective and behavioral disorders. Symptoms may range from mild expressions of fear and inadequacy to extremely severe debilitating conditions requiring special care.

         In all these instances, the underlying causes can be traced to an inability by the individual, because of any number of pre-morbid and personality factors, to anticipate or cope with the uncertainty of potential threats or adversity in the future, irrespective of whether these are real or imagined. Eckhart Tolle, a popular German-born Canadian author and spiritual leader, in one of his public lectures observed:

“These people tend to dwell more on negative things than good things. So the mind becomes obsessed with negative things, with judgments, guilt, and anxiety produced by thoughts about the future.”

This statement very neatly encapsulates the negative effects on the behavior caused by a mind weighed down by the burdens of anticipation. Every one can readily identify, either personally or in others, examples of this behavior and the resulting damage that may follow. The fact that in almost 95% of the time, the anticipatory anxiety is far greater than subsequent activity is of little consequence to the victim, but the resulting pain and suffering can be great.

         But when anticipation is based on positive hope for better things and is accompanied by an expectation of success, there is underlying optimism which is reflected in the enthusiasm and confidence exhibited and the urge to continue without fear or antagonism. Unlike the feelings of anxiety and uncertainty that is the constant companion of negative expectation; the complete opposite takes place as the individual is encouraged to do much more by the promise of success. This indeed, is the underlying strategy that has been used by all the successful people who have achieved in their endeavors. The underlying strength and the real reasons for substantially improving their opportunity to succeed is directly related their ability to rise above their feelings of uncertainty and to positively anticipate future trends and take the appropriate action. Paul Allen, the highly respected American entrepreneur, investor, business magnate and philanthropist, co-founder of Microsoft and considered to be one of the true leaders of the computer revolution, has never hesitated to attribute his success to his uncanny ability to anticipate future trends and then act on them. He freely admitted this when he declared:

“In my own work, I've tried to anticipate what's coming over the horizon, to hasten its arrival, and to apply it to people's lives in a meaningful way.” 

                   

It is this ability to anticipate the future before it has arrived and to prepare for it as best as you can, rather than be overcome with the fear of failure or inadequacy which serves only to increase the person’s vulnerability, that determines the final outcome. The successful people differ mainly by their ability to visualize the future, identify their options and in so doing increase confidence and reduce risks. Instead of the paralysis of fear and trepidation that swallows the negative thinker, they are able to use their confidence to think forward, determine the obstacles and find solutions. It is not the failure that matters as much as what happens after. The anticipation of failure can either lead to disaster, or be a source of learning for the future. The winners have learnt to anticipate and adapt, the losers choose to withdraw and hide.

 This is the dilemma of living to which every person is expected to spend his life choosing; either to anticipate the possibility of not succeeding and live in fear and anxiety, or to anticipate the possibility of success and enjoy a life of challenges and opportunities.

“Fear is the pain arising from anticipation of evil”

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LEARNING FROM FAILURE

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeeded.”

These memorable words, which have now become a standard bearer to everyone who has experienced failure in his attempt to succeed, were uttered by Michael Jordan, one of the world’s most famous and most accomplished professional Basketball players ever. He was reminding his audience of the fact that failure, rather than being a hindrance to success, was in fact its most helpful ally, when it is used judiciously. He first learned this lesson as a sophomore in high school when, to his surprise he was not accepted on the Varsity team. He used this setback to fuel a drive to learn more to prove his coach wrong, and unhesitatingly credits this failure to make the team as the trigger that started his successful career subsequently.

This story is neither uncommon nor is it limited to a few special or gifted people in the world. The history of man throughout the ages is overflowing with examples of people who have gone on to great successes after suffering humiliating failures. To my knowledge, many highly successful people have arrived at the top only after having travelled on roads strewn with multiple rocks of failure, and they willingly credit their success from the lessons they learnt while having to deal with these obstacles. That indeed, appears to be the secret weapon that many successful people make full use of. To them the risk of failure, like so many other intangibles, is just part of doing business. Failure is merely a pause from which they will learn lessons to help them to try again with a better chance of succeeding. It is only those who are afraid of failure or do not learn from it, that end up in despair and disappointment. Robert Fripp, the very successful and prolific English musician and composer, neatly summarized this in the following observation:

“There are no failures, save one;

the failure to learn from a mistake.”

In 2011, Jeff Stibel, a very successful and enterprising American investor, venture capitalist, entrepreneur, author and newspaper columnist who from a very early age started, developed and sold a number of technology and marketing companies and was one of the youngest CEOs of a public company, conceived an idea that he hoped will encourage his employees to learn from their failures by writing their biggest mistakes on a large wall in the office. He called it “The Failure Wall” and began by writing what he felt had been his own mistakes over the preceding years. The idea quickly caught on and before long, the entire wall was covered by the contributions from the entire staff and colleagues. It was clear that this experiment was a great success, as Stibel himself subsequently noted two years later:

“Not only was it cathartic for individuals to expose their mistakes, but it also contributed to creating a company culture where failure could be openly acknowledged, accepted and used as a learning tool.”

         Unfortunately the great majority of people in the world are so concerned about failing that they approach any challenge with undue trepidation and caution. The thought of failure weighs so heavily on them that many potentially successful ventures never see the light of day. Most of the time, instead of taking the right steps toward completing the task ahead, they become concerned with the fear of failing and the consequences of failure itself. They spend more time preoccupied with what others will think of them for being failures, than trying to search for ways to correct their approach and try again. People have a tendency to blindly associate every failing episode as a defeat, forcing them to consider abandoning their effort prematurely, if only to avoid a repeat failure and further regret and embarrassment.

 This attitude is further compounded by society’s common and recurrent tendency to acknowledge and reward success wherever possible, while rejecting failure at any cost. In all of the ‘advanced’ societies, there is in fact a culture in existence that openly honors and praises success and frowns upon any type of failure, irrespective of the reason for the failure. Society offers awards, recognition and advancement to successful people but pays little attention to others, however hard they try. It appears that only the result matters and no one is ever concerned about how they were obtained. This inevitably leads to creating an increased caution where no one is encouraged to accept and learn from his mistakes, and no one bothers to show how to prevent repeating them over and over again. We have yet to seriously take the advice of one of America’s most successful authors and inspirational speakers, Anthony Robbins, when he observed:

“If you do what you’ve always done,

You’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”

            But this should not come as a surprise since the fear of failure has always been recognized as humanity’s greatest scourge and the main killer of man’s dreams and hopes. From the very beginning, man has used fear as a protective mechanism to avoid getting into danger. As a result, fear has become an innate part of our genetic makeup of life, our DNA. Man, after generations of having to survive in life threatening environments has learnt to recognize the effects of fear and rather than challenge them, to choose alternative solutions to escape them. This is as a result of acquiring a basic instinctive response that ensures survival of the species at all cost, by finding ways to avoid the threat rather than to modify the environment. Learning to do so only comes later with the development of maturity and the realization that mistakes can only be corrected by a process of using the fear to find the answers and avoid repetition. 

         Failure should never to be considered deleterious to the individual since at one point or another everyone fails. The real danger comes from falling to the fear of failing which inevitably sets in motion a wall of resistance that prevents any attempt to try to learn from the past experiences. Without this opportunity, any chance of finding or even looking for a different direction is thwarted, and we end up doing what so many people are doing on a daily basis, just being afraid of the fear of failing even before it happens. They prefer instead of choosing the easy way of embracing the failure rather than finding ways to fight it. And they continue to do so, not because they are not aware of what needs to be done, but rather because of the damage done to their psyche from years of living with the fear of consequences. This explains why the great majority of humanity in any setting however inconvenient, remains content to accept the status quo rather than search for change.

         But throughout history, anyone who has achieved anything great enough to change the world or even meaningful enough to change their lives could only have succeeded to do so by embracing failure and learning from it, rather than running away or fighting it. The very act of stepping back and facing failure induces very significant changes in the mind and the attitude in the individual. It serves to redefine the important priorities in life and identify the values that are really significant to him and in need of defending. It makes the person aware of himself, his strengths and his weaknesses, and gives him better insights of his self-worth and his ability. He becomes more aware of his ego, his strengths, his anxieties, his shortcomings and bad habits. This will give him an opportunity to understand himself better and in so doing, improve his perspectives. It will also go a long way to improving his relationships with others who he will now be seeing as less a threat, and more a help to him. 

         One of the most successful of the innumerable numbers of people throughout the ages who have fulfilled the category of achieving success, fame and fortune by learning lessons from their mistakes and failures and successfully applying them, was the great American inventor, innovator and industrialist, Thomas Alva Edison. He is considered a legend in the history of American industry and inventions. In his lifetime of more than 80 years, he held more that 1000 patents in a wide range of areas that included electricity, light bulbs, phonograph, telephone and telegraphic communications. His work has been so influential on securing a better life and living that he is considered by many, to be the greatest inventor of all times. Yet throughout all this while, Edison freely admitted that his successes came only after repeated trials and failures. He openly confirmed to this in such statements as:

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”

He believed very firmly in never giving up until he succeeds, and eagerly tested his theories over and over after each failure, each time learning from the previous attempt. He recorded this experience in these terms:

“I tried 3000 theories in connection with the electric light, each one different, reasonable and likely to be true. Yet only in two cases did my experiment prove the truth of my theory.”

        This indeed is the hallmark of dealing with the failures of life. No one ever promised a life free from trials and failure, nor freedom from pain and disappointment. These are as much part of living as are the other benefits we so readily take for granted. But they are all given to us as opportunities to grow and to learn and it is left up to each individual to find his way out. Johnny Cash, the great American guitarist, singer and songwriter whose life was riddled with failures amid his amazing successes, summarized it very effectively when he noted:

“I learnt from my mistakes. It is a very painful way to 

learn but without pain, as the saying goes, there is no gain.”                               

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IN SEARCH OF A FREE SPIRIT

“Born free, as free as the wind blows,

as free as the grass grows;

-Born free to follow your heart.”

These memorable words form part of the chorus of the very popular and multiple award-winning song of the same name, which was composed by John Barry and Don Black and published in 1966. The song was originally part of a very successful movie that followed the lives of a couple in Africa who had adopted an orphaned lioness and helped the animal to return to the freedom of life in the jungle. But it did not take long before this beautiful song came to be identified with everything to do with the freedom of man’s spirit and the accompanying need for him to be free, especially against society’s increasing tendency to institute rules and regulations designed to maintain conformity.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau, the great Genevan philosopher, social critic and author, drew attention to this developing concern more than 300 years ago when he introduced his ground-breaking treatise on philosophy and social reform entitled “The Social Contract” with the following observation:

“Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains.”

He suggested that man in his original habitat was, like any other animal, living his life happily engaged in satisfying his urges and his desires when the need arose, but not concerned about collecting or keeping anything he has no use for. To Rousseau’s mind, the original man, born free, was able to fully live his life fulfilling his needs completely with everything he desired, without any reason or intent for anything he did not need or have use for the moment. He lived his life only to satisfy his immediate needs without any interest in trying to impact others in any way. He was, as the words of the song noted, “free to follow his heart.”

But with the gradual advent of society, with its rules and its regulations designed to assure conformity, man has moved gradually to relinquish this free spirit of satisfying his needs only, and not hoarding the rest, into a more competitive and aggressive instinct of not only exacting his own needs, but also seeking other things he did not need in order to exert power and control over others. Motivated by this desire to satisfy his convenience and comfort, he relinquished his sacred responsibility to live free, and has willingly accepted group subjectivity with all the accompanying hardships and unhappiness; and being convinced that this action was for his own interest and enhancement. In this way, under the guise of interest to maintain uniformity and stability, the world constantly tries to curb the very essence of the free spirit and reduce it to the level of conformity. This development has led the very well respected American journalist, essayist and cultural critic, H, R. Mencken, to very effectively and correctly describe the end result of society’s influence in these terms:

“It seems to me that society always wins. There are, to be sure, free spirits in the world, but their freedom, in the last analysis, is not much greater than that of canaries in a cage. They may flap their wings and sing, but they are still in a cage, and sooner or later the cage will conquer them.”

            But even in today’s society, beset by a whole variety of rules, laws, controls and traditions, free spirits abound and are the driving forces for all the good changes that take place. They are the people who dream dreams of better things, and then try to implement them, without being concerned about what others think or what they believe. They do everything within their power to avoid coming under controls, rules and restrictions, preferring to find their own path and walk to the beat of their own drum. Their passion for life is overflowing as is their dreams to live it to the fullest. They have an insatiable drive to explore new frontiers, to challenge old ideas and experiences, and discover the wonders of life. They prefer to live in the moment and eagerly engage with people, places and things around them in their search for answers. They avoid the trap that so many of their peers fall into, of developing a self-ego, and spending their life doing everything solely to impress others. Unlike the superficial and subservient approach that others find convenient, to a genuine free spirit, the thoughts, beliefs and behavior emanate from a source deeply embedded in their spirit and remain an insatiable and driving force to finding success after success. An author whose name I do not recall very effectively described this person in the following manner:

“He is a person who lives according to his own rules, wishes and beliefs, unconstrained by society’s conventions.  He is a person with a highly individual or unique attitude, lifestyle and imagination.”

         In this modern era, we are witnessing a great surge in the global expression of people of free spirit determined to do what they can to change the world. This rapid surge in entrepreneurs that has been NDS$occurring, all of whom willingly venturing away from the established standards and norms and deviating from society’s rules and customs into the unknown, could only have been achieved by individuals with the strength of character and confidence of personality to challenge the status quo and choose their own path. Steve Jobs, perhaps one of the freest spirit of all, described this best in his unique way when he addressed the graduating class at Stamford university in 2005 and said:

“While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

         But such a free spirit is by no means limited to these relatively few people whose efforts change the world. It is present in every setting and every walk of life and living. All it requires is the vision of a need, a conviction to change and the courage to proceed. I have no doubt whatsoever that every one of us will have no difficulty to recall many examples of friends and acquaintances who have exhibited actions that can only be described as free spirited. My earliest personal encounter occurred at an early age. It involved a family of free spirited individuals whose father was a close friend of my father. Very early in my life I became aware that his children were extremely talented people whose life exuded the type of confidence and optimism that can only be seen among people of free spirit. Even at a very early age, Boscoe and Geoffrey Holder were accomplished dancers, artists and painters with personalities that were as free as the very wind itself. Their careers eventually carried them from the small Caribbean island of their birth to the highest pinnacles in the world of art and entertainment and gave them international recognition. A fact that they understood and freely acknowledged as this quotation by Geoffrey clearly demonstrates:

“We are too quick to put labels on things. It is my profession. I get up and paint. Everyone wants to put a label on it. But I am a free spirit, so I fight against it.”

         This to me, is the hallmark of a genuine free spirit. A freedom that allows us to give free rein to everything we think, say or do to satisfy our dreams and our needs. One that allows us to do so, while allowing others the opportunity to be free. It demands a degree of morality and maturity to allow others the freedom to express themselves with equal vigor and energy, without the urge to curb or discourage. It certainly does not imply the possession of any exclusive type of endowment or special capability in the individual, but rather a freedom to do things that satisfy their own personal needs without impinging on the needs of others. Professor Stephen Hawking, the great English theoretical physicist and world renowned cosmologist, who achieved phenomenal success all over the world, even as he suffered from advanced debilitating disease. He was a superb example of a person who successfully lived a full and rewarding life giving full expression of his free spirit. When asked, the secret of his success he unhesitatingly replied:

“My advice to other disabled people would be: concentrate on things that your disability does not prevent you from doing well, and don’t regret the things it interferes with. Don’t be disabled in spirit as well as physically.”

This indeed is the finest advice that can be offered to anyone in search of their free spirit. It will never be found in the eyes of another, but can only be found deep in searcher’s soul after all the external debris has been lifted.

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FACING THE TRUTH

“You will know the truth,

and the truth will set you free.”

           

            This very basic and fundamental advice is contained in the Holy Bible in John chapter 8, verse 32. It is to my mind, one of the most important messages delivered to us by Jesus Christ, yet unfortunately one of the most neglected by mankind. It is a message to which very few people give anything but passing acknowledgment in their daily living, but yet one which represents their most important salvation not only in the present life, but equally after they have departed.

         By far the hardest truth anyone of us will ever want to face is the truth about ourselves. We all, with the possible exception of a very few exceptionally endowed people, will not hesitate to do whatever we can to keep from facing the hard truth about ourselves. It is so much easier, and more rewarding, to pretend that we are whom we think we should be, and do our very best to get others to agree with us. No one will deny that it is never an easy undertaking to freely accept the truth from others, and then having to deal with the exposed weaknesses and the failures that result. We are always eager to receive rewards for what we think we have accomplished, and even happier to project them to others, but much more reluctant to accept being told the truth when we fail. We seem determined to ignore the unquestionable fact that the truth is the way things actually are, not the way we think they ought to be or wished they should be. Carl Jung, the eminent Swiss physician, psychiatrist and one of the founders of the school of psycho-analysis very clearly understood and applied this in treating his patients, when he would remind them:

“People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing there own souls.”

Most people believe that the reason someone avoids facing the truth is to deliberately distort or deceive their true images, and project   more favorable ones instead. But this is very far from being correct. The real truth is that people actually try to avoid facing the truth much more out of a deep subconscious inability to cope with their own insecurities, and the fears of what will follow in the resulting fallout. Quite often, the action is undertaken quite impulsively, without knowledge or intent. To accept the truth implies a willingness to expose one’s deepest fears and weaknesses to the full glare of scrutiny. It requires a degree of security and confidence enough to withstand the criticisms and ridicules of others, while defending one’s own positions. It means also having the courage to recognize that in doing so, they may be wrong and that their ‘truth’ was in need of correction. Oprah Winfrey, one of America’s most successful female entrepreneurs, TV host and actress, recognized this fact very early in her career and made full use of it in building her enviable empire. On many occasions in discussions she will often make reference to the following quotation:

“The thing you fear most has no power.

Your fear of it is what has the power.

Facing the truth really will set you free.”

But facing the truth is never an easy task for any one of us to undertake, even under the most favorable conditions possible. From its very inception, the human race has survived and flourished on the basic principle of unrelenting change and competition, and the principle of survival of the fittest. This demanded the development of defense mechanisms designed far more to impress and to protect the   individual and ensure its survival, and far less to reveal possible flaws or weaknesses. This necessitated the need to learn to project the images of confidence and worthiness while denying as much as possible, any appearance of weakness or of susceptibility. It is not surprising therefore that most people will reflexively take whatever action they can to avoid having to face any negative impact on their self-image, and certainly resist any truth that may do so.

Hearing the truth about yourself being told to others therefore is a very difficult undertaking under any circumstances for anyone to accept. This is especially so for the majority of people who spend all their lives diligently trying to construct ‘falsehoods’ to shield them-selves from the pain and disappointments of failing, and who have carefully molded ‘images’ of who they think they should be. To risk losing this and expose themselves to the possibility of destroying all the fantasies they spent so many years developing, is something that few of them are able to summon the courage to do. To compound this, very few people indeed are ever ready to throw out their established ideas and be willing to accept other more contradictory ideas, just because they are told these are true. Friedrich Nietzche, the great German philosopher, poet and cultural critic, whose works have exerted very strong influence on Western philosophy, summarized this vey neatly when he observed:

“People don’t want to hear the truth, because they don’t want their illusions destroyed.”

      

       Even with the very best intentions, people who have spent most of their lives believing in a certain image of themselves and who are determined to maintain this image in order to shield themselves from being judged, humiliated or ridiculed, will find it an almost impossible task to accept the truth. But even more than this, is the undeniable fact that most people, for a variety of reasons, do not or cannot handle the truth about themselves. The immortal words uttered in open court by Colonel Jessop, in the famous court scene in the 1992 cinematic masterpiece by Aaron Sorkin: “A Few Good Men” actually spoke very clearly to all of us when he challenged us with the statement:

“You want the truth!?

You can’t handle the truth!”

Nobody wants to be told that their lives are going wrong because of their own doing or thinking, and no one ever enjoys being criticized and ridiculed for saying “No” when they should be saying “Yes.” And even when we do recognize that we are deliberately trying to avoid having to face the truth, it takes a great deal of effort and soul-searching to persuade ourselves to correct the action

         Perhaps the most prominent example of people’s reaction on being told the truth in recent times occurred in 1995 following the successful overthrow of the Apartheid regime in South Africa by Nelson Mandela. A Truth and Reconciliation Commission under the co-chairmanship of the highly respected Archbishop Desmond Tutu was set up to specifically bring out the truth of all the atrocities that had been committed, with the hope of healing the nation. After 2 years, more than 15,000 testimonies and over 3,500 pages of published   information presented in open court with access to everyone, the final results produced only moderately positive changes in attitude, but unfortunately a general agreement that “the levels of distress and anger correlated inversely with subsequent forgiveness.” Although the results were helpful to the health of the new nation, it was not as helpful to the health of the individual victims, especially those who were subjected to hearing the truth about themselves from others and trying to defend their actions.

         Most people are able to hide the risk of having to face the horrendous truths about themselves by concealing them behind walls of excuses which they concoct and believe. They will then do anything they can think of to keep them covered not only from others, but even from themselves. The recent example of this was seen when Dr. Larry  Nassar, a highly respected Team physician for the successful US Olympic gymnastic team who was recently accused and found guilty of abusing more than 300 female gymnasts under his care. He initially vehemently denied the allegation of deliberate abuse, believing and defending the fact, that he “considered vaginal penetration was part of his medical treatment.” Unfortunately this type of behavior is by no means unique and limited to a few distorted people. In fact, in one way or another, everyone of us are guilty of trying to hide anything we consider might be unacceptable truths under blankets of deceit, and then hope that no one will find them. We have yet to learn the truth of that immortal statement by an unknown author that simply but very correctly notes:

“You can run with a lie, but you can’t hide from the truth.

Sooner or later, it will catch you.”

But merely recognizing the lie we tell ourselves and then facing up to the truth that we have been avoiding for so long is never an easy task nor is it ever enough by itself to correct the situation. The world overflows with examples of people giving lip service to the idea of facing the truth, while continuing to reap their rewards from continued deception. One has only to look at activities of so many of the world’s leaders in any aspect of life, whether religious, politics, information, finance, legal or business, to see that in most instances, their ‘truth’ is what suits them or is most convenient to them. Many people are convinced that this deliberate distortion of truth to accommodate personal aims and achievements is the fundamental engine that drives civilization. As, for that matter, are the activities of so many of us who find ourselves having to justify actions that are strictly not truthful, but rewarding nevertheless. It brings to mind that often repeated quote on the definition of truth for which no source has been identified:

“There are always three sides to any story; Mine, Yours, and the Real Truth.”

Buddha, in his teachings, always insisted that however we tried,p “there are only three things that cannot be hidden: the sun, the moon and the truth.” Facing the truth that we have been avoiding for whatever reason whatsoever, is the only way there is to look at our self in a mirror and see our true self reflecting back. This is the surest way to find out who you really are, and to stand firm and proud of the real image that is showing. By recognizing the lies we tell ourselves and others, and at the same time finding the courage to admit to them, we will go a long way to healing ourselves and relinquishing the need to build elaborate defenses to protect us from the truth. But Buddha himself, in his eminent wisdom, warned us of the dangers of doing so without being fully prepared to go all the way, when he warned:

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting.”

W. Clement Stone, the extremely successful American businessman, philanthropist and inspirational author, who’s beginning   from a very underprivileged background to attain national prominence, is a testament of his belief in the truth, never hesitated to declare his belief on this requisite for success by declaring:

“Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing, because it’s the right thing to do.

These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.”

-The greatest reason for not being able to face our truths is the fear we   hold in our hearts that we are somehow unworthy to be who we are. But if we firmly believe that we are chosen children of God, made in his own image, there can be no reason whatsoever to question ourselves and our courage to always face the truth.

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THE REALITY OF FEAR

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark.

The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” 

          These words, by the ancient Greek philosopher Plato, who is

considered by most people to be one of the founders of modern Western Philosophy, go directly to the impact of fear on human life. In this very brief statement he drew clear and unequivocal attention to the differences experienced by a child who lacks knowledge and therefore is afraid of the unknown, and the adult who is fully aware of the circumstances, yet chooses to act with fear and trepidation.

To a newborn child every experience is new and unknown, and as a result it feels instinctively engulfed with fear. Every change in its milieu which is different, triggers a cry for help and its only recourse to dealing with this is to turn to the comfort of the familiar security touch of the adult. But as the child grows, gains more knowledge and is exposed more frequently to threatening experiences, it gains more confidence and shows better acceptance. And as the child acquires more information and more exposure, this understanding improves and the blanket of fear gradually recedes and is replaced by reason, knowledge and logic. Under the right conditions fear in effect is replaced by confidence and even more, a willingness to step into the unknown; which explains the impetuous actions so familiar among youth.

        

         But Fear is vital in terms of its importance to the individual’s psyche and normal body function. It is in fact a natural defense mechanism, a basic primal emotion, that is the key to the evolutionary survival of the species. It is already dominant long before the other emotions develop, with a demonstrable center in the amygdala of the brain and an integral involvement in the body’s responses. It is found deeply embedded in the individual’s psyche and is the body’s major way of issuing a warning of possible danger. It is also the body’s avenue to initiate a response for action by preparing for “fight or flight’ and creating the appropriate mental, cardiac, respiratory and musculoskeletal changes to deal with any impending situations. In many ways, it can be seen as the crucial mechanism that the body relies on to protect it when it finds itself in potentially hazardous waters.

         This however, was by no means the fear that Plato was referring to in his observation. He was referring to the tendency of people to respond to stimulation with irrational and excessive fear reactions completely out of proportion to the perceived threat. It is this totally unwarranted and unreasonable thinking that triggers a maladaptive response giving rise to overwhelming stress and negative behaviors. Whenever this happens, we set in motion a series of psychologically complex activities in the brain, causing changes that may affect the psyche and alter our perception. Not only is the individual affected in his immediate response, but they act as future triggers to repeat the action when faced with similar situations, real or imagined, that may arise. We become victims of our own doing as Leslie Calvin (Les) Brown the highly successful African-American motivational speaker and author, so wisely noted:

"Too many of us are not living our Dreams, 

  because we are living our Fears."

In this state, with our psyche rendered vulnerable, we begin to use the developing fear as an excuse, to look back at ways to avoid past experiences rather than looking forward to find ways and means to neutralize it. Instead of facing our fears as we should, we become masters of self-deception and spend the time finding excuses, while being fully aware of the price we are paying. This indeed is The Reality of Living with Fear and accepting the “monster” whose only concern is to reinforce pain and disappointment and render the individuals as slaves to their emotions. The profound tragedy is that in the greatest majority of examples, the victim is fully aware that the behavior is unacceptable and unproductive, and more often than not, knows ways to correct it. But he suffers from a paralysis that totally overwhelms his psyche. This indeed is what Plato so eloquently described as “the real tragedy of life” and what an Unknown Author took pain to explain with some examples of cause and effect:

“You are not scared of the dark; you are scared of what’s in it.

You are not afraid of people around you; you are afraid of rejection.

You are not afraid of loving; you are afraid of not being love in return.

You are not afraid to let go; you are afraid to accept the truth she’s gone.

You are not afraid to try again; you are afraid of being hurt again.”

         It is against this background that the giving in to fear must be viewed. Fear must never ever be looked at, as many tend to do, as the absence of courage. In fact, as Bruce Lee, the accomplished Chinese-American actor and Kung-Fu exponent quite rightly observed:

“Courage is never the absence of fear.

It is the ability to act in the presence of fear.”

As stated previously, fear is an integral component in the body’s defense mechanism, without which it would not be able to anticipate and deal with any threat to its survival. It becomes a serious problem only when the response is completely out of proportion to the prevailing condition. When fear has lost it real purpose, and has turned its anger inward and when instead of protecting the individual it becomes an enemy intent on destruction, then and only then it can be considered as a tragedy to life. In this state, it can influence every possible aspect of human thought and behavior rendering the individual a helpless slave to its falsehoods. One only has to look at the enormous combination of presentations that result from the anxieties, phobias and disturbed behaviors to determine its hold on humanity. The reality is that it most often succeeds because the victims find it extremely difficult to break away, remaining locked in their self-made prisons by their own fears. 

Thich Nhat Hanh, the internationally recognized Vietnamese Buddhist monk residing in France, summarized this finding most appropriately when he noted:

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer a suffering that is familiar.”

The real tragedy of life for these unfortunate victims is that all but a few, never succeed in completely breaking the chain of fear that binds them, and are condemned to live out their lives, never fully able to share in all the joys and blessings of happy living.

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